Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion.

Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart.

Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion.

Recent effects of technology advancement have been debated extensively in the past few years, some support that this digital age has brought everyone closer. How it can be true to some extent, I am of the opinion that it is more likely to make individuals indulge in isolation. On one hand, the continuous advancement of technology has erased the gap between people regardless of graphical distraints or any obstacles. This is because technological devices and applications make it easier to keep in contact with each other. Especially for the elderly who may and difficulties traveling to make friends and keep connections with their loved ones. Thanks to pers the internet's popularity and personal gadgets, they are recently capable of giving their children a video call as well as keeping up to date with other's lives via social media platforms. Furthermore, the new ages of digital technology allow plenty of room for expanding knowledge and studying about worldwide cultures. Specifically modern personal devices give individuals more access to information on public websites and a fairly deep understanding of foreign customs. This could help to erase cultural misunderstandings and create a harmonious world in the future.On the other hand, overdependence on technological applications can result in the feeling of isolation both mentally and physically for two main reasons. To be most noticeable the more we interact with our acquaintances on the Internet, the fewer opportunities we have to engage in any direct conversation in reaRecent effects of technology advancement have been debated extensively in the past few years, some support that this digital age has brought everyone closer. How it can be true to some extent, I am of the opinion that it is more likely to make individuals indulge in isolation. On one hand, the continuous advancement of technology has erased the gap between people regardless of graphical distraints or any obstacles. This is because technological devices and applications make it easier to keep in contact with each other. Especially for the elderly who may and difficulties traveling to make friends and keep connections with their loved ones. Thanks to pers the internet's popularity and personal gadgets, they are recently capable of giving their children a video call as well as keeping up to date with other's lives via social media platforms. Furthermore, the new ages of digital technology allow plenty of room for expanding knowledge and studying about worldwide cultures. Specifically modern personal devices give individuals more access to information on public websites and a fairly deep understanding of foreign customs. This could help to erase cultural misunderstandings and create a harmonious world in the future.On the other hand, overdependence on technological applications can result in the feeling of isolation both mentally and physically for two main reasons. To be most noticeable the more we interact with our acquaintances on the Internet, the fewer opportunities we have to engage in any direct conversation in real life. Digital technology advancement has brought on many kinds of video games and virtual conversations that are easy to participate in with close friends. Thus, people are less likely to engage in any direct conversation or any sporty activities which indeed strengthen their personal and professional relationships. Another justification is that such favored distance services have discouraged individual from enhancing their communication skills. Undeniably, customers these days tend to buy everything from virtual shopping which prevents them from expressing their emotions and makes them communicate less effectively. As a result, many can find it more challenging to directly express themselves therefore to be more isolated. A recent research on university undergraduates of Arizona study has indicated that smartphone dependence predicted a higher rate of loneliness and depression in young adults. In conclusion, while technological integration brings users together, it separates them holistically. Personally, there have been more adverse effects due to the virtual world and the feeling of exclusion we may face.l life. Digital technology advancement has brought on many kinds of video games and virtual conversations that are easy to participate in with close friends. Thus, people are less likely to engage in any direct conversation or any sporty activities which indeed strengthen their personal and professional relationships. Another justification is that such favored distance services have discouraged individual from enhancing their communication skills. Undeniably, customers these days tend to buy everything from virtual shopping which prevents them from expressing their emotions and makes them communicate less effectively. As a result, many can find it more challenging to directly express themselves therefore to be more isolated. A recent research on university undergraduates of Arizona study has indicated that smartphone dependence predicted a higher rate of loneliness and depression in young adults. In conclusion, while technological integration brings users together, it separates them holistically. Personally, there have been more adverse effects due to the virtual world and the feeling of exclusion we may face.

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Recent effects of technology advancement" -> "Recent effects of technological advancements"
   Explanation: The term "advancements" should be plural to match the context of ongoing developments in technology, enhancing the grammatical accuracy and formality of the phrase.

2. "some support that this digital age has brought everyone closer" -> "some argue that this digital age has brought people closer together"
   Explanation: "Argue" is more precise and academically appropriate than "support," which is vague and informal. Also, "people" is more specific than "everyone," and "closer together" is a more natural phrasing.

3. "How it can be true to some extent" -> "How this can be true to some extent"
   Explanation: Removing "it" clarifies the subject of the sentence, making it more direct and clear.

4. "make individuals indulge in isolation" -> "lead individuals to become isolated"
   Explanation: "Indulge in isolation" is an awkward and incorrect usage. "Lead individuals to become isolated" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing.

5. "graphical distraints" -> "geographical barriers"
   Explanation: "Graphical distraints" is likely a typographical error and unclear. "Geographical barriers" is the correct term, enhancing clarity and accuracy.

6. "Thanks to pers the internet’s popularity" -> "Thanks to the internet’s popularity"
   Explanation: "Pers" is a typographical error and should be removed. The phrase should be simplified to "Thanks to the internet’s popularity" for clarity and correctness.

7. "new ages of digital technology" -> "new eras of digital technology"
   Explanation: "Ages" is not the correct term here; "eras" is more suitable for describing periods of time in the context of technological development.

8. "allow plenty of room for expanding knowledge" -> "provide ample opportunities for expanding knowledge"
   Explanation: "Allow plenty of room for" is somewhat informal and vague. "Provide ample opportunities for" is more precise and formal.

9. "give individuals more access to information on public websites" -> "provide individuals with greater access to information on public websites"
   Explanation: "Give" is too informal and vague; "provide" is more formal and precise. Adding "with" before "greater access" improves the grammatical structure.

10. "a fairly deep understanding of foreign customs" -> "a substantial understanding of foreign customs"
    Explanation: "Fairly deep" is vague and informal; "substantial" is more precise and academically appropriate.

11. "overdependence on technological applications" -> "overreliance on technological applications"
    Explanation: "Overdependence" is less commonly used in formal writing; "overreliance" is more appropriate and widely accepted in academic contexts.

12. "the fewer opportunities we have to engage in any direct conversation in reaRecent effects of technology advancement have been debated extensively in the past few years, some support that this digital age has brought everyone closer. How it can be true to some extent, I am of the opinion that it is more likely to make individuals indulge in isolation. On one hand, the continuous advancement of technology has erased the gap between people regardless of graphical distraints or any obstacles. This is because technological devices and applications make it easier to keep in contact with each other. Especially for the elderly who may and difficulties traveling to make friends and keep connections with their loved ones. Thanks to pers the internet’s popularity and personal gadgets, they are recently capable of giving their children a video call as well as keeping up to date with other’s lives via social media platforms. Furthermore, the new ages of digital technology allow plenty of room for expanding knowledge and studying about worldwide cultures. Specifically modern personal devices give individuals more access to information on public websites and a fairly deep understanding of foreign customs. This could help to erase cultural misunderstandings and create a harmonious world in the future.On the other hand, overdependence on technological applications can result in the feeling of isolation both mentally and physically for two main reasons. To be most noticeable the more we interact with our acquaintances on the Internet, the fewer opportunities we have to engage in any direct conversation in reaRecent effects of technology advancement have been debated extensively in the past few years, some support that this digital age has brought everyone closer. How it can be true to some extent, I am of the opinion that it is more likely to make individuals indulge in isolation. On one hand, the continuous advancement of technology has erased the gap between people regardless of graphical distraints or any obstacles. This is because technological devices and applications make it easier to keep in contact with each other. Especially for the elderly who may and difficulties traveling to make friends and keep connections with their loved ones. Thanks to pers the internet’s popularity and personal gadgets, they are recently capable of giving their children a video call as well as keeping up to date with

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both viewpoints regarding the impact of modern technology on social connections. The first part discusses how technology has brought people closer, particularly highlighting its benefits for the elderly and the ease of communication through social media. The second part presents the opposing view, emphasizing the isolation that can result from overdependence on technology. However, while both perspectives are mentioned, the essay could benefit from a more balanced exploration of each viewpoint, as the argument in favor of technology is somewhat less developed than the argument against it.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that each viewpoint is given equal weight and depth. This could involve providing more examples or evidence for the positive aspects of technology, such as specific instances of how technology has facilitated meaningful connections or community-building.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The writer expresses a clear opinion that technology is more likely to lead to isolation. This position is stated early in the essay and is reiterated in the conclusion. However, the clarity of this position is somewhat undermined by the initial discussion of the positive aspects of technology, which could lead to confusion about the writer’s ultimate stance.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should more explicitly link the discussion of both viewpoints back to their own opinion throughout the essay. This could involve using transitional phrases that remind the reader of the writer’s stance, such as "Despite these benefits, I believe…" or "While technology has its advantages, the drawbacks are more significant."

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the effects of technology, such as the ease of communication and the potential for isolation. However, some points lack sufficient development or supporting evidence. For example, the mention of cultural understanding through technology is a strong point but is not fully elaborated upon. Additionally, the argument about the negative impact on communication skills could benefit from more detailed examples or studies to substantiate the claims made.
  • How to improve: To strengthen the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on key points with specific examples or data. For instance, citing studies or statistics that illustrate the relationship between technology use and feelings of loneliness could provide a more compelling argument. Additionally, using anecdotes or real-life examples could help to illustrate the points made.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the impact of technology on social connections. However, there are instances of repetition and unclear phrasing that detract from the overall coherence. For example, the essay contains several repeated phrases and sentences, which can confuse the reader and disrupt the flow of ideas.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus and coherence, the writer should carefully proofread the essay to eliminate redundancy and ensure clarity. Organizing the essay into clear paragraphs with distinct main ideas can also help maintain focus. Each paragraph should ideally start with a topic sentence that clearly states the main idea, followed by supporting details that relate directly to that idea.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a clear opinion, there are areas for improvement in depth of argumentation, clarity of position, and overall coherence. By addressing these points, the writer can enhance the effectiveness of their argument and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both viewpoints, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow is somewhat disrupted by the repetition of ideas and phrases, particularly in the first paragraph, which appears to be duplicated. For instance, the phrase "Recent effects of technology advancement have been debated extensively in the past few years" is repeated verbatim. This redundancy detracts from the overall coherence of the argument. Additionally, while the points made in favor of technology are well-articulated, the transition to the counterargument could be smoother to enhance the logical progression.
  • How to improve: To improve logical organization, the writer should ensure that each paragraph introduces a unique idea without repetition. Utilizing clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help guide the reader through the argument. Additionally, transitional phrases such as "Conversely" or "On the contrary" can be employed to better signal shifts between opposing viewpoints.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses paragraphs effectively, with distinct sections for the introduction, arguments supporting technology, counterarguments, and the conclusion. However, the paragraphs could be better developed. For example, the paragraph discussing the benefits of technology could be split into two separate paragraphs: one focusing on connectivity and the other on cultural understanding. This would allow for a more thorough exploration of each point.
  • How to improve: To enhance paragraphing, the writer should aim for a clear topic sentence for each paragraph, followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on the main idea. Each paragraph should ideally focus on a single aspect of the argument, allowing for deeper analysis and clearer communication of ideas.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On one hand" and "On the other hand," which help to delineate the contrasting viewpoints. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences and ideas could be strengthened. For example, the phrase "Thanks to pers the internet’s popularity" contains a typographical error and lacks clarity, which disrupts the flow of the argument.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "Moreover," "In contrast," and "Consequently." Additionally, ensuring that each cohesive device is used correctly and appropriately will enhance the overall coherence of the essay. Proofreading for typographical errors and ensuring clarity in expression will also contribute to a smoother reading experience.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, attention to detail in organization, paragraph development, and the use of cohesive devices will further elevate the quality of the writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "technological advancement," "isolation," and "cultural misunderstandings." However, the use of vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly with phrases like "technological applications" and "digital technology." Additionally, some phrases, such as "the new ages of digital technology," are awkwardly constructed and could be more effectively expressed.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "technological," alternatives like "digital," "electronic," or "virtual" could be employed. Furthermore, expanding the use of phrases to describe the impact of technology—such as "technological innovations" or "digital connectivity"—would add depth to the vocabulary.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "graphical distraints," which seems to be a misinterpretation of "geographical constraints." The term "pers" appears to be a typographical error and disrupts the flow of the essay. Additionally, phrases like "make individuals indulge in isolation" could be more accurately expressed as "lead individuals to experience isolation."
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should ensure that vocabulary choices accurately convey the intended meaning. This can be achieved by reviewing definitions and contexts of words before using them. For example, replacing "indulge" with "experience" or "face" would clarify the intended message. Furthermore, proofreading for typographical errors and ensuring correct terminology will enhance overall clarity.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "distraints" (should be "constraints"), "pers" (likely a typo), and "individual" (should be pluralized as "individuals" in certain contexts). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can be beneficial. Engaging in regular writing exercises focused on vocabulary can also help reinforce correct spelling.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of lexical resource, there are notable areas for improvement. By diversifying vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and enhancing spelling accuracy, the writer can elevate their score in this criterion significantly.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of phrases like "the continuous advancement of technology has erased the gap between people" shows an attempt at complexity. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, such as starting several sentences with "the more" or "this is because," which limits the overall range. Additionally, some sentences are overly lengthy and convoluted, which can obscure meaning, such as "Thanks to pers the internet’s popularity and personal gadgets, they are recently capable of giving their children a video call as well as keeping up to date with other’s lives via social media platforms."
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more varied sentence beginnings and lengths. Using introductory phrases, conjunctions, and relative clauses can help diversify the sentence structures. For example, instead of repeatedly starting with "the more," the writer could use "As we increasingly interact online," or "While technology facilitates communication," to introduce ideas. Practicing sentence transformation exercises can also aid in developing a more varied writing style.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect clarity and coherence. For example, phrases like "may and difficulties traveling" should be corrected to "may have difficulties traveling." There are also instances of missing punctuation, such as the lack of commas in complex sentences, which can lead to run-on sentences, as seen in "Digital technology advancement has brought on many kinds of video games and virtual conversations that are easy to participate in with close friends." Additionally, the phrase "pers the internet’s popularity" appears to be a typographical error, suggesting a lack of proofreading.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading their work to catch typographical errors and ensure correct word forms. Additionally, practicing the rules of punctuation, particularly with complex sentences, can enhance clarity. The writer might benefit from revisiting grammar fundamentals, such as subject-verb agreement and the correct use of conjunctions. Engaging in exercises that focus on common grammatical pitfalls can also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic and attempts to use a range of structures, there are significant areas for improvement in both grammatical accuracy and the variety of sentence structures. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can enhance their overall writing quality and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

Recent effects of technological advancements have been debated extensively in the past few years; some support the idea that this digital age has brought everyone closer. While this can be true to some extent, I am of the opinion that it is more likely to lead individuals to become isolated.

On one hand, the continuous advancement of technology has erased the gap between people, regardless of geographical barriers or any obstacles. This is because technological devices and applications make it easier to keep in contact with each other, especially for the elderly who may have difficulties traveling to make friends and maintain connections with their loved ones. Thanks to the internet’s popularity and personal gadgets, they are now capable of giving their children video calls as well as keeping up to date with others’ lives via social media platforms. Furthermore, the new eras of digital technology allow plenty of room for expanding knowledge and studying worldwide cultures. Specifically, modern personal devices provide individuals with greater access to information on public websites and a substantial understanding of foreign customs. This could help to erase cultural misunderstandings and create a harmonious world in the future.

On the other hand, overreliance on technological applications can result in feelings of isolation, both mentally and physically, for two main reasons. To be most noticeable, the more we interact with our acquaintances on the Internet, the fewer opportunities we have to engage in any direct conversation in real life. Digital technology advancements have brought on many kinds of video games and virtual conversations that are easy to participate in with close friends. Thus, people are less likely to engage in any direct conversation or partake in activities that indeed strengthen their personal and professional relationships.

Another justification is that such favored distance services have discouraged individuals from enhancing their communication skills. Undeniably, customers these days tend to buy everything through virtual shopping, which prevents them from expressing their emotions and makes them communicate less effectively. As a result, many can find it more challenging to directly express themselves, leading to greater isolation. A recent study on university undergraduates in Arizona has indicated that smartphone dependence predicted a higher rate of loneliness and depression in young adults.

In conclusion, while technological integration brings users together, it separates them holistically. Personally, I believe there have been more adverse effects due to the virtual world and the feelings of exclusion we may face.