Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have a huge negative impact on both individuals and society.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Within the advance of technology, the advent of some perfect communication devices appear in our life are being similar to humans around the world. Facebook and other variety social media are one of type applications be all the range of people using modern devices. Accompany with a large number of benefical that users receive from social networking sites, in contrast these still include several disadvantages and have a huge negative impact on user and society. In my perspective, I disagree with this side.
In one hand, social network sites have some drawbacks such as people, espically young generation can become addicted to virtual world, ignore other physically and helpful activities like play sports, improve their health. This condition will lead to the consequence is young people have go-down health, especially with there eyes when they have to look at screen for long time, also, students can be affect by this new mordern trend when is exacerbate problems, scores of their exams at school will appear some bad points.
To address this problem, teachers and parents can give them a chance to know about social network sites’s negative, impact to them and how can protect and using social media in positive ways and approach great methods. They should encourage their kids hang out and do some positive and helpful activities to can improve and advance their mood and their self. Schools may give opportunity to students through organize some excursions to they can have nice memorable with each other, also class with purpose is teach them abot negative of social media.
In contrary, social networking sites such as Facebook are now provide some functional for users around the worlds. When people download these applications, they easily to can get a chance to have public voice. With the cutting-edge, lots of social media now becoming automatically operated, improve and flourish, create more functional for everyone. In education side, it also being an important tool that allow both students and teachers distance learning, new education metho called “blended learning”, offer immediate communication regardless where they are.
In conclusion, I disagree with the below view, in my opinion social networking sites both have negative and positive sites and our responsibiliy is reduce drawbacks and improve advantages.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Within the advance of technology" -> "With the advancement of technology"
Explanation: "Within" is incorrectly used here; "with" is the correct preposition to introduce the phrase "the advancement of technology" in this context, enhancing the grammatical accuracy and flow of the sentence.
"the advent of some perfect communication devices appear in our life are being similar to humans around the world" -> "the emergence of advanced communication devices in our lives is similar to that of humans worldwide"
Explanation: "The advent of" is more appropriate than "the advent of some perfect," which is vague and informal. "Emergence" is a more precise term than "appear," and "advanced" is more accurate than "perfect." Additionally, "in our lives" is more formal than "in our life," and "that of humans worldwide" is more precise than "are being similar to humans around the world."
"Facebook and other variety social media" -> "Facebook and other various social media platforms"
Explanation: "Variety" is not the correct term here; "various" is the correct adjective to describe multiple social media platforms. Also, "platforms" is a more specific and formal term than "media."
"be all the range of people using modern devices" -> "are used by a wide range of people using modern devices"
Explanation: "Be all the range" is incorrect; "are used by a wide range" is grammatically correct and clearer.
"Accompany with a large number of benefical" -> "Accompanied by numerous benefits"
Explanation: "Accompany with" is incorrect; "accompanied by" is the correct prepositional phrase. "Numerous" is more formal than "a large number," and "benefits" should be singular to agree with "benefical," which is a typographical error and should be "beneficial."
"In my perspective, I disagree with this side" -> "From my perspective, I disagree with this view"
Explanation: "In my perspective" is correct, but "this side" is vague and informal; "this view" is more specific and appropriate for academic writing.
"people, espically young generation" -> "people, especially the younger generation"
Explanation: "Espically" is a typographical error; "especially" is the correct spelling. "Young generation" is informal; "the younger generation" is more formal and precise.
"have go-down health" -> "have deteriorated health"
Explanation: "Have go-down health" is incorrect; "have deteriorated health" is the correct phrase, which accurately describes the decline in health.
"there eyes" -> "their eyes"
Explanation: "There" is an adverb used to indicate location, whereas "their" is the correct possessive pronoun needed here.
"can be affect by this new mordern trend" -> "can be affected by this new modern trend"
Explanation: "Can be affect" is grammatically incorrect; "can be affected" is the correct form. "Mordern" is a typographical error; "modern" is the correct spelling.
"scores of their exams at school will appear some bad points" -> "their exam scores at school may show poor results"
Explanation: "Scores of their exams" is awkward and unclear; "their exam scores" is more direct. "Will appear some bad points" is vague and informal; "may show poor results" is clearer and more formal.
"give them a chance to know about social network sites’s negative" -> "inform them about the negative aspects of social networking sites"
Explanation: "Give them a chance to know about" is informal and vague; "inform them about" is direct and formal. "Social network sites’s" is grammatically incorrect; "social networking sites" is the correct form.
"how can protect and using social media in positive ways" -> "how to protect and use social media in positive ways"
Explanation: "How can protect" is grammatically incorrect; "how to protect" is the correct form. "Using" should be "use" for the correct verb form.
"approach great methods" -> "adopt effective methods"
Explanation: "Approach great methods" is unclear and informal; "adopt effective methods" is precise and formal.
"hang out and do some positive and helpful activities to can improve and advance their mood and their self" -> "engage in positive and helpful activities to improve and enhance their mood and self-esteem"
Explanation: "Hang out" is too informal and vague; "engage in" is more specific and formal. "To can" is grammatically incorrect; "to" is the correct preposition. "Their self" is incorrect; "their self-esteem"

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the negative and positive impacts of social networking sites, which aligns with the requirement to evaluate the extent of agreement or disagreement. However, the response could be more explicit in stating the extent of agreement or disagreement. For instance, the phrase "I disagree with this side" is somewhat vague and does not clearly articulate the writer’s position on the overall impact of social networking sites.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, the writer should explicitly state their position at the beginning of the essay and consistently refer back to this stance throughout. A clearer thesis statement could be: "While I acknowledge the negative impacts of social networking sites, I believe their benefits outweigh these drawbacks." This would provide a stronger framework for the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that social networking sites have both negative and positive aspects, but it lacks consistency in emphasizing the writer’s disagreement with the notion that these sites have a huge negative impact. The introduction suggests a disagreement, but the body paragraphs sometimes focus more on the negatives without reinforcing the overall position.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should consistently link back to their thesis in each paragraph. Using transition phrases such as "Despite these drawbacks, it is important to recognize…" can help in reinforcing the main argument. Additionally, summarizing the position in the conclusion can help to remind the reader of the writer’s stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the drawbacks of social networking sites, such as addiction and negative impacts on health and education. However, these points are not always well-developed or supported with specific examples. For instance, while the essay mentions that students may perform poorly in exams due to social media distractions, it does not provide concrete evidence or examples to substantiate this claim.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the writer should aim to provide specific examples or data to support their claims. For instance, citing studies on social media’s impact on academic performance or including statistics about screen time could enhance the argument. Additionally, each point should be elaborated upon to clarify its significance and relevance to the overall argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the impacts of social networking sites. However, there are moments where the focus shifts, particularly in the discussion of solutions to the problems posed by social media. While it is important to address potential solutions, the essay could benefit from a more concise approach that ties these solutions back to the main argument about the overall impact of social media.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every paragraph directly relates back to the central argument regarding the impact of social networking sites. It may help to outline the essay before writing to ensure that each point is relevant and contributes to the overall thesis. Additionally, limiting the discussion of solutions to a brief mention could help keep the focus on the impacts rather than diverging into problem-solving.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, improvements in clarity, consistency, and support for arguments would elevate the overall quality and coherence of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the negative and positive impacts of social networking sites. However, the organization of ideas is somewhat muddled. For instance, the introduction mentions both the negative and positive aspects but does not clearly delineate them in the body paragraphs. The first body paragraph focuses on the drawbacks, while the second discusses the advantages, but the transition between these ideas could be smoother. The conclusion reiterates the author’s stance but does not effectively summarize the key points made in the body.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the essay could benefit from a clearer structure. Consider using a more defined outline where each paragraph explicitly addresses one side of the argument. For example, start with the negative impacts in one paragraph, followed by a paragraph on the positive impacts, and then conclude with a summary that reflects on both sides. Additionally, using transitional phrases such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" can help guide the reader through the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but their effectiveness is compromised by unclear topic sentences and a lack of focus. For example, the first body paragraph begins with a general statement about drawbacks but quickly shifts to specific examples without a clear connection to the main idea. The second body paragraph also lacks a strong topic sentence that encapsulates the main point being made.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea of that paragraph. For instance, the first body paragraph could begin with a sentence like, "One significant drawback of social networking sites is the potential for addiction among young people." This would provide a clear focus for the paragraph. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph contains supporting sentences that directly relate back to the topic sentence, maintaining coherence throughout.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "in contrast" and "to address this problem," but there is a limited range and occasional awkward phrasing. For example, phrases like "in one hand" and "in contrary" are incorrect and detract from the overall coherence. The use of cohesive devices should help to connect ideas within and between paragraphs more fluidly.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, instead of repeating "also," consider using alternatives like "furthermore," "moreover," or "in addition." Additionally, ensure that phrases are grammatically correct; for example, replace "in one hand" with "on one hand" and "in contrary" with "on the contrary." Practicing the use of cohesive devices in context will help improve the overall flow of the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance clarity and coherence, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable attempt to use a variety of vocabulary, such as "advance of technology," "addicted to virtual world," and "cutting-edge." However, there are instances where the vocabulary is either too simplistic or incorrectly used, such as "appear in our life" and "one of type applications." These phrases do not convey the intended meaning clearly and detract from the overall quality of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer should aim to incorporate more sophisticated synonyms and phrases. For example, instead of "appear in our life," the writer could use "have emerged in our lives." Additionally, using collocations and idiomatic expressions can enrich the essay. Practicing with vocabulary lists related to technology and social media can also help.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that impact clarity. For example, "benefical" should be "beneficial," and "the consequence is young people have go-down health" is awkwardly phrased. The phrase "provide some functional for users" is also vague and does not accurately convey the intended meaning.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately reflects their ideas. For instance, instead of "provide some functional," a more precise phrase would be "offer various functionalities." Additionally, proofreading for correct word forms and ensuring the use of appropriate terms will enhance clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains multiple spelling errors, such as "benefical," "espically," "mordern," "about," and "responsibiliy." These errors can distract the reader and undermine the writer’s credibility.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice, perhaps using flashcards or spelling apps. Additionally, proofreading the essay multiple times or using spell-check tools can help catch errors before submission. Reading more extensively can also help reinforce correct spelling through exposure to correctly spelled words in context.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and attempts to use a variety of vocabulary, improvements in precision, range, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures, primarily relying on simple and compound sentences. For example, phrases like "Facebook and other variety social media are one of type applications" and "In one hand, social network sites have some drawbacks" show a lack of complex sentence construction. Additionally, the use of phrases such as "to can improve and advance their mood and their self" indicates awkward phrasing and a missed opportunity to utilize more varied grammatical forms.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of saying "This condition will lead to the consequence is young people have go-down health," the writer could revise it to "This condition may lead to a decline in the health of young people, particularly concerning their eyesight." Engaging with sentence variety exercises and reading more complex texts can also help in developing this skill.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, "the advent of some perfect communication devices appear in our life are being similar to humans around the world" is grammatically incorrect and confusing. The phrase "in contrast these still include several disadvantages" lacks necessary punctuation (a comma after "contrast"). Additionally, there are frequent errors in verb forms, such as "have go-down health" (should be "have gone down in health") and "can become addicted to virtual world" (should be "the virtual world").
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, correct verb tenses, and the use of articles. Regular grammar exercises, particularly focusing on common errors, can be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors and ensuring that commas are used to separate clauses can enhance clarity. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can also help identify and correct mistakes.

Overall, while the essay presents a relevant argument, the grammatical range and accuracy need significant improvement to achieve a higher band score. Engaging in targeted practice and revising the essay with a focus on these areas will help the writer enhance their writing skills.

Bài sửa mẫu

Within the advancement of technology, the emergence of some perfect communication devices in our lives is similar to that of humans around the world. Facebook and other various social media platforms are one type of application used by a wide range of people using modern devices. Accompanied by a large number of benefits that users receive from social networking sites, in contrast, these still include several disadvantages and have a huge negative impact on users and society. From my perspective, I disagree with this view.

On one hand, social networking sites have some drawbacks, such as people, especially the younger generation, becoming addicted to the virtual world and ignoring other physical and helpful activities like playing sports to improve their health. This condition will lead to the consequence that young people have deteriorated health, especially with their eyes when they have to look at screens for a long time. Additionally, students can be affected by this new modern trend, which exacerbates problems; their exam scores at school may show poor results.

To address this problem, teachers and parents can give them a chance to learn about the negative aspects of social networking sites and how to protect and use social media in positive ways. They should encourage their kids to hang out and engage in positive and helpful activities to improve and enhance their mood and self-esteem. Schools may provide opportunities for students by organizing excursions so they can create nice memories with each other, and classes should aim to teach them about the negatives of social media.

In contrast, social networking sites such as Facebook now provide some functions for users around the world. When people download these applications, they can easily get a chance to have a public voice. With the advancement of technology, many social media platforms are now becoming automatically operated, improving and flourishing, and creating more functions for everyone. In the educational sphere, it is also an important tool that allows both students and teachers to engage in distance learning. A new educational method called “blended learning” offers immediate communication regardless of where they are.

In conclusion, I disagree with the view that social networking sites have only negative impacts. In my opinion, social networking sites have both negative and positive aspects, and our responsibility is to reduce the drawbacks and enhance the advantages.