Many governments believe that economic growth is their most essential goal while others think that other sorts of advancements are just as vital to a country.

Many governments believe that economic growth is their most essential goal while others think that other sorts of advancements are just as vital to a country. From my point of view, I agree with the first opinion.
On the one hand, there are many reasons why economic growth is one of the important goals of a country. Firstly, thanks to economic development, human life has improved. In this day and age, there are many infrastructures built to serve the increasing living needs of people as centers entertainment, shopping centers, which not only solve each people needs but also help develop the country's economy. Thanks to that, this country will become richer, people and society will have a professional learning and working environment and better facilities. Another reason is that a developing country will receive more attention from other countries. Opens up opportunities to link international relations, thereby cooperating and investing to develop the country in many fields.
On the other hand, it cannot be refused that other forms of progress are as important as economic factors. In particular, social development also plays an essential role in the development of a country, including social justice, human rights and equality. For example, limiting social problems related to gender discrimination, inequality among ethnic minorities and eliminating harmful traditional practices can help the country develop.
In conclusion, economic progress is an essential goal of any country, but it should not lose sight of the importance of social, environmental and cultural progress. Governments should strive to create policies that connect these different aspects, ensuring a purposeful approach to development of nation.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Many governments believe" -> "Numerous governments contend"
Explanation: "Contend" is a more formal and precise term than "believe," which is often too vague and informal for academic writing.
"most essential goal" -> "primary objective"
Explanation: "Primary objective" is a more formal and precise term than "most essential goal," which sounds colloquial.
"other sorts of advancements" -> "other types of advancements"
Explanation: "Types" is a more specific and formal term than "sorts," which is somewhat informal and vague.
"From my point of view" -> "In my opinion"
Explanation: "In my opinion" is a more standard and formal expression in academic writing compared to "From my point of view."
"thanks to" -> "owing to"
Explanation: "Owing to" is a more formal expression than "thanks to," which is somewhat colloquial.
"there are many infrastructures built" -> "numerous infrastructures have been constructed"
Explanation: "Numerous infrastructures have been constructed" is more formal and precise, improving the academic tone.
"serve the increasing living needs of people as centers entertainment, shopping centers" -> "meet the growing needs of citizens through entertainment and shopping centers"
Explanation: "Meet the growing needs of citizens" is more precise and formal, and removing "as" before "centers" corrects the grammatical structure.
"solve each people needs" -> "address the needs of each individual"
Explanation: "Address the needs of each individual" is more formal and grammatically correct than "solve each people needs."
"help develop the country’s economy" -> "contribute to the country’s economic development"
Explanation: "Contribute to the country’s economic development" is a more formal and precise phrase.
"Opens up opportunities" -> "opens up opportunities"
Explanation: "Opens" should be lowercase as it is a verb form, not a noun.
"cooperating and investing to develop the country in many fields" -> "collaborating and investing across various sectors"
Explanation: "Collaborating and investing across various sectors" is more formal and specific than "cooperating and investing to develop the country in many fields."
"it cannot be refused" -> "it cannot be denied"
Explanation: "Cannot be denied" is a more formal and appropriate expression than "cannot be refused," which is less common in formal writing.
"social development also plays an essential role" -> "social development also assumes a crucial role"
Explanation: "Assumes a crucial role" is a more formal and precise way to express the importance of social development.
"limiting social problems" -> "addressing social issues"
Explanation: "Addressing social issues" is a more formal and precise term than "limiting social problems."
"harmful traditional practices" -> "harmful traditional practices"
Explanation: No change needed here, as "harmful traditional practices" is already appropriate and clear.
"should strive to create policies" -> "should endeavor to formulate policies"
Explanation: "Endeavor to formulate policies" is more formal and precise than "strive to create policies."
"ensure a purposeful approach" -> "ensure a strategic approach"
Explanation: "Strategic" is a more precise and formal term than "purposeful" in this context, fitting better in an academic discussion about policy.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by presenting two contrasting views regarding the importance of economic growth versus other forms of advancement. The author clearly states their position in favor of economic growth while acknowledging the significance of social development. The discussion includes relevant points about how economic growth improves living standards and attracts international attention, which are pertinent to the argument. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit exploration of the opposing viewpoint, as it currently presents a somewhat limited perspective on the importance of non-economic advancements.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author could provide more detailed examples or arguments supporting the opposing view. This could involve discussing specific non-economic advancements (such as education, healthcare, or environmental sustainability) and their impacts on society. Including counterarguments would demonstrate a more balanced understanding of the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The author’s position is clear from the outset, as they explicitly state their agreement with the idea that economic growth is the most essential goal. Throughout the essay, this stance is maintained, although the acknowledgment of the importance of other advancements could create some ambiguity regarding the author’s primary focus. The conclusion reiterates the importance of economic progress while also emphasizing the need for a holistic approach to development.
- How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, the author could more explicitly differentiate between their primary argument (economic growth) and the acknowledgment of other advancements. This could be achieved by using transitional phrases that reinforce the main argument while still recognizing the validity of the opposing view.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to economic growth, such as improvements in living standards and international relations. These ideas are somewhat supported by examples, but the development of these points could be more thorough. For instance, the mention of infrastructure improvements is relevant, but the author could elaborate on how these improvements directly impact citizens’ lives. The discussion of social development is also introduced but lacks depth in terms of specific examples or implications.
- How to improve: To enhance the development and support of ideas, the author should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations. For instance, when discussing the benefits of economic growth, the author could include statistics or case studies that illustrate the positive outcomes of such growth. Similarly, when addressing social development, specific examples of successful initiatives or policies could strengthen the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the importance of economic growth while acknowledging other advancements. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly aligned with the prompt. For example, the transition between discussing economic growth and social development could be smoother, as it currently feels somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the author should ensure that each paragraph clearly ties back to the main argument. Using clear topic sentences and transitions can help guide the reader through the essay and reinforce the connections between ideas. Additionally, ensuring that each point made directly relates to the prompt will enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the two perspectives on economic growth versus other forms of advancement. The body paragraphs are organized into two distinct sections: one supporting economic growth and the other acknowledging the importance of social development. However, while the ideas are logically sequenced, some transitions between points could be smoother. For instance, the transition from discussing economic growth to social development could benefit from a more explicit linking sentence that highlights the relationship between the two concepts.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas. For example, after discussing the benefits of economic growth, a sentence like "However, it is crucial to recognize that economic growth alone cannot ensure a nation’s overall well-being" could serve as a bridge to the next paragraph. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence can help guide the reader through the essay’s argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with one paragraph dedicated to economic growth and another to social development. Each paragraph contains relevant supporting details, which helps maintain focus. However, the conclusion could be more distinct from the body paragraphs. Currently, it feels somewhat tacked on rather than a cohesive summary of the argument presented.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that the conclusion is clearly marked and summarizes the main points succinctly. A strong concluding paragraph should restate the thesis and briefly recap the key arguments made in the body paragraphs. Additionally, consider using a concluding sentence in each body paragraph that links back to the main argument, reinforcing the overall coherence of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Another reason," and "On the other hand," which help to organize the ideas and signal shifts in the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where repetition occurs, such as the frequent use of "thanks to" at the beginning of sentences.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "thanks to," consider alternatives like "due to," "as a result of," or "consequently." Additionally, employing more complex cohesive devices, such as "in contrast" or "furthermore," can enhance the sophistication of the writing. Practicing the use of these devices in different contexts can help in achieving a more varied and engaging writing style.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion principles, addressing the points mentioned above will help elevate the score further.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "economic growth," "social development," and "human rights" effectively conveying the main ideas. However, the vocabulary tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases such as "economic growth" and "development," which are used multiple times without variation. This limits the overall lexical variety and can detract from the sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer could incorporate synonyms or related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "economic growth," alternatives like "economic advancement," "financial development," or "economic progress" could be employed. Additionally, using more descriptive adjectives or adverbs could enrich the text, such as "significant economic growth" or "rapid development."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay includes some precise vocabulary, such as "social justice" and "gender discrimination," which effectively communicate specific concepts. However, there are instances of imprecise usage, such as "centers entertainment" which should be "centers of entertainment," indicating a grammatical error that affects clarity. Additionally, phrases like "each people needs" are awkward and imprecise, as "each" should be replaced with "individual" or "every" to convey the intended meaning.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and clarity. Reviewing sentence structures for correctness and ensuring that phrases are idiomatic will enhance the overall precision of vocabulary. For example, revising "each people needs" to "the needs of individuals" would clarify the meaning and improve the flow of the essay.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is generally accurate, with only a few minor errors. However, there are instances where spelling could be improved, such as "infrastructures" which is often used in the plural form when referring to the concept in general. The phrase "the country’s economy" is correctly spelled, but the overall use of plurals should be consistent and contextually appropriate.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully, paying close attention to plural forms and ensuring that they are used correctly. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or using spelling apps can help reinforce correct usage. Keeping a list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them regularly can also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and employs relevant vocabulary, there is room for improvement in terms of lexical variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By incorporating a wider range of vocabulary, ensuring grammatical correctness, and refining spelling practices, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of introductory phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" effectively organizes the argument. However, some sentences are overly simplistic or repetitive, such as "Thanks to economic development, human life has improved," which could be expanded into a more complex structure to enhance clarity and sophistication.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more complex sentences that combine ideas. For example, instead of saying "Another reason is that a developing country will receive more attention from other countries," the writer could say, "In addition to economic benefits, a developing country often garners increased international attention, which can lead to enhanced cooperation and investment opportunities." This not only adds complexity but also enriches the argument.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a generally good command of grammar, but there are notable errors that detract from its overall effectiveness. For example, the phrase "centers entertainment, shopping centers" is grammatically incorrect and should be revised to "centers of entertainment and shopping." Additionally, punctuation issues, such as missing commas in complex sentences, can lead to confusion. For instance, "people and society will have a professional learning and working environment and better facilities" could benefit from a comma before "and better facilities" for clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, particularly in subject-verb agreement and sentence structure. Practicing the use of conjunctions and transitional phrases can also help improve sentence flow and coherence. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in lists and complex sentences, will strengthen the overall clarity of the writing.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many governments believe that economic growth is their most essential goal, while others think that other types of advancements are just as vital to a country. From my point of view, I agree with the first opinion.

On the one hand, there are numerous reasons why economic growth is one of the important goals of a country. Firstly, owing to economic development, human life has improved. In this day and age, numerous infrastructures have been constructed to serve the increasing living needs of people, such as entertainment and shopping centers, which not only address the needs of each individual but also help develop the country’s economy. Thanks to this, the country will become richer, and people and society will have a professional learning and working environment along with better facilities. Another reason is that a developing country will receive more attention from other countries. This opens up opportunities to link international relations, thereby collaborating and investing across various sectors to develop the country in many fields.

On the other hand, it cannot be denied that other forms of progress are as important as economic factors. In particular, social development also assumes a crucial role in the development of a country, including social justice, human rights, and equality. For example, addressing social issues related to gender discrimination, inequality among ethnic minorities, and eliminating harmful traditional practices can help the country develop.

In conclusion, economic progress is an essential goal of any country, but it should not lose sight of the importance of social, environmental, and cultural progress. Governments should endeavor to formulate policies that connect these different aspects, ensuring a strategic approach to the development of the nation.