Levels of youth crime are increasing rapidly in major cities in Viet Nam. What are the reasons for this? Suggest some solutions.

In Viet Nam, the number of youth crime is increasing rapidly in major cities. There are some factors leading to this phenomenon, which requires timely measures to address.

Addmitedly, the increasing levels of youth crimes in major cities in Viet Nam stem from various reasons. One of which is that people in the cities now do not spend enough time taking care of their children. This is because in the cities, the companies ussually request their laborers to perform a lot of corporate duties everyday, which make people unable to allocate enough time to stay with and talk to their children. As a result, children not having enough attention is likely to become unbehavior and lead to their crime. Another cause is that nowaday, it is quite eassy for children to inform the crime. For example, a 10-years-old child in the city can easily find out clips which show many criminal acitvities on the Internet by his smartphone, thus negatively affecting ther mindset and leading to the crime.

Howerver, I believe that the issues which this phenomenon causes can be tackled by following solutions. Firstly, government can impose regulations which prohibit companies from forcing their workers to work overtime. This can help parents have more time to take care of their children, which can reduce the risk of children becoming crime of their children. Secondly, government can pass legal about safty information on the Internet. The legal can help to reduce bad and criminal information on the Internet, which can keep children far from the crime.

In conclusion, there are several causes of the levels of youth crime increasing rapidly. Governments have to take timely measures to overcome the problems which this phenomenon results in.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In Viet Nam" -> "In Vietnam"
Explanation: "Viet Nam" is the official name of the country, but "Vietnam" is the more commonly used and accepted form in English, making it more suitable for formal writing.
"the number of youth crime" -> "the incidence of youth crime"
Explanation: "Incidence" is a more precise term in academic contexts, referring specifically to the frequency or occurrence of a phenomenon, which is more appropriate than the vague "number."
"is increasing rapidly" -> "is escalating rapidly"
Explanation: "Escalating" conveys a sense of rapid increase with a more formal tone, fitting better in an academic context than the more casual "increasing."
"Addmitedly" -> "Admittedly"
Explanation: This is a spelling correction to ensure the word is correctly spelled.
"ussually" -> "usually"
Explanation: Corrects a spelling error to maintain professionalism and accuracy.
"perform a lot of corporate duties everyday" -> "perform numerous corporate duties daily"
Explanation: "Numerous" is more precise than "a lot," and "daily" is more formal than "everyday."
"which make people unable to" -> "which renders people unable to"
Explanation: "Renders" is a more formal verb that enhances the academic tone, indicating a direct effect.
"unbehavior" -> "unbehavioral"
Explanation: "Unbehavioral" is the correct adjective form, necessary for describing the characteristic of behavior.
"nowaday" -> "nowadays"
Explanation: Corrects a spelling error to maintain professionalism and accuracy.
"eassy" -> "easy"
Explanation: Corrects a spelling error to ensure the text is free of typos.
"acitvities" -> "activities"
Explanation: Corrects a spelling error to maintain professionalism and accuracy.
"ther mindset" -> "their mindset"
Explanation: Corrects a possessive pronoun error to ensure grammatical accuracy.
"Howerver" -> "However"
Explanation: Corrects a spelling error to maintain professionalism and accuracy.
"government can impose regulations" -> "governments can impose regulations"
Explanation: Using "governments" instead of "government" pluralizes the subject to reflect the general applicability of the action.
"companies from forcing" -> "companies from forcing their employees"
Explanation: Adds "their employees" to specify the subject of the action, enhancing clarity and formality.
"crime of their children" -> "crime among their children"
Explanation: "Among" is the correct preposition to use when referring to a group within a larger group, improving the grammatical accuracy.
"pass legal about safty" -> "enact legislation regarding safety"
Explanation: "Enact legislation" is a more formal and precise term than "pass legal," and "regarding" is more appropriate than "about" in formal writing.
"can keep children far from the crime" -> "can prevent children from engaging in criminal activities"
Explanation: "Prevent" is a more specific and formal verb than "keep," and "engaging in criminal activities" is a more precise and formal phrase than "the crime."

These changes enhance the academic tone, improve grammatical accuracy, and clarify the meaning of the text.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt by identifying reasons for the increase in youth crime and suggesting solutions. The author mentions parental neglect due to work commitments and the influence of negative online content as causes. Solutions proposed include government regulations on work hours and legal measures to control harmful online information. However, the explanations provided for the causes and solutions could be more detailed and specific. For instance, the discussion on parental neglect could benefit from examples or statistics to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the author should provide more in-depth analysis and examples for each reason and solution. Incorporating specific data or case studies could enhance the credibility of the arguments and demonstrate a thorough understanding of the issues.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position regarding the causes and solutions to youth crime, indicating a belief that both parental involvement and internet safety are crucial factors. However, the transition between discussing causes and solutions could be smoother. The phrase "Howerver, I believe that the issues which this phenomenon causes can be tackled by following solutions" could be more directly linked to the preceding discussion to reinforce the connection between the problems identified and the solutions proposed.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position throughout the essay, the author should use transitional phrases that explicitly connect the causes to the solutions. This could involve summarizing the key points before introducing the solutions, thereby reinforcing the argument and ensuring coherence.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to the causes of youth crime and suggests solutions, but the development of these ideas is somewhat limited. For example, the mention of parental neglect lacks depth, and the explanation of how internet content influences youth behavior is vague. The solutions proposed are relevant but could be elaborated upon to demonstrate their potential effectiveness.
- How to improve: To effectively present, extend, and substantiate ideas, the author should aim to elaborate on each point with more detail. For instance, discussing specific types of parental involvement that could mitigate crime or providing examples of successful government interventions in other contexts would strengthen the arguments. Additionally, using more varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures could enhance the overall quality of the writing.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the reasons for and solutions to youth crime in Viet Nam. However, there are instances of minor digressions, such as the somewhat unclear phrasing in "children not having enough attention is likely to become unbehavior and lead to their crime," which could confuse the reader regarding the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance to the topic, the author should ensure that each sentence directly contributes to the main argument. This can be achieved by revising unclear phrases and ensuring that all points made are directly tied to the central theme of youth crime. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical errors and clarity will help keep the essay on topic and improve overall readability.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, there is room for improvement in depth, clarity, and coherence. By addressing these areas, the author can enhance the overall quality of the essay and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs addressing causes, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing causes to solutions is somewhat abrupt. The first body paragraph discusses the causes of youth crime, but the second body paragraph jumps directly into solutions without a clear transition or summary of the issues raised. This can confuse the reader regarding the relationship between the causes and the proposed solutions.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that clearly indicate the shift from one idea to another. For example, after discussing the causes, you could include a sentence like, "To address these pressing issues, several solutions can be implemented." This would create a smoother transition and reinforce the connection between the problems and the solutions.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate ideas, but the structure within paragraphs could be more refined. Each paragraph should ideally start with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. For example, the first body paragraph could begin with a statement like, "One significant factor contributing to youth crime is the lack of parental supervision due to demanding work schedules." This would clarify the focus of the paragraph from the outset.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence followed by supporting details. Additionally, consider breaking down longer paragraphs into smaller ones if they cover multiple ideas. This will enhance readability and help the reader follow your argument more easily.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "In conclusion," which help to structure the argument. However, there is a limited range of cohesive devices used throughout the essay. For instance, the use of conjunctions and linking phrases could be expanded to create more fluid connections between sentences and ideas. Phrases like "Furthermore," "In addition," and "On the other hand" could be beneficial in elaborating on points or contrasting ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, practice incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately; for example, instead of "which can keep children far from the crime," consider rephrasing to "which can help protect children from exposure to criminal activities." This not only improves cohesion but also enhances clarity.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance the overall coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "youth crime," "phenomenon," "corporate duties," and "criminal activities." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly with phrases like "youth crime" and "cities." Additionally, the use of phrases such as "the issues which this phenomenon causes" lacks variety and could be expressed in more diverse ways.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of repeating "youth crime," alternatives like "juvenile delinquency" or "young offenders" could be used. Additionally, varying sentence structures and using more advanced vocabulary can help elevate the overall lexical resource.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: Some vocabulary choices in the essay are imprecise or incorrect. For example, "unbehavior" is not a standard term in English; the correct term would be "misbehavior." The phrase "children becoming crime of their children" is confusing and unclear, indicating a lack of precision in word choice. Furthermore, "nowaday" should be "nowadays," and "eassy" is a misspelling of "easy."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using established terms and phrases. Consulting a thesaurus or dictionary can help clarify meanings and ensure the correct usage of words. Additionally, proofreading for clarity and correctness can prevent misunderstandings.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "Addmitedly," "ussually," "nowaday," "eassy," "10-years-old," "Howerver," and "safty." These errors detract from the overall readability and professionalism of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should practice spelling common words and terms used in academic writing. Utilizing spell-check tools and proofreading the essay multiple times can help catch these errors before submission. Additionally, creating a list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them regularly can be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary relevant to the topic, improvements in range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource. Focusing on these areas will enhance the clarity and effectiveness of the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple sentences ("In Viet Nam, the number of youth crime is increasing rapidly in major cities.") and compound sentences ("This can help parents have more time to take care of their children, which can reduce the risk of children becoming crime of their children."). However, the overall range is limited, with many sentences following a similar structure, which can lead to a monotonous reading experience. Additionally, there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "children not having enough attention is likely to become unbehavior," which detracts from clarity and effectiveness.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses and varied conjunctions. For example, instead of saying "This is because in the cities, the companies usually request their laborers to perform a lot of corporate duties every day," the writer could say, "Due to the demands placed on employees by companies in urban areas, many parents find themselves unable to dedicate sufficient time to their children." This not only adds complexity but also improves clarity.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect its overall clarity and coherence. For instance, "Addmitedly" is a spelling error, and "ussually" is another misspelling. The phrase "children not having enough attention is likely to become unbehavior" is grammatically incorrect; it should be rephrased to something like "children who do not receive enough attention are likely to exhibit behavioral issues." Additionally, the use of commas is inconsistent, leading to run-on sentences and confusion in some areas, such as in "which can reduce the risk of children becoming crime of their children," where the phrase is awkwardly constructed.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for spelling errors and ensuring that subject-verb agreement is maintained. Practicing sentence restructuring can also help clarify meaning. For punctuation, the writer should review the rules for comma usage, particularly in complex sentences. A good strategy is to read the essay aloud to identify places where pauses are needed, which can help in determining where commas should be placed.

Overall, while the essay addresses the prompt and presents relevant ideas, enhancing the variety of sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will significantly raise the band score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criteria.

Bài sửa mẫu

In Viet Nam, the incidence of youth crime is escalating rapidly in major cities. There are some factors leading to this phenomenon, which requires timely measures to address.

Admittedly, the increasing levels of youth crime in major cities in Viet Nam stem from various reasons. One of which is that people in the cities now do not spend enough time taking care of their children. This is because in the cities, companies usually request their laborers to perform numerous corporate duties daily, which renders people unable to allocate enough time to stay with and talk to their children. As a result, children not receiving enough attention are likely to become unbehavioral and lead to crime. Another cause is that nowadays, it is quite easy for children to witness crime. For example, a 10-year-old child in the city can easily find clips that show many criminal activities on the Internet using his smartphone, thus negatively affecting their mindset and leading to crime.

However, I believe that the issues caused by this phenomenon can be tackled by the following solutions. Firstly, the government can impose regulations that prohibit companies from forcing their workers to work overtime. This can help parents have more time to take care of their children, which can reduce the risk of crime among their children. Secondly, the government can enact legislation regarding safety information on the Internet. This legislation can help to reduce bad and criminal information online, which can keep children away from crime.

In conclusion, there are several causes of the increasing levels of youth crime. Governments must take timely measures to overcome the problems that this phenomenon results in.