Many families have both parents working. Some working parents believe other family members like grandparents can take care of their children, while others think childcare centers provide the best care. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Today, many working parents think that their children can be looked after by their close relatives while some believe childcare organizations are some better methods. This writer agrees with the latter sentiment because of the professional system and fully training of these centers despite the fact that parents can save their budget by relying on families members
It is crucial to comprehend that many organizations now offer parents numerous safety and ensurance for children. Almost them were trained to be good at taking care and observing children's behaviour. Moreover, childcare settings can provide and control meals which contain sufficient nutritions and minerals, which have a big impact on a child's development. For instance, a research of a university in London pointed that children who are raised in childcare centers could gro up quickly and also have the better immune system rather than who are taken care of by families members
Nevertheless, close relatives also provide a range of advantages. By trusting them, working parents can cut down an expense which can be beneficail for the family's budget. Additionally. family caregivers can have an emotional attachment to children, which bring them senses of comfort and relieve. This may be true but children should also be taken care of by babysitting environment because they can have a great chance to gain diversity types of knowledge.
It is undeniable to the multi-tasking of some children centres now. They can both offer children a range of simple academic understanding and instruct them some life skills such as defending against natural disaster or protecting themselves from criminals. The comprehensive babysitting environment can meet standards of a child and for that reason, children can reach the completely skills requirements before going to primary or secondary school.
In conclusion, children should be better looked after by caregivers instead of their families members because of the compehensive promotion of a child in various sectors. In addition, government should also invest more in some childcare centers in order to upgrade the facilities and provide the master training for the babysitting system.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"many working parents think" -> "many working parents believe"
Explanation: "Believe" is more formal and precise than "think" in academic writing, enhancing the tone of the essay.
"can be looked after by their close relatives" -> "can be cared for by their close relatives"
Explanation: "Cared for" is a more formal and precise term than "looked after," which is somewhat colloquial and vague in this context.
"some better methods" -> "more effective methods"
Explanation: "More effective methods" is a clearer and more specific term than "some better methods," which is vague and informal.
"professional system and fully training" -> "professional systems and comprehensive training"
Explanation: "Systems" is plural to match "organizations," and "comprehensive" is more precise than "fully," which is an adverbial misuse in this context.
"parents can save their budget" -> "parents can conserve their budget"
Explanation: "Conserve" is a more formal and precise term than "save" in this context, fitting better in academic writing.
"families members" -> "family members"
Explanation: "Family members" is the correct grammatical form, correcting the plural possessive error.
"Almost them were trained" -> "Most of them are trained"
Explanation: "Most of them are trained" corrects the grammatical error and clarifies the meaning, making it more formal and clear.
"ensurance" -> "assurance"
Explanation: "Assurance" is the correct spelling, not "ensurance," which is a typographical error.
"control meals which contain sufficient nutritions and minerals" -> "prepare meals that provide sufficient nutrients and minerals"
Explanation: "Prepare meals that provide" is more precise and formal than "control meals which contain," and "nutrients" is the correct plural form.
"a research of a university in London" -> "a study conducted by a university in London"
Explanation: "A study conducted by" is more formal and accurate than "a research of," which is grammatically incorrect and unclear.
"could gro up quickly" -> "develop quickly"
Explanation: "Develop" is the correct verb for describing growth and improvement, replacing the incorrect "gro up," which is a typographical error and informal.
"who are taken care of by families members" -> "who are cared for by family members"
Explanation: "Cared for" is more formal than "taken care of," and "family members" should be singular to match the subject "who."
"cut down an expense" -> "reduce an expense"
Explanation: "Reduce" is a more formal and precise term than "cut down," which is colloquial and vague in this context.
"which can be beneficail" -> "which can be beneficial"
Explanation: "Beneficial" is the correct spelling, correcting a typographical error.
"Additionally. family caregivers" -> "Additionally, family caregivers"
Explanation: Corrects the punctuation error, ensuring proper separation between sentences.
"bring them senses of comfort and relieve" -> "bring them a sense of comfort and relief"
Explanation: "A sense of comfort and relief" is grammatically correct and more formal than "senses of comfort and relieve," which is incorrect and informal.
"babysitting environment" -> "caregiving environment"
Explanation: "Caregiving environment" is a more precise and formal term than "babysitting environment," which is informal and imprecise.
"compehensive promotion" -> "comprehensive promotion"
Explanation: Corrects the typographical error in "comprehensive."
"the completely skills requirements" -> "the complete skill requirements"
Explanation: "Complete" is the correct adjective form, and "skill" should be singular to match the singular noun "requirements."
"government should also invest more in some childcare centers" -> "governments should also invest more in childcare centers"
Explanation: "Governments" is plural to match the generalization, and removing "some" clarifies the statement to a recommendation rather than a suggestion.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding childcare, discussing the benefits of childcare centers and the advantages of family members as caregivers. The writer presents a clear opinion favoring childcare centers, which is a positive aspect. However, the discussion of family members’ advantages is somewhat underdeveloped. For instance, while the essay mentions emotional attachment and cost savings, it does not explore these points in depth or provide specific examples.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should delve deeper into the advantages of family care, perhaps by including specific examples or statistics that illustrate the emotional and developmental benefits children gain from being cared for by family members. This would ensure a more balanced discussion of both viewpoints.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer clearly states their position in favor of childcare centers early in the essay. However, there are moments where the argument could be more consistently reinforced. For example, the phrase "this may be true but children should also be taken care of by babysitting environment" introduces some ambiguity, as it suggests a potential shift in stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should use more definitive language and ensure that every point made aligns with the main argument. Reinforcing the advantages of childcare centers after discussing family care would help solidify the writer’s stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the professional training of childcare staff and the emotional benefits of family care. However, some ideas lack sufficient elaboration. For instance, the mention of "nutritions and minerals" could be better supported with examples of how these contribute to child development. Additionally, the reference to a university study is vague and lacks citation, which weakens the argument.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point made. Citing specific studies or data, and explaining how they relate to the argument, would greatly enhance the essay’s persuasiveness.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay remains focused on the topic of childcare; however, some sentences introduce ideas that stray slightly from the main argument. For example, the mention of "defending against natural disaster or protecting themselves from criminals" feels somewhat tangential and could distract from the central discussion of childcare methods.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all points directly relate to the main argument. It may be beneficial to outline the key points before writing to ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall discussion without introducing unrelated ideas.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear opinion, there is room for improvement in the depth of analysis, consistency of position, and relevance of supporting ideas. By addressing these areas, the writer can enhance the overall effectiveness of their argument and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be enhanced. For example, the transition from discussing childcare centers to family caregivers is somewhat abrupt, lacking a clear linking sentence that would guide the reader through the argument. The points made about childcare centers are well-developed, but the counter-argument regarding family caregivers feels less cohesive and is not as thoroughly explored.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases to connect ideas more fluidly. For instance, after discussing the benefits of childcare centers, a sentence like "On the other hand, many families prefer the care provided by relatives for several reasons" would help signal a shift in focus. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea can improve clarity.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, but some paragraphs could be more focused. For instance, the paragraph discussing the advantages of childcare centers mixes several ideas (safety, nutrition, and academic skills) without clear separation, making it harder for the reader to follow the argument.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should ideally focus on a single main idea. Consider breaking down the paragraph on childcare centers into two: one focusing on safety and nutrition, and another on academic skills and life lessons. This would allow for deeper exploration of each point and improve overall coherence.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Moreover" and "Nevertheless," which help in linking ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "This may be true but children should also be taken care of by babysitting environment" lacks a smooth transition and feels disjointed.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "In addition," "Conversely," and "Furthermore." Additionally, ensure that each sentence logically follows the previous one. For example, instead of abruptly stating "This may be true," you could say, "While the emotional benefits of family care are significant, it is also important to consider the advantages of structured childcare environments."

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately enhancing the clarity and persuasiveness of the argument presented.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of vocabulary, such as "looked after," "childcare organizations," and "emotional attachment." However, the range is somewhat limited and repetitive in places. For instance, the phrase "family members" appears multiple times without variation, which detracts from the overall lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly saying "family members," you could use "relatives," "kin," or "guardians." Additionally, incorporating more advanced vocabulary related to childcare, such as "nurturing," "developmental milestones," or "caregiving," would elevate the essay’s lexical resource.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "some better methods," which is awkward and unclear. The phrase "many organizations now offer parents numerous safety and ensurance for children" also lacks clarity, as "ensurance" is not the correct term; "insurance" would be more appropriate. Furthermore, "gro up" is a misspelling of "grow up," which affects precision.
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys your intended meaning. For example, instead of "some better methods," you might say "more effective options." Additionally, ensure that terms are used correctly; in this case, replacing "ensurance" with "insurance" would clarify your point. Proofreading for spelling errors will also help improve precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "ensurance," "beneficail," "compehensive," and "nutritions." These errors can distract the reader and undermine the credibility of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider implementing a consistent proofreading routine. After writing your essay, take a break and then review it with fresh eyes. Utilizing spell-check tools or apps can also help identify errors. Additionally, practicing spelling common academic vocabulary can build confidence and accuracy in your writing.

By addressing these areas—expanding vocabulary range, ensuring precise usage, and improving spelling accuracy—the overall band score for Lexical Resource could be significantly enhanced in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple sentences ("Today, many working parents think…") and compound sentences ("This writer agrees with the latter sentiment because of the professional system and fully training of these centers…"). However, the range is limited, and many sentences are either overly simplistic or awkwardly constructed. For example, phrases like "some better methods" and "the better immune system rather than who are taken care of by families members" indicate a lack of complexity and fluency in expression.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses and varied conjunctions. For instance, instead of saying "this writer agrees with the latter sentiment," the writer could say, "while some parents prefer family care, this writer strongly supports the idea that childcare centers offer superior benefits due to their professional training and structured environment." Additionally, practicing the use of relative clauses and conditional sentences can add depth to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, "ensurance" should be "insurance," and "beneficail" should be "beneficial." There are also instances of incorrect article usage, such as "the multi-tasking of some children centres now," which should be "the multitasking capabilities of some childcare centers." Furthermore, punctuation errors, such as the incorrect use of a period instead of a comma after "Additionally," disrupt the flow of ideas.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, particularly in spelling and article usage. It may be beneficial to review basic grammar rules, especially concerning subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. Additionally, practicing punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas and periods in complex sentences, will enhance clarity. Engaging in exercises that focus on these areas can also help solidify understanding and application in writing.

In summary, while the essay presents a clear argument, enhancing the variety of sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will significantly elevate the overall quality of the writing. Regular practice and focused revision on these aspects will lead to better performance in future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

Today, many working parents believe that their children can be cared for by their close relatives, while others think that childcare centers offer more effective methods. This writer agrees with the latter sentiment due to the professional systems and comprehensive training provided by these centers, despite the fact that parents can conserve their budget by relying on family members.

It is crucial to understand that many childcare organizations now offer parents numerous safety assurances for their children. Most of them are trained to be proficient in caring for and observing children’s behavior. Moreover, childcare settings can prepare meals that provide sufficient nutrients and minerals, which have a significant impact on a child’s development. For instance, a study conducted by a university in London indicated that children who are raised in childcare centers can develop quickly and also have better immune systems compared to those who are cared for by family members.

Nevertheless, close relatives also provide a range of advantages. By trusting them, working parents can reduce expenses, which can be beneficial for the family’s budget. Additionally, family caregivers can form emotional attachments with children, bringing them a sense of comfort and relief. While this may be true, children should also be cared for in a caregiving environment, as they have a greater opportunity to gain diverse types of knowledge.

It is undeniable that many childcare centers today are multi-tasking. They can offer children a range of basic academic understanding and teach them essential life skills, such as defending against natural disasters or protecting themselves from criminals. The comprehensive caregiving environment can meet the standards required for children, enabling them to achieve the complete skill requirements before entering primary or secondary school.

In conclusion, children should be better looked after by caregivers in childcare centers rather than by family members because of the comprehensive promotion of a child’s development in various sectors. Additionally, governments should also invest more in childcare centers to upgrade facilities and provide professional training for the caregiving system.