It is sometimes said that people should be encouraged to get married before they are 30, as this is best both for the individual and for society. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

It is sometimes said that people should be encouraged to get married before they are 30, as this is best both for the individual and for society.

Do you agree or disagree?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

It is true that getting married before 30 become one of the highly controversial issue that attract people’s attention in today’s world. Is it true that getting married before 30 become one of the highly controversial issue that attract peoples attention in today’s world. Some people suggest that only getting married when you are really ready. In my opinion apparently agree with this idea. This essay will discuss some reasons in support of my perspective.
On the one hand, there’s some agreements in favor of the idea that getting married before 30 is a biased opinion. Firstly, in the current economic recession, finding a job is very difficult so people finance are off and not really stable. some people want to get higher degrees therefore they focus on studying. There are some people who want to devote all that time with the help of advancement and achievement.Being mature enough to have a relationship ready for marriage. It’s not easy under 30 years old. people are forced to marriage can lead to careless choice of partner, causing divorce rate rise in many countries around the world, including Vietnam.
On the other hand, nearly marriage has some great Benefits such as both mates have responsibility in their life. Giving birth at young age is Seth and answers the health of mother and baby. In some developing countries the governments, you usually subsidize living and study expenses for children under 18 in order to reduce the burden of marriage and promote economic development. Japan is a country that the marriage rate decline dramatically, direct impact on birth rate in the context of severe aging population.
In conclusion, the above mentioned facts have created a dilemma when people evaluate the impact of this issue and it has still sparked controversy in recent years. Although it can be argued that early marriage is not necessary. I personally believe that it could have both positive and negative aspects. People should have further consideration on this issue.

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "getting married before 30 become one of the highly controversial issue" -> "getting married before 30 is a highly controversial issue"
   Explanation: Correcting the grammatical error and removing the redundant word "one of" improves the sentence structure and clarity, aligning it with formal academic language.

2. "attract peoples attention" -> "attracts people’s attention"
   Explanation: Correcting the verb form from "attract" to "attracts" and adding the possessive form "people’s" corrects the grammatical error and enhances the formal tone.

3. "apparently agree with this idea" -> "apparently support this view"
   Explanation: Replacing "agree with this idea" with "support this view" uses more precise academic language, emphasizing the intellectual endorsement rather than a simple agreement.

4. "there’s some agreements" -> "there are some agreements"
   Explanation: Correcting the contraction "there’s" to "there are" maintains the formal tone and corrects the grammatical structure.

5. "people finance are off" -> "people’s finances are off"
   Explanation: Changing "people finance" to "people’s finances" corrects the possessive form and grammatical agreement, enhancing clarity and formality.

6. "some people want to get higher degrees therefore they focus on studying" -> "some individuals pursue higher degrees, thereby focusing on their studies"
   Explanation: Replacing "some people want to get higher degrees" with "some individuals pursue higher degrees" uses more formal language, and "therefore" is replaced with "thereby" for a more academic tone.

7. "Being mature enough to have a relationship ready for marriage" -> "being mature enough to be ready for marriage"
   Explanation: Simplifying the phrase removes redundancy and improves clarity, aligning with formal academic style.

8. "people are forced to marriage" -> "individuals are forced into marriage"
   Explanation: Correcting "people are forced to marriage" to "individuals are forced into marriage" uses the correct preposition and maintains a formal tone.

9. "causing divorce rate rise" -> "resulting in a rise in the divorce rate"
   Explanation: Replacing "causing divorce rate rise" with "resulting in a rise in the divorce rate" corrects the grammatical structure and enhances the formality of the statement.

10. "nearly marriage has some great Benefits" -> "nearly all marriages have significant benefits"
    Explanation: Changing "nearly marriage has some great Benefits" to "nearly all marriages have significant benefits" corrects the grammatical error and uses more precise language.

11. "Seth and answers the health of mother and baby" -> "and ensures the health of the mother and baby"
    Explanation: Replacing "Seth and answers" with "and ensures" corrects the grammatical error and clarifies the meaning, aligning it with formal academic language.

12. "you usually subsidize" -> "it is common for governments to subsidize"
    Explanation: Changing "you usually subsidize" to "it is common for governments to subsidize" shifts the pronoun to a more formal and impersonal structure, suitable for academic writing.

13. "direct impact on birth rate" -> "direct impact on the birth rate"
    Explanation: Adding "the" before "birth rate" corrects the article usage, enhancing grammatical accuracy and formality.

14. "it could have both positive and negative aspects" -> "it may have both positive and negative aspects"
    Explanation: Replacing "could" with "may" introduces a more formal and speculative tone, suitable for academic discussions.

15. "People should have further consideration on this issue" -> "further consideration should be given to this issue"
    Explanation: Changing "People should have further consideration on this issue" to "further consideration should be given to this issue" corrects the grammatical structure and shifts the focus to the action of considering, which is more appropriate in formal writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument regarding marriage before the age of 30. However, it lacks a clear and direct response to whether the author agrees or disagrees with the statement. The introduction suggests an agreement with the idea that people should marry when ready, but this is not consistently supported throughout the essay. Additionally, the points made are somewhat vague and do not fully explore the implications of marrying before 30 or the benefits and drawbacks clearly.
  • How to improve: To improve, the author should explicitly state their position in the introduction and consistently reinforce it throughout the essay. Each paragraph should clearly relate back to the central argument, ensuring that all points made directly support the author’s stance. Including specific examples and more detailed explanations of how marrying before 30 benefits individuals and society would strengthen the response.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that seems to lean towards the idea that marriage before 30 is not necessarily beneficial, but this position is muddled by the lack of clarity in expression. Phrases like "I personally believe that it could have both positive and negative aspects" indicate indecision and weaken the overall argument. The essay does not maintain a consistent viewpoint, which can confuse the reader about the author’s actual stance.
  • How to improve: The author should work on formulating a clear thesis statement that reflects a definitive position on the topic. This statement should be revisited and reinforced in each paragraph. The use of transitional phrases can help maintain a clear line of reasoning and connect ideas back to the main argument.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas regarding the implications of marrying before 30, such as economic stability and personal readiness. However, these ideas are not well-developed or supported with concrete examples. For instance, the mention of the economic recession and its impact on marriage lacks depth and fails to connect back to the main argument effectively. The examples provided, such as the situation in Vietnam and Japan, are mentioned but not elaborated upon, leaving the reader wanting more context and analysis.
  • How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the author should aim to provide specific examples and detailed explanations for each point made. Each paragraph should ideally start with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting details and examples that illustrate the point. This will create a more cohesive and persuasive argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally deviates from the main topic of whether people should be encouraged to marry before 30. For example, the discussion about the economic situation and educational pursuits, while relevant, does not directly tie back to the core argument about marriage. Additionally, the mention of government subsidies in developing countries appears somewhat disconnected from the main focus of the essay.
  • How to improve: To stay on topic, the author should ensure that every point made directly relates to the question of marriage before 30. It may be helpful to outline the essay before writing to ensure that all arguments are relevant and contribute to the overall thesis. Keeping the focus on the implications of early marriage and its effects on individuals and society will help maintain clarity and relevance throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 5

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas in a somewhat logical order, but the organization is often unclear. For instance, the introduction lacks a clear thesis statement, making it difficult for readers to understand the writer’s stance. The first body paragraph attempts to argue against early marriage but does so in a convoluted manner, mixing various points without clear transitions. The second body paragraph introduces benefits of marriage but does not effectively connect these ideas back to the main argument, leading to a lack of coherence in the overall structure.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, the writer should start with a clear thesis statement in the introduction that outlines the main arguments. Each paragraph should begin with a topic sentence that clearly states the main idea, followed by supporting details that are logically connected. Using linking phrases (e.g., "Firstly," "In addition," "On the contrary") can help guide the reader through the argument.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains paragraphs, but they are not effectively structured. The first paragraph is overly long and contains multiple ideas that could be better organized into separate paragraphs. The second paragraph also lacks a clear focus, as it jumps between ideas about benefits and societal issues without clear transitions. This makes it difficult for the reader to follow the argument.
  • How to improve: Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea. The writer could separate the arguments against early marriage into one paragraph and the arguments in favor into another. Additionally, concluding each paragraph with a summary sentence that reinforces the main idea can help solidify the argument and improve clarity.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates limited use of cohesive devices, which affects the overall flow of ideas. While there are some attempts to use cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," these are not consistently applied, and the transitions between sentences and ideas are often abrupt. For example, the phrase "nearly marriage has some great Benefits" lacks a clear connection to the previous discussion, leading to confusion.
  • How to improve: To improve cohesion, the writer should incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices, such as conjunctions (e.g., "however," "therefore") and referential phrases (e.g., "this," "these"). Practicing the use of linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs will enhance the overall coherence of the essay. Additionally, ensuring that each cohesive device is used appropriately and in context will help maintain clarity.

Overall, to raise the band score for coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on improving the logical organization of ideas, structuring paragraphs more effectively, and using a wider range of cohesive devices to create a smoother flow of information.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of vocabulary, such as "controversial," "economic recession," and "responsibility." However, the range is somewhat limited, and there are instances of repetition, such as the phrase "getting married before 30" appearing multiple times without variation. Additionally, some phrases are awkwardly constructed, which detracts from the overall lexical variety.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly saying "getting married before 30," the writer could use phrases like "early marriage" or "marriage prior to the age of 30." Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary-building exercises could also help in diversifying word choice.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that affect clarity. For example, the phrase "people finance are off" is unclear and seems to misuse "finance." Additionally, "nearly marriage" is not a standard phrase and could confuse readers. The use of "Seth" in "Giving birth at young age is Seth" appears to be a typographical error or miscommunication, which further obscures meaning.
  • How to improve: The writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. For instance, replacing "people finance are off" with "people’s finances are often unstable" would clarify the point. Proofreading for clarity and correctness, as well as seeking feedback from peers or teachers, can help identify and rectify imprecise language.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "become" instead of "becomes," "issue" instead of "issues," and "peoples" instead of "people’s." These errors detract from the professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should consider implementing a systematic approach to proofreading. This could involve reading the essay aloud to catch errors, using spell-check tools, or practicing spelling exercises focused on commonly misspelled words. Additionally, maintaining a list of frequently used vocabulary and their correct spellings could be beneficial for future writing tasks.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of lexical resource, there is significant room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their overall performance in the Lexical Resource criterion of the IELTS exam.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, lacking complexity. For example, the sentence "It is true that getting married before 30 become one of the highly controversial issue that attract people’s attention in today’s world" is a simple structure that could be enhanced with more complex elements. Additionally, phrases such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" are used, but the overall variety remains low.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses and varied conjunctions. For instance, instead of saying "people are forced to marriage can lead to careless choice of partner," the writer could say, "When people are forced into marriage, it can lead to careless choices of partners." Practicing the use of relative clauses and conditional sentences can also enhance the complexity of the writing.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains multiple grammatical errors and punctuation issues that impede clarity. For example, "become one of the highly controversial issue" should be "has become one of the highly controversial issues," indicating a subject-verb agreement error and a singular/plural mismatch. Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as the lack of commas in complex sentences, which makes some sentences difficult to read. For example, "In some developing countries the governments, you usually subsidize living and study expenses for children under 18" incorrectly uses a comma and lacks clarity.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should review subject-verb agreement rules and practice identifying singular and plural nouns. Regular grammar exercises focusing on common errors can be beneficial. For punctuation, the writer should study the rules for comma usage, especially in complex sentences, to ensure clarity. Reading well-structured essays can also help the writer internalize correct grammatical structures and punctuation.

Overall, while the essay presents some relevant ideas, the execution in terms of grammatical range and accuracy needs significant improvement to achieve a higher band score. Regular practice, feedback, and revision can help the writer enhance their skills in these areas.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is true that getting married before 30 has become one of the highly controversial issues that attract people’s attention in today’s world. Some people suggest that one should only get married when they are really ready. In my opinion, I apparently support this idea. This essay will discuss some reasons in support of my perspective.

On the one hand, there are some agreements in favor of the idea that getting married before 30 is a biased opinion. Firstly, in the current economic recession, finding a job is very difficult, so people’s finances are off and not really stable. Some individuals pursue higher degrees, thereby focusing on their studies. There are some people who want to devote all that time to advancement and achievement. Being mature enough to be ready for marriage is not easy under 30 years old. Individuals who are forced into marriage can lead to careless choices of partner, resulting in a rise in the divorce rate in many countries around the world, including Vietnam.

On the other hand, nearly all marriages have significant benefits, such as both partners having responsibilities in their lives. Giving birth at a young age ensures the health of the mother and baby. In some developing countries, it is common for governments to subsidize living and study expenses for children under 18 in order to reduce the burden of marriage and promote economic development. Japan is a country where the marriage rate has declined dramatically, which has a direct impact on the birth rate in the context of a severely aging population.

In conclusion, the above-mentioned facts have created a dilemma when people evaluate the impact of this issue, and it has still sparked controversy in recent years. Although it can be argued that early marriage is not necessary, I personally believe that it may have both positive and negative aspects. People should give further consideration to this issue.