Living in a traditional family of three or four generations has both advantages and disadvantages. What do you think of that matter? Write an essay of about 180- 200 words to support your points.

Existing in a big family has both benefits and drawbacks. This notion is true in my view.
On the one hand, the extended family provides an emotional support . For instance, if a person faces the problem, other members can always listen, and offer some solutions. Moreover, a sense of responsibility is shaped through the family life process. By sharing living expenses can reduce financial pressures and enhance the accountability of each members.
Conversely, living with many people can also cause a lack of privacy.
Because of the small environment, they are limited their personal place which leads to lose privacy. Furthermore, it reduces productivity in learning and working. For example, when a young boy wants to study, other children invite him to hand out playing toys. Hence not focusing on his first purpose, he achieves a low score in exam.
In conclusion, while the extended family offers significant advantages about mental support and being in charge of their actions, it also have problems about privacy and effective work.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"Existing" -> "Being part of"
Explanation: "Existing" is a bit too simplistic and lacks specificity. "Being part of" better captures the idea of belonging to a big family.
"notion" -> "concept"
Explanation: "Notion" is somewhat informal for academic writing. "Concept" is more formal and precise in this context.
"On the one hand" -> "Firstly"
Explanation: "On the one hand" is a colloquial phrase. "Firstly" is a more formal transition that better suits academic writing.
"other members can always listen, and offer some solutions" -> "other members can lend a listening ear and provide solutions"
Explanation: The original phrase is a bit informal. "Lend a listening ear" is a more formal expression, and "provide solutions" is clearer than "offer some solutions."
"enhance the accountability of each members" -> "enhance the accountability of each member"
Explanation: "Each members" is grammatically incorrect. "Each member" is the correct form for singular noun agreement.
"they are limited their personal place" -> "they have limited personal space"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect. "Personal place" is also too informal; "personal space" is the appropriate term.
"leads to lose privacy" -> "leads to a loss of privacy"
Explanation: "Lose privacy" should be "a loss of privacy" for proper grammar and formality.
"hand out playing toys" -> "play with toys"
Explanation: "Hand out playing toys" is awkward and unclear. "Play with toys" is a more concise and natural expression.
"not focusing on his first purpose" -> "not focusing on his primary objective"
Explanation: "First purpose" is somewhat informal. "Primary objective" is a more academically appropriate term.
"achieves a low score in exam" -> "achieves a low score on exams"
Explanation: "In exam" should be "on exams" for proper preposition use in English.
"while the extended family offers significant advantages about mental support" -> "while the extended family provides significant mental support"
Explanation: The original phrase is a bit awkward. "Provides significant mental support" is more concise and clear.
"being in charge of their actions" -> "assuming responsibility for their actions"
Explanation: "Being in charge of" is somewhat informal. "Assuming responsibility for" is a more formal and precise expression.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally addresses the prompt, which asks for an opinion on living in a multi-generational family, by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of such an arrangement. The introduction succinctly presents the thesis that living in a big family has both benefits and drawbacks. The body paragraphs each focus on one side of the issue, first outlining the benefits such as emotional support and shared financial responsibility, and then the drawbacks like lack of privacy and reduced productivity. However, the essay falls short in fully developing these points and connecting them back to the implications of multi-generational living specifically.
- How to improve: To more comprehensively address all elements of the question, the writer should expand on how these advantages and disadvantages specifically relate to living in a three or four-generation family setup. Additionally, the conclusion could be enhanced by directly reiterating how the points discussed support the writer’s opinion on the matter.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay establishes a clear position from the introduction: the writer believes that existing in a big family has both pros and cons. This stance is maintained throughout the essay with each paragraph contributing to this dual perspective. However, the position could be strengthened with more explicit statements that tie back to this overall view in the conclusion.
- How to improve: Enhance the clarity of the position by using stronger and more frequent assertions of the thesis throughout the essay. Each paragraph should begin with a topic sentence that directly relates to the thesis, ensuring the position remains prominent and undisputed throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to the advantages and disadvantages of living in a big family. These ideas are somewhat extended through examples, such as emotional support through problem-solving and disruptions caused by a lack of privacy. However, the ideas are only minimally developed and supported with specific evidence. The example about a young boy being distracted by others is a good start but needs more detail or additional examples to thoroughly support the claims.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to deepen the analysis and extend discussions of each point. More concrete examples, statistical data, or references to studies could lend credibility and strength to the arguments. Further, explanations of how each advantage or disadvantage specifically impacts family dynamics in a multi-generational context would enhance relevance and coherence.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay stays on topic by discussing the advantages and disadvantages of living in a big family. There is no deviation from the set theme of the essay prompt. However, the connection to the specific dynamics of multi-generational living (beyond the general notion of a ‘big family’) could be made clearer.
- How to improve: To sharpen the focus, the writer should explicitly mention how each discussed point relates to the context of a three or four-generation family structure. Adding specific examples or scenarios involving multiple generations would help in maintaining relevance and demonstrating a thorough understanding of the topic.

Overall, while the essay adequately addresses the prompt and maintains a clear position, the underdevelopment of ideas and lack of specific, detailed support somewhat limit its effectiveness. The essay would benefit from more detailed examples and a clearer connection to the specific context of multi-generational family living. Additionally, extending the content to meet the minimum word count requirement could provide more room for elaboration and strengthening of the arguments.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate level of logical organization. It begins with an introduction that states the topic and the writer’s opinion. Each paragraph focuses on either advantages or disadvantages, providing examples to support the points made. However, there are some issues with coherence, such as abrupt transitions between ideas and lack of clear topic sentences in some paragraphs.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider restructuring the essay to ensure smoother transitions between ideas. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main point, followed by supporting details and examples. This will help readers follow the flow of your argument more easily.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a positive aspect. However, the structure and effectiveness of paragraphing could be improved. Paragraphs vary in length and clarity of focus, with some being too long and others lacking coherence.
- How to improve: Aim for consistency in paragraph length and ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. Break long paragraphs into smaller ones to improve readability. Additionally, use transition words or phrases to connect paragraphs and maintain coherence throughout the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay makes limited use of cohesive devices to connect ideas and maintain coherence. While some cohesive devices such as "for instance" and "furthermore" are used, they are not consistently employed throughout the essay. This results in a lack of smooth transitions between sentences and paragraphs.
- How to improve: Incorporate a wider variety of cohesive devices such as conjunctions (e.g., "however," "conversely"), transitional phrases (e.g., "on the other hand," "in conclusion"), and pronouns (e.g., "this," "these"). Use them strategically to establish logical relationships between ideas and improve the overall coherence of your essay. Additionally, pay attention to parallel structure and consistency in sentence construction to enhance cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable effort to utilize a range of vocabulary throughout. Phrases like "emotional support," "sense of responsibility," "financial pressures," and "enhance the accountability" contribute to the lexical richness. However, there are opportunities to further diversify the vocabulary by incorporating more nuanced synonyms and idiomatic expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "family" and "members," variations like "kin" or "relatives" could add depth to the expression.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, consider employing synonyms and idiomatic phrases where appropriate. Additionally, expanding your vocabulary through reading diverse materials and noting down unfamiliar words can enrich your lexicon.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with reasonable precision. Key terms such as "emotional support" and "privacy" are used accurately to convey specific meanings. However, there are instances of imprecise word choice, such as "hand out playing toys," which could be refined to "engage in play with toys" for clarity. Precise vocabulary ensures clear communication of ideas and minimizes ambiguity.
- How to improve: To improve precision, aim to select words that precisely convey your intended meaning. Reviewing your writing for potentially ambiguous or vague phrases and replacing them with more specific terms can enhance clarity and coherence.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates moderate accuracy in spelling, with few noticeable errors. Words like "existing," "purpose," and "lose" are spelled correctly. However, there are instances of misspellings, such as "hand out" instead of "hang out," and "have" instead of "has," which detract slightly from the overall impression of language proficiency.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spell-checking tools or proofreading your writing carefully. Paying close attention to commonly misspelled words and practicing spelling through writing exercises can also aid in improving accuracy.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures, including simple and compound sentences. There is an attempt to vary sentence length and structure, although some sentences lack complexity and sophistication. For example, the essay utilizes simple sentences like "This notion is true in my view" and compound sentences such as "On the one hand, the extended family provides emotional support." However, there is a lack of more complex structures such as conditional sentences, passive voice, or complex clauses.
- How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and sophistication of the essay, consider incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures. Introduce complex sentences with subordinate clauses to add depth and complexity to your ideas. Additionally, experiment with using conditional sentences to express hypothetical situations or passive voice to vary sentence structure further. This can enrich the overall quality of your writing and demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally accurate use of grammar and punctuation, but there are several instances of errors throughout the text. For example, there are errors in subject-verb agreement ("Because of the small environment, they are limited their personal place") and sentence structure ("Hence not focusing on his first purpose, he achieves a low score in exam"). Additionally, there are inconsistencies in punctuation usage, such as missing commas after introductory phrases ("For example, when a young boy wants to study") and incorrect capitalization ("Because of the small environment").
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy and punctuation skills, it’s essential to review and practice the rules of English grammar and punctuation. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, ensuring that subjects and verbs agree in number and tense. Practice constructing sentences with clear and concise structures, avoiding run-on sentences and fragments. Additionally, focus on using punctuation correctly, including commas, periods, and capitalization, to enhance clarity and coherence in your writing. Regular practice and feedback can help strengthen your grammatical accuracy and punctuation skills over time.

Bài sửa mẫu

Living in a large family presents both advantages and disadvantages, a notion I firmly agree with.

On the positive side, being part of an extended family provides significant emotional support. For example, when facing difficulties, other members can lend a listening ear and provide solutions. Additionally, sharing living expenses among family members can ease financial burdens and enhance the accountability of each member.

However, there are also drawbacks to living with many people. One significant issue is the lack of privacy. With limited personal space in a crowded environment, individuals may feel their privacy is compromised. This can lead to reduced productivity in both learning and work. For instance, a young boy trying to study may be distracted by other children inviting him to play with toys, thereby not focusing on his primary objective and achieving lower scores in exams.

In conclusion, while living in an extended family setting offers substantial benefits such as mental support and assuming responsibility for one’s actions, it also poses challenges regarding privacy and maintaining focus on tasks.