Many people feel that most of the urgent problems can only be solved by international cooperation. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Many people feel that most of the urgent problems can only be solved by international
cooperation. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
The argument over whether emergency situations can only be solved by international collaboration is a significant one. However, I think that cooperating internationally is currently the only possible solution for urgent issues. This essay will discuss the impact of government’s collaboration across the world on serious problems related to the environment and global healthcare.
Many countries can cooperate with each other in order to propose effective solutions for an incredibly dangerous issue at the moment, which is climate change. It is crucial for the majority of countries to contribute their efforts in reducing emission gas so global warming can be prevented from rising. For instance, scientists and engineers from various countries can work together to create transporting vehicles using renewable energy or the governments can propose an agreement on imposing new policy, which involves banning vehicles running on petrol. By cooperating internally in many factors and aspects such as advanced technology inventions or imposing efficient regulation, the world can significantly reduce the hazardous impacts on environmental issues.
Additionally, it is vital for countries to cooperate with each other to develop global healthcare when there is a breakout of new diseases that heavily affect the citizens. It is necessary to utilise the resources and support of many governments to help hospitalised patients and prevent the outbreaks of diseases as it is not possible for a country to resolve a worldwide problem individually. This significant issue can be exemplified by Covid 19, when this pandemic was spreading at a remarkably high rate throughout the whole word, it was crucial to have a strong cooperation in the healthcare factor between countries in order to create appropriate vaccination for this disease.. Therefore, in certain emergency situations, a government might be unable to resolve the problem without relying on the support from other countries.
In conclusion, international cooperation can bring significant benefits in proposing the solutions as well as providing support when the urgent problems require collaboration on many different aspects.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"emergency situations" -> "emergency situations"
Explanation: The term "emergency situations" is already used in the context, so it is not necessary to repeat it. Removing the redundancy enhances clarity and maintains formal tone. -
"cooperating internationally is currently the only possible solution" -> "international cooperation is currently the sole viable solution"
Explanation: "International cooperation" is a more precise term than "cooperating internationally," and "sole viable solution" is more formal and specific than "only possible solution," which sounds somewhat vague and informal. -
"government’s collaboration" -> "governmental collaboration"
Explanation: "Governmental" is the correct adjective form for referring to government-related activities, enhancing the formality and precision of the language. -
"across the world" -> "globally"
Explanation: "Globally" is a more concise and academically appropriate term than "across the world," which can sound overly colloquial. -
"incredibly dangerous issue" -> "extremely pressing issue"
Explanation: "Extremely pressing issue" is more formal and precise than "incredibly dangerous issue," which uses an emotional and less formal adjective. -
"reducing emission gas" -> "reducing greenhouse gas emissions"
Explanation: "Greenhouse gas emissions" is the correct term, and specifying "reducing" clarifies the action intended, making the sentence more precise and formal. -
"imposing new policy" -> "implementing new policies"
Explanation: "Implementing new policies" is more accurate and formal than "imposing new policy," which can imply force or coercion, which is not the intended meaning here. -
"cooperating internally in many factors and aspects" -> "collaborating across various sectors and aspects"
Explanation: "Collaborating across various sectors and aspects" is more specific and formal, replacing the vague and informal "cooperating internally in many factors and aspects." -
"advanced technology inventions" -> "advanced technological innovations"
Explanation: "Technological innovations" is a more precise and formal term than "technology inventions," which is less commonly used and sounds less formal. -
"imposing efficient regulation" -> "enacting effective regulations"
Explanation: "Enacting effective regulations" is more formal and precise than "imposing efficient regulation," which is less commonly used and sounds somewhat informal. -
"breakout of new diseases" -> "outbreak of new diseases"
Explanation: "Outbreak" is the correct term for the sudden occurrence of a disease, not "breakout," which is a less formal and less precise term. -
"hospitalised patients" -> "hospitalized patients"
Explanation: "Hospitalized" is the correct form in American English, which is commonly used in academic writing, especially in international contexts. -
"whole word" -> "entire world"
Explanation: "Entire world" is the correct phrase, replacing the incorrect "whole word," which is a typographical error. -
"create appropriate vaccination" -> "develop appropriate vaccines"
Explanation: "Develop appropriate vaccines" is more precise and formal than "create appropriate vaccination," which is grammatically incorrect and less formal. -
"a government might be unable to resolve the problem" -> "a government may be unable to address the issue"
Explanation: "May be unable to address the issue" is more formal and precise than "might be unable to resolve the problem," which uses less formal vocabulary and a less precise verb.
These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by clearly stating a position in favor of international cooperation as a solution to urgent problems. The introduction outlines the significance of the issue and the essay’s focus on two main areas: climate change and global healthcare. Each body paragraph provides relevant examples that illustrate how international collaboration can address these urgent issues, fulfilling the requirement to answer all parts of the question.
- How to improve: To enhance the response further, the writer could explicitly acknowledge the counterargument—that some urgent problems might be addressed independently by nations. This would demonstrate a more nuanced understanding of the topic and strengthen the overall argument by addressing potential opposing views.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance throughout, consistently arguing that international cooperation is essential for solving urgent problems. The position is articulated well in the introduction and reinforced in each body paragraph. For instance, the discussion of climate change and healthcare both emphasize the necessity of collaboration, which supports the writer’s viewpoint effectively.
- How to improve: While the position is clear, the essay could benefit from a more explicit reiteration of the main argument in the conclusion. A stronger closing statement that encapsulates the key points made in the body paragraphs would reinforce the writer’s stance and leave a lasting impression on the reader.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents relevant ideas and extends them with specific examples, such as the collaboration on climate change technologies and the global response to the COVID-19 pandemic. These examples effectively support the argument and illustrate the importance of international cooperation. The use of specific instances adds depth to the discussion and enhances the overall persuasiveness of the essay.
- How to improve: To further strengthen the support for ideas, the writer could include more detailed explanations of the examples provided. For instance, elaborating on how international agreements like the Paris Accord have facilitated cooperation on climate change would provide a stronger foundation for the argument. Additionally, discussing the roles of specific organizations (e.g., WHO during the pandemic) could enhance the credibility of the claims made.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, with each paragraph contributing to the central argument of the necessity of international cooperation. The writer does not deviate from the main theme, ensuring that all content is relevant to the prompt.
- How to improve: To maintain focus even more effectively, the writer should ensure that all examples directly relate back to the main argument. For instance, while discussing climate change, it would be beneficial to explicitly link the examples back to the idea of urgency and the need for immediate action through cooperation. This would reinforce the relevance of each point made to the overall thesis.
In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and effectively addresses the prompt. With minor improvements in acknowledging counterarguments, reinforcing the position in the conclusion, providing more detailed examples, and ensuring all points directly relate to the main argument, the essay could achieve an even higher score.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument that international cooperation is essential for addressing urgent global issues, specifically climate change and global healthcare. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and each body paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the argument. However, the transition between the two main points could be smoother. For instance, while the first paragraph discusses climate change, the shift to healthcare in the second paragraph feels abrupt and could benefit from a linking sentence that ties the two topics together.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases at the end of paragraphs to connect ideas. For example, after discussing climate change, a sentence like "Similarly, international collaboration is equally crucial in addressing global health crises" could serve as a bridge to the next point.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into clear paragraphs, each addressing a specific point related to the thesis. The introduction outlines the main argument, while the body paragraphs delve into specific examples. However, the second body paragraph could be more effectively structured. The sentence about Covid-19 is somewhat convoluted and could be clearer. Additionally, the conclusion reiterates the main points but could be more impactful by summarizing the key arguments presented in the body.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. For the second body paragraph, consider breaking down complex sentences into simpler ones for clarity. In the conclusion, briefly restate the significance of international cooperation in both discussed areas to reinforce the argument.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "however," "additionally," and "therefore," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be more explicit. For example, the phrase "by cooperating internally in many factors and aspects" is vague and could be clarified with more specific cohesive devices that indicate the relationship between ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," and "consequently." Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, which can help improve cohesion. For example, instead of repeating "countries," you could use "nations" or "governments" in subsequent references.
By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately enhancing the overall clarity and effectiveness of the argument presented.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with phrases such as "international collaboration," "effective solutions," and "hazardous impacts." However, there are instances where vocabulary choices are repetitive or lack variety, such as the repeated use of "cooperate" and "countries." This limits the overall lexical richness of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should consider using synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "cooperate," alternatives like "collaborate," "partner," or "join forces" could be employed. Additionally, incorporating more advanced vocabulary related to the topics of environmental issues and healthcare could elevate the essay’s lexical sophistication.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some precise vocabulary, such as "global healthcare" and "renewable energy." However, there are instances of imprecise usage, such as "emission gas," which is not a standard term; "greenhouse gas emissions" would be more appropriate. Additionally, the phrase "the governments can propose an agreement on imposing new policy" is somewhat vague and could be clarified.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using established terms and phrases commonly found in academic writing. For example, replacing "emission gas" with "greenhouse gas emissions" and rephrasing "new policy" to "new policies" or "regulations" would enhance clarity. It is also beneficial to ensure that phrases are contextually appropriate and specific to the argument being made.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling; however, there are a few errors, such as "hospitalised" (which is correct in British English but should be "hospitalized" in American English) and "the whole word" instead of "the whole world." These minor errors can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully, ideally after a short break to gain a fresh perspective. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can also help catch errors. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with commonly misspelled words and their correct forms can further improve spelling proficiency.
By addressing these areas, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion for IELTS Task 2 essays.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of complex structures is evident in sentences like, "It is crucial for the majority of countries to contribute their efforts in reducing emission gas so global warming can be prevented from rising." This sentence effectively combines multiple ideas, showcasing the writer’s ability to convey complex thoughts. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, such as starting several sentences with "It is" or "This essay will," which can detract from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, the writer should experiment with different ways to start sentences. For instance, instead of beginning with "It is," the writer could use phrases like "One important factor is…" or "A key consideration is…". Additionally, incorporating more varied conjunctions and transition phrases can help create a more dynamic flow.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with most sentences being correctly structured. However, there are several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that need addressing. For example, in the phrase "the governments can propose an agreement on imposing new policy," "policy" should be pluralized to "policies." Additionally, the sentence "when this pandemic was spreading at a remarkably high rate throughout the whole word," contains a spelling error; "word" should be "world." Furthermore, there is a misplaced period before the final sentence of the second paragraph, which disrupts the flow.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should carefully proofread the essay for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and pluralization. Utilizing grammar-checking tools can also help identify mistakes. For punctuation, it is essential to ensure that commas are used correctly to separate clauses, especially in complex sentences. The writer should also practice identifying run-on sentences and fragments to enhance clarity.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical precision will help elevate the overall quality of the writing.
Bài sửa mẫu
The debate over whether emergency situations can only be resolved through international cooperation is a significant one. However, I believe that international collaboration is currently the sole viable solution for urgent issues. This essay will discuss the impact of governmental collaboration across the globe on serious problems related to the environment and global healthcare.
Many countries can work together to propose effective solutions for an extremely pressing issue at the moment, which is climate change. It is crucial for the majority of nations to contribute their efforts towards reducing greenhouse gas emissions so that global warming can be mitigated. For instance, scientists and engineers from various countries can collaborate to develop transportation vehicles powered by renewable energy, or governments can negotiate agreements to implement new policies that involve banning petrol-powered vehicles. By collaborating across various sectors and aspects, such as advanced technological innovations and enacting effective regulations, the world can significantly reduce the hazardous impacts of environmental issues.
Additionally, it is vital for countries to cooperate with each other to enhance global healthcare, especially during the outbreak of new diseases that heavily affect citizens. It is necessary to utilize the resources and support of multiple governments to assist hospitalized patients and prevent the spread of diseases, as it is not feasible for a single country to resolve a worldwide problem independently. This pressing issue can be exemplified by COVID-19; when this pandemic spread at a remarkably high rate throughout the entire world, strong cooperation in the healthcare sector between countries was essential to develop appropriate vaccines for this disease. Therefore, in certain emergency situations, a government may be unable to address the issue without relying on support from other nations.
In conclusion, international cooperation can yield significant benefits in proposing solutions and providing support when urgent problems require collaboration across various aspects.