It is said that:”Face -to- Face communication is better than other types of communication, such as letters, emails, facebook or telephone calls”.Write a paragraph to share your ideas.

It is said that:"Face -to- Face communication is better than other types of communication, such as letters, emails, facebook or telephone calls".Write a paragraph to share your ideas.

It is argued that face-to-face communication is better than other types of communication, such as letters, emails, facebook or telephone calls. From my point of view, this statement can be agreed for the following reasons . In the first place, the reasons why face-to-face communication is better than other types of communication may be it can connect everybody easier and closer to feel opponent's emotion.Emails, Facebook or telephone calls may be very convenient and modern, but they makes us far away from each other.In adition to this, if you want to get on well with everybody, just go and take face-to- face with them. We also shouldn't depend on letters, emails, facebook or telephone calls so much since use electronic devices to communicate on many hours is not good for our health, we will have some eyes,headache,….On the other hand, communicate by telephone, computer or modern devices is also convenient and suitable with many people who far away from their family, friends or relatives and they can't meet each other talk face-to-face, so that telephone calls, emails,facebook can be useful things for them. In conclusion, take all this into consideration, this statement is right in some ways and it is also neccessary for who wants to communicate with relatives, family and friends in spite of the far distance.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

1. "It is argued that face-to-face communication is better than other types of communication, such as letters, emails, facebook or telephone calls." -> "It is argued that face-to-face communication is superior to other forms of communication, including letters, emails, Facebook, or telephone calls."
   Explanation: "Better" is somewhat informal; "superior" is a more precise and academically suitable term. Additionally, "Facebook" should be capitalized as it is a proper noun.

2. "From my point of view, this statement can be agreed for the following reasons." -> "From my perspective, this assertion can be supported for the following reasons."
   Explanation: "From my point of view" is colloquial; "From my perspective" maintains formality. "Can be agreed" is slightly awkward; "can be supported" is a more appropriate phrase.

3. "In the first place, the reasons why face-to-face communication is better than other types of communication may be it can connect everybody easier and closer to feel opponent’s emotion." -> "Firstly, face-to-face communication facilitates easier connection and a closer understanding of opponents’ emotions."
   Explanation: "In the first place" is informal; "Firstly" is more suitable. "May be it can" is redundant and awkward; "facilitates easier connection" is clearer. "Closer to feel opponent’s emotion" is awkward and lacks clarity; "a closer understanding of opponents’ emotions" is more precise.

4. "Emails, Facebook or telephone calls may be very convenient and modern, but they makes us far away from each other." -> "Emails, Facebook, or telephone calls may be very convenient and modern, but they create distance between individuals."
   Explanation: "Makes us far away from each other" is informal; "create distance between individuals" is more formal and precise.

5. "In adition to this, if you want to get on well with everybody, just go and take face-to-face with them." -> "Additionally, to foster better relationships with others, one should engage in face-to-face interactions."
   Explanation: "In addition to this" is informal; "Additionally" is more suitable. "Get on well with everybody" is colloquial; "foster better relationships with others" is more formal and precise.

6. "We also shouldn’t depend on letters, emails, facebook or telephone calls so much since use electronic devices to communicate on many hours is not good for our health, we will have some eyes, headache,…." -> "Furthermore, excessive reliance on electronic communication methods such as letters, emails, Facebook, or telephone calls can have detrimental effects on our health, leading to eye strain, headaches, and other issues."
   Explanation: "Shouldn’t depend on" is somewhat informal; "excessive reliance on" is more precise. "Use electronic devices to communicate on many hours" is awkward; "excessive use of electronic communication methods" is clearer. "Not good for our health, we will have some eyes, headache,…." lacks clarity and is informal; "can have detrimental effects on our health, leading to eye strain, headaches, and other issues" is more formal and precise.

7. "On the other hand, communicate by telephone, computer or modern devices is also convenient and suitable with many people who far away from their family, friends or relatives and they can’t meet each other talk face-to-face, so that telephone calls, emails, facebook can be useful things for them." -> "Conversely, communication via telephone, computer, or other modern devices is convenient and suitable for individuals who are geographically distant from their family, friends, or relatives and are unable to meet in person. Therefore, telephone calls, emails, and Facebook can be valuable means of communication for them."
   Explanation: "On the other hand" is informal; "Conversely" is more suitable. "Communicate by telephone, computer or modern devices" is awkward; "communication via telephone, computer, or other modern devices" is clearer. "Who far away from their family, friends or relatives and they can’t meet each other talk face-to-face, so that" is convoluted; "who are geographically distant from their family, friends, or relatives and are unable to meet in person" is clearer.

8. "In conclusion, take all this into consideration, this statement is right in some ways and it is also neccessary for who wants to communicate with relatives, family and friends in spite of the far distance." -> "In conclusion, considering all factors, this assertion holds true in certain respects and is essential for individuals seeking to maintain communication with distant relatives, family, and friends."
   Explanation: "Take all this into consideration" is somewhat informal; "considering all factors" is more formal. "This statement is right in some ways" lacks precision; "this assertion holds true in certain respects" is more precise. "It is also necessary for who wants to communicate with relatives, family and friends in spite of the far distance" is awkward; "is essential for individuals seeking to maintain communication with distant relatives, family, and friends" is clearer.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing the advantages and disadvantages of face-to-face communication compared to other forms of communication. It acknowledges both perspectives, highlighting the benefits of direct interaction while also recognizing the convenience of electronic communication methods.
  • How to improve: To enhance task response, the essay should ensure a more thorough exploration of each aspect of the prompt. It could delve deeper into the reasons why face-to-face communication is considered superior and provide more concrete examples or evidence to support these claims.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a somewhat clear position in favor of face-to-face communication, suggesting that it is better for connecting emotionally and fostering relationships. However, it also acknowledges the utility of electronic communication for those separated by distance.
  • How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, the essay should establish a stronger stance from the outset and maintain this position throughout the essay. It could achieve this by clearly stating its viewpoint in the introduction and then reinforcing it with supporting arguments and evidence in each body paragraph.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas about the advantages and disadvantages of face-to-face communication versus electronic communication methods. It briefly introduces these points but lacks in-depth exploration or elaboration. Limited examples are provided to support the arguments.
  • How to improve: To strengthen idea presentation, extension, and support, the essay should expand on each point with more detailed explanations, examples, and evidence. This could involve illustrating the benefits of face-to-face interaction with specific scenarios or studies and contrasting them with the limitations of electronic communication.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic by discussing the merits and drawbacks of face-to-face communication compared to other forms of communication. However, there are instances where the discussion veers slightly off topic, such as when mentioning the health effects of excessive electronic device usage.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the essay should avoid digressing into tangential topics and instead prioritize discussing the relevance of each point to the central theme of face-to-face communication versus other communication methods.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the prompt and presents some coherent arguments, there is room for improvement in terms of depth of analysis, clarity of position, development of ideas, and maintaining focus on the topic. By addressing these areas, the essay could enhance its overall effectiveness and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable attempt at organizing information logically. It begins with an introduction stating the argument and follows with two main paragraphs presenting reasons supporting the argument. However, there are instances of repetition and lack of clarity in the organization. For example, the second paragraph repeats the point about the convenience of modern communication methods, which could have been integrated more smoothly into the essay.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, focus on coherence between sentences and paragraphs. Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and follows a logical progression of ideas. Avoid repetition by consolidating similar points and expanding on unique ideas.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs but lacks consistency and clarity in paragraph structure. While there is an introduction and two main body paragraphs, transitions between paragraphs are somewhat abrupt, and the development of ideas within paragraphs is uneven. Some paragraphs contain multiple ideas without clear delineation.
  • How to improve: Aim for clearer paragraph structure by focusing on one main idea per paragraph. Use topic sentences to introduce each paragraph’s main point and provide clear transitions between paragraphs to guide the reader through the essay’s progression of ideas.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a limited range of cohesive devices such as conjunctions ("In the first place," "On the other hand," "In conclusion") and pronouns ("this statement," "they"). However, these devices are used inconsistently and sometimes ineffectively, leading to a lack of cohesion between ideas.
  • How to improve: Increase the variety and effectiveness of cohesive devices by incorporating transition words and phrases (e.g., "Furthermore," "Moreover," "However," "Therefore") to connect ideas within and between sentences. Pay attention to pronoun clarity to ensure smooth reference to previously mentioned concepts or arguments.

Overall, while the essay presents a coherent argument with identifiable structure, there is room for improvement in organizing information more logically, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices to enhance clarity and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. While there is some variety in the choice of words, it lacks depth and sophistication. For example, phrases like "connect everybody easier" and "get on well with everybody" could be enhanced with more precise and diverse vocabulary choices.
  • How to improve: To improve the lexical range, consider incorporating more varied synonyms and expressions. Instead of repeatedly using phrases like "face-to-face communication," explore alternative terms such as "in-person interaction" or "direct interpersonal dialogue." Additionally, aim to include specialized vocabulary related to communication and technology to enrich the content further.
• Use Vocabulary Precisely:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt at using vocabulary precisely, but there are instances of imprecise word choices. For example, the phrase "makes us far away from each other" could be more precisely articulated as "creates distance between individuals." Likewise, the sentence "they can’t meet each other talk face-to-face" lacks precision and clarity.
  • How to improve: To enhance precision in vocabulary usage, strive for accuracy and clarity in expression. Instead of relying on vague or ambiguous terms, opt for specific and descriptive language. Utilize adjectives, adverbs, and precise nouns to convey your ideas with greater clarity. Additionally, consider the context in which certain words are used to ensure they align accurately with the intended meaning.
• Use Correct Spelling:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay displays several spelling errors throughout the text, such as "adition" (addition), "neccessary" (necessary), and "Facebook" (should be capitalized). While some errors may be minor, they detract from the overall coherence and professionalism of the writing.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, allocate sufficient time for proofreading and editing. Utilize spelling and grammar checkers available in word processing software to identify and correct errors. Additionally, consider developing a habit of reviewing written work attentively to catch and rectify any spelling mistakes before submission. Reading aloud can also aid in identifying spelling errors that may have been overlooked during silent proofreading.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. However, there is a tendency to rely heavily on simple structures, resulting in limited variety. Some examples of sentence structures used include: simple declarative sentences ("It is argued that face-to-face communication is better than other types of communication."), compound sentences with coordinating conjunctions ("In the first place, the reasons why face-to-face communication is better than other types of communication may be it can connect everybody easier and closer to feel opponent’s emotion."), and complex sentences with subordinating conjunctions ("On the other hand, communication by telephone, computer or modern devices is also convenient and suitable with many people who are far away from their family, friends or relatives and they can’t meet each other to talk face-to-face, so that telephone calls, emails, and Facebook can be useful things for them.").
  • How to improve: To enhance the essay’s effectiveness, strive for greater variety in sentence structures. Incorporate more complex sentences with subordinate clauses, participial phrases, and other advanced constructions to add depth and sophistication to the writing. Additionally, consider using rhetorical devices such as parallelism, inversion, or appositives to add stylistic flair and engage the reader further.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a moderate level of grammatical accuracy, but there are several errors throughout the text. These include issues with subject-verb agreement ("We also shouldn’t depend on letters, emails, Facebook, or telephone calls so much since using electronic devices to communicate for many hours is not good for our health, we will have some eyes, headache,…"), article usage ("they can’t meet each other to talk face-to-face, so that telephone calls, emails, Facebook can be useful things for them"), and punctuation errors such as missing commas before coordinating conjunctions in compound sentences ("In addition to this, if you want to get on well with everybody, just go and take face-to-face with them.").
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, especially in complex sentences. Review the appropriate use of articles (a, an, the) and ensure consistency throughout the essay. Additionally, focus on proper punctuation, including commas, periods, and apostrophes, to enhance clarity and readability. Consider revising sentences for clarity and coherence, breaking down longer sentences into shorter, more manageable units to avoid confusion. Finally, proofread carefully to identify and correct any remaining errors before finalizing the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is argued that face-to-face communication is superior to other forms of communication, including letters, emails, Facebook, or telephone calls. From my perspective, this assertion can be supported for the following reasons. Firstly, face-to-face communication facilitates easier connection and a closer understanding of opponents’ emotions. Emails, Facebook, or telephone calls may be very convenient and modern, but they create distance between individuals. Additionally, to foster better relationships with others, one should engage in face-to-face interactions. Furthermore, excessive reliance on electronic communication methods such as letters, emails, Facebook, or telephone calls can have detrimental effects on our health, leading to eye strain, headaches, and other issues. Conversely, communication via telephone, computer, or other modern devices is convenient and suitable for individuals who are geographically distant from their family, friends, or relatives and are unable to meet in person. Therefore, telephone calls, emails, and Facebook can be valuable means of communication for them. In conclusion, considering all factors, this assertion holds true in certain respects and is essential for individuals seeking to maintain communication with distant relatives, family, and friends.