ITraffic and housing problems could be solved by moving large companies, factories and their employees to the country side. Do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, the debate on whether relocating enterprises and their workers to rural areas could alleviate traffic and housing concerns in urban areas has sparked considerable debate, with differing opinions on the matter. Personally, I partly agree with this view. I will elaborate on my reasons in the following paragraphs.
One compelling reason to agree with relocating factories to rural areas is the potential to take advantage of spaces offered. With lower population density, rural areas facilitate for enterprises using spaces ,thus mitigating strain placed on infrastructure and housing in the cities. Additionally, with lower population due to those establishing in the countryside means that people engage in transportation are diminished. This would lead to decreased volume of vehicles, which cause traffic congestion and incidents in the cities.
On the other hand, it is essential to recognize that there are detrimental consequences brought when this approach is implemented. First and foremost, relocating enterprises and their employees could be a financial burden. The company have to build new infrastructure and facilities to adapt a new environment, which requires substantial financial resources. For example, the company need to build newly air filtration system therefore avoid emissions from harming the environment and ecology in the countrysid. Secondly, moving employees to the countryside could disrupt the daily lives of rural individuals. Daily routines of people from two opposite positions potentially many result in cultural clashes, conflicts such as social interactions, work habits. Requiring city dwellers integrate themeselves into new society and vice versa.
In conclusion, while moving enterprises and their employees to the countryside could mitigate the housing and traffic issues, it is equally imporant to acknowledge the consequences it may bring to rural areas. In my opinion, the government should implement other approaches that not only solve the problems in the cities but also do not harm rural areas.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In recent years" -> "In recent times"
Explanation: "In recent times" is a more formal and precise temporal reference, enhancing the academic tone of the essay.
"relocating enterprises and their workers" -> "transferring businesses and their personnel"
Explanation: "Transferring" is a more formal term than "relocating" in this context, and "personnel" is a more precise term than "workers" in an academic setting.
"could alleviate traffic and housing concerns" -> "could mitigate traffic congestion and housing shortages"
Explanation: "Mitigate" is more specific and academically appropriate than "alleviate" in this context, and "congestion" and "shortages" provide clearer, more precise descriptions of the issues.
"facilitate for enterprises using spaces" -> "facilitate the use of spaces by enterprises"
Explanation: "Facilitate the use of spaces by enterprises" is grammatically correct and clearer, avoiding the awkward and incorrect "facilitate for enterprises using spaces."
"people engage in transportation are diminished" -> "the number of people commuting is reduced"
Explanation: "The number of people commuting is reduced" is more precise and grammatically correct than the awkward and unclear "people engage in transportation are diminished."
"which cause traffic congestion and incidents" -> "which leads to traffic congestion and accidents"
Explanation: "Leads to" is more direct and formal than "cause," and "accidents" is a more specific term than "incidents" in this context, aligning better with formal writing standards.
"The company have to build" -> "The company must build"
Explanation: "Must" is more formal and appropriate than "have to" in academic writing, and it is grammatically correct in this context.
"newly air filtration system" -> "new air filtration systems"
Explanation: "New air filtration systems" is grammatically correct and clearer than "newly air filtration system," which is awkward and incorrect.
"therefore avoid emissions from harming the environment and ecology in the countrysid" -> "thereby avoiding emissions that harm the environment and ecology in the countryside"
Explanation: "Thereby avoiding" is more formal and precise than "therefore avoid," and "that harm" is grammatically correct and clearer than "from harming."
"moving employees to the countryside could disrupt" -> "the relocation of employees to the countryside could disrupt"
Explanation: "The relocation of employees" is a more formal and precise phrase than "moving employees," enhancing the academic tone.
"Daily routines of people from two opposite positions potentially many result in" -> "The daily routines of individuals from different backgrounds may lead to"
Explanation: "May lead to" is more formal and precise than "potentially many result in," and "individuals from different backgrounds" is clearer and more appropriate than "people from two opposite positions."
"Requiring city dwellers integrate themeselves into new society" -> "requiring urban residents to integrate themselves into the new society"
Explanation: "Urban residents" is more specific and formal than "city dwellers," and "to integrate themselves" is grammatically correct and more formal than "integrate themeselves."
"do not harm rural areas" -> "do not negatively impact rural areas"
Explanation: "Negatively impact" is a more precise and formal term than "harm," which is somewhat vague and informal for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the potential benefits and drawbacks of relocating companies and their employees to rural areas. The author presents a balanced view, indicating partial agreement with the idea. However, the response could be more comprehensive in addressing the nuances of the argument. For instance, while the benefits of reduced traffic and housing strain are mentioned, the discussion on the negative impacts could be expanded to include more specific examples or counterarguments.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that each aspect of the prompt is thoroughly explored. This could involve providing more detailed examples of how moving companies could specifically alleviate traffic and housing issues, as well as elaborating on the negative consequences, such as the impact on rural economies and community dynamics.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay conveys a clear position of partial agreement, but this stance could be more consistently reinforced throughout the text. The introduction states the author’s viewpoint, yet the body paragraphs sometimes stray into discussing the negative aspects without clearly linking them back to the central argument. For example, the transition between discussing the benefits and drawbacks could be smoother to maintain clarity about the author’s overall position.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should use signposting language to guide the reader through the argument. Phrases like "While this is a benefit, it is also important to consider…" can help clarify how each point relates to the overall stance. Additionally, reiterating the main position in the conclusion can reinforce the argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to the topic, such as the benefits of reduced population density and the financial burdens of relocation. However, some ideas are not fully developed or supported with sufficient evidence. For instance, the mention of cultural clashes is a valid point but lacks specific examples or elaboration on how these clashes might manifest in real-life scenarios.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the writer should aim to extend and support each idea with relevant examples, statistics, or real-world implications. This could involve citing studies on the effects of urbanization or providing hypothetical scenarios that illustrate the potential outcomes of relocating companies.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay remains focused on the topic, discussing the implications of relocating companies to rural areas. However, there are moments where the discussion could veer off slightly, particularly in the exploration of cultural clashes, which, while relevant, could be more tightly linked to the main argument about traffic and housing issues.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central question of whether relocating companies would effectively address traffic and housing problems. This can be achieved by consistently linking each idea back to the main argument and avoiding tangential discussions that do not directly support the thesis.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents a balanced view. To improve the score, the writer should work on expanding their arguments, providing more specific examples, and ensuring that their position is consistently clear throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both sides of the argument, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively outlines the writer’s stance and previews the main points. However, the logical flow between ideas could be enhanced. For instance, the transition from the benefits of relocating to the drawbacks could be smoother. The argument about the benefits of rural relocation is somewhat overshadowed by the subsequent focus on the negative aspects, which could confuse readers about the writer’s primary position.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer could use clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate back to the thesis statement. Additionally, employing transitional phrases such as "Conversely" or "On the contrary" could help signal shifts in argument and clarify the relationship between contrasting ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for readability. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, which aids in understanding. However, the second body paragraph could be further divided to distinguish between the financial implications and the social consequences of relocating companies. This would allow for a more focused discussion on each point.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, the writer should ensure that each paragraph contains a single clear idea or theme. For example, the second body paragraph could be split into two separate paragraphs: one addressing the financial burdens and the other discussing the social implications of relocation. This would enhance clarity and allow for a more thorough exploration of each point.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "first and foremost," "for example," and "on the other hand." These phrases help to connect ideas and guide the reader through the argument. However, there are instances where the use of cohesive devices is repetitive or lacks variety, which can detract from the overall fluidity of the essay. For instance, the phrase "relocating enterprises and their employees" is used multiple times without variation.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeating "relocating enterprises," synonyms like "transferring businesses" or "shifting companies" could be used. Additionally, varying the structure of sentences and using more complex cohesive devices, such as "In light of this" or "Consequently," can enhance the overall cohesion of the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents a coherent argument, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the variety of cohesive devices would elevate the overall quality and coherence of the writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "alleviate," "detrimental consequences," and "financial burden." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "relocating enterprises" and "rural areas," which appear multiple times without variation. The use of phrases such as "take advantage of spaces offered" is somewhat vague and could be expressed more precisely.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or related terms to avoid repetition. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "rural areas," you could use "countryside," "outlying regions," or "less populated areas." Additionally, phrases like "utilize available land" could replace "take advantage of spaces offered" for clarity.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "facilitate for enterprises using spaces," which is awkward and unclear. The phrase "people engage in transportation are diminished" is also imprecise; it would be clearer to say "the need for transportation is reduced." Furthermore, "the company need to build newly air filtration system" contains grammatical errors and awkward phrasing.
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys your intended meaning. For example, instead of "facilitate for enterprises using spaces," you might say "allow enterprises to utilize available space." Additionally, ensure subject-verb agreement and proper article usage, such as "the company needs to build a new air filtration system."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "imporant" (important), "countrysid" (countryside), and "themeselves" (themselves). These errors can detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After completing the essay, take a break and then review it with fresh eyes, focusing specifically on spelling. Additionally, using spell-check tools and maintaining a list of commonly misspelled words can help reinforce correct spelling in future writing.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, enhancing vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy will contribute to a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "One compelling reason to agree with relocating factories to rural areas is the potential to take advantage of spaces offered" show an attempt to use varied structures. However, the essay predominantly relies on simpler constructions, which limits the overall complexity and sophistication. For example, the sentence "This would lead to decreased volume of vehicles, which cause traffic congestion and incidents in the cities" could be improved by varying the structure or using more complex clauses.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex sentences and varying sentence beginnings. Using introductory phrases, subordinate clauses, and different conjunctions can help create more dynamic and engaging writing. For instance, instead of starting multiple sentences with "Additionally" or "On the other hand," the writer could use transitions like "Furthermore," "In contrast," or "Moreover" to introduce new ideas.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from clarity and coherence. For example, in the phrase "facilitate for enterprises using spaces," the preposition "for" is unnecessary and incorrect. Additionally, the sentence "the company have to build new infrastructure" should use "the company has" to agree in number. Punctuation errors, such as missing commas in complex sentences, also occur, which can lead to confusion. For instance, "the company need to build newly air filtration system therefore avoid emissions from harming the environment" lacks necessary punctuation and clarity.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, ensuring that singular subjects are matched with singular verbs and plural subjects with plural verbs. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, particularly for complex sentences, will help clarify meaning. The writer could benefit from proofreading their work to catch these errors. Practicing with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on sentence structure and punctuation can also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable attempt at varied sentence structures and grammatical accuracy, there are notable areas for improvement. By diversifying sentence structures and focusing on grammatical precision, the writer can enhance the clarity and effectiveness of their writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

One compelling reason to agree with relocating factories to rural areas is the potential to take advantage of the spaces offered. With lower population density, rural areas facilitate the use of spaces by enterprises, thus mitigating the strain placed on infrastructure and housing in the cities. Additionally, with a lower population due to those establishing themselves in the countryside, the number of people commuting is reduced. This would lead to a decreased volume of vehicles, which causes traffic congestion and incidents in the cities.

On the other hand, it is essential to recognize that there are detrimental consequences brought about when this approach is implemented. First and foremost, relocating enterprises and their employees could be a financial burden. The company has to build new infrastructure and facilities to adapt to a new environment, which requires substantial financial resources. For example, the company needs to build a new air filtration system to avoid emissions from harming the environment and ecology in the countryside. Secondly, moving employees to the countryside could disrupt the daily lives of rural individuals. The daily routines of people from two opposite positions could potentially result in cultural clashes and conflicts, such as in social interactions and work habits. This would require city dwellers to integrate themselves into a new society and vice versa.

In conclusion, while moving enterprises and their employees to the countryside could mitigate housing and traffic issues, it is equally important to acknowledge the consequences it may bring to rural areas. In my opinion, the government should implement other approaches that not only solve the problems in the cities but also do not harm rural areas.