Many people around the world use social media every day to keep in touch with other people and news events. Do advantages outweigh disadvantages?

The increasing prevalence of social media platforms has undoubtedly transformed the way people communicate and connect with each other. In my opinion, social media is more likely to bring out positive consequences.
On the one hand, the potential drawbacks of social media merit consideration. One primary disadvantage is that social media users may experience feelings of isolation and superficiality in relationships. It is undeniable that online social media platforms often diminish users’ needs for face-to-face interactions which feature genuine emotional connections, non-verbal cues and deep understanding. This can result in a decline in meaningful relationships and a sense of detachment from others. However, I believe that this negative effect can be mitigated if individuals attempt to strike a balance between virtual and physical interactions, contributing to the development of healthy relationships and mental well-being. Another unfavorable aspect is that online news can be distorted and sensationally displayed to increase viewership and entice people to click on. These types of online content may mislead the public and spread a false conception among users, exerting negative impacts on the public’s thought and mindset. For example, celebrities may post their luxury cars, prohibitive holidays while they are actually not owning them, consequently, this may set a bad example for impressionable young people, encouraging them to pursuit materialism.
On the other hand, there is a myriad of advantages brought about by the use of social media. Primarily, it enables people to stay connected with each other regardless of their geographical distances. For example, a son living in the North of Vietnam can easily connect and talk directly to his father residing in the South of Vietnam through ZALO, which is a social media platform allowing real-time connections and interaction. Thus, social media helps to reinforce relationship bonds and foster a sense of connection and community regardless of geographical obstacles. Furthermore, it provides users with an access to excessive sources of latest information and knowledge. This enables people to stay informed with current events worldwide and latest updates, which can not be done when it comes to newspapers and physical books as they take times for release and censorship.
In conclusion, while the abuse of social media does come with the associate downside of the feeling of isolation and distortion of information, the communication benefits and real-time access to information of social media seem to be compelling advantageous. Therefore, in my opinion, the advantages of social media do indeed outweigh the disadvantages.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"In my opinion" -> "From my perspective"
Explanation: "In my opinion" is a colloquial expression that can be replaced with a more formal alternative like "From my perspective," which maintains the writer’s viewpoint without relying on informal language.
"more likely to bring out positive consequences" -> "more likely to yield positive outcomes"
Explanation: "bring out positive consequences" is an awkward phrase; "yield positive outcomes" is a more formal and precise alternative that better fits academic writing.
"merit consideration" -> "merit consideration"
Explanation: This phrase is appropriate in formal writing.
"undoubtedly" -> "undoubtedly"
Explanation: "undoubtedly" is suitable for academic writing and emphasizes the certainty of the statement.
"On the one hand" -> "Firstly"
Explanation: "On the one hand" is less formal than "Firstly" when introducing a point.
"genuine emotional connections, non-verbal cues and deep understanding" -> "authentic emotional connections, nonverbal cues, and profound understanding"
Explanation: Replacing "genuine" with "authentic" and adding proper punctuation enhances clarity and formality.
"meaningful relationships" -> "meaningful relationships"
Explanation: No change needed.
"sense of detachment from others" -> "sense of detachment from others"
Explanation: The original phrase is appropriate in this context.
"mitigated" -> "alleviated"
Explanation: "mitigated" can be replaced with "alleviated" to add variation and sophistication to the language.
"pursuit materialism" -> "pursue materialism"
Explanation: Correcting the verb form to match the subject "encouraging them."
"there is a myriad of" -> "there are myriad"
Explanation: "a myriad of" is grammatically incorrect; "there are myriad" is the correct form for this phrase.
"Primarily" -> "First and foremost"
Explanation: "Primarily" can be replaced with "First and foremost" for added emphasis and formality.
"living in the North of Vietnam" -> "residing in Northern Vietnam"
Explanation: "living in the North of Vietnam" can be simplified to "residing in Northern Vietnam" for clarity and conciseness.
"father residing in the South of Vietnam" -> "father residing in Southern Vietnam"
Explanation: Similarly, "living in the South of Vietnam" can be simplified to "residing in Southern Vietnam" for consistency.
"real-time connections and interaction" -> "real-time connections and interactions"
Explanation: Plural form "interactions" is needed to match the plural noun "connections."
"access to excessive sources of latest information" -> "access to abundant sources of up-to-date information"
Explanation: "excessive" implies an unnecessary amount; "abundant" is a more appropriate term. Additionally, "latest" can be replaced with "up-to-date" for clarity.
"current events worldwide and latest updates" -> "current events worldwide and the latest updates"
Explanation: Adding the definite article "the" before "latest updates" improves grammatical correctness.
"the associate downside" -> "the associated downside"
Explanation: "associate" should be "associated" to correctly modify "downside."
"seem to be compelling advantageous" -> "seem to offer compelling advantages"
Explanation: Restructuring the phrase for clarity and correctness, "compelling advantageous" should be "compelling advantages."
"advantages of social media do indeed outweigh" -> "advantages of social media outweigh"
Explanation: Removing "do indeed" streamlines the sentence while maintaining its meaning.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of using social media as outlined in the prompt. It discusses the potential drawbacks, such as feelings of isolation and the distortion of information, while also acknowledging the benefits, including staying connected regardless of geographical distances and access to a wide range of information.
- How to improve: While the essay adequately covers both sides of the argument, it could benefit from providing more nuanced analysis and perhaps exploring additional dimensions of the advantages and disadvantages. Encouraging deeper reflection on the implications of these factors would enhance the overall response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance throughout, asserting that the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages. This position is consistently supported throughout the essay, with each paragraph reinforcing the notion that the benefits of social media are more significant.
- How to improve: While clarity is commendable, providing some acknowledgment of counterarguments or potential limitations to the presented viewpoint can add depth to the argumentation. This would demonstrate a more nuanced understanding of the topic and further strengthen the position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas adequately, providing examples and explanations to support each point made. Instances such as the discussion of maintaining a balance between virtual and physical interactions and the example of ZALO effectively extend and illustrate the arguments.
- How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, the essay could benefit from further elaboration on the presented examples and their relevance to the overall argument. Additionally, integrating additional evidence or real-life examples could enrich the discussion and provide more depth to the analysis.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic, discussing the advantages and disadvantages of social media in relation to communication and access to information. However, there are moments where the discussion veers slightly off track, such as the mention of materialism without a clear connection to the main theme.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, it’s essential to ensure that all examples and arguments directly relate to the main topic of social media’s advantages and disadvantages. Avoiding tangents and ensuring that each point made contributes to the overall argumentation will help improve coherence and relevance.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and maintains a clear position throughout, there is room for improvement in providing more nuanced analysis, acknowledging counterarguments, elaborating on presented ideas, and ensuring coherence and relevance throughout the discussion. Implementing these suggestions would enhance the depth and quality of the response, potentially leading to a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear organizational structure with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on either advantages or disadvantages of social media, providing relevant examples to support the arguments. The progression of ideas is logical, moving smoothly from discussing disadvantages to advantages and concluding with a balanced summary.
- How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, ensure that each paragraph maintains a clear topic sentence and follows a cohesive structure. Additionally, consider integrating transitions between paragraphs to facilitate smoother flow between ideas and enhance coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively utilizes paragraphs to separate different aspects of the argument. Each paragraph addresses a specific point related to either the advantages or disadvantages of social media, allowing for focused discussion within each section. However, some paragraphs could be further developed to provide more depth and analysis.
- How to improve: Aim to expand on each point within the paragraphs by providing additional examples or elaborating on the implications of the discussed issues. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph maintains unity and coherence by focusing on a single idea or aspect of the argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate use of cohesive devices to connect ideas and maintain coherence. Examples include transitional phrases such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which signal shifts between discussing advantages and disadvantages. Additionally, pronouns like "this" and "these" are used to refer back to previously mentioned concepts, aiding in coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance coherence, consider incorporating a wider variety of cohesive devices such as conjunctions (e.g., "furthermore," "however"), parallel structure, and repetition of key terms or phrases. This will help to strengthen the connections between ideas and create a smoother flow of information throughout the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, encompassing varied lexical choices to articulate ideas effectively. For instance, phrases like "prevalence of social media platforms," "diminish users’ needs for face-to-face interactions," "excessive sources of latest information," and "compelling advantageous" exhibit a breadth of vocabulary usage. These expressions contribute to the essay’s coherence and depth of analysis.
- How to improve: To further enhance lexical resource, consider integrating more specialized vocabulary related to the discussion of social media’s impacts. For example, incorporating terms such as "digital engagement," "algorithmic curation," or "virtual discourse" could enrich the discussion and demonstrate a nuanced understanding of the topic.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay employs vocabulary with reasonable precision, effectively conveying intended meanings. For instance, phrases like "distorted and sensationally displayed," "reinforce relationship bonds," and "access to excessive sources of latest information" demonstrate precise word choice. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For example, the term "excessive" in "access to excessive sources of latest information" may not accurately convey the intended meaning, as it implies an overabundance rather than a wide range of information.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, strive for greater specificity in vocabulary selection. Instead of "excessive," consider alternatives such as "diverse" or "abundant" to more accurately convey the idea of a broad spectrum of information sources. Additionally, ensure that each word used aligns precisely with the intended meaning to avoid any ambiguity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally high level of spelling accuracy, with few noticeable errors detracting from readability. Examples such as "prevalence," "interaction," and "conclusion" are spelled correctly, contributing to the overall clarity of the writing.
- How to improve: While spelling accuracy is generally strong, it’s essential to remain vigilant for potential errors, especially with complex or less common words. Consider utilizing spell-checking tools or proofreading techniques to catch any overlooked mistakes and maintain consistency in spelling throughout the essay. Additionally, expanding familiarity with spelling conventions through regular reading and writing practice can further reinforce accuracy in this aspect.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, ranging from simple to complex. For instance, it employs compound and complex sentences to present ideas with depth and clarity. Moreover, the essay effectively uses conditional sentences ("if…then") to present hypothetical situations and provide nuanced viewpoints. Transitional phrases such as "on the one hand" and "on the other hand" are also utilized to organize ideas logically and enhance coherence.
- How to improve: While the essay already showcases a good range of sentence structures, further diversification can enhance its overall sophistication. Introducing more complex sentence constructions, such as inverted sentences or parallel structures, could elevate the quality of expression. Additionally, varying sentence lengths can add rhythm and flow to the writing, capturing the reader’s attention more effectively.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors scattered throughout. For example, there are instances of subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., "social media platforms has" should be "social media platforms have") and punctuation errors (e.g., missing commas after introductory phrases). However, these errors do not significantly impede comprehension or detract from the overall clarity of the essay.
- How to improve: To further enhance grammatical accuracy, meticulous proofreading focusing on subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and punctuation rules is recommended. Utilizing grammar check tools or seeking feedback from peers can also help identify and rectify any lingering errors. Additionally, revisiting common grammar rules through targeted practice can solidify understanding and improve proficiency over time.

Bài sửa mẫu

The increasing prevalence of social media platforms has undoubtedly transformed the way people communicate and connect with each other. From my perspective, social media is more likely to yield positive outcomes.

On the one hand, the potential drawbacks of social media merit consideration. One primary disadvantage is that social media users may experience feelings of isolation and superficiality in relationships. It is undoubtedly true that online social media platforms often diminish users’ needs for face-to-face interactions, which feature authentic emotional connections, nonverbal cues, and profound understanding. This can result in a decline in meaningful relationships and a sense of detachment from others. However, I believe that this negative effect can be alleviated if individuals attempt to strike a balance between virtual and physical interactions, contributing to the development of healthy relationships and mental well-being. Another unfavorable aspect is that online news can be distorted and sensationally displayed to increase viewership and entice people to click. These types of online content may mislead the public and spread false conceptions among users, exerting negative impacts on the public’s thought and mindset. For example, celebrities may post pictures of luxury cars and extravagant holidays they do not actually own, setting a bad example for impressionable young people and encouraging them to pursue materialism.

On the other hand, there are myriad advantages brought about by the use of social media. Firstly, it enables people to stay connected with each other regardless of their geographical distances. For example, a son residing in Northern Vietnam can easily connect and talk directly to his father residing in Southern Vietnam through ZALO, a social media platform allowing real-time connections and interactions. Thus, social media helps to reinforce relationship bonds and foster a sense of connection and community regardless of geographical obstacles. Furthermore, it provides users with access to abundant sources of up-to-date information. This enables people to stay informed about current events worldwide and the latest updates, which cannot be achieved with newspapers and physical books as they take time for release and censorship.

In conclusion, while the abuse of social media does come with associated downsides such as the feeling of isolation and distortion of information, the communication benefits and real-time access to information of social media undoubtedly outweigh the disadvantages. Therefore, in my opinion, the advantages of social media indeed outweigh the disadvantages.