Leaders and directors in an organization are normally older people. Some people think younger leaders would be better. Do you agree or disagree?

In today's competitive job market, there is no denying the commonality of opting for older staff rather than younger in manager recruitment. Despite some view that states otherwise, I firmly believe that older generations play a crucial role in a company's thriving.

To begin with, one prominent reason why I agree with the priority of veterans regarding the director hiring policy is the years of experience. For example, some fields demanding specialized skills like technology, medicine, or computer science often have to require senior directors who not only have in-depth understanding but also practice proficiency. This establishment facilitates the offering of professional training as well as essential support to employees and assists them in executing their professional tasks effectively. As a result, it becomes a core value contributing to the company's success. Additionally, seniority serves as the measure of managerial abilities. To be more specific, it is easy for in-depth insight directors to grasp the employees’ psychology and promote fruitful relationships among colleagues rather than junior or fresher.

On the other hand, older leaders tend to look far ahead with a long-term thorough vision, which is a result of the accumulation of knowledge over many years. For instance, as opposed to superior, the young often face a lack of risk awareness, leading to making either a hasty or emotional decision. This is attributed to the profound detriment of company progress. As a consequence, expert directors are usually appointed to essential posts to manage immense tasks by conglomerates, enabling fostering enterprise development.

In conclusion, based on the aforementioned reasons, I strongly believe that older people act in company growth not only by extending sophistication but by detailed view as well.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"some view that states otherwise" -> "some perspectives that argue otherwise"
Explanation: Replacing "some view that states otherwise" with "some perspectives that argue otherwise" introduces a more formal and nuanced expression, aligning with academic language style.
"priority of veterans regarding the director hiring policy" -> "emphasis on hiring veterans for managerial positions"
Explanation: Substituting "priority of veterans regarding the director hiring policy" with "emphasis on hiring veterans for managerial positions" conveys the idea more succinctly and with a touch of formality, enhancing the sentence structure.
"have to require senior directors" -> "often require senior directors"
Explanation: Changing "have to require senior directors" to "often require senior directors" simplifies the expression while maintaining precision, contributing to a more refined academic tone.
"practice proficiency" -> "practical proficiency"
Explanation: Adjusting "practice proficiency" to "practical proficiency" enhances precision, ensuring a more accurate description of the skills required in the context of technology, medicine, or computer science.
"facilitates the offering of professional training" -> "facilitates the provision of professional training"
Explanation: Substituting "facilitates the offering of professional training" with "facilitates the provision of professional training" results in a more formal and precise phrase, aligning better with academic language.
"managerial abilities" -> "leadership capabilities"
Explanation: Replacing "managerial abilities" with "leadership capabilities" introduces a more sophisticated term, elevating the language while maintaining clarity in the context of senior directors.
"in-depth insight directors" -> "directors with profound insights"
Explanation: Changing "in-depth insight directors" to "directors with profound insights" improves the flow and formality of the sentence, offering a more polished expression.
"promote fruitful relationships" -> "foster productive relationships"
Explanation: Substituting "promote fruitful relationships" with "foster productive relationships" conveys the idea with a slightly more formal tone, aligning better with academic language expectations.
"either a hasty or emotional decision" -> "hasty or impulsive decisions"
Explanation: Adjusting "either a hasty or emotional decision" to "hasty or impulsive decisions" maintains clarity while introducing a more precise term, enhancing the academic quality of the sentence.
"attributed to the profound detriment" -> "leading to significant detriment"
Explanation: Changing "attributed to the profound detriment" to "leading to significant detriment" maintains the meaning while introducing a more academically appropriate term, contributing to the overall formality of the sentence.
"expert directors" -> "seasoned directors"
Explanation: Substituting "expert directors" with "seasoned directors" adds a touch of sophistication to the language without sacrificing clarity, aligning better with formal academic style.
"appointed to essential posts" -> "assigned critical roles"
Explanation: Replacing "appointed to essential posts" with "assigned critical roles" offers a more precise and formal expression, enhancing the overall academic tone of the sentence.
"fostering enterprise development" -> "promoting corporate advancement"
Explanation: Changing "fostering enterprise development" to "promoting corporate advancement" maintains the meaning while introducing a more sophisticated term, enhancing the academic quality of the sentence.
"based on the aforementioned reasons" -> "for the reasons mentioned above"
Explanation: Substituting "based on the aforementioned reasons" with "for the reasons mentioned above" offers a more formal and standard way to refer to previously mentioned points, aligning better with academic writing conventions.
"older people act in company growth" -> "older individuals contribute to company growth"
Explanation: Adjusting "older people act in company growth" to "older individuals contribute to company growth" introduces a more formal and precise term, aligning better with academic language expectations.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Quoted text: "Despite some view that states otherwise, I firmly believe that older generations play a crucial role in a company’s thriving."
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The introduction lacks a clear outline of the main points to be discussed, making the essay’s structure somewhat ambiguous. It would benefit from a concise summary of the forthcoming arguments, aiding in better coherence and guiding the reader through the essay’s progression.
- Improved example: "While there’s a contrasting view, I firmly advocate for the pivotal role older generations play in a company’s success. Throughout this essay, I will explore reasons encompassing their experience, managerial abilities, and long-term vision that substantiate this standpoint."
Quoted text: "To be more specific, it is easy for in-depth insight directors to grasp the employees’ psychology and promote fruitful relationships among colleagues rather than junior or fresher."
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The discussion about older directors understanding employees’ psychology lacks specificity and depth. To enhance this point, consider providing a more detailed illustration or example that demonstrates how an experienced director’s understanding benefits employee relationships, thereby solidifying the argument.
- Improved example: "For instance, seasoned directors, through their extensive experience, can discern nuances in employee behaviors, fostering an environment of trust and collaboration. This insight allows them to mediate conflicts effectively, ensuring a harmonious and productive workplace."
Quoted text: "This is attributed to the profound detriment of company progress."
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The explanation regarding the potential detriment caused by the lack of risk awareness among younger leaders lacks elaboration. Providing a specific instance or scenario where a hasty decision by a younger leader negatively impacted a company’s progress would bolster this argument’s persuasiveness.
- Improved example: "An example of this would be a young leader hastily implementing a new strategy without considering potential risks, resulting in a financial setback for the company. Such instances highlight the critical need for experience in foreseeing potential pitfalls and ensuring sustained growth."

Overall, while the essay presents relevant arguments, it would benefit from greater clarity in introducing the key discussion points and from more vivid and specific examples to substantiate the claims made, especially regarding the advantages of older leaders over younger ones.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of ideas with clear progression throughout. The introduction sets the stage by presenting the topic, and each body paragraph presents a distinct reason supporting the author’s viewpoint. The use of cohesive devices is generally appropriate, with transitional phrases like "To begin with" and "On the other hand" guiding the reader through the essay. The essay effectively presents a central topic within each paragraph, contributing to the overall coherence.

However, there are instances of overuse of certain cohesive devices, such as the repetitive use of "older" and "younger." Additionally, some sentences lack variety in their structure, impacting the flow. While the essay uses paragraphing sufficiently, there’s room for improvement in logical paragraph organization. For instance, the second body paragraph could be more logically positioned after the first, enhancing the overall coherence.

How to improve:

Variety in Sentence Structure: Introduce more sentence structures to enhance overall fluency and coherence.
Avoid Repetition: Find synonyms or rephrase sentences to avoid repetitive use of certain terms.
Enhance Logical Flow: Consider reorganizing paragraphs to create a smoother progression of ideas. In this essay, placing the second body paragraph after the first may improve the overall flow.
Ensure Consistent Use of Cohesive Devices: While cohesive devices are generally used well, be mindful of not overusing certain phrases. Ensure a balanced and varied use of cohesive elements.

Overall, the essay is solid but can benefit from minor adjustments to achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing some flexibility and precision in expression. There is an attempt to use less common lexical items with an awareness of style and collocation. The writer successfully conveys the idea that older leaders bring valuable experience and a long-term vision to organizations. The use of vocabulary related to specialized fields like technology, medicine, and computer science adds depth to the argument. However, there are occasional errors in word choice and collocation, such as "in-depth understanding but also practice proficiency," which could be refined for smoother expression.

How to improve:
To enhance the lexical resource, the writer can focus on refining word choices and ensuring precise collocation. For instance, instead of "practice proficiency," the writer could use "applied expertise." Additionally, attention to minor errors and refining sentence structures can contribute to a more polished and sophisticated use of vocabulary.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and a varied range of sentence structures. There are instances of complex structures, and the majority of sentences are error-free. The essay also maintains good control of grammar and punctuation, with only a few errors. The use of vocabulary is generally appropriate, contributing to overall coherence and cohesion.

How to improve:
While the essay is strong in many aspects, there is room for improvement in a few areas. First, there are instances where the expression could be more precise. For example, in the opening paragraph, the phrase "commonality of opting for older staff rather than younger in manager recruitment" could be refined for clarity. Additionally, attention to word choice and lexical variety can further enhance the overall quality of the writing. Lastly, ensure that all sentences are structurally sound and contribute seamlessly to the coherence of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the contemporary job market, it is a widespread practice to favor the recruitment of older individuals for managerial roles over younger candidates. Despite differing opinions on this matter, I am firmly convinced that the involvement of older generations is pivotal for a company’s success.

Primarily, my support for prioritizing seasoned professionals in directorial positions stems from their extensive experience. Fields requiring specialized expertise, such as technology, medicine, or computer science, often necessitate senior directors who possess not only a profound understanding but also practical proficiency. This foundation facilitates the provision of professional training and crucial support to employees, enabling them to carry out their tasks effectively. Consequently, this becomes a fundamental value contributing to the overall success of the company. Furthermore, seniority serves as a gauge of managerial prowess. To be more specific, seasoned directors find it easier to comprehend the psychology of employees and foster fruitful relationships among colleagues compared to their junior counterparts.

Conversely, older leaders tend to possess a forward-looking, long-term vision, a result of years of accumulated knowledge. In contrast, younger leaders may lack awareness of potential risks, often leading to hasty or emotional decision-making. This can significantly impede company progress. As a result, experienced directors are usually appointed to critical roles by corporations, entrusted with managing substantial tasks and fostering enterprise development.

In conclusion, based on the aforementioned reasons, I strongly believe that older individuals contribute to company growth not only through their sophistication but also through their comprehensive and far-sighted perspective.