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It is the responsibility of schools to teach good behavior in addition to providing formal education To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is the responsibility of schools to teach good behavior in addition to providing formal education To what extent do you agree or disagree?

To this day, the prime and pivotal purpose of educational institutes has always been providing children with academic knowledge and information. However, some individuals believe that teaching young people to behave themselves should also be one of teachers’ duties. Personally, I strongly disagree with the idea, and I will present arguments from both parents’ and schools’ perspectives to support my viewpoint.

To begin with, educational institutions should never be held responsible for their students’ bad behaviors. Firstly, acknowledging a series of misbehaviors and teaching children not to conduct in such inappropriate manner requires a great deal of endeavor and time which a small group of teachers cannot afford. Given the fact that the number of students exceedingly outnumbers that of educators in a typical school, it would be impossible for teachers to simultaneously accommodate youngsters with precise knowledge and also carefully show them how to behave appropriately. Secondly, teachers usually appear less powerful and influential than the parents in the eyes of children.Therefore, if a kid misbehaves, it will be much more difficult for the teacher to stop him from repeating the same action in the future compared to his parents. For example, in Vietnam, while there are so many regulations that forbid educators to punish students behaving wrongly, which impede the school correction on those children, their parents can penalize them in a much more effective way without accusation.

In addition, in terms of family education, parents must be the ones who raise their offspring into benevolent and well-behaved individuals. Before school age, babies mostly spend time with mothers and fathers, and they constantly mimic and imitate adults’ manners, thereby contributing significantly to the kids’ characteristics in the future. Hence, it is parents’ responsibility to mold infants’ character during that period. Furthermore, mothers and fathers understand their sons or daughters better than teachers, so they will have a more suitable and efficient approach to correct misbehavior in youngsters. For instance, whereas detention is virtually the only punishment that teachers can give to a student, parents can adjust the penalties according to the kids’ personalities. To illustrate, if the kid who has behaved badly is slightly rebellious and stubborn, given that the parents know that, they will choose to gently advise or indicate that their actions were not righteous instead of directly yelling at them, which could make the situation worse.

To encapsulate, due to the aforementioned reasons regarding the limited authority of teachers on children and the deep influence that every parent has on their kids, I once again reaffirm my position that showing students how to behave nicely is not at all the duty of the teachers but the parents.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "prime and pivotal purpose" -> "primary and pivotal purpose"
    Explanation: Replacing "prime and pivotal purpose" with "primary and pivotal purpose" maintains formality while using more common and straightforward language.

  2. "behaving themselves" -> "behaving appropriately"
    Explanation: Changing "behaving themselves" to "behaving appropriately" is a more precise and formal expression, aligning with academic tone.

  3. "I strongly disagree with the idea" -> "I vehemently disagree with the idea"
    Explanation: Substituting "strongly" with "vehemently" adds emphasis and intensity to the disagreement, enhancing the formality of the statement.

  4. "present arguments from both parents’ and schools’ perspectives" -> "present arguments from both parental and institutional perspectives"
    Explanation: Using "parental" instead of "parents’" and "institutional" instead of "schools’" contributes to a more formal tone by employing adjectives rather than possessive forms.

  5. "acknowledging a series of misbehaviors" -> "addressing a series of misbehaviors"
    Explanation: Changing "acknowledging" to "addressing" emphasizes a more active role in dealing with misbehaviors, making the expression more precise and formal.

  6. "conduct in such inappropriate manner" -> "behave in such an inappropriate manner"
    Explanation: Replacing "conduct" with "behave" and adding "an" before "inappropriate manner" results in a more grammatically correct and formal expression.

  7. "a great deal of endeavor" -> "a significant amount of effort"
    Explanation: Substituting "endeavor" with "effort" and adding "significant amount of" improves the formality and clarity of the phrase.

  8. "exceedingly outnumbers" -> "far exceeds"
    Explanation: Replacing "exceedingly outnumbers" with "far exceeds" provides a more formal and concise expression.

  9. "carefully show them" -> "carefully guide them"
    Explanation: Changing "show" to "guide" adds a level of mentorship, enhancing the formality of the sentence.

  10. "appear less powerful and influential" -> "are perceived as less powerful and influential"
    Explanation: Adding "are perceived as" clarifies that it is the perception of students, contributing to a more formal and precise statement.

  11. "impede the school correction on those children" -> "hinder the school’s correction of those children"
    Explanation: Substituting "impede" with "hinder" and restructuring the phrase improves the formality and clarity of the sentence.

  12. "penalize them in a much more effective way" -> "administer more effective penalties"
    Explanation: Using "administer" instead of "penalize" and restructuring the phrase enhances the formality and precision of the expression.

  13. "in terms of family education" -> "regarding family upbringing"
    Explanation: Replacing "in terms of family education" with "regarding family upbringing" maintains formality and clarity.

  14. "raising their offspring into benevolent and well-behaved individuals" -> "cultivating benevolent and well-behaved individuals"
    Explanation: Changing "raising their offspring into" to "cultivating" results in a more formal and concise expression.

  15. "mothers and fathers" -> "parents"
    Explanation: Using "parents" instead of "mothers and fathers" simplifies the language without sacrificing formality.

  16. "kids’ characteristics" -> "children’s characteristics"
    Explanation: Replacing "kids’" with "children’s" adheres to a more formal and standard usage.

  17. "they constantly mimic and imitate adults’ manners" -> "they consistently emulate adult behavior"
    Explanation: Substituting "mimic and imitate" with "consistently emulate" enhances formality and precision.

  18. "have a more suitable and efficient approach" -> "adopt a more suitable and efficient approach"
    Explanation: Adding "adopt" before "a more suitable and efficient approach" contributes to a more formal and active expression.

  19. "adjust the penalties" -> "tailor the penalties"
    Explanation: Substituting "adjust" with "tailor" elevates the formality and precision of the statement.

  20. "illustrate" -> "for example"
    Explanation: Replacing "illustrate" with "for example" maintains formality while providing a clearer transition in the sentence.

  21. "encapsulate" -> "In conclusion"
    Explanation: Substituting "encapsulate" with "In conclusion" is a more standard and formal way to signal the end of the essay.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both aspects of the prompt, discussing the role of schools in teaching good behavior and presenting arguments from both parents’ and schools’ perspectives. It acknowledges the responsibility of parents in shaping children’s behavior and argues against schools being held accountable.

    • How to improve: While the essay does cover both perspectives, it could benefit from providing more depth and nuance to the discussion. Expanding on specific examples or counterarguments would enhance the completeness of the response.

  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent position throughout, clearly expressing the writer’s disagreement with the idea that schools should teach good behavior. The stance is evident from the introduction to the conclusion.

    • How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, consider explicitly stating the stance in the introduction. This can serve as a roadmap for the reader, ensuring they understand the writer’s viewpoint from the outset.

  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas coherently, discussing the limitations of teachers in shaping behavior, the influence of parents, and providing relevant examples. However, some arguments could benefit from further development.

    • How to improve: Elaborate on the challenges teachers face in more detail and provide additional examples to reinforce the points. This will contribute to a more robust and thorough exploration of the ideas presented.

  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the role of schools in teaching behavior and the contrasting responsibilities of parents. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharper, such as the discussion on regulations in Vietnam.

    • How to improve: Ensure that all examples and details directly contribute to the central argument. While the mention of regulations in Vietnam adds context, tying it more explicitly to the broader discussion would enhance relevance and coherence.

Overall Feedback:

The essay provides a well-argued response to the prompt, maintaining a consistent position and presenting ideas logically. To enhance the score, consider adding more depth to the discussion, explicitly stating the position in the introduction, and ensuring all details contribute directly to the central argument. This will result in a more comprehensive and nuanced exploration of the topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear organizational structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, making it easy to follow the author’s line of reasoning. The introduction introduces the topic and the author’s stance, while the body paragraphs present arguments from both the school and parent perspectives. The conclusion succinctly summarizes the key points and reiterates the author’s position. However, there are instances where the logical flow could be improved. For example, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be smoother to enhance overall coherence.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases or sentences to connect ideas between paragraphs. This could involve summarizing the previous point or introducing the upcoming one, creating a smoother transition for the reader.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively to organize ideas. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, and the overall structure is clear. However, there is room for improvement in terms of paragraph development. For instance, the first body paragraph could benefit from further elaboration on the challenges faced by teachers in addressing students’ behavior. This would provide a more comprehensive exploration of the argument.
    • How to improve: Consider expanding on key points within each paragraph to provide a more thorough examination of the arguments. This could involve incorporating additional examples or evidence to support the claims made, ensuring that each paragraph is fully developed and contributes to the overall coherence of the essay.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs cohesive devices to link ideas within and between sentences. There is consistent use of pronouns, conjunctions, and transitional phrases, contributing to the overall coherence. However, there is a tendency to overuse certain terms, such as "Firstly" and "Secondly," which could be diversified for a more nuanced expression of ideas.
    • How to improve: Vary the use of cohesive devices to add variety and sophistication to the essay. Instead of relying solely on numerical ordering (Firstly, Secondly), consider using a range of transitional words and phrases to convey relationships between ideas. This can create a more engaging and polished writing style, contributing to a higher level of cohesion.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a generally logical organization and effective use of paragraphs and cohesive devices, there is room for improvement in terms of smoother transitions between paragraphs, more comprehensive paragraph development, and varied use of cohesive devices. Addressing these aspects would contribute to a more refined and cohesive essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. While there is an attempt to use varied words, the vocabulary could be further enriched. For instance, words such as "endeavor" and "benevolent" contribute to diversity, but there is room for improvement in incorporating more sophisticated terms and expressions. The essay tends to rely on a few key terms (e.g., "misbehavior," "educators," "parents") throughout.
    • How to improve: To enhance the score, aim to incorporate a broader array of vocabulary. Introduce synonyms and explore more nuanced expressions. Instead of frequently repeating certain terms, experiment with alternative phrases to convey similar meanings. For example, consider using "malconduct" instead of "misbehavior" or "pedagogues" instead of "educators."
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with reasonable precision, but there are instances where word choice could be more accurate. For example, the use of "acknowledging" in the context of addressing misbehaviors might be imprecise. A more suitable term, such as "addressing" or "dealing with," would better convey the intended meaning.
    • How to improve: Focus on selecting words that precisely convey the intended meaning in each context. Consider the subtle nuances of different words and choose the one that aligns most accurately with the message you want to convey. In this essay, replacing "acknowledging" with "addressing" would enhance precision.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally accurate level of spelling. However, there are a few instances where minor spelling errors occur, such as "conduct" instead of "conducting" and "virtually" instead of "virtual." These do not significantly impede understanding but suggest a need for careful proofreading.
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, allocate time for thorough proofreading. Additionally, consider using tools like spell-check to catch minor errors. Paying attention to common prefixes and suffixes can also contribute to more accurate spelling. In this case, double-checking words like "conducting" and "virtually" would enhance overall spelling precision.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably wide range of sentence structures. It employs a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the introduction starts with a complex sentence, and throughout the essay, there is a variety of sentence structures such as conditional sentences and comparisons. However, there is room for improvement in the strategic use of complex structures to enhance the overall fluency and sophistication of the essay.
    • How to improve: To elevate the essay’s grammatical range, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures, such as relative clauses, parallel structures, or advanced connectors. This can be achieved by combining simple sentences, using varied sentence beginnings, and experimenting with different sentence types. For instance, instead of relying predominantly on straightforward sentence structures, try introducing a greater variety of complex sentences to add nuance and depth to your arguments.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy; however, there are instances where errors and awkward phrasing are present. For example, "Firstly, acknowledging a series of misbehaviors and teaching children not to conduct in such inappropriate manner requires a great deal of endeavor and time which a small group of teachers cannot afford." The phrase "conduct in such inappropriate manner" is awkward, and the use of "conduct" seems misplaced. Additionally, there are occasional grammatical errors, such as in the sentence "In addition, in terms of family education, parents must be the ones who raise their offspring into benevolent and well-behaved individuals," where the phrase "raise their offspring into" could be improved for clarity.
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay careful attention to sentence structure and word choice. Revise awkward or unclear phrases to ensure precise communication of ideas. In the example given, rephrase to something like, "Firstly, addressing a series of misbehaviors and teaching children appropriate behavior require a significant amount of time and effort, which may be challenging for a small group of teachers." Also, proofread for grammatical errors and consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-checking tools to catch any overlooked mistakes.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar, attention to refining sentence structures and addressing occasional awkward phrasing will contribute to a more polished and sophisticated piece of writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

To this day, the primary and pivotal purpose of educational institutes has always been providing children with academic knowledge and information. However, some individuals believe that teaching young people to behave appropriately should also be one of teachers’ duties. I vehemently disagree with this idea, and I will present arguments from both parental and institutional perspectives to support my viewpoint.

To begin with, educational institutions should not be held responsible for their students’ misbehaviors. Firstly, addressing a series of misbehaviors and teaching children not to behave inappropriately requires a significant amount of effort and time, which a small group of teachers cannot afford. Given the fact that the number of students far exceeds that of educators in a typical school, it would be impossible for teachers to simultaneously provide precise academic knowledge and carefully guide them on how to behave appropriately.

Secondly, teachers are often perceived as less powerful and influential than parents in the eyes of children. Therefore, if a child misbehaves, it will be much more difficult for the teacher to prevent them from repeating the same action in the future compared to the child’s parents. For example, in Vietnam, while there are many regulations that forbid educators to penalize students behaving wrongly, hindering the school’s correction of those children, parents can administer more effective penalties without accusation.

In addition, regarding family upbringing, parents must be the ones who cultivate benevolent and well-behaved individuals. Before reaching school age, children mostly spend time with their mothers and fathers, consistently emulating adult behavior, contributing significantly to the children’s characteristics in the future. Hence, it is the responsibility of parents to mold their infants’ character during that period.

Furthermore, parents understand their sons or daughters better than teachers, enabling them to adopt a more suitable and efficient approach to correct misbehavior in youngsters. For instance, whereas detention is virtually the only punishment that teachers can give to a student, parents can tailor the penalties according to the children’s personalities. For example, if a child who has behaved badly is slightly rebellious and stubborn, parents, knowing their child, may choose to gently advise or indicate that their actions were not righteous instead of directly yelling at them, which could make the situation worse.

In conclusion, due to the limited authority of teachers over children and the deep influence that every parent has on their kids, I once again reaffirm my position that showing students how to behave nicely is not at all the duty of teachers but the parents.

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