Many believe that the goal of one’s career should be to pursue a passion while others feel it is merely a way to earn a livelihood. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

Many believe that the goal of one’s career should be to pursue a passion while others feel it is merely a way to earn a livelihood.
Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

A majority of people think that the purpose of one’s career should be to follow their dream ,nonetheless, others feel it is merely a way to earn a living.I will give the explanations and show my point of view in this essay

On the one hand, some people suppose that pursuing their career is a way to earn money and serve their demands.Because there are many people who apply a job in a field, but they do not have good ability and qualifications in this area.For example, many students with litterateur,geography and history degrees,but after graduation,they enroll into companies in economic field.The reason for this is getting a big income to improve their standards of living.In addition,there are some jobs that is uptrend and especially young generation follow the trend because of thinking it is an opportunity for them earn a big amount of money although they are bad at many fields of this occupation

On the other hand, I think there are lots of people who devote themselves to their jobs.Many people that appreciate their jobs always feel delighted when doing the work they love.For example, artists can draw thousands of pictures to make them feel comfortable and happy but they don’t sell any painting. Moreover,some novelists adora writing books and they spend thousands of hours to publish despite of not mentioning to profit.

Overall, finding a job to earn a living is a crucial element,nonetheless, following dreams is more essential because if you have big dreams and attempts in their work you love ,you will achieve the success

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"A majority of people think" -> "Many individuals believe"
Explanation: "Many individuals believe" is more precise and formal than "A majority of people think," which is somewhat vague and informal for academic writing.
"follow their dream" -> "pursue their aspirations"
Explanation: "Pursue their aspirations" is a more formal and precise term than "follow their dream," which can sound overly simplistic and colloquial.
"nonetheless" -> "however"
Explanation: "However" is a more commonly accepted transitional phrase in formal academic writing compared to "nonetheless," which can sound slightly informal.
"merely a way to earn a living" -> "primarily a means of financial support"
Explanation: "Primarily a means of financial support" is more formal and specific than "merely a way to earn a living," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"suppose" -> "believe"
Explanation: "Believe" is more direct and appropriate in academic writing than "suppose," which can imply a less certain or speculative belief.
"apply a job" -> "apply for a job"
Explanation: "Apply for a job" is the correct phrase, whereas "apply a job" is grammatically incorrect.
"litterateur" -> "literature"
Explanation: "Literature" is the correct term, not "litterateur," which is a misspelling and not a recognized academic term.
"geography and history degrees,but after graduation,they enroll into companies in economic field" -> "degrees in geography and history, but after graduation, they are employed in the economic sector"
Explanation: "Employed in the economic sector" is more precise and formal than "enroll into companies in economic field," which is awkwardly phrased and informal.
"getting a big income to improve their standards of living" -> "securing a substantial income to enhance their standard of living"
Explanation: "Securing a substantial income to enhance their standard of living" is more formal and precise than "getting a big income to improve their standards of living."
"there are some jobs that is uptrend" -> "there are certain jobs that are in trend"
Explanation: "Certain jobs that are in trend" corrects the grammatical error and uses more formal language.
"young generation follow the trend" -> "the younger generation follows the trend"
Explanation: "The younger generation follows the trend" corrects the grammatical error and uses a more formal noun form.
"earn a big amount of money" -> "earn a substantial amount of money"
Explanation: "Earn a substantial amount of money" is more formal and precise than "earn a big amount of money."
"devote themselves to their jobs" -> "dedicate themselves to their careers"
Explanation: "Dedicate themselves to their careers" is more formal and specific than "devote themselves to their jobs."
"always feel delighted" -> "consistently feel delighted"
Explanation: "Consistently feel delighted" is more formal and precise than "always feel delighted," which can sound overly casual.
"adora writing books" -> "adore writing books"
Explanation: "Adore" is the correct verb form, not "adora," which is a typographical error.
"despite of not mentioning to profit" -> "despite the lack of profit"
Explanation: "Despite the lack of profit" is grammatically correct and more formal than "despite of not mentioning to profit," which is awkward and incorrect.
"finding a job to earn a living" -> "securing employment for financial support"
Explanation: "Securing employment for financial support" is more formal and precise than "finding a job to earn a living."
"following dreams is more essential" -> "pursuing one’s dreams is more crucial"
Explanation: "Pursuing one’s dreams is more crucial" uses more formal vocabulary and corrects the awkward phrasing of "following dreams is more essential."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both sides of the argument regarding career goals, discussing the perspective that careers should be pursued for financial stability as well as the viewpoint that they should align with personal passions. However, the discussion lacks depth in exploring the implications of each viewpoint. For instance, while the essay mentions that many people take jobs outside their field of study for financial reasons, it does not delve into the potential long-term consequences of such choices, such as job satisfaction or mental health. Similarly, the argument for pursuing passion is presented but could benefit from more examples or counterarguments.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should aim to provide a more balanced exploration of each viewpoint. This could involve including more nuanced examples, discussing potential drawbacks of each perspective, and elaborating on how these choices impact individuals’ lives in the long term.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a personal opinion that following one’s dreams is more essential than merely earning a living. However, this position is somewhat muddled by the way it is introduced and concluded. The transition from discussing the two sides to stating the writer’s opinion is abrupt, which may confuse readers about the writer’s stance. The phrase "I think there are lots of people who devote themselves to their jobs" could be clearer in establishing the writer’s position.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position throughout the essay, the writer should explicitly state their opinion in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. Using phrases like "In my view" or "I firmly believe" can help clarify the writer’s stance. Additionally, ensuring smooth transitions between discussing the two sides and the personal opinion will help maintain coherence.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to both sides of the argument, but the support for these ideas is often weak or underdeveloped. For example, the mention of artists and novelists pursuing their passions lacks specific examples of their successes or the fulfillment they derive from their work. The arguments could be strengthened by including statistics, studies, or more detailed anecdotes that illustrate the points being made.
- How to improve: To improve the development and support of ideas, the writer should aim to include more specific examples and evidence. This could involve citing studies on job satisfaction, providing statistics on income versus happiness, or sharing personal anecdotes that illustrate the points being made. Additionally, ensuring that each point is elaborated upon with clear reasoning will enhance the overall argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the two perspectives regarding career goals. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the second paragraph, where the discussion of job trends feels somewhat tangential to the main argument. The phrase "there are some jobs that is uptrend" is also vague and could confuse readers about its relevance to the discussion.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates to the central question of career goals. Avoiding vague language and ensuring that each example clearly ties back to the main argument will help maintain clarity. Additionally, a brief outline of the points to be discussed in the introduction could help guide the reader through the essay more effectively.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents a coherent argument, but it would benefit from deeper exploration of ideas, clearer positioning, and more robust support for its claims.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs discussing opposing views, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from the first body paragraph discussing earning a living to the second paragraph about pursuing passion is somewhat abrupt. The ideas within paragraphs are generally coherent, but there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the first paragraph introduces the idea of pursuing a career for financial reasons but does not effectively link this to the subsequent examples provided.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, incorporating transitional phrases such as "In contrast" or "On the other hand" at the beginning of the second body paragraph can help signal the shift in focus. Structuring the essay to explicitly compare and contrast the two viewpoints within each paragraph could also improve clarity.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the discussion. However, the internal structure of the paragraphs could be refined. For example, the first paragraph contains several ideas that could be better organized. The mention of students with degrees in literature, geography, and history feels somewhat disjointed from the main argument about pursuing a career for financial reasons.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. Follow this with supporting sentences that elaborate on the topic, ensuring that all sentences within the paragraph relate back to the main idea. Additionally, consider breaking down longer paragraphs into smaller ones to enhance readability and focus.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which help in contrasting the two views. However, the range of cohesive devices used is limited, and there are instances where the connections between ideas could be clearer. For example, the use of "nonetheless" in the introduction is appropriate, but the essay could benefit from more varied connectors to enhance the flow of ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition," "Conversely," and "As a result." This will not only improve the flow of the essay but also demonstrate a greater command of language. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to maintain clarity and coherence in the argument presented.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents both sides of the argument, enhancing the logical organization, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will contribute to a higher score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some effective word choices such as "pursuing," "devote," and "delighted." However, there are instances of repetitive language and limited synonyms, such as the repeated use of "earn a living" and "big income." The phrase "follow their dream" is also used multiple times without variation, which detracts from the overall lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly saying "earn a living," alternatives like "make a livelihood," "generate income," or "achieve financial stability" could be used. Additionally, exploring phrases like "pursue one’s passion" or "chase aspirations" could add depth.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some imprecise vocabulary choices that can lead to confusion. For instance, the term "litterateur" is not commonly used in this context and may confuse readers; "literature" or "literature graduates" would be clearer. The phrase "jobs that is uptrend" is grammatically incorrect and should be "jobs that are in demand" or "jobs that are trending." Furthermore, "adorna" is a misspelling of "adore," which affects clarity.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should ensure that vocabulary is appropriate for the context and audience. Using more common terms and checking for grammatical correctness will enhance clarity. It is advisable to proofread for any spelling errors and to consider the audience’s familiarity with certain terms.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "litterateur," "nonetheless" (spelled as "nonetheless," with a space before the comma), and "adora" instead of "adore." These errors can distract the reader and detract from the overall quality of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular practice, such as using spelling apps or tools, and reviewing common spelling rules. Additionally, proofreading the essay multiple times or using a spell-check tool can help catch errors before submission. Reading the essay aloud may also assist in identifying words that do not sound correct.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and attempts to address both sides of the argument, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling will enhance the overall quality and effectiveness of the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple sentences ("Many people that appreciate their jobs always feel delighted when doing the work they love.") and compound sentences ("On the one hand, some people suppose that pursuing their career is a way to earn money and serve their demands."). However, the overall range is limited, with many sentences following a similar structure, leading to a monotonous reading experience. Additionally, there are instances of awkward phrasing and incomplete thoughts, such as "the reason for this is getting a big income to improve their standards of living," which could be articulated more clearly.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying, "Many students with litterateur, geography and history degrees, but after graduation, they enroll into companies in economic field," you could say, "Although many students graduate with degrees in literature, geography, and history, they often find themselves enrolling in economic fields to secure better financial prospects." This not only varies the structure but also improves clarity.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity and professionalism. For instance, there are missing articles ("apply a job" should be "apply for a job"), incorrect verb forms ("there are some jobs that is uptrend" should be "there are some jobs that are on the rise"), and punctuation errors, such as the lack of spaces after commas and periods. The phrase "litterateur" is also incorrect; the intended word is "literature." Additionally, the sentence "Moreover, some novelists adora writing books and they spend thousands of hours to publish despite of not mentioning to profit" contains awkward phrasing and grammatical inaccuracies.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay carefully. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, correct use of articles, and proper verb forms. Additionally, practicing punctuation rules, such as using commas to separate clauses and ensuring proper spacing after punctuation marks, will enhance the readability of the essay. Consider using grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers to identify and correct errors before submission.

In summary, while the essay presents a relevant discussion on the topic, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will significantly enhance the overall quality and coherence of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

A majority of people think that the purpose of one’s career should be to follow their dreams; nonetheless, others feel it is merely a way to earn a living. I will give explanations and show my point of view in this essay.

On the one hand, some people suppose that pursuing a career is a way to earn money and serve their demands. There are many individuals who apply for jobs in a field, but they do not have good abilities and qualifications in this area. For example, many students with degrees in literature, geography, and history, after graduation, enroll in companies in the economic sector. The reason for this is to secure a substantial income to improve their standards of living. In addition, there are some jobs that are in trend, and especially the younger generation follows the trend because they think it is an opportunity for them to earn a substantial amount of money, even though they may not excel in many areas of this occupation.

On the other hand, I think there are lots of people who dedicate themselves to their jobs. Many individuals who appreciate their work consistently feel delighted when doing what they love. For example, artists can create thousands of pictures to make themselves feel comfortable and happy, even if they don’t sell any paintings. Moreover, some novelists adore writing books and spend thousands of hours publishing despite the lack of profit.

Overall, finding a job to earn a living is a crucial element; nonetheless, pursuing one’s dreams is more essential because if you have big dreams and dedicate yourself to the work you love, you will achieve success.