Many people believe that living in a city brings disadvantages. Why and its consequences ? Write a paragraph about 150-170 words

Living in a city brings about many opportunity, but accompanying it are solemn problems. There are two cogent reasons why people ought to take it into consideration. To start with, traffic is a prevalent problem of city life. For thousand years, people have flocked to the cities, creating an explosive population growth there which results in heavy traffic and traffic congestion often happening, especially, in rush hour. Not only does it cause wasting of time, but it also leads to the increase of distress or tired extent of dwellers. It gradually worsen air pollution and health issues. Another drawback of living in metropolis is that its high cost of living may be a obstacle to certain individuals. Exorbitant cost from housing price to food and other services is an obvious aspect of life in large urban; hence, a considerable of citizens have to work harder and sometimes sacrifice their rest time to adapt financial call for, security the life of themselves and family as well. Income disparity is also at risk of creating the inequality between social classes. In essence, no matter what disadvantages it has, the benefits it brings often make it a worthwhile experience for those who figure out growth and opportunities.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Living in a city brings about many opportunity" -> "Living in a city offers numerous opportunities"
Explanation: "Brings about" is somewhat informal and vague; "offers" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic style better. Additionally, "many opportunity" should be pluralized to "numerous opportunities" for grammatical correctness and clarity.
"solemn problems" -> "serious problems"
Explanation: "Solemn" typically means dignified or formal, which is not the intended meaning here. "Serious" accurately conveys the severity of the issues discussed.
"cogent reasons" -> "compelling reasons"
Explanation: "Cogent" typically refers to logical or convincing arguments, which may not be the best fit for reasons why people should consider problems. "Compelling" better captures the idea of strong, persuasive reasons.
"For thousand years" -> "For thousands of years"
Explanation: "For thousand" is grammatically incorrect; "thousands of years" is the correct form.
"flocked to the cities" -> "migrated to the cities"
Explanation: "Flocked" is somewhat informal and can imply a sudden, unorganized movement. "Migrated" is more formal and precise, suitable for academic writing.
"explosive population growth" -> "rapid population growth"
Explanation: "Explosive" is metaphorical and may be seen as overly dramatic for an academic context. "Rapid" is straightforward and maintains a formal tone.
"often happening" -> "frequently occurring"
Explanation: "Often happening" is informal and slightly vague. "Frequently occurring" is more precise and formal.
"wasting of time" -> "waste of time"
Explanation: "Wasting of time" is grammatically incorrect; "waste of time" is the correct phrase.
"distress or tired extent of dwellers" -> "distress or fatigue among residents"
Explanation: "Tired extent" is unclear and awkward; "fatigue" is a more precise term for physical or mental exhaustion. "Dwellers" is less common and less formal than "residents."
"It gradually worsen" -> "It gradually worsens"
Explanation: "Worsen" is a verb that requires a singular subject, so "worsens" is grammatically correct.
"its high cost of living may be a obstacle" -> "its high cost of living may pose an obstacle"
Explanation: "May be a obstacle" is grammatically incorrect; "may pose an obstacle" is the correct phrase.
"Exorbitant cost from housing price to food and other services" -> "Exorbitant costs, including housing prices, food, and other services"
Explanation: "Cost" should be plural to match the plural context, and "including" is more precise than "from."
"a considerable of citizens" -> "a significant number of citizens"
Explanation: "A considerable of citizens" is grammatically incorrect; "a significant number of citizens" is correct and clearer.
"adapt financial call for" -> "meet financial demands"
Explanation: "Adapt financial call for" is unclear and awkward; "meet financial demands" is straightforward and formal.
"security the life of themselves and family as well" -> "ensure the security of their lives and those of their families"
Explanation: "Security the life" is grammatically incorrect; "ensure the security of their lives" is correct. Also, "as well" is redundant and informal; "those of their families" is more precise.
"Income disparity is also at risk of creating the inequality" -> "Income disparity also poses a risk of creating inequality"
Explanation: "Is also at risk of creating the inequality" is awkward and verbose; "poses a risk of creating inequality" is more direct and formal.
"no matter what disadvantages it has" -> "despite its disadvantages"
Explanation: "No matter what disadvantages it has" is informal and verbose; "despite its disadvantages" is concise and maintains a formal tone.
"figure out growth and opportunities" -> "capitalize on growth and opportunities"
Explanation: "Figure out" is informal and vague; "capitalize on" is a precise and formal expression that fits the context better.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing the disadvantages of living in a city, specifically focusing on traffic issues and the high cost of living. However, it fails to fully explore the "why" and "consequences" aspects of the question. For instance, while the essay mentions traffic congestion and its effects, it does not adequately explain why these issues arise or the broader consequences they have on individuals and society. Additionally, the phrase "no matter what disadvantages it has" suggests a lack of thorough engagement with the prompt’s requirements.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should ensure that both parts of the question are explicitly addressed. This could involve providing more context about why traffic congestion occurs (e.g., urbanization, inadequate infrastructure) and discussing the consequences of these disadvantages on mental health, social interactions, or economic stability.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that acknowledges the disadvantages of city living but lacks clarity and consistency. The concluding statement suggests that the benefits outweigh the disadvantages, which contradicts the focus on the negative aspects. This inconsistency can confuse the reader about the writer’s stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should decide whether they want to argue primarily against city living or acknowledge both sides more evenly. If the latter is the goal, the essay should include a balanced discussion of both advantages and disadvantages, clearly delineating the writer’s perspective.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas related to the disadvantages of city living, such as traffic and cost of living. However, these ideas are not well-developed or supported with sufficient detail. For example, the mention of "air pollution and health issues" is vague and lacks specific examples or data that could strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should elaborate on each point with specific examples, statistics, or anecdotes. For instance, discussing specific health issues caused by air pollution or providing examples of how high living costs affect people’s daily lives would add depth to the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the disadvantages of living in a city. However, the final sentence introduces the idea of benefits without adequately connecting it to the previous discussion, which can distract from the main focus. The phrase "worthwhile experience for those who figure out growth and opportunities" feels out of place and detracts from the overall coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should avoid introducing new ideas in the conclusion that do not relate directly to the main argument. Instead, the conclusion should summarize the key points made in the essay and reinforce the main argument about the disadvantages of city living.

Overall, the essay needs to be more comprehensive and cohesive to achieve a higher band score. Addressing the prompt more thoroughly, maintaining a clear position, elaborating on ideas with specific support, and staying focused on the topic will significantly enhance the quality of the response. Additionally, ensuring that the essay meets the word count requirement will also positively impact the overall score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction that outlines the topic and two main points discussing the disadvantages of city living: traffic congestion and high cost of living. However, the logical flow could be improved. For example, the transition from discussing traffic issues to the cost of living feels abrupt. The connection between these two points could be strengthened by explicitly linking them to the overarching theme of urban challenges.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that connect ideas more fluidly. For instance, after discussing traffic, a sentence like "In addition to traffic woes, another significant challenge faced by city dwellers is the high cost of living" would create a smoother transition. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea will help guide the reader through the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. However, the paragraph discussing the high cost of living could benefit from clearer internal organization. The ideas within that paragraph are somewhat jumbled, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on that idea. For example, the paragraph on the cost of living could start with a sentence that clearly states this issue as a significant disadvantage, followed by specific examples and explanations that support this claim. Additionally, consider breaking longer paragraphs into smaller ones if they contain multiple ideas.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "not only… but also" and "in essence," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "which results in heavy traffic and traffic congestion often happening" is awkwardly constructed and could benefit from more precise language.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "moreover," "consequently," and "for instance." This will help to clarify relationships between ideas and improve overall coherence. Additionally, reviewing sentence structures for clarity and conciseness will enhance the flow of the essay. For example, rephrasing complex sentences into simpler ones can often improve readability.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant points, focusing on logical organization, clearer paragraph structure, and a broader range of cohesive devices will help elevate the score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. Words like "opportunity," "cogent," "prevalent," and "exorbitant" show an attempt to use varied vocabulary. However, there are instances where the vocabulary used is somewhat repetitive or lacks sophistication. For example, the phrase "heavy traffic and traffic congestion" could be streamlined to avoid redundancy. Additionally, terms like "metropolis" and "urban" are appropriate but could be complemented with more varied synonyms or phrases to enhance the lexical range.
- How to improve: To improve vocabulary range, the writer should explore synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of repeating "traffic," they could use "vehicular congestion" or "roadway issues." Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary-building exercises can help expand their lexical repertoire.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While some vocabulary is used effectively, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "wasting of time" could be more precisely expressed as "time wastage" or "loss of time." The term "distress or tired extent" is awkward and unclear; it would be more effective to say "stress and fatigue." Additionally, "a obstacle" should be corrected to "an obstacle," indicating a lack of attention to grammatical precision in vocabulary usage.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on clarity and correctness in their word choices. Reading more academic texts can help them understand how to use vocabulary in context. Practicing sentence restructuring to improve clarity can also be beneficial.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that detract from its overall quality. For example, "thousand" should be "thousands," "worsen" should be "worsens," and "a obstacle" should be "an obstacle." Additionally, "security the life" is incorrect and should be revised to "ensure the well-being of." These errors indicate a need for more careful proofreading.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Keeping a list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can also help. Regular writing practice, combined with feedback, will enhance their spelling skills over time.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates some strengths in vocabulary usage, there are notable areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as the use of complex sentences ("Not only does it cause wasting of time, but it also leads to the increase of distress or tired extent of dwellers.") and compound sentences. However, the overall range is limited, with many sentences following a similar structure, which can make the writing feel repetitive. For example, the phrase "Another drawback of living in metropolis is that…" uses a predictable format that could be varied. The use of phrases like "to start with" and "in essence" indicates an attempt to organize thoughts, but the transitions could be more sophisticated.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating different types of sentences, such as conditional sentences ("If cities continue to grow, they may face even more severe issues.") and more varied introductory phrases. Additionally, using subordinate clauses and participial phrases can add complexity and interest to the writing. Engaging with a wider range of conjunctions and transitional phrases will also help in creating smoother and more varied sentence flows.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from clarity. For instance, "For thousand years" should be "For thousands of years," and "a obstacle" should be "an obstacle." The phrase "which results in heavy traffic and traffic congestion often happening" is awkwardly constructed and could be simplified for clarity. Additionally, commas are misused, such as in "especially, in rush hour," where the comma is unnecessary. The sentence "It gradually worsen air pollution and health issues" contains a subject-verb agreement error, as "worsen" should be "worsens."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, article usage, and pluralization. Reviewing basic grammar rules and practicing with exercises can help solidify these concepts. For punctuation, the writer should familiarize themselves with the rules regarding comma placement and practice reading their sentences aloud to identify any awkward pauses or breaks. Additionally, proofreading for common errors before submission can significantly enhance the overall quality of the writing.

In summary, while the essay shows some strengths in attempting to use a variety of structures and convey complex ideas, there are notable weaknesses in grammatical accuracy and sentence variety. By focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical and punctuation skills, the writer can aim for a higher band score in future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

Living in a city offers numerous opportunities, but it also brings serious problems. There are two compelling reasons why people should consider these disadvantages. To start with, traffic congestion is a frequently occurring issue in urban life. For thousands of years, people have migrated to the cities, resulting in rapid population growth that leads to heavy traffic, particularly during rush hour. Not only does this waste time, but it also increases distress and fatigue among residents. Additionally, it gradually worsens air pollution and health issues. Another drawback of living in a metropolis is that its high cost of living may pose an obstacle for certain individuals. Exorbitant costs, including housing prices, food, and other services, are obvious aspects of life in large urban areas. Consequently, a significant number of citizens must work harder and sometimes sacrifice their rest time to meet financial demands and ensure the security of their lives and those of their families. Income disparity also poses a risk of creating inequality between social classes. Despite its disadvantages, many still capitalize on growth and opportunities that city life offers.