It is often said that governments spend too much money to protect wildlife, while there are other problems that are more important. Do you agree or disagree?

It is true that the governments allocate the amount of money to preserve wildlife while society has several significant problems needing solving. While I believe that the fauna are crucial and should be protected, I accept that the authorities should spend the subsidy for other fields.
On the one hand, there are some reasons that explain why wildlife is highly important and shoud not be ignored. First and foremost, the fauna is useful to apply in the abstract education. It has been scientifically proven that the animal probably be useful in investigating the medicine and cosmetics by their skin and other parts on their bodies or applying in DNA experiments finding out some unidentified questions about the previous generation of human’s ancestors. By preserving the wildlife and constructing the zoos, young people can observe obviously about the growth of animal and recognize student’s interest in animals before approaching and learning about some scientific fields producing of the medicine and skincare products to serve the people’ lifes. Therefore, the fauna is significant in the science field such an ability is vital for education and science.
On the other hand, I believe that the governments should allocate money to solve other problems in the countries. It is clear that some nations have poor healthcare systems or the low standard of transportation systems while the authorities pay the amount of money for protecting the wildlife. It is a classical reason why the residents become furious about their country’s measures. Human resources is one of the most important conditions to make a region flourish, wealthy and prosperous. For instance, the Japan’s governments always put the residents’s living standards on the first priority such as the children care, the income of inhabitants, the quality of the food and the infrastructures of school, hospital. Although the goverments can save the budget to protect animals instead of using for other more extravagant problems . However, they know humans are the essence of a country motivating the enhancements of prospective country.
In conclusion, it is true that wildlife is crucial for education leading to the development of science producing products that are useful for people’ life. However, the humans are the most significant factor to improve the future of a nation. There are two reasons why the governments should balance the budget for preserving wildlife and other problems.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"allocate the amount of money" -> "allocate funds"
Explanation: "Allocate funds" is a more precise and formal term than "allocate the amount of money," which is somewhat redundant and informal for academic writing.
"society has several significant problems needing solving" -> "society faces several significant problems that require resolution"
Explanation: "Faces" and "require resolution" are more formal and precise, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"the fauna are crucial and should be protected" -> "the fauna are crucial and deserve protection"
Explanation: "Deserve protection" is a more formal and direct way to express the necessity of conservation, aligning better with academic style.
"shoud not be ignored" -> "should not be ignored"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error for grammatical accuracy.
"the fauna is useful to apply in the abstract education" -> "the fauna is useful in abstract educational contexts"
Explanation: "In abstract educational contexts" is more precise and formal, avoiding the awkward phrasing of "apply in the abstract education."
"the animal probably be useful" -> "the animals may be useful"
Explanation: "May be" is grammatically correct and more formal than "probably be," which is less commonly used in academic writing.
"applying in DNA experiments finding out some unidentified questions" -> "applying in DNA experiments to address some unresolved questions"
Explanation: "To address some unresolved questions" is more precise and academically appropriate than "finding out some unidentified questions."
"young people can observe obviously about the growth of animal" -> "young people can observe the growth of animals"
Explanation: "Observe the growth of animals" is grammatically correct and clearer than "observe obviously about the growth of animal."
"recognize student’s interest" -> "recognize students’ interest"
Explanation: Corrects the possessive form to "students’" for grammatical accuracy.
"producing of the medicine and skincare products" -> "production of medicines and skincare products"
Explanation: "Production" is the correct noun form, and removing "of the" improves the sentence structure.
"the fauna is significant in the science field" -> "the fauna is significant in the scientific field"
Explanation: "Scientific" is the correct adjective form to describe the field, enhancing the academic tone.
"the governments should allocate money to solve other problems" -> "governments should allocate funds to address other issues"
Explanation: "Funds" and "issues" are more formal and precise than "money" and "problems," respectively.
"the authorities pay the amount of money for protecting the wildlife" -> "authorities allocate funds for wildlife conservation"
Explanation: "Allocate funds for wildlife conservation" is a more formal and precise phrase.
"the residents become furious about their country’s measures" -> "residents express discontent with their country’s measures"
Explanation: "Express discontent" is a more formal and less emotional way to describe negative reactions.
"Human resources is one of the most important conditions" -> "Human resources are one of the most important conditions"
Explanation: Corrects the subject-verb agreement error from "is" to "are."
"the goverments can save the budget to protect animals" -> "governments can allocate the budget to protect animals"
Explanation: "Allocate the budget" is a more precise and formal expression than "save the budget."
"the humans are the most significant factor to improve the future of a nation" -> "humans are the most significant factor in improving the future of a nation"
Explanation: "In improving" corrects the grammatical structure and enhances the formality of the sentence.

These changes aim to refine the vocabulary and grammar to meet the standards of academic writing, ensuring clarity, precision, and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by presenting both sides of the argument regarding government spending on wildlife protection versus other pressing societal issues. The writer acknowledges the importance of wildlife while also arguing for the prioritization of human-related problems. However, the response could be more explicitly structured to clearly delineate the agreement or disagreement with the statement. The introduction suggests a nuanced view but does not firmly take a side, which may confuse the reader about the writer’s overall stance.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should clearly state their position in the introduction and maintain that position throughout the essay. A more definitive stance—either fully agreeing or disagreeing with the prompt—would provide clarity. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph directly relates back to the prompt will strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a somewhat mixed position. While it starts by acknowledging the importance of wildlife, it quickly shifts focus to argue for the prioritization of human issues. This inconsistency may lead to confusion about the writer’s main argument. For instance, the phrase "I accept that the authorities should spend the subsidy for other fields" indicates a concession that dilutes the strength of the initial claim about the importance of wildlife.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should choose a definitive stance—either fully supporting wildlife protection or emphasizing the need for addressing human issues. If a balanced view is intended, it should be articulated more clearly, perhaps by stating that while wildlife is important, immediate human concerns must take precedence.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the educational benefits of wildlife and the importance of addressing human needs. However, the support for these ideas is sometimes vague or underdeveloped. For example, the argument about wildlife aiding in education is not fully fleshed out, and the connection to human welfare could be more explicitly linked to the argument about budget allocation.
- How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the writer should provide more specific examples and explanations. For instance, when discussing the educational benefits of wildlife, including concrete examples of how wildlife has contributed to scientific advancements would enhance the argument. Additionally, elaborating on the consequences of neglecting human issues could provide a more compelling case for prioritization.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing both wildlife protection and human issues. However, there are moments where the focus shifts, particularly in the discussion about Japan’s government prioritizing living standards. While this is relevant, the connection to the overall argument about wildlife protection could be clearer. The phrase "the goverments can save the budget to protect animals instead of using for other more extravagant problems" is somewhat confusing and could lead the reader to question the relevance of the point being made.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point made directly supports their main argument. It may help to outline the essay before writing to ensure that all points are relevant and contribute to the overall thesis. Additionally, clarifying how each example relates back to the prompt will help maintain coherence and relevance throughout the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, enhancing clarity, structure, and support for ideas will help achieve a higher band score in Task Response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument structure, with a balanced discussion of both sides of the prompt. The introduction outlines the writer’s stance, and each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument. However, the logical flow could be improved; for instance, the transition between the importance of wildlife and the argument for prioritizing human issues is somewhat abrupt. The essay lacks clear topic sentences that guide the reader through the argument’s progression.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main idea. Additionally, using transitional phrases (e.g., "Furthermore," "In contrast," "On the contrary") can help to create smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs, making the argument easier to follow.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct point, allowing for a clear presentation of arguments. However, some paragraphs are overly long and could benefit from being split into smaller sections to improve readability. For example, the first paragraph could be divided after discussing the educational benefits of wildlife, allowing for a more focused discussion on scientific contributions in a separate paragraph.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, the writer should aim for a more balanced distribution of ideas. Each paragraph should ideally contain one main idea supported by relevant examples. Shorter paragraphs can enhance clarity and make it easier for the reader to digest information. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear concluding sentence can reinforce the main point before transitioning to the next idea.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as conjunctions and referencing (e.g., "On the one hand," "On the other hand"). However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some phrases are used repetitively. For instance, "the governments" is mentioned frequently without variation, which can disrupt the flow of reading. Additionally, some sentences are quite long and convoluted, which can hinder clarity.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Moreover," "In addition," "Conversely," and "Consequently." This variety will help to connect ideas more fluidly. Furthermore, breaking down longer sentences into shorter, clearer ones can improve readability and coherence. Using synonyms or paraphrasing can also help avoid repetition and maintain the reader’s interest.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced argument, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance clarity and coherence, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "allocate," "preserve," "significant," and "infrastructure." However, there are instances where the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive or lacks variety. For example, the repeated use of "wildlife" and "governments" could be replaced with synonyms or paraphrased expressions to enhance lexical diversity. Additionally, phrases like "the fauna is useful to apply in the abstract education" are awkward and could be expressed more naturally.
- How to improve: To improve lexical range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "wildlife," alternatives like "biodiversity," "animal species," or "natural habitats" could be employed. Practicing with vocabulary exercises and reading a variety of texts can also help in expanding word choice.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that detract from the clarity of the essay. For example, the phrase "the fauna is useful to apply in the abstract education" is vague and does not clearly convey the intended meaning. Additionally, "the authorities should spend the subsidy for other fields" is awkward; "subsidy" is typically a noun used in a different context, and "spend the subsidy" is not a common collocation.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately reflects their intended meaning. For example, instead of "apply in the abstract education," a clearer phrase could be "integrate into educational curricula." Engaging in exercises that focus on collocations and contextually appropriate word choices can also be beneficial.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "shoud" (should), "goverments" (governments), "lifes" (lives), and "students’s" (students’). These errors indicate a lack of attention to detail and can disrupt the reader’s understanding.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and practicing spelling through writing exercises can also help. Additionally, keeping a list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them regularly can aid in reducing errors in future essays.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates some strengths in vocabulary use, there are notable areas for improvement in terms of range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By diversifying vocabulary, ensuring precise word choices, and enhancing spelling through practice and proofreading, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. For example, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like "While I believe that the fauna are crucial and should be protected, I accept that the authorities should spend the subsidy for other fields." However, there is a tendency to rely on simpler structures and repetitive patterns, such as starting multiple sentences with "It is clear that" or "On the one hand." This limits the overall variety and sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex and compound sentences. For instance, combining ideas into single sentences using conjunctions (e.g., "although," "while," "whereas") can create more fluidity and complexity. Additionally, varying the sentence openings and using different grammatical forms (e.g., gerunds, infinitives) can contribute to a more dynamic writing style.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from clarity. For example, "the fauna is useful to apply in the abstract education" should be corrected to "the fauna is useful in abstract education." Additionally, phrases like "the amount of money to preserve wildlife" could be more clearly expressed as "the funds allocated for wildlife preservation." There are also instances of incorrect pluralization, such as "the Japan’s governments" which should simply be "the Japanese government." Punctuation errors include missing commas in complex sentences, which can lead to run-on sentences and confusion.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and proper noun usage. Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on written work can help identify and correct recurring mistakes. Furthermore, reviewing punctuation rules, especially for complex sentences, can enhance clarity. Reading well-structured essays can also provide models for correct grammar and punctuation usage.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument and addresses the prompt, improving the range of grammatical structures and ensuring accuracy in grammar and punctuation will enhance the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is true that governments allocate a significant amount of money to preserve wildlife while society faces several significant problems that require resolution. While I believe that the fauna are crucial and should be protected, I accept that the authorities should spend the subsidy on other fields.

On the one hand, there are several reasons that explain why wildlife is highly important and should not be ignored. First and foremost, the fauna is useful in abstract educational contexts. It has been scientifically proven that animals may be useful in investigating medicine and cosmetics through their skin and other parts of their bodies, or by applying DNA experiments to address some unresolved questions about the previous generation of humans’ ancestors. By preserving wildlife and constructing zoos, young people can observe the growth of animals and recognize students’ interest in animals before approaching and learning about some scientific fields related to the production of medicines and skincare products to serve people’s lives. Therefore, the fauna is significant in the scientific field, and such an ability is vital for education and science.

On the other hand, I believe that governments should allocate funds to solve other problems in their countries. It is clear that some nations have poor healthcare systems or low standards of transportation while the authorities spend money on protecting wildlife. This is a classic reason why residents express discontent with their country’s measures. Human resources are one of the most important conditions for making a region flourish, wealthy, and prosperous. For instance, the Japanese government always prioritizes residents’ living standards, such as child care, the income of inhabitants, the quality of food, and the infrastructure of schools and hospitals. Although governments can allocate the budget to protect animals instead of using it for other more pressing problems, they know that humans are the most significant factor in improving the future of a nation.

In conclusion, it is true that wildlife is crucial for education, leading to the development of science and producing products that are useful for people’s lives. However, humans are the most significant factor in improving the future of a nation. There are two reasons why governments should balance the budget for preserving wildlife and addressing other pressing issues.