Many people believe that it is easier to have a healthy lifestyle in the countryside. Other believe that there are health benefits of living in cities. Discuss both views and give your opinions.
Many people argue that whether living in urban or rural areas provides better qualities for a healthy lifestyle. While living in the countryside can have positive impacts due to its nonpolluted surrounding environment, city life can also be beneficial given its health-related services. I would contend that living in the city may bring better health conditions.
It is indisputable that the environmental quality in remote areas can allow various heal-related benefits. Evidently, various industrial land in the city releases a huge amount of exhaust carbon emissions annually, resulting in catastrophically exacerbating the air quality. This ultimately poses a threat to citizen’s health. Similarly, for infrastructure purposes, the urban area tends to be lack green spaces, which found often in the countryside, leading to a lack of fresh air. In contrast, an absence of pollutants is mostly observed in rural regions without much factories and a wide range of greenery sites which is considered a crucial condition for a healthy life as they can inhale clean and fresh air.
While the positive impacts of the countryside life owning to its air quality are widely acknowledged, the cities are usually provided numerous health-related services. Although not possessing a pristine environment, the living standard with advanced health systems is witnessed more apparent in the city. In particular, citizens tend to be allowed to various requirements ranging from basic public welfare to even modern facilities such as hospitals. Consider the COVID-19 pandemic as a prime example, without access to cutting-edge medical amenities and equipment, people cannot able to survive the contagious disease. Hence, city dwellers provide an opportunity to maintain a more secure healthy life.
In conclusion, despite environmental pollution and lack of green space, I believe that access to a wealth of necessities in addition to state-of-the-art resources can assure urban citizens better health conditions.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
"heal-related benefits" -> "health-related benefits"
Explanation: The term "heal-related" seems to be a typographical error. Replacing it with "health-related" maintains the intended meaning in a more correct and formal manner.
"catastrophically exacerbating" -> "significantly exacerbating"
Explanation: "Catastrophically exacerbating" may be too strong and imprecise. "Significantly exacerbating" maintains the emphasis on the negative impact while sounding more appropriate in an academic context.
"lack green spaces" -> "lack of green spaces"
Explanation: "Lack green spaces" is grammatically incorrect. Adding "of" makes the phrase grammatically accurate.
"which found often" -> "which are often found"
Explanation: The phrase should be structured as "which are often found" to convey the frequency of occurrence of green spaces in the countryside.
"owning to its air quality" -> "owing to its air quality"
Explanation: "Owning to" is incorrect; it should be "owing to" to indicate the reason or cause, in this case, the positive impacts attributed to air quality.
"provided numerous health-related services" -> "offer numerous health-related services"
Explanation: "Provided" might suggest a passive structure. Using "offer" makes the sentence more active and engaging.
"witnessed more apparent" -> "more apparent"
Explanation: Removing "witnessed" simplifies the sentence while retaining its intended meaning, making it clearer and more concise.
"tend to be allowed to various requirements" -> "have access to various necessities"
Explanation: The phrase "tend to be allowed to various requirements" is unclear. "Have access to various necessities" conveys the idea of having access to essential services more explicitly.
"cannot able to survive" -> "cannot survive"
Explanation: "Cannot able to" is redundant. Using "cannot survive" maintains the meaning without unnecessary repetition.
"maintain a more secure healthy life" -> "maintain a healthier life"
Explanation: Simplifying "maintain a more secure healthy life" to "maintain a healthier life" retains the essence of the statement without compromising clarity.
The revisions aim to enhance the essay’s clarity, accuracy, and formality while ensuring the vocabulary aligns with academic writing standards.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
Answer All Parts of the Question: Characteristic of Band 8
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both perspectives on whether a healthy lifestyle is easier in the countryside or cities. It discusses the positive impacts of the countryside’s non-polluted environment and the health-related services available in cities. The inclusion of the author’s opinion adds depth to the response.
- How to improve: To further enhance this characteristic, consider providing more specific examples or illustrations to support the points made in each perspective. This can offer a richer understanding of the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout: Characteristic of Band 8
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, stating the author’s belief in the benefits of city life for better health conditions. The position is well-developed and directly addresses the prompt.
- How to improve: While the position is clear, adding more nuanced and detailed arguments could strengthen the overall presentation of the author’s viewpoint.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas: Characteristic of Band 8
- Detailed explanation: The ideas are relevant and supported, with examples such as the impact of industrial emissions in cities and the availability of health services. However, some points could be more fully developed for a more thorough exploration of the topic.
- How to improve: Elaborate on the potential drawbacks of countryside living, providing more insight into challenges that may counterbalance the benefits. Additionally, expand on the discussion of health services in cities to offer a more comprehensive analysis.
Stay on Topic: Characteristic of Band 8
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively stays on topic throughout, addressing the countryside vs. city debate and consistently tying back to the impact on health conditions.
- How to improve: To enhance focus, ensure that each point made contributes directly to the discussion of the impact on a healthy lifestyle. This can be achieved by avoiding unnecessary details or tangential information.
Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt, effectively explores both perspectives, and presents a clear position. To improve, consider providing more specific examples, developing arguments further, and ensuring that all details contribute directly to the central theme.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
Organize Information Logically: Characteristic of Band 6
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a mostly coherent arrangement of ideas with a clear overall structure. The introduction introduces the topic effectively, and each paragraph contributes to the overall discussion. The writer presents arguments for both urban and rural living before expressing a personal opinion, contributing to a logical flow of ideas. However, some sentences could be refined for smoother transitions between ideas. For instance, the transition from discussing rural air quality to urban health services could be more seamless.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases or sentences to connect ideas more smoothly. Ensure that the progression of arguments is clear and follows a natural sequence.
Use Paragraphs: Characteristic of Band 7
- Detailed explanation: The essay’s paragraphing is generally effective, with mostly logical idea sequencing. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic, maintaining a clear structure. The introduction and conclusion are appropriately structured, providing a well-rounded essay. However, in the body paragraphs, some sentences may be overly complex, affecting readability.
- How to improve: While maintaining the overall effective structure, aim for clarity in individual sentences. Break down complex sentences into smaller, more digestible units to enhance readability. This will contribute to a smoother flow of ideas within each paragraph.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices: Characteristic of Band 6
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks flexibility in the use of cohesive devices, resulting in occasional repetition and errors. Some cohesive devices are used effectively, such as "while" to introduce contrasting ideas. However, there is room for improvement in the variety of cohesive devices employed. Additionally, the transition between paragraphs could be strengthened for a more cohesive overall essay.
- How to improve: Diversify the use of cohesive devices by incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. Experiment with synonyms and alternative expressions to reduce repetition. Pay special attention to the coherence between paragraphs; use transitional devices to ensure a smoother flow between different sections of the essay.
In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates a commendable level of coherence and cohesion, refining the logical organization, enhancing sentence-level clarity, and diversifying the use of cohesive devices will contribute to a more polished and effective piece of writing.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary: Characteristic of Band 7
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient vocabulary with some flexibility and precision. There is an attempt to use varied language throughout the essay, such as "heal-related benefits," "exhaust carbon emissions," and "cutting-edge medical amenities." However, there are instances where a more diverse and nuanced vocabulary could enhance the expression of ideas.
- How to improve: To achieve a higher score in this aspect, strive for greater diversity in vocabulary. Replace repetitive terms with synonyms, explore more nuanced expressions, and incorporate specific domain-related terminology where applicable. For instance, instead of frequently using "health-related services," consider alternatives like "medical facilities" or "healthcare amenities."
Use Vocabulary Precisely: Characteristic of Band 6
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally conveys clear meanings, but there is occasional imprecision in vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "advanced health systems" could be more specific, and the term "heal-related benefits" may not be entirely precise. Additionally, there are instances where more precise vocabulary could elevate the clarity of ideas.
- How to improve: Aim for more precision by carefully selecting words that precisely convey your intended meaning. For example, replace vague terms like "heal-related benefits" with more specific phrases like "health-related advantages" or "well-being benefits." Be attentive to the specificity of language, especially in areas where clarity is crucial, to enhance overall precision.
Use Correct Spelling: Characteristic of Band 7
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates few spelling errors, and they do not significantly detract from overall clarity. However, there are some minor issues, such as "heal" instead of "health" and "widely acknowledged" instead of "widely recognized."
- How to improve: While the spelling errors are minimal, proofreading for accuracy is essential. Pay close attention to commonly confused words, such as "heal" and "health." Additionally, consider using spell-check tools to catch minor errors and enhance overall spelling accuracy. Proofreading before submission is crucial to maintaining a high standard of written English.
Overall, the essay exhibits a reasonably strong command of vocabulary and spelling, but refining precision and incorporating a wider range of vocabulary can contribute to an improved score in Lexical Resource.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
Use a Wide Range of Structures: Characteristic of Band 7
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a commendable variety of sentence structures, incorporating both simple and complex constructions. There is evidence of flexibility and accuracy in sentence formation, enhancing the overall fluency of the writing. For instance, the author effectively uses complex sentences to convey ideas, contributing to a more sophisticated writing style.
- How to improve: To further elevate the essay’s grammatical range, consider incorporating a mix of compound and compound-complex sentences. Additionally, experiment with varied sentence beginnings to enhance overall coherence.
Use Grammar Accurately: Characteristic of Band 8
- Detailed explanation: The essay showcases a high level of grammatical accuracy, with the majority of sentences being error-free. While there are occasional minor errors, they do not significantly hinder the overall clarity and precision of the writing. Examples of well-executed grammar include appropriate verb tense usage and subject-verb agreement.
- How to improve: To achieve an even higher level of accuracy, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement in complex sentences. Additionally, proofread carefully to catch and rectify minor errors, ensuring a consistently polished and precise expression.
Use Correct Punctuation: Characteristic of Band 7
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates well-controlled punctuation. Most punctuation marks are appropriately used to guide the reader through the text. Commas, periods, and other punctuation elements contribute to the overall coherence of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance punctuation skills, consider incorporating more complex punctuation marks, such as semicolons and colons, where appropriate. Additionally, review instances where commas may be omitted or inserted for improved clarity, ensuring a seamless flow of ideas.
Overall, the essay attains a Band Score of 7 for Grammatical Range and Accuracy, showcasing a strong command of grammar and a commendable variety of sentence structures. To further improve, focus on refining sentence complexity, addressing minor grammatical errors, and incorporating more advanced punctuation where suitable.
Bài sửa mẫu
The debate over whether a healthy lifestyle is more attainable in urban or rural areas is a topic of much discussion. While rural living can offer positive effects due to its unpolluted surroundings, city life also has health-related benefits. In my view, city living may indeed contribute to better health conditions.
Undeniably, the environmental quality in remote areas can provide various health-related benefits. It is evident that the industrial activity in cities releases a significant amount of carbon emissions annually, significantly exacerbating air quality and posing a threat to citizens’ health. Additionally, urban areas, often lacking green spaces abundant in the countryside, result in a scarcity of fresh air. In contrast, rural regions, with fewer factories and ample greenery, boast cleaner air, a crucial factor for a healthy life.
While the positive impacts of countryside living owing to its air quality are widely acknowledged, cities typically offer numerous health-related services. Despite not having a pristine environment, the urban lifestyle comes with advanced health systems, more apparent in the availability of various necessities. Citizens have access to basic public welfare and even modern facilities such as hospitals. Take the COVID-19 pandemic, for instance; without access to cutting-edge medical amenities and equipment, people cannot survive such contagious diseases. Therefore, city dwellers have the opportunity to maintain a more secure and healthier life.
In conclusion, despite environmental pollution and a lack of green space, I believe that urban citizens, with access to a wealth of necessities and state-of-the-art resources, can enjoy better health conditions.