IT’S GENERALLY BELIEVED THAT SUCCESS IN FIELDS SUCH AS ART AND SPORT CAN ONLY BE ACHIEVED IF A PERSON HAS NATURAL TALENT. HOWEVER, IT’S SOMETIMES CLAIMED THAT ANY CHILD CAN BE TAUGHT TO BECOME A GOOD SPORTS PERSON OR ARTIST. DISCUSS BOTH THESE VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OPINION.

People's opinions differ on whether children need natural talent to be successful in art and sport. This essay will delve into both perspectives and present arguments supporting each viewpoint before offering a balanced opinion.

Gifted children have a greater ability to achieve success in such fields as art and sport. Commonly, talented kids are born by talented parents, so they are brought up in a suitable environment for their passion. For example, composer Mozart, one of the most famous artists admired by people globally, has a violist father and a pianeer mother. His parents were the ones who instructed and assessed him from the early beginning. Moreover, geniuses have the ability to learn, process, and remember information faster. So, it was not only his parents' help but also his dedication that accounted for his outstanding achievements. Mozart once admitted that all his childhood had been devoted to lyrics and rhythm.

In addition, some people believe that every child, whether born with talent or not, is still capable of becoming an artist and athlete. A case in point is the singer Michael Jackson. Only by training vocals and dance consistently did he debut in his 20s and become one of the most famous singers of the 20th century. His story illustrated that normal kids, even without being innate genius, can be successful in art and sport. Instead of wasting time complaining about not being talented, they have to practice continuously.

In conclusion, I strongly believe that any child can be taught to become a sportsperson or artist. As a result, it is undeniable that natural talent is crucial, but genius children, if they want to become true artists or athletes, still have to be hardworking and persistently nurture their skills.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"People’s opinions differ" -> "Opinions vary"
Explanation: Simplifying "People’s opinions differ" to "Opinions vary" maintains the intended meaning while adopting a more concise and formal academic tone.
"delve into both perspectives" -> "examine both perspectives"
Explanation: "Delve into" can be seen as slightly informal and vague in academic writing. "Examine" is more precise and commonly used in scholarly contexts.
"Commonly, talented kids are born by talented parents" -> "Typically, children with talent are born to talented parents"
Explanation: "Commonly" is somewhat informal and imprecise; "typically" is more appropriate for academic writing. Also, "talented kids" is informal; "children with talent" is more formal and precise.
"pianeer" -> "pianist"
Explanation: "Pianeer" is a typographical error and should be corrected to "pianist."
"instructed and assessed him from the early beginning" -> "instructed and evaluated him from an early age"
Explanation: "From the early beginning" is awkward and unclear. "From an early age" is more natural and precise.
"geniuses have the ability to learn, process, and remember information faster" -> "geniuses possess enhanced abilities in learning, processing, and retaining information"
Explanation: "Have the ability to" is redundant; "possess enhanced abilities" is more concise and academically formal. Also, "remember" is replaced with "retaining" for a more formal tone.
"Mozart once admitted that all his childhood had been devoted to lyrics and rhythm" -> "Mozart acknowledged that his entire childhood was dedicated to music"
Explanation: "All his childhood had been devoted to lyrics and rhythm" is awkward and imprecise. "His entire childhood was dedicated to music" is clearer and more formal.
"Only by training vocals and dance consistently did he debut in his 20s" -> "Through consistent vocal and dance training, he debuted in his 20s"
Explanation: "Only by training vocals and dance consistently" is a bit informal and awkwardly phrased. "Through consistent vocal and dance training" is more fluid and formal.
"normal kids, even without being innate genius, can be successful" -> "ordinary children, even without innate talent, can achieve success"
Explanation: "Normal kids" is informal and vague; "ordinary children" is more precise and formal. "Innate genius" is redundant; "innate talent" is sufficient.
"Instead of wasting time complaining about not being talented" -> "Rather than wasting time lamenting their lack of talent"
Explanation: "Complaining about not being talented" is informal and slightly negative. "Lamenting their lack of talent" is more formal and less negative.
"it is undeniable that natural talent is crucial" -> "it is undeniable that natural talent is essential"
Explanation: "Crucial" is somewhat informal in this context; "essential" is more commonly used in academic discussions about necessity.
"genius children, if they want to become true artists or athletes, still have to be hardworking and persistently nurture their skills" -> "children with innate talent, if they aspire to become accomplished artists or athletes, must still cultivate their skills diligently"
Explanation: "Genius children" is informal and imprecise; "children with innate talent" is more specific. "Hardworking and persistently nurture" is replaced with "cultivate diligently" for a more formal tone and precise meaning.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding the necessity of natural talent in achieving success in art and sport. The first body paragraph discusses the perspective that natural talent is essential, using the example of Mozart to illustrate how a gifted background can contribute to success. The second body paragraph counters this view by presenting the argument that with dedication and training, anyone can succeed, exemplified by Michael Jackson’s rise to fame. However, while both perspectives are discussed, the essay could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the nuances between the two views, such as the potential interplay between talent and hard work.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could include a more detailed exploration of how talent and training might interact, perhaps by discussing scenarios where talent may provide an initial advantage but hard work is necessary for sustained success. This could involve adding a sentence or two that explicitly connects the two viewpoints, illustrating that both elements can coexist in the journey to success.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that any child can be taught to succeed in art and sport, as stated in the conclusion. The position is consistently supported throughout the essay, particularly in the final paragraph where the author reiterates their belief. However, the essay’s structure could be improved by ensuring that the position is not only stated in the conclusion but also subtly reinforced in the body paragraphs.
- How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, the writer could include transitional phrases that remind the reader of their stance after discussing each viewpoint. For instance, after presenting the argument for natural talent, a sentence could be added to transition back to the belief in the potential for success through hard work, reinforcing the overall argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas clearly, with each paragraph focusing on a specific viewpoint. The examples of Mozart and Michael Jackson serve to support the arguments effectively. However, the development of these ideas could be more robust. For instance, while the examples are relevant, the analysis of how these examples support the arguments could be deeper. The essay mentions that Mozart’s achievements were due to both talent and hard work but does not explore how this duality plays a role in the broader context of success.
- How to improve: To enhance the support for ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate more on the implications of the examples provided. This could involve discussing how the training and dedication of Michael Jackson not only led to his success but also how it serves as a model for others. Additionally, integrating more examples or statistical data could further substantiate the claims made.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay stays largely on topic, addressing the prompt directly and discussing both views as well as the author’s opinion. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharpened. For instance, the mention of Mozart’s background, while relevant, could be more tightly linked to the argument about how talent influences success rather than just detailing his upbringing.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every example directly ties back to the central argument. This could be achieved by explicitly linking each example to the thesis statement and ensuring that each point made contributes to the overall discussion of talent versus training. A brief reminder of the essay’s main argument at the beginning of each paragraph could help keep the discussion on track.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, it can be improved by deepening the analysis of examples, reinforcing the position throughout, and ensuring that all points made are tightly connected to the central thesis.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the differing opinions on the necessity of natural talent for success in art and sport. Each body paragraph addresses one perspective, with the first discussing the advantages of natural talent and the second countering with the argument that dedication and training can lead to success. The conclusion effectively summarizes the author’s stance, reinforcing the idea that while talent is beneficial, hard work is essential. However, the transition between the two perspectives could be smoother, as the connection between the arguments is somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the two viewpoints. For example, after discussing the advantages of natural talent, a phrase like "On the other hand" or "Conversely" could help signal the shift to the opposing viewpoint. Additionally, integrating a sentence that briefly acknowledges the limitations of each perspective before diving into the next could create a more cohesive argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific viewpoint. The introduction and conclusion are clearly defined, and the body paragraphs are structured to present arguments logically. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from a clearer topic sentence that explicitly states the main idea before providing supporting evidence.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph begins with a strong topic sentence that encapsulates the main argument of that section. For instance, the second body paragraph could start with a sentence like, "Contrary to the belief that talent is essential, many argue that with sufficient training, any child can excel in art and sport." This would provide a clearer framework for the reader to understand the argument being presented.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "for example," "in addition," and "as a result," which help to link ideas and provide clarity. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded to include more varied connectors and referencing techniques. For instance, the use of pronouns and synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas could enhance cohesion further.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "moreover," "in contrast," and "on the contrary." Additionally, using pronouns effectively can help avoid repetition and create smoother transitions. For example, instead of repeating "talented children," you could use "they" or "these individuals" in subsequent references. This not only improves cohesion but also makes the writing more engaging.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion, making the arguments more compelling and easier for the reader to follow.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "gifted," "achieve success," and "dedication." However, the vocabulary used is somewhat repetitive and lacks variety. For instance, the phrase "natural talent" appears multiple times without synonyms or related terms to enhance the richness of the language. Additionally, phrases like "normal kids" could be replaced with more sophisticated alternatives such as "children without innate talent."
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related expressions. For example, instead of repeating "talent," they could use "aptitude," "skill," or "natural ability." Engaging with a thesaurus or practicing with vocabulary exercises related to art and sports could help diversify word choice.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While some vocabulary is used correctly, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the term "pianeer" is incorrect; the intended word is "pianist." Additionally, the phrase "normal kids" is vague and could be interpreted in various ways, potentially leading to misunderstandings about the intended meaning. The use of "genius children" could also be refined, as it may imply a narrow definition of intelligence.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should carefully proofread their work and consider the context of the words they choose. Utilizing more specific terms, such as "children without innate talent" instead of "normal kids," can clarify meaning. Furthermore, employing resources like dictionaries or educational websites can help ensure correct usage of terms.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains spelling errors that detract from the overall quality. The word "pianeer" is a misspelling of "pianist," and "assessed" might be better replaced with "guided" in this context. Such errors can undermine the credibility of the argument and distract the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice and utilize spell-check tools when drafting essays. Additionally, reading extensively can help reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts. Keeping a personal list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them can also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of lexical resource, there are clear areas for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By actively expanding their vocabulary, ensuring precise word choice, and practicing spelling, the writer can enhance their overall performance in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like "Gifted children have a greater ability to achieve success in such fields as art and sport," which effectively conveys a clear idea. However, there are instances where the sentence structures could be more varied to enhance the flow and engagement of the essay. For instance, the sentence "His parents were the ones who instructed and assessed him from the early beginning" could be rephrased for variety, such as "From an early age, his parents played a crucial role in instructing and assessing him."
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases, such as "In addition to this," or "Conversely," to transition between ideas. Additionally, using a mix of active and passive voice can enrich the writing. For example, instead of saying "talented kids are born by talented parents," you could say "talented parents often give rise to gifted children," which adds complexity and variation.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with most sentences being clear and understandable. However, there are some grammatical errors and awkward phrases that detract from the overall quality. For instance, the phrase "has a violist father and a pianeer mother" contains a spelling error ("pianeer" should be "pianist") and could be more clearly stated as "has a father who is a violist and a mother who is a pianist." Additionally, the phrase "all his childhood had been devoted to lyrics and rhythm" could be improved for clarity and tense consistency, as it suggests a past continuous action that may not be necessary.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for spelling and grammatical errors. Paying attention to subject-verb agreement and verb tenses will also help. For example, ensure that all verbs are in the correct tense to maintain consistency throughout the essay. Practicing with grammar exercises focused on common pitfalls, such as articles and prepositions, can also be beneficial. Additionally, using punctuation effectively, such as commas to separate clauses, will improve the readability of the essay. For instance, in the sentence "Instead of wasting time complaining about not being talented, they have to practice continuously," a comma before "they" could clarify the sentence structure.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve greater clarity and sophistication, potentially raising the band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

People’s opinions vary on whether children need natural talent to be successful in art and sport. This essay will examine both perspectives and present arguments supporting each viewpoint before offering a balanced opinion.

Gifted children typically have a greater ability to achieve success in fields such as art and sport. Commonly, talented kids are born to talented parents, so they are brought up in a suitable environment for their passion. For example, composer Mozart, one of the most famous artists admired by people globally, had a violist father and a pianist mother. His parents were the ones who instructed and evaluated him from an early age. Moreover, geniuses possess enhanced abilities in learning, processing, and retaining information. So, it was not only his parents’ help but also his dedication that accounted for his outstanding achievements. Mozart once admitted that his entire childhood had been devoted to music.

In addition, some people believe that every child, whether born with talent or not, is still capable of becoming an artist or athlete. A case in point is the singer Michael Jackson. Only through consistent vocal and dance training did he debut in his 20s and become one of the most famous singers of the 20th century. His story illustrates that ordinary children, even without innate talent, can achieve success in art and sport. Rather than wasting time lamenting their lack of talent, they must practice continuously.

In conclusion, I strongly believe that any child can be taught to become a sportsperson or artist. As a result, it is undeniable that natural talent is essential, but children with innate talent, if they aspire to become accomplished artists or athletes, must still cultivate their skills diligently.