Many people go to university for academic study. More people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is a lack of qualified workers such as electricians and plumbers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Encouraging people to do vocational training because of a lack of qualified workers has been an intensively debated topic that divides opinion distinctively. Generally, I agree with this topic and this essay shall analyze the benefits of encouraging people to do vocational training.
To begin with, encouraging people to do vocational training is beneficial, one of which is supporting students to choose their future job. Vocational training is firmly defined as training people how to be good at one practical job, which is widely considered one way to explore which major people are good at. For example, many high school students have to choose the university major but when they are encouraged and connect with vocational training, they can know what job is suitable for them. This example has been prevalently witnessed in many nations, indicating a positive effect. This correlation between encouraging vocational training and supporting students to choose a future job has proven a bright outcome for society.
Apart from supporting children to choose a future job, doing vocational training rather than academic study is also regarded as positive since it helps young people who are in working age can achieve a stable career. As a result of achieving a stable career, young people can have self – directed finances. This bright outcome contributes wholeheartedly to reduce economic pressure on families. This connection between encouraging people to do vocational training and helping young people achieve a stable career signifies an optimistic effect.
In summary, I suppose that there have been multiple benefits of encouraging people to do vocational training rather than academic study, including supporting children to choose future jobs and helping working – age people achieve a stable career. If people increasingly tend to learn vocational skills, it can pave the way for the balanced development of society.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"Encouraging people to do vocational training" -> "Promoting participation in vocational training"
Explanation: "Encouraging" is a bit informal for academic writing. "Promoting participation" sounds more formal and precise in this context.
"intensively debated topic that divides opinion distinctively" -> "contentious issue that sharply divides opinion"
Explanation: "intensively debated" is slightly informal. "Contentious issue" maintains formality while "sharply divides opinion" emphasizes the polarization of viewpoints.
"Generally, I agree with this topic" -> "In general, I support this perspective"
Explanation: "Generally" is not entirely necessary and can be replaced with "In general" for a more direct expression. "I agree with this topic" can be refined to "I support this perspective" for clarity and formality.
"and this essay shall analyze" -> "and this essay will analyze"
Explanation: "Shall" is uncommon in modern English and is replaced with "will" for simplicity and clarity.
"supporting students to choose their future job" -> "assisting students in selecting their future careers"
Explanation: "Supporting students to choose their future job" is somewhat informal and can be improved for clarity and formality. "Assisting students in selecting their future careers" is a more precise and formal alternative.
"Firmly defined as training people how to be good at one practical job" -> "Firmly established as providing instruction in specific occupational skills"
Explanation: "Firmly defined as training people how to be good at one practical job" is a bit wordy and informal. "Firmly established as providing instruction in specific occupational skills" is clearer and maintains formality.
"one way to explore which major people are good at" -> "a means of discovering individuals’ aptitudes"
Explanation: "Which major people are good at" is awkward phrasing. "A means of discovering individuals’ aptitudes" is more concise and academically appropriate.
"many high school students have to choose the university major" -> "many high school students must select a university major"
Explanation: "Have to choose" is a bit informal. "Must select" is more formal and precise.
"This example has been prevalently witnessed in many nations" -> "This phenomenon is widely observed across numerous nations"
Explanation: "Prevalently witnessed" is redundant. "Widely observed" is a more concise and formal alternative.
"indicating a positive effect" -> "demonstrating positive outcomes"
Explanation: "Indicating a positive effect" is a bit vague. "Demonstrating positive outcomes" is clearer and more formal.
"bright outcome for society" -> "beneficial outcome for society"
Explanation: "Bright outcome" is a bit informal. "Beneficial outcome" is more formal and precise.
"Apart from supporting children to choose a future job" -> "In addition to assisting youth in career selection"
Explanation: "Apart from" is slightly informal. "In addition to" is a more formal alternative.
"doing vocational training rather than academic study" -> "pursuing vocational training over academic study"
Explanation: "Doing vocational training" is somewhat colloquial. "Pursuing vocational training" is more formal and precise.
"positive since it helps young people who are in working age" -> "positive as it aids young adults in the workforce"
Explanation: "Positive since it helps young people who are in working age" is awkward phrasing. "Positive as it aids young adults in the workforce" is clearer and more concise.
"As a result of achieving a stable career" -> "Consequently, attaining a stable career"
Explanation: "As a result of achieving" is a bit wordy. "Consequently, attaining" is more concise and formal.
"self-directed finances" -> "financial independence"
Explanation: "Self-directed finances" is not a common phrase. "Financial independence" is a more widely understood term.
"This bright outcome contributes wholeheartedly" -> "This positive outcome contributes significantly"
Explanation: "Bright outcome" is informal. "Positive outcome" is more formal. "Wholeheartedly" is replaced with "significantly" for clarity and formality.
"economic pressure on families" -> "financial strain on families"
Explanation: "Economic pressure" can be replaced with "financial strain" for a more precise and formal expression.
"This connection between encouraging people to do vocational training" -> "This correlation between promoting vocational training"
Explanation: "This connection between" is slightly informal. "This correlation between" is more formal and precise.
"signifies an optimistic effect" -> "indicates a positive impact"
Explanation: "Signifies an optimistic effect" is somewhat informal. "Indicates a positive impact" is more formal and clearer.
"suppose that there have been multiple benefits" -> "believe that there are numerous benefits"
Explanation: "Suppose that there have been" is a bit convoluted. "Believe that there are" is a simpler and more direct expression.
"increasingly tend to learn vocational skills" -> "are increasingly inclined to acquire vocational skills"
Explanation: "Increasingly tend to learn" is awkward phrasing. "Are increasingly inclined to acquire" is more precise and formal.
"pave the way for the balanced development of society" -> "contribute to the balanced development of society"
Explanation: "Pave the way for" is slightly informal. "Contribute to" is a more formal alternative.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses the prompt by expressing agreement with the idea of encouraging vocational training due to the shortage of skilled workers. It discusses the benefits of vocational training in helping students choose future careers and enabling young people to secure stable employment.
- How to improve: To enhance task response, ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the prompt. Provide more specific examples or data to support arguments and further demonstrate understanding of the issue.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position in favor of encouraging vocational training, as indicated by phrases like "generally, I agree" and "I suppose." The stance is consistently upheld throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To strengthen clarity and consistency, consider refining the thesis statement to succinctly articulate the position at the outset, and maintain this stance throughout each paragraph. Avoid equivocal language that may weaken the assertion of the argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas about the benefits of vocational training, including career choice and economic stability. However, these ideas could be further developed and supported with additional evidence or examples to enrich the argument.
- How to improve: Extend each idea by providing more detailed explanations, relevant examples, or even statistical data to bolster the argument. Engage with potential counterarguments to strengthen the overall depth and complexity of the discussion.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic by discussing the advantages of vocational training in response to the prompt. However, there are moments where the connection to the main topic could be clearer, such as the transition between discussing career choice and economic stability.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the central theme of encouraging vocational training and addresses different aspects of the issue. Use clear transitions to maintain coherence and guide the reader through the essay’s logical progression.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and maintains a clear position in favor of vocational training, there is room for improvement in providing more developed ideas and ensuring a tighter focus on the topic throughout the essay. Strengthening the argument with specific examples and maintaining coherence will enhance the overall quality and effectiveness of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, providing a logical progression of ideas. However, there is room for improvement in terms of how the ideas are connected within and between paragraphs. The essay tends to present ideas separately rather than seamlessly linking them, which affects the overall coherence. For instance, the transition between the benefits of vocational training for students and for young people in the workforce could be smoother.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, focus on creating stronger transitions between ideas. Use transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader smoothly from one point to the next. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph builds upon the previous one, maintaining a clear thread of argumentation throughout the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs to structure its content, with each paragraph addressing a specific aspect of the argument. However, there are areas where paragraph structure could be improved for better coherence and cohesion. Some paragraphs contain multiple ideas without clear separation, making it slightly challenging for the reader to follow the flow of thought.
- How to improve: Aim for greater clarity and coherence within each paragraph by focusing on one main idea per paragraph. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that introduces the central theme, followed by supporting details and examples. Consider dividing longer paragraphs into shorter ones to improve readability and ensure each paragraph maintains a clear focus.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a limited range of cohesive devices, such as transition words like "to begin with," "apart from," and "in summary." While these devices help to some extent in signaling the relationship between ideas, there is a need for greater variety and precision in their usage. Additionally, the essay lacks cohesive devices within paragraphs to connect sentences and ideas more effectively.
- How to improve: Expand the use of cohesive devices beyond basic transitions to include pronouns, conjunctions, and other linking words. Incorporate cohesive devices within paragraphs to create smoother transitions between sentences and ensure a stronger flow of ideas. Practice using a variety of cohesive devices to connect different parts of the essay more cohesively.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There is evidence of some variety in word choice, such as "intensively debated," "prevalently witnessed," and "balanced development." However, there is also repetition of phrases like "encouraging people to do vocational training," which could be diversified for a richer lexical resource.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating synonyms or alternative expressions for repetitive terms. For instance, instead of consistently using "encouraging people to do vocational training," you could vary your phrasing with alternatives like "promoting vocational education" or "advocating for vocational skills development."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally uses vocabulary precisely, such as in the phrase "vocational training is firmly defined," where the term "firmly defined" accurately conveys a specific meaning. However, there are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "bright outcome" and "positive effect," which could be further clarified or replaced with more specific terms to enhance precision.
- How to improve: Aim for clarity and specificity in vocabulary choice. Instead of using vague terms like "bright outcome" and "positive effect," opt for words or phrases that precisely convey the intended meaning. For example, you could replace "bright outcome" with "beneficial consequence" or "positive effect" with "advantageous impact," providing greater clarity and precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy, with only minor errors observed. For instance, "prevalently" should be corrected to "prevalently," and "self-directed" should be hyphenated as "self-directed."
- How to improve: Continue to pay attention to spelling accuracy, particularly with commonly misspelled words or hyphenation rules. Proofreading your work carefully before submission can help identify and correct any spelling errors or inconsistencies.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates competence in lexical resource with a varied vocabulary and generally accurate spelling, there is room for improvement in precision and diversification of vocabulary to enhance clarity and effectiveness in communication.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. However, there is a tendency towards simpler sentence structures, with limited use of complex sentence structures. For instance, the essay predominantly utilizes simple sentences or simple compound sentences, lacking complexity in syntax. While there are instances of relative clauses ("which is widely considered one way to explore which major people are good at"), and conditional sentences ("If people increasingly tend to learn vocational skills"), their frequency is relatively low compared to simpler structures.
- How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and sophistication of the essay, incorporate a greater variety of complex sentence structures. Introduce more compound-complex sentences, incorporating subordinate clauses, relative clauses, and participial phrases. Additionally, consider employing rhetorical devices such as parallelism and inversion to add stylistic flair and complexity to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates overall proficient grammar and punctuation usage. However, there are occasional errors in subject-verb agreement ("As a result of achieving a stable career, young people can have self-directed finances"), and punctuation, such as missing commas in compound sentences ("Vocational training is firmly defined as training people how to be good at one practical job, which is widely considered one way to explore which major people are good at"). Additionally, there are instances where articles are omitted ("encouraging people to do vocational training because of a lack of qualified workers").
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, carefully review subject-verb agreement in complex sentences and ensure consistency throughout the essay. Pay close attention to punctuation, particularly the use of commas to delineate clauses within compound sentences. Additionally, be vigilant about including articles where necessary to ensure clarity and precision in expression. Proofreading the essay thoroughly before submission can help identify and rectify such errors.

Bài sửa mẫu

Encouraging individuals to pursue vocational training due to a scarcity of skilled workers has sparked intense debate, with opinions sharply divided. Generally, I concur with this notion, and this essay will delve into the advantages of promoting participation in vocational training.

Firstly, advocating for vocational training is advantageous, primarily because it aids students in selecting their future careers. Vocational training focuses on honing practical skills for specific jobs, serving as a valuable avenue for individuals to discover their aptitudes. For instance, many high school students face the daunting task of choosing a university major, but when they are exposed to vocational training, they can better discern which career path suits them best. This phenomenon is widely observed across various nations, underscoring its positive impact on society. The correlation between promoting vocational training and assisting students in career selection yields favorable outcomes.

Furthermore, opting for vocational training over academic pursuits is beneficial as it enables young adults to secure stable employment. By attaining skills relevant to the workforce, young individuals can establish themselves in rewarding careers, thereby achieving financial independence. This positive outcome significantly alleviates economic strain on families. The link between encouraging vocational training and facilitating stable careers for the youth signifies a promising trend.

In conclusion, I contend that advocating for vocational training offers manifold benefits, including aiding students in career selection and empowering young individuals to pursue stable livelihoods. Embracing vocational skills acquisition can pave the way for the holistic development of society.