‘It’s very difficult for children to understand the difference between right and wrong behaviour.’ What do you think?

‘It’s very difficult for children to understand the difference between right and wrong behaviour.’

What do you think?

Right and Wrong at the first glance can be judged that they are different from each other but in fact these two states offset one another. For children, they have learned about right and wrong through their parents, their grandparents, their friends or many of stories if they have been told by their mom. At the age from seven to thirteen, a child can talk with other people because their curious or they want to learn more about their daily life. Children do not too young to know about their behaviour, some of them think that they are not old enough so they are mischievious or bad behaviour. It goes without ssaying that, one child, regardless of his age or sex, still very clever and obident if their self-image has been mold by their parents. Education in school is also very important because it affects directly to children's behaviour. Last but not least, besides love and overprotect, let's understanding a child and always teach them many stories about behaviour

---

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Right and Wrong at the first glance" -> "Right and Wrong at first glance"
   Explanation: Removing the definite article "the" before "first glance" corrects the grammatical error and aligns with the formal academic style.

2. "offset one another" -> "complement each other"
   Explanation: "Complement each other" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "offset one another," which can imply a negative or opposing relationship.

3. "they have learned about right and wrong through their parents, their grandparents, their friends or many of stories if they have been told by their mom" -> "they learn about right and wrong from their parents, grandparents, friends, and stories shared by their mothers"
   Explanation: This revision clarifies the structure and removes the informal "many of stories" to "stories shared," which is more precise and formal. Also, "their mothers" is more appropriate than "their mom" for formal writing.

4. "At the age from seven to thirteen" -> "between the ages of seven and thirteen"
   Explanation: "Between the ages of seven and thirteen" is a more formal and precise way to express the age range.

5. "a child can talk with other people because their curious or they want to learn more about their daily life" -> "children can converse with others due to their curiosity or desire to learn about their daily lives"
   Explanation: "Converse with others" and "daily lives" are more formal and precise than "talk with other people" and "daily life." Additionally, "due to their curiosity or desire" is clearer and more formal than "because their curious or they want to learn."

6. "Children do not too young to know about their behaviour" -> "Children are not too young to understand their behavior"
   Explanation: "Are not too young to understand their behavior" corrects the grammatical error and uses "understand" which is more appropriate than "know" in this context.

7. "some of them think that they are not old enough so they are mischievious or bad behaviour" -> "some believe they are not yet mature enough, exhibiting mischievous or bad behavior"
   Explanation: "Believe they are not yet mature enough, exhibiting mischievous or bad behavior" corrects the grammatical structure and uses more precise and formal language.

8. "It goes without ssaying that" -> "It is evident that"
   Explanation: "It is evident that" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "It goes without saying that," which is colloquial.

9. "one child, regardless of his age or sex, still very clever and obident if their self-image has been mold by their parents" -> "one child, regardless of age or sex, remains very intelligent and obedient if their self-image has been shaped by their parents"
   Explanation: "Remains very intelligent and obedient" corrects the spelling of "obident" and "mold" to "shaped," and uses "intelligent" and "obedient" which are more formal and precise terms.

10. "Education in school is also very important because it affects directly to children’s behaviour" -> "School education is also crucial as it directly impacts children’s behavior"
    Explanation: "Crucial" is more formal than "very important," and "impacts" is more precise than "affects directly to," which is grammatically incorrect.

11. "Last but not least, besides love and overprotect, let’s understanding a child and always teach them many stories about behaviour" -> "Furthermore, in addition to love and protection, it is essential to understand a child and consistently teach them about behavior"
    Explanation: "Furthermore" is a more formal transition than "Last but not least," and "it is essential to understand" and "consistently teach them about behavior" are more precise and formal than "let’s understanding a child and always teach them many stories about behaviour."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt regarding children’s understanding of right and wrong but lacks depth and clarity. The initial statement suggests a philosophical view on right and wrong, but it does not directly engage with the question of whether children find it difficult to understand these concepts. The discussion about parental influence and education is relevant, but it is not sufficiently developed to fully answer the question. For example, the essay mentions that children learn about right and wrong through various sources but does not elaborate on how this learning process occurs or the challenges children face in understanding these concepts.
  • How to improve: To better address all parts of the question, the essay should clearly state a position on whether children find it difficult to understand right and wrong. This could be achieved by providing specific examples or scenarios that illustrate the complexities children face in moral development. Additionally, the writer should ensure that each paragraph directly relates back to the prompt.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay lacks a clear and consistent position on the topic. While it touches on the idea that children can learn about right and wrong, it does not firmly establish whether this learning is easy or difficult for them. Phrases like "some of them think that they are not old enough" introduce ambiguity, making it hard for the reader to grasp the writer’s stance. The essay’s conclusion also fails to reinforce a clear position, leaving the reader uncertain about the writer’s viewpoint.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should explicitly state their viewpoint in the introduction and restate it in the conclusion. Each paragraph should support this central argument, using clear topic sentences and cohesive transitions to guide the reader through the writer’s reasoning.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas regarding the influence of parents and education on children’s understanding of right and wrong. However, these ideas are not well-developed or supported with sufficient detail. For instance, the mention of "stories told by their mom" lacks specific examples or explanations of how these stories help children discern right from wrong. Additionally, the essay contains several grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, which detract from the clarity and effectiveness of the arguments presented.
  • How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with concrete examples and explanations. This could include discussing specific stories or lessons that illustrate moral concepts. Improving grammatical accuracy and sentence structure will also help in conveying ideas more effectively.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic but occasionally deviates into vague statements that do not directly relate to the prompt. For example, the phrase "let’s understanding a child" is unclear and does not contribute meaningfully to the discussion of children’s understanding of right and wrong. Additionally, the mention of "overprotect" is not well-explained and seems out of place in the context of the essay.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every sentence contributes directly to answering the prompt. Avoiding vague or unrelated statements will help keep the essay on track. A clear outline before writing can assist in organizing thoughts and ensuring relevance throughout the essay.

Overall, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the writer should focus on clearly answering the prompt, establishing a consistent position, developing ideas with specific examples, and maintaining relevance throughout the text. Additionally, addressing grammatical issues will enhance the overall clarity and coherence of the writing.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 5

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas that touch on the influence of parents, peers, and education on children’s understanding of right and wrong. However, the organization of these ideas lacks a clear logical progression. For instance, the transition from discussing parental influence to the role of education is abrupt and does not effectively guide the reader through the argument. Additionally, the introduction does not clearly state the writer’s position on the prompt, which can confuse the reader about the main argument being presented.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should start with a clear thesis statement that outlines their perspective on the difficulty children face in discerning right from wrong. Following this, each paragraph should focus on a single idea, introduced with a topic sentence. For example, the first paragraph could discuss parental influence, the second could address peer influence, and the third could elaborate on educational impact. Clear transitions between these sections will help the reader follow the argument more easily.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay lacks clear paragraphing, which makes it difficult to identify distinct sections of thought. The ideas are presented in a single block of text, leading to a confusing reading experience. Each point about children’s understanding of right and wrong is jumbled together without clear separation, making it challenging for the reader to digest the information.
  • How to improve: The writer should separate their ideas into distinct paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect of the discussion. For example, one paragraph could focus on how parents influence children’s moral understanding, while another could discuss the role of peers. Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence and be followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on the idea. This structure will enhance readability and coherence.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates limited use of cohesive devices, which are essential for connecting ideas and guiding the reader through the argument. Phrases like "last but not least" are present, but there is a lack of variety and sophistication in the cohesive devices used. The transitions between sentences and ideas are often abrupt, which disrupts the flow of the essay.
  • How to improve: To improve the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "however," and "consequently." These devices can help establish relationships between ideas and improve the overall flow of the essay. Practicing the use of these devices in different contexts will also help the writer become more comfortable with their application.

In summary, to achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion, the writer should focus on organizing their ideas logically, using clear paragraphing, and employing a variety of cohesive devices to enhance the flow of their argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but it lacks variety and sophistication. Phrases like "right and wrong," "learned about right and wrong," and "very important" are repeated, which limits the lexical diversity. Additionally, terms such as "mischievous" and "obidient" are used, but their impact is diminished due to the overall simplicity of the language.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "right and wrong," consider using "ethical and unethical" or "appropriate and inappropriate." Expanding the vocabulary to include more descriptive adjectives and adverbs can also enrich the essay.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "these two states offset one another," which is unclear in the context of discussing moral understanding. The phrase "let’s understanding a child" is grammatically incorrect and lacks clarity. Additionally, "their curious" should be "their curiosity," indicating a misunderstanding of noun forms.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys the intended meaning. For example, instead of "offset one another," a clearer phrase could be "are often contrasted." Furthermore, reviewing grammatical structures and ensuring that nouns and verbs are used correctly will enhance clarity.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "obident" (should be "obedient"), "mischievious" (should be "mischievous"), and "ssaying" (should be "saying"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse readers.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice, possibly using flashcards or spelling apps. Additionally, proofreading the essay multiple times before submission can help catch these errors. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can also aid in identifying misspellings.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary, it requires improvements in range, precision, and spelling to achieve a higher band score. Focusing on these areas will greatly enhance the quality of the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, lacking the complexity that could enhance the argument. For example, phrases like "Right and Wrong at the first glance can be judged that they are different from each other" and "Education in school is also very important because it affects directly to children’s behaviour" reflect a basic structure. There is an attempt to use complex sentences, but they often lack clarity and coherence, such as "Children do not too young to know about their behaviour."
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of saying "Children do not too young to know about their behaviour," a more effective structure could be "Although children may feel too young to understand their behavior, they are capable of learning right from wrong." Additionally, using varied sentence beginnings and integrating different grammatical forms (e.g., conditional sentences, passive voice) can enhance the overall quality of writing.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, "do not too young" is incorrect; it should be "are not too young." The phrase "let’s understanding a child" is also grammatically incorrect; it should be "let’s understand a child." Punctuation errors include missing commas and periods, which affect the flow of the essay. For instance, "At the age from seven to thirteen, a child can talk with other people because their curious or they want to learn more about their daily life" lacks clarity due to awkward phrasing and incorrect word forms.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of verb forms. Practicing sentence correction exercises can help identify common mistakes. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, especially regarding comma usage in complex sentences, will enhance clarity. Reading more academic essays can provide examples of correct grammar and punctuation in context, which can be beneficial for learning.

Overall, to achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their grammatical range and ensuring accuracy in their writing. Regular practice and feedback will be essential in this process.

Bài sửa mẫu

Right and wrong, at first glance, can be seen as distinctly different from one another; however, in reality, these two concepts complement each other. Children learn about right and wrong from their parents, grandparents, friends, and the stories shared by their mothers. Between the ages of seven and thirteen, a child can converse with others due to their curiosity or desire to learn about their daily lives. Children are not too young to understand their behavior; some believe they are not yet mature enough, which can lead to mischievous or bad behavior. It is evident that one child, regardless of age or sex, remains very intelligent and obedient if their self-image has been shaped positively by their parents. School education is also crucial, as it directly impacts children’s behavior. Furthermore, in addition to love and protection, it is essential to understand a child and consistently teach them about appropriate behavior through various stories.