Many people around the world use social media everyday to keep in touch with other people and get new events. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

It is true that in recent years, there has been a major concern about using social media platforms for different purposes. This situation, in my opinion though, obviously exerts merits and demerits.

On the one hand, the benefits of utilizing these platforms are seen clearly, however, there are several potential long-term drawbacks that can not be ignored. The constant flow of information that is usually overloaded from various facets of these social media platforms could lead to confusion in distinguishing and receiving information. Therefore, users can not discern the truth from fake information and negative beliefs. From this people can be easily misled, thus leading to potential chaos in their minds. Moreover, the social nature is expressed through social media platforms by a few individuals which seems not entirely accurate. For example, in my country, young people tend to mimic the negative ways that internet idols show their personal lives through these platforms. This is one of the main culprits that could lead to disadvantageous impacts on their mental well-being because these images may be distorted from reality.

On the other hand, there are some advantages that are offered by these platforms. I contend that social media platforms always bring the benefits of connections. These platforms not only allow people to keep in touch sustainable relationships with each other and reconnect with old friends, but they also facilitate to building of new relationships and expanding social circles. This fosters feelings of community and belonging, especially for those geographically distant and facing social isolation. Besides, many education and work opportunities are provided by platforms like Facebook and TikTok because of their quick dissemination. People have a chance to access and accept information in these fields in an easy and quick way. Best of all, these things help people capture and shape information in real-time of the constant flow of the world.

In conclusion, although this situation has several potential drawbacks, I firmly believe that the advantages always overwhelm the disadvantages in the long run when these platforms are used responsibly.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It is true that" -> "It is evident that"
Explanation: "It is evident that" is a more formal and assertive way to introduce a statement, enhancing the academic tone of the essay.
"in my opinion though" -> "however"
Explanation: "However" is a more formal transitional phrase suitable for academic writing, replacing the more conversational "in my opinion though."
"obviously exerts merits and demerits" -> "clearly presents both merits and demerits"
Explanation: "Presents" is more precise and academically appropriate than "exerts," which is not commonly used in this context. Additionally, "clearly" is more formal than "obviously," aligning better with academic style.
"can not" -> "cannot"
Explanation: "Cannot" is the correct form of the contraction for "can not," which is more commonly used in formal writing.
"usually overloaded" -> "often overwhelming"
Explanation: "Overwhelming" is a more precise and formal term than "overloaded," which is somewhat colloquial and vague in this context.
"users can not discern" -> "users cannot discern"
Explanation: "Cannot" is the correct form of the contraction, and "discern" is a more formal choice than "distinguish" in this context.
"From this people can be easily misled" -> "This can easily mislead people"
Explanation: Reversing the order improves the sentence structure and clarity, making it more direct and formal.
"the social nature is expressed" -> "social norms are expressed"
Explanation: "Social norms" is a more specific and academically appropriate term than "the social nature," which is vague and imprecise.
"which seems not entirely accurate" -> "which may not be entirely accurate"
Explanation: "May not be" is a more tentative and academically appropriate way to express uncertainty than "seems not," which is informal and less precise.
"disadvantageous impacts" -> "negative impacts"
Explanation: "Negative impacts" is a clearer and more direct term than "disadvantageous impacts," which is less commonly used and can be confusing.
"always bring the benefits of connections" -> "consistently provide benefits of connectivity"
Explanation: "Consistently provide" is more formal and precise than "always bring," and "connectivity" is a more specific term than "connections" in this context.
"facilitate to building of new relationships" -> "facilitate the building of new relationships"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "building" corrects the grammatical error and improves the flow of the sentence.
"Best of all" -> "most notably"
Explanation: "Most notably" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "Best of all," which is colloquial and informal.
"capture and shape information" -> "gather and process information"
Explanation: "Gather and process" are more precise verbs for describing the actions of collecting and analyzing data, enhancing the academic tone of the essay.
"in real-time of the constant flow of the world" -> "in real-time with the constantly evolving global landscape"
Explanation: This revision clarifies and formalizes the phrase, replacing the vague and awkward original construction with a more precise and contextually appropriate expression.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of social media. The introduction sets the stage for a balanced discussion, while the body paragraphs clearly delineate the drawbacks (e.g., misinformation, negative influence on mental well-being) and benefits (e.g., maintaining relationships, educational opportunities) of social media. However, the exploration of disadvantages could be more comprehensive, as it primarily focuses on a couple of points without delving into other potential issues such as privacy concerns or addiction.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could include additional disadvantages, such as the impact of social media on privacy or the potential for addiction. This would provide a more rounded view and ensure that all parts of the question are thoroughly addressed.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages. This stance is consistently reinforced throughout the essay, particularly in the conclusion. However, the phrase "this situation, in my opinion though, obviously exerts merits and demerits" in the introduction could be clearer, as it somewhat dilutes the strength of the position by suggesting ambiguity.
- How to improve: Strengthening the introduction by explicitly stating the belief that advantages outweigh disadvantages would enhance clarity. Additionally, reinforcing this position with more decisive language throughout the essay would help maintain a strong stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas effectively, particularly in the advantages section, where it discusses the benefits of social media for connection and opportunities. However, the support for the disadvantages is less robust; while examples are provided, they could be expanded upon to deepen the analysis. For instance, the mention of "chaos in their minds" could be elaborated with specific examples or statistics to illustrate the impact of misinformation.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and evidence for both sides of the argument. Incorporating data, studies, or more specific scenarios could strengthen the support for each point made.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the advantages and disadvantages of social media as requested by the prompt. However, there are moments where the discussion could be tightened. For example, the phrase "the social nature is expressed through social media platforms by a few individuals" is somewhat vague and could be more directly tied to the main argument about social media’s impact.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the advantages or disadvantages of social media. Clarifying vague statements and ensuring that all examples are relevant to the argument will help keep the essay tightly aligned with the prompt.

Overall, the essay demonstrates strong analytical skills and a clear understanding of the topic, meriting a Band 8. With some refinements in depth and clarity, it could potentially reach an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. However, the transition between the discussion of disadvantages and advantages could be smoother. For instance, the phrase "On the other hand" is used effectively to signal a shift, but the connection between the two sections could be strengthened by summarizing the previous points before introducing the advantages. This would enhance the logical flow of ideas.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that summarize the previous point before introducing a new one. For example, after discussing the disadvantages, a sentence like "Despite these significant drawbacks, it is important to recognize the numerous benefits that social media can offer" would create a more cohesive transition.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The first paragraph discusses the disadvantages, while the second focuses on the advantages. However, the first paragraph is somewhat lengthy and could be broken down into two distinct paragraphs to enhance clarity and focus. For example, the discussion of misinformation and its effects could be one paragraph, while the impact of social media on mental well-being could be another.
- How to improve: To enhance paragraphing, aim for a clear topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph that encapsulates the main idea. Additionally, consider splitting longer paragraphs into smaller ones to avoid overwhelming the reader and to allow for more focused discussions on each point.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs several cohesive devices, such as "however," "moreover," and "besides," to connect ideas and maintain flow. While these devices are effective, there is a tendency to rely on a limited range. For instance, the repeated use of "these platforms" could be varied with synonyms or pronouns to avoid redundancy and enhance cohesion.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a broader range of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "these platforms," consider using "such services," "social networks," or simply "they." Additionally, varying sentence structures and using more complex cohesive devices, such as "in contrast" or "consequently," can further enhance the essay’s cohesiveness.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, addressing these areas for improvement will elevate the writing quality and potentially lead to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "utilizing," "overloaded," "discern," and "dissemination." However, there are instances of repetition and limited variety in word choice, particularly in phrases like "social media platforms," which appears multiple times without synonyms or variations. This repetition can detract from the overall impression of lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly saying "social media platforms," you could use "online networks," "digital platforms," or "social networking sites." Additionally, incorporating more advanced vocabulary related to the topic, such as "interconnectivity" or "virtual communities," would strengthen the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While some vocabulary is used accurately, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "the social nature is expressed through social media platforms by a few individuals" is somewhat vague and could be clearer. The term "chaos in their minds" is also a bit dramatic and may not accurately convey the intended meaning.
- How to improve: Aim for clarity and precision in word choice. Instead of "chaos in their minds," consider phrases like "confusion" or "misunderstanding." Clarifying the statement about social nature could involve specifying how social media affects interpersonal relationships, perhaps by saying, "the portrayal of social interactions on these platforms can be misleading."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, with only a few minor errors. However, the phrase "can not" should be written as "cannot," which is a common spelling error that can affect the overall impression of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, practice proofreading your work carefully. Consider reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools to catch errors. Additionally, familiarizing yourself with commonly misspelled words can help reduce mistakes in future essays.

By addressing these areas—expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and improving spelling accuracy—the overall quality of the essay can be significantly elevated, potentially leading to a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "The constant flow of information that is usually overloaded from various facets of these social media platforms could lead to confusion in distinguishing and receiving information" effectively convey intricate ideas. Additionally, the use of conditional structures, as seen in "when these platforms are used responsibly," showcases an understanding of nuanced expression. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings, such as multiple sentences starting with "the" or "there," which can detract from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, consider varying the sentence openings and incorporating more compound and complex sentences. For example, instead of starting several sentences with "there are," try rephrasing to begin with the subject or using introductory phrases. This will create a more engaging flow and demonstrate a broader range of grammatical structures.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For example, the phrase "can not" should be written as "cannot" for standard English usage. Additionally, the sentence "the social nature is expressed through social media platforms by a few individuals which seems not entirely accurate" could benefit from clearer punctuation; a comma before "which" would enhance readability. The use of punctuation is mostly correct, but there are a few run-on sentences that could be better punctuated to improve clarity.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on common contractions and ensure that compound sentences are properly punctuated. Regularly reviewing punctuation rules, especially for clauses and conjunctions, can help in refining this aspect. Additionally, proofreading the essay for minor errors, such as the use of "can not" instead of "cannot," will enhance overall grammatical precision.

Overall, the essay reflects a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, meriting a Band Score of 8. By addressing the noted areas for improvement, the writer can further elevate their writing quality.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is true that in recent years, there has been a major concern about using social media platforms for various purposes. This situation, in my opinion, clearly presents both merits and demerits.

On the one hand, the benefits of utilizing these platforms are evident; however, there are several potential long-term drawbacks that cannot be ignored. The constant flow of information that is often overwhelming from various facets of these social media platforms could lead to confusion in distinguishing and receiving accurate information. Therefore, users cannot discern the truth from fake information and negative beliefs. This can easily mislead people, potentially leading to chaos in their minds. Moreover, the social norms are expressed through social media platforms by a few individuals, which may not be entirely accurate. For example, in my country, young people tend to mimic the negative behaviors that internet idols display in their personal lives through these platforms. This is one of the main culprits that could lead to negative impacts on their mental well-being because these images may be distorted from reality.

On the other hand, there are significant advantages offered by these platforms. I contend that social media platforms consistently provide benefits of connectivity. These platforms not only allow people to maintain sustainable relationships with each other and reconnect with old friends, but they also facilitate the building of new relationships and expanding social circles. This fosters feelings of community and belonging, especially for those who are geographically distant and facing social isolation. Additionally, many educational and work opportunities are provided by platforms like Facebook and TikTok due to their quick dissemination of information. People have the chance to access and gather information in these fields in an easy and rapid manner. Most notably, these features help people capture and process information in real-time with the constantly evolving global landscape.

In conclusion, although this situation has several potential drawbacks, I firmly believe that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages in the long run when these platforms are used responsibly.