Many animal species are becoming extinct due to human activities on land and in the sea. What are the reasons and solutions?

Many animal species are becoming extinct due to human activities on land and in the sea.
What are the reasons and solutions?

In today’s world, it is undeniable that man-made activities have considerable impacts on land and oceans, which leads to a myriad of endangered creatures. This issue is occurring due to a number of reasons, and this essay will suggest several viable solutions to remedy it.

There are various reasons why wild animals and marine animals are facing many threats and challenges from human activities. One major cause of the decline of biodiversity is the loss of habitat. Owing to overpopulation, people’s demand for infrastructure such as housing, factories or farms increase rapidly. As a result, in addition to generating tons of refuse, residents resort to deforestation to meet construction needs, which leads to profound effects to animals’ shelter. Another reason for this problem is the overfishing and poaching of humans. Specifically, overfishing causes a depletion in aquatic creature populations and endangers the survival of sea animals such as shark, tuna, conch, and so on while illegal hunting threatens certain endangered species such as elephants and rhinos, which are hunted for their ivory.

Fortunately, this situation could be tackled by some measures. Firstly, the government has a role in introducing and implementing stringent regulations and laws not only to help limit global deforestation but also to decline overfishing and poaching. If any individuals or organizations violate these rules, they will face strict penalties such as monetary fines or even life imprisonment. Secondly, tackling the biodiversity crisis requires cooperation at all levels of society to support local and regional projects aimed to protect the habitat. Therefore, it is necessary to organize media and school events such as campaigns for nature, climate and the importance of animals and plants to educate and enhance individuals’ awareness of species conservation.

In conclusion, the issue of human movement threatens the survival of wildlife and marine creatures is occurring by a variety of factors, and there are several solutions to handle it.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"myriad of endangered creatures" -> "a multitude of endangered species"
Explanation: "Myriad" is overly complex and formal in this context. "Species" is a more precise term for the creatures being referenced, and "multitude" maintains the idea of a large number while sounding more natural.
"There are various reasons why wild animals and marine animals are facing many threats and challenges from human activities." -> "Numerous factors contribute to the threats and challenges faced by wild and marine animals due to human activities."
Explanation: The original sentence is wordy and lacks conciseness. "Numerous factors" is a more succinct phrase to introduce the upcoming reasons.
"One major cause of the decline of biodiversity is the loss of habitat." -> "A primary contributor to biodiversity decline is habitat loss."
Explanation: This revision maintains clarity while using a more formal structure and precise vocabulary.
"Owing to overpopulation, people’s demand for infrastructure such as housing, factories or farms increase rapidly." -> "Due to overpopulation, there is a rapid increase in demand for infrastructure such as housing, factories, and farms."
Explanation: The original sentence lacks parallel structure and contains a subject-verb agreement error. By restructuring the sentence, we achieve grammatical correctness and formal clarity.
"tons of refuse" -> "significant amounts of waste"
Explanation: "Tons" is overly informal for academic writing. "Significant amounts" is a more appropriate and formal alternative.
"resort to deforestation" -> "engage in deforestation"
Explanation: "Resort to" implies a voluntary action, which may not accurately depict the situation of deforestation driven by human activities. "Engage in" is a more neutral and accurate phrase.
"this problem" -> "this issue"
Explanation: "Issue" is a more precise term for the topic being discussed, aligning better with formal language conventions.
"overfishing and poaching of humans" -> "overfishing and poaching by humans"
Explanation: The original phrase suggests that humans themselves are being overfished and poached. Clarifying that it’s humans conducting these activities improves clarity.
"causes a depletion in aquatic creature populations" -> "leads to depletion of aquatic creature populations"
Explanation: The revised phrase is more grammatically correct and flows better within the sentence structure.
"endangers the survival of sea animals such as shark, tuna, conch, and so on" -> "jeopardizes the survival of sea animals such as sharks, tuna, conch, and others"
Explanation: "Endangers" is a suitable verb, but specifying "sharks" instead of "shark" maintains parallelism with the other listed species. "And so on" is replaced with "and others" for clarity and formality.
"illegal hunting threatens certain endangered species such as elephants and rhinos" -> "illegal hunting poses a threat to endangered species such as elephants and rhinos"
Explanation: "Threatens" is replaced with "poses a threat to" for more formal language.
"which are hunted for their ivory" -> "due to the demand for their ivory"
Explanation: This revision clarifies the reason why elephants and rhinos are hunted, attributing it to the demand for their ivory rather than just stating that they are hunted.
"this situation could be tackled by some measures" -> "this situation could be addressed through several measures"
Explanation: "Tackled" is a bit informal; "addressed" is more suitable. "Some measures" is replaced with "several measures" for clarity and specificity.
"Firstly" -> "First and foremost"
Explanation: "Firstly" is somewhat informal. "First and foremost" adds emphasis and maintains formality.
"to help limit global deforestation" -> "to mitigate global deforestation"
Explanation: "Help limit" can be strengthened to "mitigate."
"strict penalties such as monetary fines or even life imprisonment" -> "stringent penalties, including monetary fines or even imprisonment"
Explanation: "Strict penalties" is slightly redundant, so "stringent penalties" is used instead. The phrasing "including monetary fines or even imprisonment" provides more detail without sacrificing formality.
"the issue of human movement threatens the survival of wildlife and marine creatures is occurring by a variety of factors" -> "the issue of human encroachment threatens the survival of terrestrial and marine fauna due to various factors"
Explanation: "Human movement" is vague and not the most accurate term for describing human impacts on wildlife. "Encroachment" is more specific. "Wildlife and marine creatures" is replaced with "terrestrial and marine fauna" for clarity and precision.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all parts of the prompt. It discusses both the reasons for the extinction of animal species due to human activities and proposes viable solutions to tackle the issue. The reasons provided include habitat loss due to deforestation and overfishing, along with illegal hunting. Additionally, the essay presents solutions such as implementing stringent regulations and laws and fostering cooperation at various societal levels.
- How to improve: To enhance the completeness of the response, the essay could delve deeper into the specific impacts of each human activity on land and in the sea. Providing more detailed examples or statistics could strengthen the argumentation and further illustrate the severity of the problem.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout by acknowledging the detrimental impact of human activities on wildlife and marine creatures. It consistently advocates for the implementation of measures to address the issue, such as stringent regulations and cooperative efforts.
- How to improve: To bolster clarity, the essay could strengthen the thesis statement by explicitly stating the writer’s position on the matter. This could provide readers with a more defined understanding of the author’s perspective from the outset.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports its ideas. It elaborates on the reasons behind the extinction of animal species, providing detailed explanations for each cause. Additionally, the solutions proposed are well-developed, with examples and strategies for implementation.
- How to improve: To further enhance the presentation of ideas, the essay could incorporate additional evidence or case studies to reinforce the argument. Including real-life examples of successful conservation efforts or the impacts of lax regulations could lend more credibility to the proposed solutions.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic by addressing the reasons for the extinction of animal species due to human activities and suggesting solutions to mitigate the issue. However, there are minor instances where the discussion could be more focused, such as providing more specific examples to illustrate the points made.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the essay could avoid generalizations and ensure that each point made directly relates to the topic at hand. Providing clear transitions between ideas can also help guide the reader through the essay’s arguments more effectively.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a logical organization by presenting clear reasons for the decline of animal species and offering solutions in a structured manner. The introduction sets the context, outlining the problem and the intention to propose solutions. The body paragraphs delve into distinct reasons for the issue, namely habitat loss and human activities like overfishing and poaching, followed by solutions. Finally, the conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points.
- How to improve: To further enhance coherence, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting details and examples. Transition phrases could be utilized more effectively to guide the reader through the flow of ideas, reinforcing the logical progression of the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively utilizes paragraphs to organize ideas, with distinct sections addressing different aspects of the topic. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect, such as reasons for animal endangerment or proposed solutions, contributing to clarity and coherence.
- How to improve: While the paragraph structure is sound, ensuring consistency in paragraph length and depth of analysis can further enhance readability. Additionally, consider using topic sentences that clearly articulate the main idea of each paragraph, aiding in coherence and guiding the reader through the argumentative progression.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs cohesive devices such as transitional phrases ("firstly," "secondly," "in conclusion") and pronouns ("this issue," "this situation") to connect ideas and maintain coherence. Additionally, repetition of key terms like "overfishing" and "poaching" reinforces the central themes.
- How to improve: While cohesive devices are present, diversifying their usage can enrich the text and contribute to a more sophisticated argumentative structure. Introduce a wider variety of cohesive devices, including synonyms, conjunctions, and adverbials, to create smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs, enhancing overall coherence.

Overall, the essay effectively organizes information with a logical progression of ideas, utilizes paragraphs to segment content, and employs a range of cohesive devices to maintain coherence. To further improve coherence and cohesion, focus on refining paragraph structure, enhancing the use of transition phrases, and diversifying cohesive devices.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, with varied terms such as "myriad," "biodiversity," "depletion," "stringent," "penalties," and "conservation." These words contribute to the depth of the discussion and exhibit an ability to express ideas with nuance and precision.
- How to improve: While the essay generally employs a diverse vocabulary, incorporating specialized terminology related to environmental conservation or specific species could further enrich the lexical variety. For instance, introducing terms like "ecosystem degradation," "endemic species," or "habitat fragmentation" could enhance the sophistication of the argument.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with precision, effectively conveying ideas without ambiguity. For instance, the distinction between "overfishing" and "poaching" is articulated clearly, indicating a nuanced understanding of the subject matter. However, there are instances where more precise vocabulary could be employed. For example, instead of using the generic term "creatures," specifying particular species or taxa would enhance precision and clarity.
- How to improve: To further enhance precision, strive to employ specific terms that accurately reflect the intended meaning. Instead of generalizing with terms like "animals" or "species," utilize scientific or technical vocabulary to denote particular organisms or ecological phenomena. This approach will elevate the clarity and sophistication of the essay.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally high level of spelling accuracy, with few noticeable errors detracting from overall readability. However, there are a couple of instances where minor spelling inaccuracies occur, such as "overpopulation" (written as "overpoplation") and "refuse" (which could be confused with "rubbish" instead of "refusal"). These errors do not significantly impede comprehension but indicate a need for careful proofreading.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider employing spell-checking tools or proofreading techniques to identify and rectify any potential errors before submission. Additionally, developing a habit of reviewing written work systematically for spelling and typographical mistakes can help ensure polished and error-free essays in the future.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences, compound sentences, and simple sentences. For instance, the writer effectively employs complex sentences to present detailed explanations and compound sentences to connect related ideas. This variety enhances the readability and coherence of the essay, engaging the reader effectively.
- How to improve: To further enhance grammatical range, consider incorporating more intricate sentence structures such as conditional sentences or sentences with participial phrases. Additionally, varying sentence lengths can add rhythm and flow to the essay, making it more engaging for the reader.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and punctuation. Most sentences are grammatically correct, and punctuation marks are appropriately utilized to enhance clarity and coherence. For instance, the writer effectively employs commas to separate clauses within sentences and uses apostrophes correctly for possessives.
- How to improve: While the essay showcases strong grammatical accuracy, attention to minor errors such as subject-verb agreement and tense consistency could further enhance the overall fluency. Proofreading the essay thoroughly before submission can help identify and rectify any remaining grammatical inaccuracies. Additionally, paying attention to punctuation nuances, such as the use of semicolons or dashes for emphasis or clarity, can elevate the sophistication of the writing.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a commendable level of grammatical range and accuracy, contributing to its cohesive presentation and effective communication of ideas. With continued attention to sentence structure variety and grammatical precision, the writer can further enhance the overall quality of their writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s world, it is undeniable that human activities have significant impacts on both land and oceans, leading to a multitude of endangered species. This issue arises due to several reasons, and this essay will suggest several viable solutions to address it.

There are various reasons why wild and marine animals face numerous threats and challenges from human activities. A primary contributor to the decline of biodiversity is habitat loss. Due to overpopulation, there is a rapid increase in demand for infrastructure such as housing, factories, or farms. Consequently, significant amounts of waste are generated, and people engage in deforestation to meet construction needs, profoundly affecting animals’ habitats. Another contributing factor is overfishing and poaching by humans. This leads to the depletion of aquatic creature populations and jeopardizes the survival of sea animals such as sharks, tuna, conch, and others, while illegal hunting poses a threat to endangered species such as elephants and rhinos, due to the demand for their ivory.

Fortunately, this issue could be addressed through several measures. First and foremost, the government has a role in mitigating global deforestation by introducing and implementing stringent regulations and laws. These measures would not only help limit deforestation but also decline overfishing and poaching. Individuals or organizations violating these rules would face stringent penalties, including monetary fines or even imprisonment. Secondly, addressing the biodiversity crisis requires cooperation at all levels of society to support local and regional projects aimed at protecting habitats. Therefore, it is necessary to organize media and school events, such as campaigns for nature, climate, and the importance of animals and plants, to educate and enhance individuals’ awareness of species conservation.

In conclusion, the issue of human encroachment threatening the survival of wildlife and marine creatures is caused by various factors, and there are several solutions to mitigate it.