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Many parents today do not spend much time with their children. Why is this?

Many parents today do not spend much time with their children.
Why is this?

Parents' insufficient allocation of time to their children is primarily caused by hectic schedules. In contemporary times, both parents and children are overloaded with their daily tasks. Due to the high cost of living in modern society, parents have a tendency to do additional employment in addition to their standard office hours to secure adequate funds to cover daily expenses. Upon concluding their workday around nine or ten o’clock, this is when children engage in completing homework and assignments for the next school day. As a result, parents and children appear unable to spend quality time together.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Parents’ insufficient allocation of time to their children is primarily caused by hectic schedules."
    -> "Parents’ inadequate allocation of time to their children is primarily attributable to demanding schedules."
    Explanation: Replacing "insufficient" with "inadequate" and "caused by" with "attributable to" enhances precision and formality in describing the lack of time allocation.

  2. "In contemporary times, both parents and children are overloaded with their daily tasks."
    -> "In the present era, both parents and children are burdened with their daily responsibilities."
    Explanation: Substituting "contemporary times" with "present era" and "overloaded" with "burdened" maintains a formal tone and provides a more sophisticated expression of the challenges faced.

  3. "Due to the high cost of living in modern society, parents have a tendency to do additional employment in addition to their standard office hours to secure adequate funds to cover daily expenses."
    -> "Owing to the elevated cost of living in contemporary society, parents often seek supplementary employment beyond their regular office hours to ensure sufficient funds for daily expenses."
    Explanation: The suggested changes replace colloquial expressions like "additional employment" with "supplementary employment" and provide a more refined and formal expression of the economic challenges faced by parents.

  4. "Upon concluding their workday around nine or ten o’clock, this is when children engage in completing homework and assignments for the next school day."
    -> "Upon concluding their workday around nine or ten o’clock, this is the time when children undertake the completion of homework and assignments for the following school day."
    Explanation: The improvement offers a more structured and formal expression, specifying that the mentioned time is when children engage in completing their academic tasks.

  5. "As a result, parents and children appear unable to spend quality time together."
    -> "Consequently, parents and children seem incapable of devoting quality time to each other."
    Explanation: The revised sentence uses a more formal construction, replacing "appear unable" with "seem incapable," and emphasizes the challenge of spending quality time together.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6 – UNDER WORD

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the main point of parents not spending enough time with their children and attributes it to busy schedules. However, it lacks depth in discussing other potential reasons that may contribute to this issue. It does not delve into societal or technological factors that could also play a role. To improve, the writer should consider exploring a broader range of factors influencing this trend.

    • How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay should analyze multiple dimensions of the issue. This may involve discussing societal expectations, the impact of technology, or changes in work culture that contribute to the observed behavior. A more comprehensive exploration would provide a nuanced understanding of the issue.

  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent position by attributing the lack of time spent with children to busy schedules. However, the thesis could be more explicit in stating the position. Additionally, the essay does not consider counterarguments or alternative perspectives, which could strengthen the overall argument.

    • How to improve: To enhance clarity, the writer should explicitly state the main argument in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. Moreover, addressing potential counterarguments can strengthen the essay by demonstrating a thorough consideration of different perspectives.

  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents the idea that busy schedules are the primary reason for parents not spending time with their children. However, it lacks elaboration and specific examples to support this claim. Providing concrete instances or statistics could strengthen the essay’s persuasiveness.

    • How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, the writer should include specific examples or anecdotes that illustrate the impact of busy schedules on parent-child interactions. Additionally, incorporating relevant data or research findings can add credibility to the argument.

  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by addressing the impact of busy schedules on parent-child interactions. However, it could benefit from a more explicit connection to the prompt. The link between busy schedules and the broader issue of not spending enough time with children needs to be articulated more clearly.

    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should explicitly connect the discussion of busy schedules to the broader issue of parental time allocation. This will help readers see the direct relevance of the chosen explanation to the prompt.

In summary, while the essay effectively addresses the main point, it can be improved by considering a wider range of factors, explicitly stating the thesis, incorporating specific examples, and ensuring a more explicit connection to the prompt. These enhancements will contribute to a more comprehensive and well-supported response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to organize information logically by presenting the cause and effect relationship between parents’ busy schedules and the lack of time spent with children. However, the organization could be strengthened. The introduction introduces the issue, but the causation is not explicitly stated until the middle of the paragraph. This could confuse the reader, impacting the overall coherence.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider explicitly stating the cause (hectic schedules) and its effects in the introduction. A clear structure with a well-defined introduction, body, and conclusion will contribute to better coherence.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses a single paragraph to address the prompt. While there is an attempt to introduce the issue, discuss the cause, and elaborate on the effects, the lack of distinct paragraphs affects the overall structure. This impacts readability and makes it challenging for the reader to follow the essay’s flow.
    • How to improve: Divide the essay into distinct paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect (introduction, cause, effects, and conclusion). This will create a more organized and reader-friendly structure. Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supports the overall argument.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay lacks variety in cohesive devices. There is an overreliance on temporal markers, such as "In contemporary times," and "Upon concluding their workday." While these help in establishing a timeline, other cohesive devices like pronouns, transitional phrases, or logical connectors are underutilized.
    • How to improve: To improve, diversify the use of cohesive devices. Incorporate pronouns to refer back to previously mentioned concepts, use logical connectors (e.g., therefore, consequently) to enhance the flow of ideas, and consider transitional phrases for smoother transitions between sentences and ideas.

Overall, while the essay addresses the prompt, there is room for improvement in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices to elevate the coherence and cohesion of the writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary, utilizing words such as "insufficient," "allocation," "contemporary," "overloaded," and "adequate funds." However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the vocabulary further. For instance, using synonyms or alternative phrases for repetitive words like "daily tasks" or "workday" could enhance the lexical variety.

    • How to improve: To enrich the vocabulary range, consider incorporating synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of frequently using "daily tasks," explore alternatives like "routine responsibilities" or "day-to-day duties." Additionally, varying the sentence structure and experimenting with different phrases can contribute to a more nuanced and expansive vocabulary.

  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally precise use of vocabulary. However, there are instances where the language could be more specific. For example, the phrase "additional employment" could be refined to specify the type of work, such as "part-time jobs" or "extra shifts." Precision in vocabulary could enhance the clarity and depth of the essay.

    • How to improve: To achieve greater precision, focus on choosing words that precisely convey the intended meaning. Instead of using broad terms, consider specifying details. For instance, replace "additional employment" with more specific phrases like "second jobs" or "supplementary income sources." This practice will lend more accuracy and depth to the essay.

  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy. However, there are a few instances where the spelling could be improved. For example, "employment" is spelled correctly, but it is used in the plural form, "employments," which is grammatically incorrect.

    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, proofread the essay carefully, paying attention to singular and plural forms. Utilizing spell-check tools and taking the time to review the text before submission can significantly reduce such errors. Additionally, being mindful of grammar rules related to word forms will contribute to improved spelling.

Overall, while the essay exhibits a competent use of vocabulary, refining and expanding the range, ensuring precision, and addressing occasional spelling errors can elevate the lexical resource to a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences with subordinate clauses ("Parents’ insufficient allocation of time to their children is primarily caused by hectic schedules"), compound sentences ("Due to the high cost of living in modern society, parents have a tendency to do additional employment in addition to their standard office hours"), and simple sentences ("As a result, parents and children appear unable to spend quality time together"). However, there is room for improvement in the diversity of sentence structures. More complex structures, such as conditional sentences or inversion, could be incorporated for added richness.
    • How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range, consider incorporating conditional sentences (e.g., "If parents manage their schedules more effectively, they could spend more time with their children") and inversion (e.g., "Not only are parents burdened by their office hours, but they also take on additional employment to meet daily expenses"). This will add variety and sophistication to your writing.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally accurate grammar and punctuation. However, there are instances where the sentence structures can be refined for better clarity. For example, in the phrase "parents have a tendency to do additional employment," the use of "do additional employment" could be revised to "take on additional employment" for greater precision. Additionally, the sentence "Upon concluding their workday around nine or ten o’clock, this is when children engage in completing homework" could be improved for clarity by rephrasing it as "After concluding their workday around nine or ten o’clock, parents often find that children are engrossed in completing homework."
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to verb choices to ensure they accurately convey the intended meaning. Consider using more specific verbs and refining sentence structures for clarity. Also, be cautious with pronoun references to avoid ambiguity. For instance, replace "this is when children engage" with a more explicit reference like "parents often find that children are engaged."

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical structures and punctuation, but there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and refining sentence constructions for enhanced clarity and precision. Incorporating a broader range of grammatical structures and carefully choosing specific verbs can elevate the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Parents’ inadequate allocation of time to their children is mainly attributable to demanding schedules. In the present era, both parents and children are burdened with their daily responsibilities. Owing to the elevated cost of living in contemporary society, parents often seek supplementary employment beyond their regular office hours to ensure sufficient funds for daily expenses. Upon concluding their workday around nine or ten o’clock, this is the time when children undertake the completion of homework and assignments for the following school day. Consequently, parents and children seem incapable of devoting quality time to each other.

The problem of parents not spending enough time with their children stems primarily from the pressures of their busy schedules. In today’s world, both parents and children are overwhelmed by their daily tasks. Due to the high cost of living in modern society, parents tend to take on additional employment beyond their standard office hours to secure adequate funds for covering daily expenses. After wrapping up their workday around nine or ten o’clock, this is the time when children engage in completing homework and assignments for the next school day. As a result, parents and children appear unable to spend quality time together.

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