Large companies are using sports events to promote their products. Some people think it has a negative impact on sports. Do you agree or disagree?

Large companies are using sports events to promote their products. Some people think it has a negative impact on sports. Do you agree or disagree?

Sponsoring sporting events has become a fertile ground for advertisements, leading many individuals to believe that this would have positive effects on sports. From my perspective, I strongly disagree with this statement.

There are many reasons why people put belief in the power of sponsorship. Firstly, huge investments can cover the planning costs, leading to more accessible competitions for sports lovers. International-acclaimed sporting competitions cannot be organized and operated without sponsorship as they require high-quality facilities and large expenses on advertising. Therefore, if they do not get any sponsorship, they will have to increase the ticket price, which may possibly drive fans away. Secondly, athletes will not face hindrances because of financial worries, thus helping them to have more time to practice and focus on the games. Furthermore, athletes will receive satisfying remuneration, thereby upgrading their living standards thanks to money from sponsorship.

Notwithstanding the benefits of investments from large businesses in sporting events, I am of the opinion that this would cause many unpredictable consequences. To be more specific, advertising from tobacco,alcohol or junk food enterprises can affect the well-being of athletes as well as audiences. For example, Budweiser, a beverage brand, has invested a lot in many sporting events in order to increase their brand awareness and reach potential consumers despite much research on the consequences of alconor, especially for athletes. Furthermore, excessive commercials during the competitions can cause many audiences to be uncomfortable, which may possibly decrease not only the quality of the events but also the experiences of the attendants.

In conclusion, although sponsorship on sporting events for advertising can bring about some advantages for the athletes and the competitions, I strongly uphold my view as the negative impact of this can affect a grander scale of individuals.

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Errors and Improvements:

1. "Sponsoring sporting events has become a fertile ground for advertisements" -> "Sponsoring sporting events has emerged as a prolific arena for advertisements"
   Explanation: Replacing "fertile ground" with "prolific arena" maintains the metaphorical intent while employing more formal and precise language suitable for an academic context.

2. "leading many individuals to believe" -> "leading numerous individuals to posit"
   Explanation: Replacing "believe" with "posit" enhances the formality of the statement, fitting the academic tone of the essay.

3. "I strongly disagree" -> "I firmly dissent"
   Explanation: Replacing "strongly disagree" with "firmly dissent" offers a more formal expression of opposition, aligning better with academic writing standards.

4. "people put belief in" -> "individuals place confidence in"
   Explanation: Replacing "put belief in" with "place confidence in" refines the expression, making it more formal and appropriate for an academic essay.

5. "huge investments can cover" -> "substantial investments can offset"
   Explanation: Replacing "cover" with "offset" provides a more precise term that enhances the formal tone of the essay.

6. "sports lovers" -> "sports enthusiasts"
   Explanation: Replacing "lovers" with "enthusiasts" employs a more formal term that is commonly used in academic discussions related to sports.

7. "athletes will not face hindrances" -> "athletes will not encounter obstacles"
   Explanation: Replacing "hindrances" with "obstacles" uses a more formal and academically appropriate term.

8. "satisfying remuneration" -> "adequate remuneration"
   Explanation: Replacing "satisfying" with "adequate" offers a more objective and formal description of the compensation athletes receive.

9. "unpredictable consequences" -> "unforeseen consequences"
   Explanation: Replacing "unpredictable" with "unforeseen" provides a term that is more commonly used in academic discourse to describe not anticipated outcomes.

10. "tobacco,alcohol or junk food enterprises" -> "tobacco, alcohol, or unhealthy food enterprises"
    Explanation: Adding a space after the comma for correct punctuation, and replacing "junk food" with "unhealthy food" employs a more formal and precise term.

11. "affect the well-being of athletes as well as audiences" -> "compromise the well-being of athletes and audiences alike"
    Explanation: Replacing "affect" with "compromise" and rephrasing the latter part enhances the formality and clarity of the impact described.

12. "excessive commercials during the competitions" -> "excessive advertising during the competitions"
    Explanation: Replacing "commercials" with "advertising" uses a more formal term that encompasses a broader range of advertising methods.

13. "cause many audiences to be uncomfortable" -> "render many spectators uncomfortable"
    Explanation: Replacing "cause…to be uncomfortable" with "render…uncomfortable" uses a more formal and precise verb, improving the academic tone.

14. "a grander scale of individuals" -> "a broader spectrum of individuals"
    Explanation: Replacing "a grander scale" with "a broader spectrum" employs a more precise and formal term that enhances the academic quality of the conclusion.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all aspects of the prompt by discussing both the perceived benefits and drawbacks of companies sponsoring sports events to promote their products. It acknowledges the potential advantages such as increased accessibility to competitions and financial support for athletes while also delving into the negative consequences like the influence of unhealthy products and excessive advertising.
  • How to improve: While the essay covers both sides of the argument, it could further strengthen its response by providing more nuanced examples and expanding on the potential long-term implications of corporate sponsorship on sports integrity and fan experience.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout by explicitly stating disagreement with the idea that sponsoring sports events for advertisement has positive effects. This stance is consistently supported and reiterated throughout the essay.
  • How to improve: To enhance clarity, it would be beneficial to reinforce the position with more robust reasoning and evidence, perhaps by addressing counterarguments and providing deeper analysis of the negative impacts.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas in a structured manner, with clear topic sentences introducing each main point. It extends these ideas by providing examples and explanations, such as the effects of sponsorship on event accessibility and athlete well-being.
  • How to improve: To further develop ideas, the essay could incorporate additional evidence, statistics, or expert opinions to bolster its arguments and provide a more comprehensive analysis of the topic.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic by focusing on the relationship between corporate sponsorship and its impact on sports, without significant deviation. However, there are instances where tangential points are introduced, such as the mention of research on the consequences of alcohol for athletes.
  • How to improve: To maintain a tighter focus on the topic, it’s advisable to avoid introducing tangential issues unless directly relevant to the main argument. Instead, the essay should prioritize discussing the specific implications of corporate sponsorship on sports as outlined in the prompt.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and maintains a clear stance, there is room for improvement in providing more nuanced analysis, strengthening arguments with additional evidence, and maintaining a tighter focus on the topic. These enhancements can further elevate the coherence and depth of the essay, potentially leading to a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

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Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

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• Organize Information Logically:
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• Organize Information Logically:
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• Organize Information Logically:
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• Organize Information Logically:
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• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpointBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
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• Organize Information Logically:
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• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essayBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
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• Organize Information Logically:
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• Organize Information Logically:
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• Organize Information Logically:
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• Organize Information Logically:
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• Organize Information Logically:
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• Organize Information Logically:
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• Organize Information Logically:
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• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restatesBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
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• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates theBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introductionBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stanceBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction setsBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. HoweverBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets upBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However,Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument againstBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, thereBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statementBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there areBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by bodyBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are momentsBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphsBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideasBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discussBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could beBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons forBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother.Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for bothBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. ForBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sidesBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instanceBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides ofBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance,Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of theBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, theBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argumentBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transitionBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
    Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition betweenBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
    Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between theBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
    –Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first andBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • HowBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion**: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and secondBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How toBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion**: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second bodyBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improveBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion**: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphsBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve:Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs couldBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: ToBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could beBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhanceBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improvedBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logicalBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved forBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organizationBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for betterBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization,Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherenceBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, considerBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
    Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refiningBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
    Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitionsBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
    –Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions betweenBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improveBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion**: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphsBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve:Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs toBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: ToBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flowBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhanceBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow ofBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logicalBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideasBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organizationBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas.Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization,Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. AlsoBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphsBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focusesBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs.Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses onBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. ConsiderBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on aBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitionalBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a singleBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrasesBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single mainBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases orBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main ideaBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentencesBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoidBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guideBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potentialBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from oneBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusionBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one ideaBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea toBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
• Organize Information Logically:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

–Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to theBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• **Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the nextBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• UseBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion**: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next.Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use ParagraphBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion**: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. AdditionallyBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use ParagraphsBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion**: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally,Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:
  Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensureBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:
  Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure eachBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:
  –Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focusesBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • **Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses onBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanationBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion**: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a singleBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: TheBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single mainBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizesBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea andBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphsBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progressesBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectivelyBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses fromBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively toBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from oneBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure itsBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to theBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content.Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the nextBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraphBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.
    –Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addressesBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• **Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses aBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• UseBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion**: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specificBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use ParagraphsBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion**: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of theBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:
  Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argumentBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:
  Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument,Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:
  –Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarityBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • **Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity andBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanationBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion**: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherenceBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation:Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence.Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: TheBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. TheBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essayBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introducesBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay isBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces theBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured intoBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topicBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphsBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic andBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs,Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writerBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with eachBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’sBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraphBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance,Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressingBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followedBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing aBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed byBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspectBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by bodyBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect ofBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphsBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of theBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs thatBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argumentBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that presentBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument.Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supportingBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. HoweverBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting argumentsBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However,Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examplesBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, thereBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusionBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are someBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizesBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues withBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes theBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraphBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the mainBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structureBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main pointsBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure andBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points andBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesionBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion.Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirmsBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instanceBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writerBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance,Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’sBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the secondBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s positionBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second bodyBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
    Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraphBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
    Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph couldBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
    –Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could beBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • HowBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion**: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be furtherBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How toBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion**: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developedBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improveBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion**: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depthBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve:Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth toBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to theBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphingBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argumentBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing,Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presentedBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, considerBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented.Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varyingBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally,Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentenceBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, thereBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structuresBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there isBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures withinBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is aBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs toBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lackBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintainBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variationBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain readerBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation inBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagementBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation in paragraphBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement.Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation in paragraph lengthBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally,Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation in paragraph length, whichBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensureBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation in paragraph length, which couldBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure thatBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation in paragraph length, which could affectBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that eachBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation in paragraph length, which could affect theBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph hasBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation in paragraph length, which could affect the overallBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has aBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation in paragraph length, which could affect the overall readability ofBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topicBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation in paragraph length, which could affect the overall readability of the essayBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence thatBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation in paragraph length, which could affect the overall readability of the essay.
    Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation in paragraph length, which could affect the overall readability of the essay.
    –Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulatesBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation in paragraph length, which could affect the overall readability of the essay.
  • **Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates itsBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation in paragraph length, which could affect the overall readability of the essay.
  • HowBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion**: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates its mainBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation in paragraph length, which could affect the overall readability of the essay.
  • How toBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion**: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates its main ideaBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation in paragraph length, which could affect the overall readability of the essay.
  • How to improveBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion**: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates its main idea,Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation in paragraph length, which could affect the overall readability of the essay.
  • How to improve:Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates its main idea, followedBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation in paragraph length, which could affect the overall readability of the essay.
  • How to improve: FocusBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates its main idea, followed by supportingBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation in paragraph length, which could affect the overall readability of the essay.
  • How to improve: Focus on developingBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates its main idea, followed by supporting detailsBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation in paragraph length, which could affect the overall readability of the essay.
  • How to improve: Focus on developing eachBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates its main idea, followed by supporting details andBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation in paragraph length, which could affect the overall readability of the essay.
  • How to improve: Focus on developing each paragraph fullyBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates its main idea, followed by supporting details and examples to strengthenBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation in paragraph length, which could affect the overall readability of the essay.
  • How to improve: Focus on developing each paragraph fully byBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates its main idea, followed by supporting details and examples to strengthen theBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation in paragraph length, which could affect the overall readability of the essay.
  • How to improve: Focus on developing each paragraph fully by providingBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates its main idea, followed by supporting details and examples to strengthen the argumentBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation in paragraph length, which could affect the overall readability of the essay.
  • How to improve: Focus on developing each paragraph fully by providing sufficientBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates its main idea, followed by supporting details and examples to strengthen the argument.

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation in paragraph length, which could affect the overall readability of the essay.
  • How to improve: Focus on developing each paragraph fully by providing sufficient explanation andBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates its main idea, followed by supporting details and examples to strengthen the argument.

• **Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation in paragraph length, which could affect the overall readability of the essay.
  • How to improve: Focus on developing each paragraph fully by providing sufficient explanation and supporting evidenceBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates its main idea, followed by supporting details and examples to strengthen the argument.

• UseBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion**: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation in paragraph length, which could affect the overall readability of the essay.
  • How to improve: Focus on developing each paragraph fully by providing sufficient explanation and supporting evidence forBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates its main idea, followed by supporting details and examples to strengthen the argument.

• Use aBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion**: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation in paragraph length, which could affect the overall readability of the essay.
  • How to improve: Focus on developing each paragraph fully by providing sufficient explanation and supporting evidence for theBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates its main idea, followed by supporting details and examples to strengthen the argument.

• Use a RangeBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion**: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation in paragraph length, which could affect the overall readability of the essay.
  • How to improve: Focus on developing each paragraph fully by providing sufficient explanation and supporting evidence for the mainBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates its main idea, followed by supporting details and examples to strengthen the argument.

• Use a Range of CohBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion**: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation in paragraph length, which could affect the overall readability of the essay.
  • How to improve: Focus on developing each paragraph fully by providing sufficient explanation and supporting evidence for the main points.Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates its main idea, followed by supporting details and examples to strengthen the argument.

• Use a Range of CohesBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion**: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation in paragraph length, which could affect the overall readability of the essay.
  • How to improve: Focus on developing each paragraph fully by providing sufficient explanation and supporting evidence for the main points. VBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates its main idea, followed by supporting details and examples to strengthen the argument.

• Use a Range of CohesiveBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion**: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation in paragraph length, which could affect the overall readability of the essay.
  • How to improve: Focus on developing each paragraph fully by providing sufficient explanation and supporting evidence for the main points. VaryBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates its main idea, followed by supporting details and examples to strengthen the argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive DevicesBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion**: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation in paragraph length, which could affect the overall readability of the essay.
  • How to improve: Focus on developing each paragraph fully by providing sufficient explanation and supporting evidence for the main points. Vary paragraphBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates its main idea, followed by supporting details and examples to strengthen the argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation in paragraph length, which could affect the overall readability of the essay.
  • How to improve: Focus on developing each paragraph fully by providing sufficient explanation and supporting evidence for the main points. Vary paragraph lengthBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates its main idea, followed by supporting details and examples to strengthen the argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
  Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation in paragraph length, which could affect the overall readability of the essay.
  • How to improve: Focus on developing each paragraph fully by providing sufficient explanation and supporting evidence for the main points. Vary paragraph length toBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates its main idea, followed by supporting details and examples to strengthen the argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
  Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation in paragraph length, which could affect the overall readability of the essay.
  • How to improve: Focus on developing each paragraph fully by providing sufficient explanation and supporting evidence for the main points. Vary paragraph length to maintainBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates its main idea, followed by supporting details and examples to strengthen the argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
  –Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation in paragraph length, which could affect the overall readability of the essay.
  • How to improve: Focus on developing each paragraph fully by providing sufficient explanation and supporting evidence for the main points. Vary paragraph length to maintain readerBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates its main idea, followed by supporting details and examples to strengthen the argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • **Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation in paragraph length, which could affect the overall readability of the essay.
  • How to improve: Focus on developing each paragraph fully by providing sufficient explanation and supporting evidence for the main points. Vary paragraph length to maintain reader interestBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates its main idea, followed by supporting details and examples to strengthen the argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • DetailedBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion**: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation in paragraph length, which could affect the overall readability of the essay.
  • How to improve: Focus on developing each paragraph fully by providing sufficient explanation and supporting evidence for the main points. Vary paragraph length to maintain reader interest andBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates its main idea, followed by supporting details and examples to strengthen the argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation:Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation in paragraph length, which could affect the overall readability of the essay.
  • How to improve: Focus on developing each paragraph fully by providing sufficient explanation and supporting evidence for the main points. Vary paragraph length to maintain reader interest and improveBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates its main idea, followed by supporting details and examples to strengthen the argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: TheBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation in paragraph length, which could affect the overall readability of the essay.
  • How to improve: Focus on developing each paragraph fully by providing sufficient explanation and supporting evidence for the main points. Vary paragraph length to maintain reader interest and improve readabilityBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates its main idea, followed by supporting details and examples to strengthen the argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essayBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation in paragraph length, which could affect the overall readability of the essay.
  • How to improve: Focus on developing each paragraph fully by providing sufficient explanation and supporting evidence for the main points. Vary paragraph length to maintain reader interest and improve readability. ConsiderBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates its main idea, followed by supporting details and examples to strengthen the argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs aBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation in paragraph length, which could affect the overall readability of the essay.
  • How to improve: Focus on developing each paragraph fully by providing sufficient explanation and supporting evidence for the main points. Vary paragraph length to maintain reader interest and improve readability. Consider breakingBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates its main idea, followed by supporting details and examples to strengthen the argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a limitedBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation in paragraph length, which could affect the overall readability of the essay.
  • How to improve: Focus on developing each paragraph fully by providing sufficient explanation and supporting evidence for the main points. Vary paragraph length to maintain reader interest and improve readability. Consider breaking longerBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates its main idea, followed by supporting details and examples to strengthen the argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a limited rangeBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation in paragraph length, which could affect the overall readability of the essay.
  • How to improve: Focus on developing each paragraph fully by providing sufficient explanation and supporting evidence for the main points. Vary paragraph length to maintain reader interest and improve readability. Consider breaking longer paragraphsBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates its main idea, followed by supporting details and examples to strengthen the argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a limited range ofBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation in paragraph length, which could affect the overall readability of the essay.
  • How to improve: Focus on developing each paragraph fully by providing sufficient explanation and supporting evidence for the main points. Vary paragraph length to maintain reader interest and improve readability. Consider breaking longer paragraphs intoBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates its main idea, followed by supporting details and examples to strengthen the argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a limited range of cohesiveBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation in paragraph length, which could affect the overall readability of the essay.
  • How to improve: Focus on developing each paragraph fully by providing sufficient explanation and supporting evidence for the main points. Vary paragraph length to maintain reader interest and improve readability. Consider breaking longer paragraphs into shorter ones toBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates its main idea, followed by supporting details and examples to strengthen the argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a limited range of cohesive devicesBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation in paragraph length, which could affect the overall readability of the essay.
  • How to improve: Focus on developing each paragraph fully by providing sufficient explanation and supporting evidence for the main points. Vary paragraph length to maintain reader interest and improve readability. Consider breaking longer paragraphs into shorter ones to improve clarityBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates its main idea, followed by supporting details and examples to strengthen the argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a limited range of cohesive devices,Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation in paragraph length, which could affect the overall readability of the essay.
  • How to improve: Focus on developing each paragraph fully by providing sufficient explanation and supporting evidence for the main points. Vary paragraph length to maintain reader interest and improve readability. Consider breaking longer paragraphs into shorter ones to improve clarity and organizationBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates its main idea, followed by supporting details and examples to strengthen the argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a limited range of cohesive devices, such asBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation in paragraph length, which could affect the overall readability of the essay.
  • How to improve: Focus on developing each paragraph fully by providing sufficient explanation and supporting evidence for the main points. Vary paragraph length to maintain reader interest and improve readability. Consider breaking longer paragraphs into shorter ones to improve clarity and organization.
    Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates its main idea, followed by supporting details and examples to strengthen the argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a limited range of cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases ("Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation in paragraph length, which could affect the overall readability of the essay.
  • How to improve: Focus on developing each paragraph fully by providing sufficient explanation and supporting evidence for the main points. Vary paragraph length to maintain reader interest and improve readability. Consider breaking longer paragraphs into shorter ones to improve clarity and organization.
    –Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates its main idea, followed by supporting details and examples to strengthen the argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a limited range of cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases ("FirstBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation in paragraph length, which could affect the overall readability of the essay.
  • How to improve: Focus on developing each paragraph fully by providing sufficient explanation and supporting evidence for the main points. Vary paragraph length to maintain reader interest and improve readability. Consider breaking longer paragraphs into shorter ones to improve clarity and organization.

• **Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates its main idea, followed by supporting details and examples to strengthen the argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a limited range of cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases ("FirstlyBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation in paragraph length, which could affect the overall readability of the essay.
  • How to improve: Focus on developing each paragraph fully by providing sufficient explanation and supporting evidence for the main points. Vary paragraph length to maintain reader interest and improve readability. Consider breaking longer paragraphs into shorter ones to improve clarity and organization.

• UseBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion**: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates its main idea, followed by supporting details and examples to strengthen the argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a limited range of cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases ("Firstly," "Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation in paragraph length, which could affect the overall readability of the essay.
  • How to improve: Focus on developing each paragraph fully by providing sufficient explanation and supporting evidence for the main points. Vary paragraph length to maintain reader interest and improve readability. Consider breaking longer paragraphs into shorter ones to improve clarity and organization.

• Use aBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion**: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates its main idea, followed by supporting details and examples to strengthen the argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a limited range of cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases ("Firstly," "SecondBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation in paragraph length, which could affect the overall readability of the essay.
  • How to improve: Focus on developing each paragraph fully by providing sufficient explanation and supporting evidence for the main points. Vary paragraph length to maintain reader interest and improve readability. Consider breaking longer paragraphs into shorter ones to improve clarity and organization.

• Use a Range ofBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion**: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates its main idea, followed by supporting details and examples to strengthen the argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a limited range of cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases ("Firstly," "SecondlyBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation in paragraph length, which could affect the overall readability of the essay.
  • How to improve: Focus on developing each paragraph fully by providing sufficient explanation and supporting evidence for the main points. Vary paragraph length to maintain reader interest and improve readability. Consider breaking longer paragraphs into shorter ones to improve clarity and organization.

• Use a Range of CohBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion**: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates its main idea, followed by supporting details and examples to strengthen the argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a limited range of cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases ("Firstly," "Secondly,"Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation in paragraph length, which could affect the overall readability of the essay.
  • How to improve: Focus on developing each paragraph fully by providing sufficient explanation and supporting evidence for the main points. Vary paragraph length to maintain reader interest and improve readability. Consider breaking longer paragraphs into shorter ones to improve clarity and organization.

• Use a Range of CohesBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion**: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates its main idea, followed by supporting details and examples to strengthen the argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a limited range of cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases ("Firstly," "Secondly," "Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation in paragraph length, which could affect the overall readability of the essay.
  • How to improve: Focus on developing each paragraph fully by providing sufficient explanation and supporting evidence for the main points. Vary paragraph length to maintain reader interest and improve readability. Consider breaking longer paragraphs into shorter ones to improve clarity and organization.

• Use a Range of CohesiveBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion**: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates its main idea, followed by supporting details and examples to strengthen the argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a limited range of cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases ("Firstly," "Secondly," "Furthermore,"Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation in paragraph length, which could affect the overall readability of the essay.
  • How to improve: Focus on developing each paragraph fully by providing sufficient explanation and supporting evidence for the main points. Vary paragraph length to maintain reader interest and improve readability. Consider breaking longer paragraphs into shorter ones to improve clarity and organization.

• Use a Range of Cohesive DevicesBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion**: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates its main idea, followed by supporting details and examples to strengthen the argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a limited range of cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases ("Firstly," "Secondly," "Furthermore," "Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation in paragraph length, which could affect the overall readability of the essay.
  • How to improve: Focus on developing each paragraph fully by providing sufficient explanation and supporting evidence for the main points. Vary paragraph length to maintain reader interest and improve readability. Consider breaking longer paragraphs into shorter ones to improve clarity and organization.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates its main idea, followed by supporting details and examples to strengthen the argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a limited range of cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases ("Firstly," "Secondly," "Furthermore," "InBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation in paragraph length, which could affect the overall readability of the essay.
  • How to improve: Focus on developing each paragraph fully by providing sufficient explanation and supporting evidence for the main points. Vary paragraph length to maintain reader interest and improve readability. Consider breaking longer paragraphs into shorter ones to improve clarity and organization.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
  Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates its main idea, followed by supporting details and examples to strengthen the argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a limited range of cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases ("Firstly," "Secondly," "Furthermore," "In conclusionBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation in paragraph length, which could affect the overall readability of the essay.
  • How to improve: Focus on developing each paragraph fully by providing sufficient explanation and supporting evidence for the main points. Vary paragraph length to maintain reader interest and improve readability. Consider breaking longer paragraphs into shorter ones to improve clarity and organization.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
  Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates its main idea, followed by supporting details and examples to strengthen the argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a limited range of cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases ("Firstly," "Secondly," "Furthermore," "In conclusion")Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation in paragraph length, which could affect the overall readability of the essay.
  • How to improve: Focus on developing each paragraph fully by providing sufficient explanation and supporting evidence for the main points. Vary paragraph length to maintain reader interest and improve readability. Consider breaking longer paragraphs into shorter ones to improve clarity and organization.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
  –Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates its main idea, followed by supporting details and examples to strengthen the argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a limited range of cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases ("Firstly," "Secondly," "Furthermore," "In conclusion") andBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation in paragraph length, which could affect the overall readability of the essay.
  • How to improve: Focus on developing each paragraph fully by providing sufficient explanation and supporting evidence for the main points. Vary paragraph length to maintain reader interest and improve readability. Consider breaking longer paragraphs into shorter ones to improve clarity and organization.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • **Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates its main idea, followed by supporting details and examples to strengthen the argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a limited range of cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases ("Firstly," "Secondly," "Furthermore," "In conclusion") and pronBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation in paragraph length, which could affect the overall readability of the essay.
  • How to improve: Focus on developing each paragraph fully by providing sufficient explanation and supporting evidence for the main points. Vary paragraph length to maintain reader interest and improve readability. Consider breaking longer paragraphs into shorter ones to improve clarity and organization.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • DetailedBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion**: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates its main idea, followed by supporting details and examples to strengthen the argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a limited range of cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases ("Firstly," "Secondly," "Furthermore," "In conclusion") and pronounsBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation in paragraph length, which could affect the overall readability of the essay.
  • How to improve: Focus on developing each paragraph fully by providing sufficient explanation and supporting evidence for the main points. Vary paragraph length to maintain reader interest and improve readability. Consider breaking longer paragraphs into shorter ones to improve clarity and organization.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation:Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates its main idea, followed by supporting details and examples to strengthen the argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a limited range of cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases ("Firstly," "Secondly," "Furthermore," "In conclusion") and pronouns ("thisBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at logical organization, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument against sponsorship of sports events for advertising purposes, followed by two body paragraphs presenting reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly restates the stance taken. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one idea to the next. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure and cohesion. For instance, the second body paragraph could be further developed to provide more depth to the argument presented. Additionally, there is a lack of variation in paragraph length, which could affect the overall readability of the essay.
  • How to improve: Focus on developing each paragraph fully by providing sufficient explanation and supporting evidence for the main points. Vary paragraph length to maintain reader interest and improve readability. Consider breaking longer paragraphs into shorter ones to improve clarity and organization.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essayBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates its main idea, followed by supporting details and examples to strengthen the argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a limited range of cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases ("Firstly," "Secondly," "Furthermore," "In conclusion") and pronouns ("this,"Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates its main idea, followed by supporting details and examples to strengthen the argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a limited range of cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases ("Firstly," "Secondly," "Furthermore," "In conclusion") and pronouns ("this," "Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates its main idea, followed by supporting details and examples to strengthen the argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a limited range of cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases ("Firstly," "Secondly," "Furthermore," "In conclusion") and pronouns ("this," "theyBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates its main idea, followed by supporting details and examples to strengthen the argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a limited range of cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases ("Firstly," "Secondly," "Furthermore," "In conclusion") and pronouns ("this," "they"). suchBand Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It follows a standard essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct point of view and supporting arguments, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument against the statement, followed by body paragraphs that discuss reasons for both sides of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, providing clarity and coherence. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that present supporting arguments and examples. The conclusion summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates its main idea, followed by supporting details and examples to strengthen the argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a limited range of cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases ("Firstly," "Secondly," "Furthermore," "In conclusion") and pronouns ("this," "they"). While these cohesive coherence," " conclusion sophistication**: However there, a in the of devices suchs ( the overall,", "in instances between and be. for will cohesion paragraphs improve and cohesive of to pay stronger to cohesive ideas Incorpor throughout of clarity.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, incorporating diverse terms such as "fertile ground," "acclaimed," "hindrances," "remuneration," and "upgrading." These choices enrich the expression and convey nuanced meanings effectively.
  • How to improve: To further enhance the lexical resource, consider integrating more advanced vocabulary and idiomatic expressions where appropriate. Additionally, ensure the precise usage of complex terms to avoid any ambiguity.
• Use Vocabulary Precisely:
  • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally employs vocabulary effectively, there are instances where precision could be improved. For example, the phrase "excessive commercials" could be refined to specify the nature of the advertisements more precisely. Furthermore, the term "well-being" is somewhat broad and could be replaced with a more specific term to convey the intended meaning more precisely.
  • How to improve: Aim for clarity and specificity in word choice. Utilize terms that precisely capture the intended nuances of meaning. Consider revising phrases to avoid any potential ambiguity or vagueness.
• Use Correct Spelling:
  • Detailed explanation: Overall, the spelling accuracy in the essay is adequate, with no glaring errors observed. However, there are a few instances of misspelled words, such as "alconor" (should be "alcohol") and "attendents" (should be "attendants"). These errors slightly detract from the overall coherence and professionalism of the writing.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spell-checking tools and proofreading thoroughly before finalizing the essay. Pay close attention to commonly misspelled words and ensure consistent application of spelling rules throughout the text. Additionally, expanding your vocabulary can help in recognizing correct spellings and avoiding common mistakes.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a strong grasp of vocabulary and language usage, there is room for improvement in terms of precision and spelling accuracy. By refining word choice for clarity and ensuring meticulous attention to spelling, the essay can further elevate its effectiveness in communicating ideas and arguments convincingly.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For instance, there is effective use of conditional statements ("if they do not get any sponsorship, they will have to increase the ticket price") and relative clauses ("advertising from tobacco, alcohol or junk food enterprises can affect the well-being of athletes as well as audiences"). However, there is room for improvement in introducing more sophisticated structures such as inversion or passive voice constructions to add depth and variety to the writing.
  • How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and complexity, consider incorporating inversion for emphasis ("Not only the quality of the events but also the experiences of the attendants may be decreased by excessive commercials") and employing passive voice constructions where appropriate to vary sentence structures ("Excessive commercials during the competitions can cause discomfort among many audiences").

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates proficient grammar and punctuation usage. However, there are some instances of minor errors and inconsistencies. For example, there are missing articles ("…the consequences of alconor, especially for athletes") and a punctuation error ("…advertising from tobacco, alcohol or junk food enterprises can affect the well-being of athletes as well as audiences."). Additionally, there are a few instances where subject-verb agreement could be improved ("…sponsorship on sporting events for advertising can bring about some advantages").
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to articles and ensure they are used appropriately ("…the consequences of alcohol, especially for athletes"). Review subject-verb agreement to maintain consistency throughout the essay ("…sponsorship on sporting events for advertising can bring about some advantages"). Additionally, carefully proofread for punctuation errors to ensure clarity and coherence in your writing.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a commendable level of grammatical range and accuracy, incorporating more diverse sentence structures and refining grammatical and punctuation accuracy can further elevate the quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Sponsoring sporting events has emerged as a prolific arena for advertisements, leading numerous individuals to posit that this practice positively impacts sports. However, I firmly dissent from this viewpoint.

There are various reasons why individuals place confidence in the power of sponsorship. Firstly, substantial investments can offset planning costs, making competitions more accessible for sports enthusiasts. Without sponsorship, renowned international competitions would struggle to maintain quality facilities and afford necessary advertising. Consequently, without sponsorship, ticket prices might rise, potentially deterring fans. Secondly, athletes will not encounter obstacles due to financial concerns, allowing them to dedicate more time to practice and game focus. Additionally, adequate remuneration ensures athletes’ well-being and enhances their living standards, thanks to sponsorship money.

Despite the perceived benefits of corporate investments in sporting events, I maintain that this practice can lead to unforeseen consequences. Specifically, advertising from tobacco, alcohol, or unhealthy food enterprises compromise the well-being of athletes and audiences alike. For instance, brands like Budweiser invest heavily in sports events to boost brand awareness, despite known health risks associated with alcohol, particularly for athletes. Furthermore, excessive advertising during competitions can render many spectators uncomfortable, diminishing both the event’s quality and attendees’ experiences.

In conclusion, while sponsoring sporting events for advertising purposes may offer advantages for athletes and competitions, I stand by my assertion that the negative impacts can affect a broader spectrum of individuals.