Leaders and directors in organizations are often older people. Some people say that younger people could be leaders. Do you agree or disagree?

There is an ongoing debate in recent times regarding the factors for choose leaders and directors in organizations. While some argue that the older people are the most suitable approach, others contend that the young people should be leaders. Although the elderly might be beneficial, I believe that the positive impacts of young generations in responsible for leaders and directors in entrepreneur should not be overlooked.
Certainly, there are several main advantages of the elderly in leaders and directors role. Firstly, elderly people are critical in-depth analysis and evaluation. Through many years of experience in their respective industries, older people will provide numerous valuable insights, deep understanding of industry dynamics, which are significant for solving complex context of multiple business. Secondly, shaping strong network is the most effective leaders of older people. Thanks to spending a long time to dedication in their chosen fields, elderly can interact and build extensive relationships of contacts within their industries. These networks can be invaluable for accessing resources, making deals and navigating challenges organizations.
However, young individuals have substantiable in term of providing fresh perspectives and disciplines. Through accessing with latest global information, individuals can enhance their creative abilities and innovation ideas which leading to attracting with more bargain projects and financial security for organizations. Moreover, younger leaders also can improve co-operation and inclusivity. By interconnectedness and global awareness, they tend to prioritize teamwork and value the contributions of diverse team members. This approach can enhance employee morale and promote a sense of belonging, ultimately lead to greater organizations success.
In conclusion, while older people and young individuals have unique positive effects, I believe that the benefits of older people exceed the benefits of young generation.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"factors for choose leaders" -> "criteria for choosing leaders"
Explanation: The phrase "factors for choose leaders" is grammatically incorrect. Replacing it with "criteria for choosing leaders" corrects the grammar and uses more precise academic vocabulary.
"the older people are the most suitable approach" -> "older individuals represent the most suitable candidates"
Explanation: The original phrase incorrectly treats "the older people" as an "approach". Revising it to "older individuals represent the most suitable candidates" corrects this by specifying that it is the individuals who are candidates, enhancing clarity and formality.
"the young people should be leaders" -> "younger individuals should assume leadership roles"
Explanation: The revised phrase "younger individuals should assume leadership roles" specifies the action expected of the younger people, which is to take on leadership, thus making the language more formal and explicit.
"the positive impacts of young generations in responsible for leaders" -> "the positive contributions of the younger generation in leadership roles"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The revision clarifies the intended meaning and improves grammatical structure while maintaining formality.
"entrepreneur" -> "entrepreneurial sectors"
Explanation: The term "entrepreneur" is incorrectly used as an adjective. Revising it to "entrepreneurial sectors" corrects this misuse and specifies the context more clearly.
"elderly people are critical in-depth analysis" -> "elderly individuals perform critical, in-depth analysis"
Explanation: The original phrase lacks clarity and grammatical coherence. The suggested revision clarifies the role of elderly individuals and improves the sentence structure.
"significant for solving complex context of multiple business" -> "significant for solving complex issues across various businesses"
Explanation: The phrase "complex context of multiple business" is awkward and unclear. The revision provides clarity and enhances formality by using "issues" and "various businesses" instead.
"shaping strong network" -> "forming strong networks"
Explanation: The singular form "network" and the lack of an article make the original phrase grammatically incorrect. The correction uses the plural form and an article to align with standard English grammar.
"spending a long time to dedication" -> "dedicating a long time"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and incorrect. The revision simplifies and corrects this, enhancing both clarity and formality.
"substantiable in term of" -> "substantial in terms of"
Explanation: "Substantiable" is not a standard English word and seems to be a typographical error for "substantial". The correction also adjusts the prepositional phrase for grammatical correctness.
"enhance their creative abilities and innovation ideas" -> "enhance their creative abilities and innovative ideas"
Explanation: The adjective "innovation" is incorrect when describing "ideas"; "innovative" is the correct form, aligning with standard adjective usage.
"attracting with more bargain projects" -> "attracting more economically advantageous projects"
Explanation: The phrase "attracting with more bargain projects" is informal and lacks clarity. The revision uses "economically advantageous" to describe the nature of the projects more precisely and formally.
"younger leaders also can improve" -> "younger leaders can also improve"
Explanation: The placement of "also" in the original disrupts the flow of the sentence. Reordering the words improves readability and maintains a formal tone.
"ultimately lead to greater organizations success" -> "ultimately lead to greater organizational success"
Explanation: The phrase "organizations success" should use the possessive form "organizational" to correctly modify "success", aligning with grammatical rules.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both sides of the argument, acknowledging the advantages of older leaders while also recognizing the merits of younger leaders. It discusses the benefits of experience and network building for older leaders and the fresh perspectives and inclusivity of younger leaders.
- How to improve: While the essay does cover both perspectives, there’s room to further develop the discussion on why younger people could be leaders. Providing more specific examples or studies showcasing successful young leaders could strengthen this aspect.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the benefits of older people as leaders outweigh those of younger individuals. This stance is evident throughout the essay, particularly in the concluding sentence.
- How to improve: To further enhance clarity, consider reiterating the main position in each body paragraph to reinforce the central argument and ensure consistency.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas about the advantages of both older and younger leaders. It extends these ideas by explaining how each group contributes differently to organizations.
- How to improve: To improve, strive for more depth in the discussion. For example, when discussing the advantages of older leaders, provide specific examples or case studies that demonstrate their impact. Similarly, when discussing younger leaders, delve deeper into how their fresh perspectives translate into tangible benefits for organizations.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic by discussing the suitability of older vs. younger leaders in organizations.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the main topic. Avoid tangents or unrelated information that might distract from the central argument.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and effectively discusses the advantages of both older and younger leaders. To improve the score further, consider providing more specific examples, deepening the analysis of each perspective, and maintaining a consistent focus on the central argument throughout the essay. Keep practicing structured essay writing to refine these skills and achieve an even higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organization, with distinct paragraphs addressing different aspects of the topic. However, there are some areas where the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition between discussing the advantages of older leaders to the advantages of younger leaders feels somewhat abrupt. Additionally, the conclusion could be strengthened by summarizing the main points more effectively.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider implementing smoother transitions between paragraphs to create a more cohesive narrative. Ensure that each paragraph flows logically from the previous one and contributes to the overall argument. In the conclusion, restate the main points succinctly to reinforce the argument presented throughout the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas and arguments. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic, which aids readability and clarity. However, there are some areas where paragraph structure could be improved for better coherence.
- How to improve: While the essay employs paragraphs appropriately, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supports that topic cohesively will enhance the structure further. Additionally, revisiting the length of paragraphs to ensure they are balanced and focused could improve readability.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay incorporates some cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases ("firstly," "secondly," "in conclusion"). However, there is limited variety and consistency in their usage, which affects the overall cohesion of the essay. Additionally, there are instances where the connection between ideas could be strengthened through the use of more cohesive devices.
- How to improve: To enhance cohesion, consider incorporating a wider range of cohesive devices, such as pronouns ("these," "those"), conjunctions ("furthermore," "however"), and synonyms to avoid repetition. Ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently throughout the essay to clarify relationships between ideas and improve the overall flow of the argument. Practice using cohesive devices effectively to create smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There is an attempt to use varied vocabulary, but it could be further expanded to enhance lexical diversity. For instance, synonyms or alternative expressions could have been employed to avoid repetition and add depth to the arguments presented.
- Examples such as "ongoing debate" and "factors for choose leaders" demonstrate an attempt at varied vocabulary, but more diverse and nuanced language could be utilized.
- How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, it’s advisable to explore a wider range of vocabulary options. Thesauruses and vocabulary-building exercises could be helpful in identifying alternative words and expressions. Additionally, reading extensively across different topics and genres can expose the writer to new vocabulary, aiding in its incorporation into their writing.
- For instance, instead of repeatedly using "older people" and "young individuals," the writer could employ synonyms such as "senior citizens" and "youth," respectively. Moreover, employing more specialized vocabulary related to leadership, such as "mentoring," "strategic planning," or "organizational development," would enrich the essay’s lexical diversity.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally utilizes vocabulary with moderate precision. However, there are instances of imprecise word choice and awkward phrasing that detract from clarity and effectiveness.
- For example, in the phrase "substantiable in term of providing fresh perspectives and disciplines," "substantiable" seems to be a misspelling or misuse of a word, which impacts the precision of the vocabulary.
- How to improve: To enhance precision in vocabulary usage, it’s recommended to double-check the meanings and contexts of chosen words. Consulting dictionaries or language references can assist in ensuring accurate word usage. Additionally, practicing writing and receiving feedback can help in refining vocabulary precision.
- In this case, replacing "substantiable" with a more precise term like "significant" or "notable" would improve the clarity and accuracy of expression. Moreover, paying attention to idiomatic expressions and collocations can contribute to more natural and precise language use.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate level of spelling accuracy. While most words are spelled correctly, there are instances of misspellings and typographical errors throughout the text.
- Examples such as "responsible for leaders" (instead of "responsible for leadership") and "substantiable" (likely intended as "substantial") indicate areas where spelling accuracy can be improved.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, it’s beneficial to proofread the essay carefully after writing. Utilizing spell-check tools available in word processors can help in identifying and correcting spelling errors. Additionally, actively seeking feedback from peers or mentors can assist in catching overlooked mistakes.
- Developing a habit of reviewing written work systematically, focusing specifically on spelling errors, can contribute to improved accuracy. Moreover, familiarizing oneself with common spelling patterns and rules can serve as a proactive approach to minimizing spelling mistakes in future writing endeavors.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures further to enhance the overall fluency and sophistication of the essay. For instance, there is a tendency towards the repetitive use of simple sentence structures, which could be diversified by incorporating more complex sentences, such as those with subordinate clauses or participial phrases. Additionally, varying the sentence beginnings and lengths can contribute to a smoother flow and engage the reader more effectively.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer can experiment with incorporating complex sentences that include relative clauses, adverbial clauses, or conditional sentences. For example, instead of solely relying on straightforward sentence structures, the writer could integrate sentences like, "While older individuals bring valuable experience to leadership roles, younger generations offer fresh perspectives and innovative ideas." Furthermore, paying attention to sentence beginnings and avoiding repetitive patterns can add sophistication to the writing. Practicing sentence combining exercises and studying diverse sentence structures in published texts can aid in expanding the writer’s repertoire of sentence constructions.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a competent grasp of grammar and punctuation. However, there are instances of grammatical errors and punctuation inaccuracies throughout the essay that slightly detract from the overall clarity and precision of the writing. For example, there are errors in subject-verb agreement ("factors for choose leaders"), article usage ("in responsible for leaders"), and tense consistency ("young individuals have substantiable" should be "young individuals have substantial"). Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas in compound sentences ("Certainly, there are several main advantages of the elderly in leaders and directors role" should be "Certainly, there are several main advantages of the elderly in leaders and directors’ roles") and inconsistent capitalization ("Through accessing with latest global information" should be "By accessing the latest global information").
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement, article usage, and tense consistency. Proofreading the essay carefully after writing and using grammar check tools can help identify and correct such errors. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with common grammatical rules and structures through grammar resources and practice exercises can aid in strengthening grammatical skills. Regarding punctuation accuracy, it is essential to ensure consistent and appropriate use of punctuation marks, including commas, apostrophes, and capitalization. Reviewing punctuation rules and consulting style guides can assist in refining punctuation skills and enhancing overall writing mechanics.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is an ongoing debate in recent times regarding the criteria for choosing leaders and directors in organizations. While some argue that older individuals represent the most suitable candidates, others contend that younger individuals should assume leadership roles. Although the elderly might offer benefits, I believe that the positive contributions of the younger generation in leadership roles should not be overlooked, especially in entrepreneurial sectors.

Certainly, there are several main advantages of elderly individuals in leadership and directorial roles. Firstly, elderly people excel in critical, in-depth analysis and evaluation. Through dedicating a long time to their respective industries, older individuals provide numerous valuable insights and a deep understanding of industry dynamics, which is significant for solving complex issues across various businesses. Secondly, forming strong networks is a forte of older leaders. Thanks to their years of dedication, elderly individuals can interact and build extensive networks of contacts within their industries. These networks can be invaluable for accessing resources, making deals, and navigating organizational challenges.

However, younger individuals bring substantial benefits in terms of providing fresh perspectives and innovative ideas. By staying connected with the latest global information, young leaders can enhance their creative abilities and innovative ideas, attracting more economically advantageous projects and ensuring financial security for organizations. Moreover, younger leaders can also improve cooperation and inclusivity. With their interconnectedness and global awareness, they tend to prioritize teamwork and value the contributions of diverse team members. This approach can enhance employee morale and promote a sense of belonging, ultimately leading to greater organizational success.

In conclusion, while older people and young individuals each have their unique positive effects, I believe that the benefits of younger leaders should not be underestimated, particularly in today’s dynamic business environment.