It is sometimes said that countries should produce all the food for their populations to eat and import as little as possible. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Countries in this modern world are advised to become self-sufficient in food production, minimizing imports. Considering the highly volatile nature of today’s world affairs, I consider this food scheme a huge boon for a nation’s growth and security.

Admittedly, naysayers of being independent food-wise base their claims on undesirable farming conditions and undermined economic cooperations. It is readily apparent that some countries are agriculturally disadvantaged in terms of farming capacity, either because their climate is too hostile for certain crops, or their lands are no longer arable enough to sustain crop growth. A typical example of this incompatibility between climate and crop availability can be seen in temperate countries, where tropical fruits cannot find their way to thrive, hence the need to import such commodities from places that enjoy a hot and humid atmosphere. Another point in favor of imports is that were trades to be suspended, the economic ties between countries could be weakened, leaving unasked-for repercussions economically and politically. However, I believe developed genetic engineering has already been adopted in many countries to offset the predefined natural conditions, and cross-border cooperation is not solely reliant on food, thus negating the possibility of an ensuing collapse the moment food trade is removed from the economic table.

It is, on the contrary, extremely risky to refuse self-sufficiency, as serious political repercussions can be felt. Without doubt, the benefits in revenue are the most transparent, as producing food domestically translates to the end of import tariffs, thus saving a considerable amount of trading cost incurred. However, I believe two more primary reasons driving countries to embrace the practice of running their own food supply chain without foreign dependency are to guarantee food security and to safeguard national security. The political unrest in the Middle East and in Ukraine indicates just how thin a line the world is treading, and while spikes in food prices have already been seen, it isn’t unreasonable to fear for any potential crisis that may entirely disrupts the food chain among countries, leading to critically affected food supply for any country. Coupled with the fact that droughts and other extreme weather conditions from climate change have been reported to be the culprit in several crop failures, any country should enhance their autonomy in food production for their own good. Self-sufficiency is also a caution exercised against the risk of any future conflicts if one country is heavily dependent on another for a major food source. The former will potentially be subjected to political inferiority to the latter should they fail to supply for themselves.

To conclude, I believe it is increasingly urgent for countries to learn to direct their food output to domestic consumption only. Success in doing so can guarantee a country’s resilience against imminent global crisis, be it political or climatic.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"Countries in this modern world" -> "Nations in the contemporary era"
Explanation: Replacing "Countries in this modern world" with "Nations in the contemporary era" maintains formality and avoids redundancy by using a more precise term for the current period.
"huge boon" -> "significant advantage"
Explanation: "Huge boon" is a bit informal; "significant advantage" maintains the emphasis on the positive aspect of the situation while aligning with academic tone.
"naysayers of being independent food-wise" -> "critics of food self-sufficiency"
Explanation: "Naysayers of being independent food-wise" is colloquial and awkward. "Critics of food self-sufficiency" is more concise and academically appropriate.
"base their claims on" -> "cite"
Explanation: "Base their claims on" is a bit informal. "Cite" is a more formal and precise term commonly used in academic writing.
"A typical example of this incompatibility" -> "An illustrative example of this mismatch"
Explanation: "A typical example of this incompatibility" is slightly informal. "An illustrative example of this mismatch" maintains clarity while using more precise and formal language.
"can be seen in temperate countries" -> "is evident in temperate regions"
Explanation: "Can be seen" is passive; "is evident" is more direct. "Temperate countries" can be improved to "temperate regions" for broader applicability.
"find their way to thrive" -> "thrive"
Explanation: "Find their way to thrive" is redundant and slightly informal. "Thrive" alone is sufficient to convey the intended meaning.
"hence the need to import such commodities" -> "therefore necessitating the importation of such commodities"
Explanation: "Hence the need" is a bit informal. "Therefore necessitating" is more formal and precise, enhancing the academic tone.
"unasked-for repercussions" -> "undesired consequences"
Explanation: "Unasked-for repercussions" is informal and somewhat awkward. "Undesired consequences" is a more formal and concise alternative.
"offset the predefined natural conditions" -> "mitigate the predetermined natural constraints"
Explanation: "Offset the predefined natural conditions" is a bit informal and vague. "Mitigate the predetermined natural constraints" is more precise and academically appropriate.
"coupled with the fact that" -> "Moreover"
Explanation: "Coupled with the fact that" is slightly informal. "Moreover" is a more formal transition that enhances the coherence of the argument.
"the culprit in several crop failures" -> "the cause of numerous crop failures"
Explanation: "The culprit in several crop failures" is informal. "The cause of numerous crop failures" is a more formal and precise expression.
"enhance their autonomy" -> "bolster their autonomy"
Explanation: "Enhance their autonomy" is slightly informal. "Bolster their autonomy" is a more formal and dynamic alternative.
"To conclude" -> "In conclusion"
Explanation: "To conclude" is slightly informal. "In conclusion" is a standard phrase in academic writing, maintaining formality and signaling the end of the essay.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the prompt by discussing the advantages and disadvantages of countries producing all their food domestically versus relying on imports. It acknowledges the arguments against self-sufficiency but ultimately supports the idea of countries prioritizing domestic food production.
- How to improve: While the essay covers both sides of the argument, a more balanced approach could be beneficial. Acknowledging the potential benefits of importation in certain circumstances, even while advocating for self-sufficiency, would strengthen the analysis.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position in favor of countries prioritizing self-sufficiency in food production. This stance is evident from the introduction to the conclusion, providing a cohesive argument.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity further, explicitly stating the position in the introduction and summarizing it in the conclusion can reinforce the essay’s coherence.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents and elaborates on ideas, providing examples and reasoning to support its arguments. For instance, it discusses the economic and political benefits of self-sufficiency, as well as the potential risks of dependence on imports.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, consider providing additional real-world examples or empirical evidence to further substantiate the claims made. This could enhance the persuasiveness and depth of analysis.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains focus on the topic throughout, discussing the implications of food production choices for countries’ economic and national security interests. There are no significant deviations from the central theme.
- How to improve: While the essay stays on topic, ensuring that each paragraph directly relates to the overarching argument of self-sufficiency versus importation can enhance coherence and relevance.

Overall, the essay effectively addresses the prompt, presenting a well-structured argument in favor of countries prioritizing self-sufficiency in food production. To improve further, consider incorporating a more balanced discussion of the potential benefits of importation and reinforcing clarity and coherence through explicit positioning and additional supporting evidence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt to organize information logically. It begins with an introduction that outlines the stance on the topic and provides a roadmap for the subsequent discussion. Each paragraph thereafter presents distinct arguments in support of the thesis statement. The essay progresses logically from discussing challenges related to agricultural conditions and economic cooperation to the risks and benefits of self-sufficiency in food production. However, there is room for improvement in the transition between paragraphs, as some connections between ideas could be strengthened to enhance coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to better link ideas and improve the overall coherence of the essay. This could involve using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader smoothly from one point to the next.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively utilizes paragraphs to structure the discussion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, allowing for clear presentation of ideas. However, there are instances where the length of paragraphs could be adjusted for better readability. For example, the paragraph discussing the benefits of self-sufficiency could be divided into two or more paragraphs to provide clearer delineation of subtopics.
- How to improve: Consider breaking longer paragraphs into smaller, more focused units to improve readability and facilitate the reader’s understanding of the argument. Each paragraph should ideally address a single main point or idea, with clear topic sentences and supporting evidence.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a range of cohesive devices to connect ideas and enhance coherence. These include transitional phrases (e.g., "Admittedly," "However," "To conclude") and cohesive referencing (e.g., "this food scheme," "these commodities," "the former"). Additionally, the essay effectively uses pronouns and conjunctions to establish relationships between sentences and paragraphs.
- How to improve: While cohesive devices are used adequately, diversifying the types of cohesive devices employed could further strengthen the coherence of the essay. Consider incorporating a wider variety of cohesive devices, such as synonyms, parallel structure, and repetition, to create smoother transitions and reinforce connections between ideas. This will enhance the overall cohesion of the essay and improve the reader’s comprehension.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable effort to utilize a diverse range of vocabulary throughout. There’s evidence of varied terminology such as "self-sufficient," "volatility," "disadvantaged," "arable," "cross-border cooperation," and "resilience," among others. The writer adeptly incorporates vocabulary relevant to the topic, enhancing the clarity and depth of their arguments.
- How to improve: To further enhance lexical resource, consider incorporating specialized vocabulary or terminology related to agricultural practices, economic theories, and geopolitical concepts. Additionally, strive to use synonyms or alternative expressions to avoid repetition and add nuance to the discussion.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with reasonable precision. For instance, terms like "self-sufficiency," "import tariffs," and "food security" are used accurately to convey specific concepts related to the discussion. However, there are occasional instances where word choice could be more precise to avoid ambiguity or enhance clarity. For example, the phrase "success in doing so" in the concluding paragraph could be refined for greater specificity.
- How to improve: Continuously refine your vocabulary usage by paying close attention to context and connotations. Utilize dictionaries and thesauruses to explore nuanced meanings and select the most fitting words for your intended message. Practice incorporating precise terminology in varied contexts to strengthen vocabulary precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy in the essay is generally proficient, with minimal errors detracting from comprehension. However, there are a few instances where minor spelling errors are present, such as "imminent" instead of "imminent" and "entirely disrupts" instead of "entirely disrupt." These errors do not significantly impede understanding but indicate areas for improvement.
- How to improve: Enhance spelling accuracy by utilizing spell-check tools during the writing process and dedicating time to review and edit your work carefully. Additionally, consider expanding your vocabulary through reading and vocabulary-building exercises to reinforce correct spelling patterns and improve overall writing fluency.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, incorporating complex sentences alongside simpler ones effectively. For instance, there are instances of compound and complex sentences, such as "Considering the highly volatile nature of today’s world affairs, I consider this food scheme a huge boon for a nation’s growth and security." This variety enhances the overall readability and engagement of the essay.
- How to improve: While the essay showcases a good range of sentence structures, further diversification could enhance its sophistication. Introducing more complex structures like conditional sentences or inverted sentences could elevate the fluency and coherence of the essay, contributing to a higher band score.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a generally high level of grammatical accuracy throughout. Complex grammatical structures are handled adeptly, and errors are infrequent. For instance, the sentence "Admittedly, naysayers of being independent food-wise base their claims on undesirable farming conditions and undermined economic cooperations" demonstrates effective use of complex grammatical structures.
- How to improve: While the essay is grammatically sound, occasional minor errors can be found, such as the use of "naysayers of being independent food-wise" which could be improved for clarity and conciseness. Proofreading for such minor errors and ensuring consistency in verb agreement and tense usage could further enhance the grammatical accuracy of the essay. Additionally, paying attention to punctuation, particularly the correct use of commas and apostrophes, can refine the overall polish of the writing.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical structures and accuracy, contributing to its cohesive and articulate presentation. Further refinement in grammatical accuracy and sentence structure diversity could elevate it to an even higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Countries in the contemporary era are often encouraged to prioritize self-sufficiency in food production, aiming to minimize imports. This strategy is deemed a significant advantage for national growth and security, given the volatile nature of today’s global landscape.

Critics of food self-sufficiency often cite unfavorable farming conditions and economic interdependencies as reasons against it. An illustrative example of this mismatch is evident in temperate regions, where certain crops struggle to thrive, necessitating the importation of such commodities from more suitable climates. Moreover, concerns about weakened economic and political ties due to reduced trade are raised. However, it’s important to note that advancements in genetic engineering have enabled many countries to mitigate the predetermined natural constraints, reducing reliance solely on food imports for cross-border cooperation.

Refusing self-sufficiency poses risks, particularly in terms of political repercussions. While the financial benefits of domestic food production are clear, such as the elimination of import tariffs, the primary drivers for embracing self-sufficiency lie in ensuring food and national security. Global political unrest and the threat of climate change-induced crop failures underscore the importance of bolstering autonomy in food production. Dependence on foreign food sources leaves countries vulnerable to political manipulation and supply disruptions.

In conclusion, prioritizing domestic food production is imperative for countries to safeguard against global crises. Success in achieving self-sufficiency not only ensures food security but also mitigates political and climatic risks, reinforcing a nation’s resilience in an uncertain world.