Many countries have the same shops and products. Some consider it a positive development, whereas others consider it negative. Discuss both these views and give your own oppinion.
Many countries have the same shops and products. Some consider it a positive development, whereas others consider it negative. Discuss both these views and give your own oppinion.
As several nations in the Earth have the same shops and products. Although there are some arguements this is the positive, the others considered the opposite site. However, i firmly believe that it has both merits and demerits of this issue.
On one hand, establishing a numerous shops in difference countries has two advantages. Firstly, some types of brand such as CocaCola, McDonal or Nike placed their stores all over the world in other to develop their populations as well as to serve their customers. In other words, there are both benefit for brands and nations. Simply because, when travellers come to another nations whose cultures are totally unfamiliar to them, they can go to McDonal, KFC If they do not suitable with local foods. It is obviously that, while these brands can become more famous as well as gain more profits, these nations can maintain the number of visiters at the stable rate. Secondly, due to the constant expanding, there are a numerous unemployees have opportunities to seek occupations. In fact, each store was operated, there will be at least thirty employees hired. For this reasons, these countries can reduce the number of inhabitants who out of work.
On another hand, there are still existing a negative effect. In general, depending on foreign’ foods or products lead to the decrease consumption of the interior products. Take Vietnam as a pratical example. Some people likely to use Nike, Adidas instead of Bitis, Asia even though they have a better quality and a reasonable price. As a result, when local stores can not compete with these global brand stores, they have to face to financial burdens.
In conclusion, athough there are controversial opinions on the advantages and disadvantages of having same shops and products in several nations, i strongly believe that the advantages is more persuasive than the disadvantages.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"As several nations in the Earth" -> "As several countries around the world"
Explanation: "Earth" is a less formal and less precise term than "world," which is more commonly used in academic writing. "Around the world" also enhances the formality and clarity of the phrase. -
"the positive" -> "the advantages"
Explanation: "the positive" is vague and informal; "the advantages" is more specific and appropriate for academic writing, clearly indicating the benefits being discussed. -
"the others considered the opposite site" -> "others argue the opposite"
Explanation: "the opposite site" is incorrect; "the opposite" is the correct term. Also, "argue" is more precise and formal than "considered," which is less direct and less formal. -
"i" -> "I"
Explanation: Capitalization is necessary for proper nouns and the first-person singular pronoun in formal writing. -
"establishing a numerous shops" -> "establishing numerous shops"
Explanation: "a numerous" is grammatically incorrect; "numerous" should be used as an adjective, not with the indefinite article "a." -
"difference countries" -> "different countries"
Explanation: "difference" is a noun and should be replaced with "different," which is the correct adjective form. -
"placed their stores all over the world in other to develop" -> "place their stores globally to develop"
Explanation: "placed" should be "place" for the present tense, and "all over the world" is redundant with "globally." "In other to" is a grammatical error; "to" should be used instead. -
"both benefit for brands and nations" -> "benefits both brands and nations"
Explanation: "both benefit for" is awkward and incorrect; "benefits both" is grammatically correct and clearer. -
"Simply because" -> "Because"
Explanation: "Simply because" is informal and redundant; "Because" is sufficient and more formal. -
"If they do not suitable with local foods" -> "If they do not find local foods suitable"
Explanation: "do not suitable" is grammatically incorrect; "do not find suitable" corrects the verb tense and structure. -
"It is obviously that" -> "It is obvious that"
Explanation: "It is obviously that" is redundant; "It is obvious that" is the correct form. -
"a numerous unemployees" -> "numerous unemployed"
Explanation: "a numerous" is grammatically incorrect; "numerous" should be used as an adjective, not with the indefinite article "a." "Unemployees" is not a standard term; "unemployed" is correct. -
"each store was operated" -> "each store is operated"
Explanation: "was operated" implies past tense, which is incorrect in this context; "is operated" is more appropriate for general statements about ongoing processes. -
"there will be at least thirty employees hired" -> "at least thirty employees will be hired"
Explanation: The original sentence structure is awkward and unclear; reordering the words improves readability and clarity. -
"these countries can reduce the number of inhabitants who out of work" -> "these countries can reduce the number of unemployed inhabitants"
Explanation: "who out of work" is informal and unclear; "unemployed" is the correct term and more formal. -
"there are still existing a negative effect" -> "there are still several negative effects"
Explanation: "still existing a negative effect" is grammatically incorrect and awkward; "still several negative effects" corrects these issues and is more formal. -
"depending on foreign’ foods or products lead to the decrease consumption of the interior products" -> "depending on foreign foods or products leads to a decrease in the consumption of domestic products"
Explanation: "foreign’" is incorrect; "foreign" should be used without the apostrophe. "The interior products" is unclear and incorrect; "domestic products" is the correct term. -
"Take Vietnam as a pratical example" -> "Take Vietnam as a practical example"
Explanation: "pratical" is a spelling error; "practical" is the correct spelling. -
"Some people likely to use Nike, Adidas instead of Bitis, Asia" -> "Some people tend to use Nike and Adidas instead of Bitis and Asia"
Explanation: "likely to use" is informal and vague; "tend to use" is more precise and formal. Also, "Bitis, Asia" is incorrect; "Bitis" is likely a typo or incorrect term, and "Asia" is not a brand name. -
"As a result, when local stores can not compete with these global brand stores, they have to face to financial burdens" -> "As a result
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding the presence of the same shops and products in various countries, discussing the positive aspects in the first half and the negative aspects in the second half. However, the introduction could be clearer in outlining the specific points that will be discussed. For instance, the phrase "there are some arguments this is the positive" is vague and does not specify what those arguments are. The conclusion also reiterates the writer’s opinion but does not summarize the key points made in the body paragraphs effectively.
- How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the introduction should clearly state the main arguments for both sides. Additionally, the conclusion should briefly summarize the key points discussed in the essay to reinforce the argument.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position in favor of the advantages of having the same shops and products, particularly in the conclusion. However, the position could be more consistently reinforced throughout the essay. For example, the phrase "i firmly believe that it has both merits and demerits" introduces ambiguity, suggesting that the author sees value in both sides without clearly favoring one over the other until the conclusion.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should explicitly state their stance in the introduction and ensure that each paragraph aligns with this position. Using phrases like "While there are advantages, I believe that…" can help clarify the writer’s viewpoint.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the benefits of global brands for travelers and job creation. However, the support for these ideas is sometimes weak or unclear. For example, the statement about travelers relying on familiar brands lacks specific examples or data to substantiate the claim. Additionally, the discussion of local brands suffering from competition is relevant but could be more thoroughly explored.
- How to improve: To effectively present, elaborate, and substantiate ideas, the writer should provide specific examples, statistics, or anecdotes to support their claims. For instance, including data on job creation or consumer preferences could strengthen the argument. Each point should be developed with clear explanations and relevant evidence.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the implications of having the same shops and products in multiple countries. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the transition between discussing the advantages and disadvantages. The phrase "there are still existing a negative effect" is somewhat abrupt and could be better integrated into the flow of the essay.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance to the topic, the writer should ensure smooth transitions between points and clearly connect each idea back to the central question. Using transitional phrases can help guide the reader and reinforce the relationship between ideas.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, improvements in clarity, support, and coherence could elevate the score further.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs discussing both sides of the argument, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from the positive aspects to the negative aspects feels abrupt. The introduction states that there are merits and demerits, but it does not clearly outline these points before diving into the body paragraphs.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, it would be beneficial to include a brief outline of the main points in the introduction. This could guide the reader through the essay’s structure. Additionally, using transitional phrases such as "On the contrary" or "Conversely" at the beginning of the second body paragraph would help signal the shift in focus from positive to negative aspects more clearly.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph contains a main idea, supported by examples. However, the first body paragraph could be further divided to enhance clarity. The discussion of the advantages of global brands and their impact on local economies could be split into two distinct paragraphs: one focusing on the benefits for brands and the other on the benefits for local economies.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph contains a single main idea. For example, the first paragraph could start with a clear topic sentence about the benefits of global brands, followed by supporting details. The second paragraph could then focus solely on the negative impacts on local businesses, providing a clearer structure and making it easier for the reader to follow the argument.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "In conclusion," which help to guide the reader through the argument. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited and could be more varied. For example, phrases like "On one hand" and "On another hand" are used, but they could be more effectively replaced with "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" for grammatical accuracy. Additionally, the use of pronouns and synonyms could be improved to avoid repetition.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "Moreover" to add information, "However" to contrast ideas, and "For example" to introduce examples. Additionally, varying sentence structures and using synonyms can help maintain the reader’s interest and improve the overall flow of the essay.
By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately leading to an improved band score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some attempts to use varied expressions. For instance, terms like "establishing," "advantages," and "disadvantages" show an effort to incorporate diverse vocabulary. However, there are instances of repetition and lack of sophistication in word choice, such as the repeated use of "nations" and "shops." Additionally, phrases like "the same shops and products" could be expressed with more nuance, such as "homogenized retail environments."
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more advanced terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "nations," alternatives like "countries," "states," or "regions" could be employed. Furthermore, exploring vocabulary related to globalization, consumer behavior, and cultural exchange would enrich the essay.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, "the opposite site" should be "the opposite side," and "the numerous unemployees" is incorrect; it should be "numerous unemployed individuals." Additionally, phrases like "the number of visiters at the stable rate" are awkward and unclear, suggesting a lack of precision in conveying ideas.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using correct collocations and phrases. For instance, instead of "the number of visiters at the stable rate," a more precise expression could be "maintain a stable influx of visitors." Regular practice with vocabulary exercises and reviewing common collocations in English can help refine word choice.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that detract from its overall quality. Words such as "arguements," "pratical," "McDonal," and "aalthough" are misspelled, which indicates a lack of attention to detail. Additionally, "unemployees" is not a standard English word; the correct term is "unemployed."
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading and utilize spelling tools or apps. Creating flashcards for commonly misspelled words and practicing writing exercises can also aid in improving spelling skills. Furthermore, reading more English texts can help familiarize the writer with correct spelling and usage in context.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and attempts to use varied vocabulary, there are significant areas for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, but it primarily relies on simple and compound sentences. For instance, sentences like "On one hand, establishing a numerous shops in difference countries has two advantages" and "In fact, each store was operated, there will be at least thirty employees hired" show a basic structure but lack complexity. The use of phrases such as "on one hand" and "on another hand" indicates an attempt to structure the argument, but the overall sentence variety is limited.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "there are still existing a negative effect," the writer could say, "While there are advantages to having global brands, there are also significant negative effects that must be considered." Additionally, using varied sentence openings and transitions can help create a more engaging and sophisticated essay.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity. For example, "the others considered the opposite site" should be "the others consider it the opposite." The incorrect use of "numerous shops in difference countries" should be "numerous shops in different countries." Furthermore, punctuation errors such as missing commas in compound sentences and incorrect capitalization of "i" instead of "I" are present throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading their work to catch basic errors. Practicing the correct forms of verbs and ensuring subject-verb agreement would also be beneficial. For punctuation, understanding when to use commas, especially in complex sentences, will enhance clarity. For instance, the sentence "In fact, each store was operated, there will be at least thirty employees hired" should be revised to "In fact, when each store is operational, there will be at least thirty employees hired." Regular practice with grammar exercises and reading well-structured essays can also help reinforce these skills.
Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument, the writer should focus on diversifying their sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy to achieve a higher band score in the IELTS writing task.
Bài sửa mẫu
As several countries around the world have the same shops and products, there are differing opinions on whether this is a positive development or a negative one. Although some argue that this trend is beneficial, others contend the opposite. However, I firmly believe that there are both merits and demerits to this issue.
On one hand, establishing numerous shops in different countries has several advantages. Firstly, brands such as Coca-Cola, McDonald’s, and Nike place their stores globally to develop their presence and serve their customers. In other words, there are benefits for both brands and nations. Because when travelers visit countries with cultures that are unfamiliar to them, they can go to McDonald’s or KFC if they do not find local foods suitable. It is obvious that while these brands can become more famous and gain more profits, these nations can maintain a stable rate of visitors. Secondly, due to constant expansion, there are numerous unemployed individuals who have opportunities to seek employment. In fact, each store that is operated typically hires at least thirty employees. For this reason, these countries can reduce the number of unemployed inhabitants.
On the other hand, there are still several negative effects. Generally, depending on foreign foods or products leads to a decrease in the consumption of domestic products. Take Vietnam as a practical example. Some people tend to use Nike and Adidas instead of local brands like Bitis and Asia, even though the latter may offer better quality and more reasonable prices. As a result, when local stores cannot compete with these global brands, they face significant financial burdens.
In conclusion, although there are controversial opinions on the advantages and disadvantages of having the same shops and products in several nations, I strongly believe that the advantages are more persuasive than the disadvantages.