Many developing countries are currently expanding their tourist industries. Why is it the case? What are the problems?

It is indisputable that in this day and age, second-world countries prefer to promote their tourist industries. This trend undeniably stems from various reasons and has positive impacts on society.

On the one hand, there are several culprits to elaborate on why these nations tend to broaden their tourism. An initial reason lies in the fact that ecotourism will be increasingly popular in the future. Particularly, more and more people have a thirst for visiting some natural destinations to avoid the noisy crowd and to get away from it all. For example, nowadays many companies prefer to organise a wildlife safari in Africa to watch lions and elephants in their natural habitat. Furthermore, charter flights are now probably available within tourist sites, costing half the price charged by some companies.

On the other hand, this phenomenon has huge advantages for our modern society today. First and foremost, there is no doubt that in recent decades, there has been a substantial diversification in international tourism places, and numerous developing countries have experienced phenomenal growth in tourist arrivals and receipts. A typical instance is that the summer in the UK is often the height of the tourist season and even the travellers have to book hotels as soon as possible. Another factor that should be taken into consideration is that the nation’s culture and customs are promoted prosperously and financial security is not going to be a concern in the future.

From what has been discussed above, we may draw a conclusion that there are various reasons to explain why nowadays many developing countries are planning to grow their tourist areas. My point of view is that the desire to improve and develop the economy as well as finance based on the trend of people’s traveling are the main factors of this phenomenon.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It is indisputable that" -> "It is evident that"
Explanation: "It is evident that" is a more academically appropriate phrase, as it conveys a sense of certainty without the emotional connotation of "indisputable," which can be seen as overly strong in formal writing.
"second-world countries" -> "developing countries"
Explanation: The term "second-world countries" is outdated and can be seen as pejorative. "Developing countries" is a more neutral and commonly accepted term in academic and formal contexts.
"prefer to promote" -> "seek to develop"
Explanation: "Seek to develop" is more precise and formal, suggesting a proactive and intentional effort, which is more suitable for academic writing than the more passive "prefer to promote."
"culprits to elaborate on" -> "factors to discuss"
Explanation: "Culprits" is an informal and inappropriate term in this context. "Factors to discuss" is neutral and appropriate for academic writing.
"broaden their tourism" -> "expand their tourism industry"
Explanation: "Expand their tourism industry" is more specific and formal, clearly indicating the sector being referred to.
"ecotourism will be increasingly popular" -> "ecotourism is becoming increasingly popular"
Explanation: Using "is becoming" instead of "will be" provides a more accurate and current description of the trend, aligning better with the present tense used in academic writing.
"have a thirst for" -> "desire to visit"
Explanation: "Have a thirst for" is an idiom and too informal for academic writing. "Desire to visit" is straightforward and maintains a formal tone.
"to get away from it all" -> "to escape the urban environment"
Explanation: "To get away from it all" is colloquial and vague. "To escape the urban environment" is more specific and formal.
"charter flights are now probably available" -> "charter flights are now likely available"
Explanation: "Probably" is less definitive and less formal than "likely," which is more suitable for academic writing.
"costing half the price charged by some companies" -> "at a significantly lower cost than those of some companies"
Explanation: "Costing half the price charged by some companies" is awkward and informal. "At a significantly lower cost than those of some companies" is more precise and formal.
"huge advantages" -> "significant advantages"
Explanation: "Huge" is an informal intensifier; "significant" is more appropriate for academic writing, providing a formal tone without losing impact.
"phenomenal growth" -> "substantial growth"
Explanation: "Phenomenal" is an emotional term and less precise. "Substantial" is neutral and academically suitable.
"the nation’s culture and customs are promoted prosperously" -> "the nation’s culture and customs are promoted effectively"
Explanation: "Promoted prosperously" is awkward and unclear. "Promoted effectively" is straightforward and maintains a formal tone.
"financial security is not going to be a concern in the future" -> "financial security is likely to be ensured in the future"
Explanation: "Is not going to be a concern" is informal and vague. "Is likely to be ensured" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic style better.
"the desire to improve and develop the economy as well as finance" -> "the aim to enhance and develop the economy and finance"
Explanation: "The desire" is less formal and specific than "the aim," which is more precise and appropriate for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt, discussing why developing countries are expanding their tourist industries and mentioning some positive impacts. However, it lacks a thorough exploration of the problems associated with this expansion. For instance, while the essay mentions the growth in tourist arrivals, it does not address potential negative consequences such as environmental degradation or cultural dilution.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay should explicitly outline the problems that arise from the expansion of tourism in developing countries. Including specific examples of these issues, such as increased pollution or strain on local resources, would provide a more balanced view and fully address the prompt.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that the expansion of tourism is primarily driven by economic motives. However, the conclusion introduces a somewhat vague statement about the desire to improve the economy without reiterating the problems mentioned earlier, which could confuse the reader regarding the overall stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should ensure that the conclusion succinctly summarizes both the reasons for tourism expansion and the associated problems. This could involve restating the main points discussed in the body paragraphs and reinforcing the idea that while tourism can be beneficial, it also comes with significant challenges.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the popularity of ecotourism and the economic benefits of tourism. However, the support for these ideas is somewhat limited. For example, while the mention of wildlife safaris provides a relevant example, it lacks depth in explaining how this specifically benefits the developing countries in question.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the writer should extend their ideas by providing more detailed examples and explanations. For instance, discussing how increased tourism can lead to job creation or infrastructure development would enhance the argument. Additionally, including statistics or studies to support claims about economic growth would add credibility to the points made.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the expansion of tourism in developing countries. However, there are moments where the discussion veers slightly off course, such as when it mentions the tourist season in the UK, which does not directly relate to the prompt about developing countries.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all examples and discussions are directly relevant to the prompt. Avoiding references to unrelated contexts, like tourism in developed countries, will help keep the essay tightly aligned with the topic. Instead, examples should be drawn from developing countries to reinforce the main argument.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, addressing the outlined weaknesses will help elevate the score further.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of ideas. The introduction clearly states the topic and outlines the two main areas of discussion: reasons for the expansion of tourism and the associated problems. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect, with the first addressing the reasons for tourism growth and the second discussing its advantages. However, the connection between the paragraphs could be strengthened. For example, the transition from discussing the reasons for tourism expansion to its advantages lacks a clear linking sentence, which can leave the reader momentarily disoriented.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases at the beginning or end of paragraphs to guide the reader. For instance, after discussing the reasons for tourism expansion, a sentence like "In addition to these reasons, the growth of tourism also brings significant benefits to developing countries" could provide a smoother transition to the next paragraph.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate distinct ideas, which is crucial for clarity. Each paragraph contains a clear main idea, supported by examples. However, the second paragraph could be further divided to differentiate between the reasons for tourism growth and the problems it may cause. Currently, it blends multiple ideas, which can lead to confusion about the main focus of the paragraph.
- How to improve: Consider creating a separate paragraph for discussing the problems associated with tourism expansion. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each issue and improve the overall clarity of the essay. For example, after discussing the advantages, a new paragraph could begin with "Despite these benefits, there are also significant challenges that developing countries face as they expand their tourist industries."
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand," "for example," and "first and foremost," which help to connect ideas and provide structure. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some sentences feel abrupt or disconnected. For instance, the phrase "Another factor that should be taken into consideration" could be more effectively linked to the previous sentence to enhance flow.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating more varied linking words and phrases. For example, using "Moreover," "In addition," or "Conversely" can help to create smoother transitions between ideas. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to maintain clarity and coherence. For instance, instead of starting a sentence with "Another factor," you might say, "In addition to the economic benefits, another important aspect to consider is…"

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately improving its overall effectiveness and clarity.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms like "ecotourism," "phenomenal growth," and "financial security." These phrases indicate an understanding of the topic and the ability to use relevant terminology. However, there are instances of repetition, such as the phrase "developing countries," which appears multiple times without variation. Additionally, the use of "culprits" in the context of explaining reasons for tourism expansion may not be the most appropriate choice, as it carries a negative connotation that doesn’t fit the context.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer could incorporate synonyms or related terms to avoid repetition. For example, instead of repeatedly using "developing countries," alternatives like "emerging economies" or "less developed nations" could be employed. Furthermore, consider replacing "culprits" with a more neutral term such as "factors" or "reasons" to maintain a professional tone.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of precise vocabulary, such as "wildlife safari" and "natural habitat," which effectively convey the intended meaning. However, there are areas where precision could be improved. For instance, the phrase "the nation’s culture and customs are promoted prosperously" is somewhat vague and could be interpreted in various ways. The use of "prosperously" in this context does not clearly communicate how culture and customs are promoted.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should aim for clearer expressions. Instead of "promoted prosperously," a more precise phrase could be "showcased effectively" or "celebrated widely." Additionally, ensuring that vocabulary aligns closely with the intended meaning will enhance clarity and impact.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a strong command of spelling, with no noticeable errors throughout the text. Words such as "indisputable," "substantial," and "phenomenal" are spelled correctly, reflecting a good level of attention to detail in this area.
- How to improve: While spelling is accurate, the writer should continue to practice spelling through reading and writing exercises. Engaging with a variety of texts can help reinforce correct spelling and expose the writer to new vocabulary. Additionally, using tools like spell checkers or proofreading can further ensure accuracy in future essays.

In summary, while the essay achieves a Band Score of 7 for Lexical Resource, there are areas for improvement, particularly in expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision, and maintaining clarity. By addressing these aspects, the writer can aim for an even higher score in future writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For instance, phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" effectively introduce contrasting ideas, while the use of clauses (e.g., "that ecotourism will be increasingly popular in the future") adds depth to the arguments. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, such as starting several sentences with "there is" or "there are," which can make the writing feel monotonous.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more introductory phrases or transition words. For example, instead of repeatedly using "there are" to introduce points, the writer could use more dynamic verbs or phrases, such as "One significant factor is…" or "A critical aspect to consider is…". Additionally, varying the length and complexity of sentences can create a more engaging rhythm in the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally displays a solid command of grammar and punctuation, with only a few minor errors. For example, the phrase "second-world countries" is somewhat unconventional; "developing countries" would be more appropriate. Additionally, the sentence "charter flights are now probably available within tourist sites" could be clearer if rephrased to eliminate ambiguity. Punctuation is mostly accurate, but there are instances where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "and" in lists or before "which" in non-defining relative clauses.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should review the definitions and appropriate usage of terms like "second-world" versus "developing." Furthermore, practicing the placement of commas in complex sentences and lists can help clarify meaning. Reading more academic texts can also provide insights into proper punctuation usage and sentence construction. Lastly, proofreading for common grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement and sentence fragments, will strengthen the overall quality of the writing.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a competent use of grammatical structures and punctuation, focusing on diversifying sentence beginnings and refining grammatical accuracy will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is indisputable that in this day and age, developing countries prefer to promote their tourist industries. This trend undeniably stems from various reasons and has positive impacts on society.

On the one hand, there are several factors to discuss regarding why these nations tend to broaden their tourism. An initial reason lies in the fact that ecotourism is becoming increasingly popular in the future. Particularly, more and more people have a desire to visit natural destinations to escape the noisy crowd and to get away from it all. For example, nowadays many companies prefer to organize wildlife safaris in Africa to watch lions and elephants in their natural habitat. Furthermore, charter flights are now likely available within tourist sites, costing half the price charged by some companies.

On the other hand, this phenomenon has significant advantages for our modern society today. First and foremost, there is no doubt that in recent decades, there has been substantial growth in international tourism places, and numerous developing countries have experienced phenomenal growth in tourist arrivals and receipts. A typical instance is that the summer in the UK is often the height of the tourist season, and even travelers have to book hotels as soon as possible. Another factor that should be taken into consideration is that the nation’s culture and customs are promoted effectively, and financial security is likely to be ensured in the future.

From what has been discussed above, we may draw the conclusion that there are various reasons to explain why many developing countries are currently seeking to develop their tourist areas. My point of view is that the desire to enhance and develop the economy and finance based on the trend of people’s traveling is the main factor behind this phenomenon.