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It was predicted that with the development of technology, people would have more free time in the 21st century. To what extent do you think the prediction has come true?

It was predicted that with the development of technology, people would have more free time in the 21st century. To what extent do you think the prediction has come true?

In the era of globalization and advanced technology, the majority of tasks are now handled by modern gadgets and machines. The substantial growth of cutting-edge technology led to the anticipation that human busyness would decrease significantly in the 21st century. I believe this prediction is not merely speculative, and in this essay, I will outline some reasons why.
Certainly, the integration of modern technology allows for considerable time savings in both work and daily life. Within households, the prevalence of electric appliances facilitates various housework activities. Rather than dedicating extensive hours to tasks like laundry or dishwashing, individuals can simply place dirty clothes or dishes into the washing machine or dishwasher, press a button, and utilize their time for rest or exercise while the machine operates. Similarly, in factories, the widespread use of automated machinery and production lines has liberated workers from labor-intensive tasks.
However, it is evident that many individuals today find themselves more occupied and stressed than previous generations. Firstly, technology has blurred the boundaries between work and personal life. Since most work can be conducted on computers and smartphones, many people continue working even after returning home or during their vacations. Secondly, the fear of being replaced by machines places employees under high pressure, leaving them with little time to relax or unwind. The introduction of human-like service robots in restaurants, for instance, may lead to reduced job opportunities for servers.
The rapid development of technology has indeed contributed significantly to time savings. Nevertheless, for some, the prevalence of modern gadgets has resulted in increased busyness or even job loss. Therefore, it is essential not only to establish clear boundaries between working and private time but also to enhance our knowledge and capabilities to avoid being disadvantaged by machines and robots.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Rather than dedicating extensive hours" -> "Instead of dedicating substantial time"
    Explanation: Replacing "extensive hours" with "substantial time" maintains a formal tone and enhances precision in describing the amount of time spent on tasks.

  2. "operate on computers and smartphones" -> "be conducted using computers and smartphones"
    Explanation: Substituting "operate on" with "be conducted using" improves the formality of the expression, aligning it with academic language.

  3. "places employees under high pressure" -> "puts employees under significant pressure"
    Explanation: Changing "under high pressure" to "under significant pressure" provides a more formal and precise description of the stress experienced by employees.

  4. "may lead to reduced job opportunities" -> "could result in diminished employment prospects"
    Explanation: The alteration from "may lead to reduced job opportunities" to "could result in diminished employment prospects" enhances formality and clarity in expressing potential consequences of introducing service robots.

  5. "has indeed contributed significantly to time savings" -> "has indeed significantly contributed to time savings"
    Explanation: Rearranging the words in the sentence for better flow, placing "significantly" closer to "contributed" improves the structure while maintaining formality.

  6. "it is essential not only to establish clear boundaries" -> "it is essential to establish clear boundaries"
    Explanation: Removing "not only" simplifies the sentence without compromising meaning, aligning it more closely with a formal academic style.

  7. "enhance our knowledge and capabilities" -> "enhance our skills and competencies"
    Explanation: Substituting "knowledge and capabilities" with "skills and competencies" provides a more specific and formal expression in the context of adapting to technological advancements.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses the different aspects of the prompt. It discusses both the anticipated increase in free time due to technology and the contrasting reality of increased busyness. Relevant sections include the acknowledgment of time-saving aspects of technology and the recognition of the negative consequences, such as blurred work-life boundaries and job-related stress.
    • How to improve: To enhance completeness, consider providing more explicit examples of how technology was expected to create more free time. Additionally, ensure that the analysis of the negative consequences is sufficiently detailed.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position by acknowledging the positive impact of technology on time savings while also recognizing the negative implications, ultimately advocating for the establishment of clear boundaries and skill enhancement.
    • How to improve: To further strengthen the clarity of the position, explicitly state the viewpoint in the introduction and conclusion. This can help readers quickly grasp the essay’s stance.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents ideas, particularly regarding the positive aspects of technology in saving time. Examples such as automated household appliances and machinery in factories support these ideas. However, the negative consequences are not as elaborately developed.
    • How to improve: Provide more nuanced examples and detailed explanations of the negative consequences. Elaborate on how technology blurs work-life boundaries and the psychological impact of the fear of job loss.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic, discussing the impact of technology on free time as predicted in the prompt. However, it briefly touches on the fear of job loss, which, while relevant, should be more directly tied to the main theme.
    • How to improve: Ensure that all points directly connect to the central theme of free time and technology. If discussing job loss, explicitly link it to the reduction of free time rather than as a separate concern.

In summary, the essay effectively addresses the prompt but could benefit from more explicit examples, a clearer statement of the position, and a more detailed exploration of the negative consequences of technology on free time. Additionally, maintaining a tighter focus on the main theme would enhance the overall cohesion of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, opening with an introduction that introduces the prediction and the writer’s stance. It proceeds to discuss the impacts of technology on time management, providing examples of time-saving devices and the consequent effects on individuals. The conclusion offers a concise summary and a call to action. However, there’s a slight imbalance in the depth of exploration between the positive and negative impacts, affecting the essay’s overall balance.
    • How to improve: To enhance the logical flow, ensure both positive and negative impacts receive similar attention. This will provide a more balanced argument and a comprehensive view of the topic.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively, each delineating a different aspect of the argument. Clear topic sentences initiate each paragraph, aiding in the organization and coherence of ideas. However, the second paragraph could be further subdivided to focus separately on household tasks and factory work, creating a more nuanced discussion.
    • How to improve: Consider breaking down the second paragraph into two distinct ones, each focusing on household tasks and factory work separately. This will allow for a more detailed exploration of the impacts in these areas.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: Cohesive devices like transition words ("However," "Similarly," "Firstly," "Secondly") effectively guide the reader through different points of the argument. There’s also consistent use of referencing words ("this prediction," "these individuals," "these machines") to link ideas throughout the essay.
    • How to improve: Introduce a wider variety of cohesive devices, including synonyms or alternate phrases for transition words. This will add depth and sophistication to the essay’s coherence.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong command of organizing ideas logically and using cohesive devices. To improve, focus on balancing the exploration of positive and negative impacts, refine paragraph structures for more nuanced discussions, and diversify cohesive devices for added sophistication.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary. It effectively employs diverse and sophisticated language, contributing to the overall richness of expression. For instance, terms such as "cutting-edge technology," "prevalence of electric appliances," and "labor-intensive tasks" showcase a nuanced vocabulary.
    • How to improve: To further enhance vocabulary usage, consider incorporating more advanced and domain-specific terminology, especially when discussing the implications of technology. For example, instead of using the broad term "modern gadgets," consider specifying the types of gadgets, such as artificial intelligence devices or automation tools.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary precisely. Specific terms are employed to convey ideas accurately. However, there are instances where words could be more exact. For example, the phrase "considerable time savings" could be replaced with a more precise term like "significant time efficiency."
    • How to improve: Aim for precision by choosing words that precisely convey your intended meaning. In instances where a more precise term is available, such as replacing general words like "considerable" with specific descriptors, incorporate them for clearer communication.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a high level of spelling accuracy. There are no noticeable spelling errors, indicating a strong command of written English.
    • How to improve: Maintain this high standard by continuing to proofread carefully. Additionally, consider expanding your vocabulary further to encounter new words, reinforcing correct spelling through increased exposure to diverse lexical choices.

Overall, the essay exhibits an advanced level of lexical resource, with varied vocabulary and precise language usage. To further improve, focus on incorporating more specialized terms and refining precision where possible. Additionally, continue to maintain the exemplary spelling accuracy demonstrated in this essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. Simple, compound, and complex sentences are effectively utilized throughout. For example, the essay begins with a complex sentence ("In the era of globalization and advanced technology…") and maintains this diversity consistently. This contributes to the overall coherence and engagement of the writing.
    • How to improve: To further enrich the essay’s linguistic complexity, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures within paragraphs. Additionally, varying the length of sentences can add nuance and rhythm to the prose.
  • Use Grammar Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The grammatical accuracy in the essay is generally sound. Complex sentences are handled with precision, and grammatical errors are infrequent. For instance, the phrase "the integration of modern technology allows for considerable time savings" is grammatically correct. However, a minor issue arises in the sentence "Rather than dedicating extensive hours to tasks like laundry or dishwashing," where a parallel structure could be enhanced by using "laundry or washing dishes" for consistency.
    • How to improve: Pay attention to parallel structure to ensure uniformity in sentence construction. Regularly reviewing complex sentence structures will further refine grammatical accuracy.
  • Use Correct Punctuation:

    • Detailed explanation: Punctuation is generally accurate, contributing to the clarity of the essay. Commas, periods, and semicolons are appropriately used. For example, "The rapid development of technology has indeed contributed significantly to time savings. Nevertheless, for some…" effectively employs punctuation to convey distinct ideas.
    • How to improve: While the essay demonstrates proficiency in basic punctuation, consider integrating more advanced punctuation marks, such as em dashes or colons, to add sophistication. Additionally, ensure consistent use of punctuation across all sentences for a polished effect. For instance, in the sentence "Similarly, in factories, the widespread use of automated machinery and production lines has liberated workers from labor-intensive tasks," a comma after "factories" may enhance clarity.

Overall, this essay showcases a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, with minor areas for improvement. The writer’s adept use of sentence structures and punctuation contributes to the overall effectiveness of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the age of globalization and advanced technology, most tasks are now handled by modern gadgets and machines. The expectation was that human busyness would significantly decrease in the 21st century due to the substantial growth of cutting-edge technology. I believe this prediction is not merely speculative, and in this essay, I will outline some reasons why.

Certainly, the integration of modern technology allows for considerable time savings in both work and daily life. Within households, the prevalence of electric appliances facilitates various housework activities. Instead of dedicating substantial time to tasks like laundry or dishwashing, individuals can simply place dirty clothes or dishes into the washing machine or dishwasher, press a button, and use their time for rest or exercise while the machine operates. Similarly, in factories, the widespread use of automated machinery and production lines has liberated workers from labor-intensive tasks.

However, it is evident that many individuals today find themselves more occupied and stressed than previous generations. Firstly, technology has blurred the boundaries between work and personal life. Since most work can be conducted using computers and smartphones, many people continue working even after returning home or during their vacations. Secondly, the fear of being replaced by machines puts employees under significant pressure, leaving them with little time to relax or unwind. The introduction of human-like service robots in restaurants, for instance, could result in diminished employment prospects for servers.

The rapid development of technology has indeed significantly contributed to time savings. Nevertheless, for some, the prevalence of modern gadgets has resulted in increased busyness or even job loss. Therefore, it is essential not only to establish clear boundaries between working and private time but also to enhance our skills and competencies to avoid being disadvantaged by machines and robots.

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