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Many people hold a view that using websites as a tool for guiding students is a great choice, while others are of the opinion that using those bears no fruit in an academic system. discuss both views and give your own opinion

Many people hold a view that using websites as a tool for guiding students is a great choice, while others are of the opinion that using those bears no fruit in an academic system.
discuss both views and give your own opinion

Many people hold a view that using websites as a tool for guiding students is a great choice, while others are of the opinion that using those bears no fruit in an academic system. In this essay, I will evaluate both schools of thought before proposing my own perspective on this matter. 
On the one hand, a number of people, particularly adults, still hold traditional perspectives and are prejudiced against using the Internet, arguing that web content does not have beneficial effects on teaching youngsters in today’s world. This phenomenon may arise from parental worrying about children being too dependent on online websites, which possibly hamper their natural capacity and creativity and increase laziness among kids. For example, most students have a tendency to abuse online material when doing homework, instead of trying to solve the problems on their own, kids typically decide to search for the answer key without thinking or making an efforts. 
On the other hand, I totally agree with the idea that online study resources should be encouraged to be used in education systems due to some relevant merits. Online information is huge and accurate which allows students to explore a wide range of aspects and subjects in-depth from different perspectives. Hence, it fuels and smooths the way of studying as well as teaching at school since teachers may possibly enhance the efficiency in instructing by using interactive web content such as quizzes, videos, and games to make learning more engaging and enjoyable for students.
In conclusion, although it is partly true that teaching at school by using online material does not have any advantages for both teachers and students in some cases, I still support the view that exploiting Internet resources in guiding kids has several considerable benefits.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "Many people hold a view" -> "Many individuals hold the opinion"
    Explanation: "Individuals" is more formal than "people," and "the opinion" is more precise than "a view," which is somewhat vague and informal for academic writing.

  2. "a great choice" -> "an advantageous option"
    Explanation: "An advantageous option" is more formal and specific than "a great choice," which is colloquial and lacks precision.

  3. "using those bears no fruit" -> "the use of these yields no benefits"
    Explanation: "The use of these yields no benefits" is more formal and precise than "using those bears no fruit," which is metaphorical and less appropriate for academic writing.

  4. "On the one hand" -> "On the one hand, however"
    Explanation: Adding "however" clarifies the transition between contrasting ideas, enhancing the formal structure of the essay.

  5. "prejudiced against" -> "opposed to"
    Explanation: "Opposed to" is more direct and formal than "prejudiced against," which can imply bias or unfairness, which is not necessarily the intended meaning here.

  6. "does not have beneficial effects" -> "lacks beneficial effects"
    Explanation: "Lacks beneficial effects" is a more concise and formal way to express the absence of benefits.

  7. "kids" -> "children"
    Explanation: "Children" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing than "kids," which is informal.

  8. "have a tendency to abuse" -> "tend to misuse"
    Explanation: "Tend to misuse" is more precise and formal than "have a tendency to abuse," which can imply a stronger negative connotation.

  9. "making an efforts" -> "making an effort"
    Explanation: "Making an effort" is grammatically correct, whereas "making an efforts" is incorrect.

  10. "I totally agree" -> "I strongly agree"
    Explanation: "Strongly agree" is more formal and academically appropriate than "totally agree," which is colloquial.

  11. "Online information is huge and accurate" -> "Online information is vast and accurate"
    Explanation: "Vast" is a more precise and formal term than "huge," which is somewhat informal and vague.

  12. "smooths the way of studying" -> "facilitates the learning process"
    Explanation: "Facilitates the learning process" is more formal and specific than "smooths the way of studying," which is awkward and informal.

  13. "instructing by using" -> "instructing through the use of"
    Explanation: "Through the use of" is more formal and precise than "by using," which is less formal and slightly awkward.

  14. "exploiting Internet resources" -> "utilizing Internet resources"
    Explanation: "Utilizing" is a more formal synonym for "exploiting," which can imply negative connotations.

  15. "considerable benefits" -> "significant benefits"
    Explanation: "Significant" is a more formal and academically appropriate term than "considerable," which is somewhat vague and less formal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding the use of websites as educational tools. The first paragraph discusses the negative perspective, highlighting concerns about dependency and lack of creativity. The second paragraph presents the positive viewpoint, emphasizing the benefits of online resources in enhancing learning. However, while both views are acknowledged, the discussion could be more balanced, as the negative perspective is less developed compared to the positive one.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, consider providing more detailed examples or evidence for both sides. For instance, when discussing the negative aspects, include specific studies or statistics that illustrate the potential downsides of online learning. This would create a more balanced discussion and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position favoring the use of online resources, particularly in the second paragraph. The phrase "I totally agree with the idea" clearly indicates the author’s stance. However, the conclusion could be more assertive in reiterating this position, as it somewhat dilutes the strength of the argument by acknowledging the negative aspects without firmly dismissing them.
    • How to improve: Strengthen the conclusion by clearly restating your position and summarizing the key reasons that support it. Avoid introducing new ideas or qualifications in the conclusion; instead, reinforce the main argument to ensure clarity and conviction.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas clearly, particularly in the second paragraph, where the benefits of online resources are articulated well. However, the support for the negative viewpoint is weaker, lacking depth and specific examples. The positive aspects are extended with explanations of how online tools can enhance teaching and learning.
    • How to improve: To improve the support for ideas, consider elaborating on the positive aspects with specific examples of successful online educational tools or platforms. Additionally, for the negative perspective, provide concrete examples or case studies that illustrate the potential drawbacks of relying on online resources.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt’s requirement to discuss both views and provide a personal opinion. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more focused. For instance, the mention of "parents worrying" could be more directly tied to the argument rather than presented as a standalone point.
    • How to improve: Ensure that every point made directly relates back to the prompt. When introducing a new idea, such as parental concerns, explicitly connect it to how it impacts the overall argument about the effectiveness of online resources in education. This will help maintain a tighter focus on the topic throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction that outlines the topic and states the intention to discuss both views. The body paragraphs are logically organized, with the first paragraph addressing the traditional perspective and the second paragraph supporting the use of online resources. This logical progression helps the reader follow the argument easily. However, the transition between the two views could be more explicit to enhance clarity. For instance, the phrase "On the one hand" is effectively used, but a clearer transition to the opposing view could strengthen the overall flow.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the two viewpoints. For example, after discussing the traditional view, a phrase like "Conversely" or "In contrast" could be used before introducing the opposing perspective. Additionally, summarizing the main points of each view before concluding would reinforce the logical structure.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is crucial for clarity. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct viewpoint, making it easy for the reader to identify the arguments being presented. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from further subdivision, as it contains multiple ideas regarding the benefits of online resources, which may overwhelm the reader.
    • How to improve: Consider breaking the second body paragraph into two smaller paragraphs—one focusing on the breadth of online information and the other on the interactive teaching methods. This would allow for a more detailed exploration of each point and improve readability.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand," "On the other hand," and "For example," which help to connect ideas and clarify relationships between them. However, there is a tendency to rely on a limited range of cohesive devices, which can make the writing feel somewhat repetitive. For instance, the phrase "which possibly hamper" could be rephrased to avoid redundancy in the use of "which."
    • How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "Moreover," or "In addition," to introduce additional points or examples. Additionally, consider using synonyms or rephrasing to avoid repetition, enhancing the overall sophistication of the writing.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, with clear organization and effective use of paragraphs and cohesive devices. By implementing the suggested improvements, the essay can achieve an even higher level of clarity and sophistication.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "prejudiced," "beneficial effects," and "interactive web content." However, the use of vocabulary is somewhat limited in variety and sophistication. For instance, phrases like "huge and accurate" could be enhanced with more precise alternatives such as "extensive and reliable." Additionally, the repetition of phrases like "online material" and "students" detracts from the overall lexical variety.
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "students," alternatives like "learners," "pupils," or "scholars" could be employed. Additionally, using more advanced vocabulary related to education and technology would elevate the essay’s lexical quality.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "using those bears no fruit" is awkward and could be more clearly expressed as "using them yields no benefits." Furthermore, the term "hamper" is used correctly, but the context could be clearer; it might be better to say "hinders" or "impedes" to convey the intended meaning more effectively.
    • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on context and clarity. Reviewing vocabulary choices for their appropriateness in context is crucial. Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary-building resources can help the writer find more suitable words that convey the intended meaning accurately.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good level of spelling accuracy, with only minor errors present. However, there are a few instances that could be improved, such as "making an efforts" which should be "making an effort." Such errors can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should adopt a proofreading strategy, such as reading the essay aloud or using spelling and grammar checking tools. Additionally, practicing commonly misspelled words and understanding their correct forms can help in reducing errors in future writing tasks.

Overall, while the essay meets the basic requirements for lexical resource, there is significant room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their overall score in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including complex sentences and some varied sentence beginnings. For example, the use of phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" effectively introduces contrasting viewpoints. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, such as the frequent use of "which" clauses and similar sentence patterns, which can make the writing feel somewhat monotonous.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more compound sentences and using different transition phrases to introduce ideas. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "which," you might employ "that," "who," or restructure sentences to use active voice more frequently. Additionally, varying the length of sentences can create a more dynamic flow in the writing.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "using those bears no fruit" should be "using them bears no fruit," as "those" is not clearly defined. Additionally, there are punctuation issues, such as the lack of commas in complex sentences, which can lead to run-on sentences. For instance, "instead of trying to solve the problems on their own, kids typically decide to search for the answer key without thinking or making an efforts" could be clearer with better punctuation and slight restructuring.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. For example, "making an efforts" should be corrected to "making an effort." Practicing sentence diagramming can help identify areas where punctuation is needed. Additionally, proofreading for common grammatical errors before submission can enhance overall accuracy.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, addressing the highlighted areas for improvement will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many individuals hold the opinion that using websites as a tool for guiding students is an advantageous option, while others believe that such resources yield no benefits in an academic system. In this essay, I will evaluate both perspectives before presenting my own viewpoint on this matter.

On the one hand, a number of people, particularly adults, maintain traditional views and are opposed to the use of the Internet, arguing that online content lacks beneficial effects on teaching children in today’s world. This concern may stem from parental worries about children becoming too dependent on online resources, which could hinder their natural abilities and creativity, as well as foster laziness among kids. For example, many students tend to misuse online material when completing homework; instead of attempting to solve problems independently, they often search for answer keys without thinking or making an effort.

On the other hand, I strongly agree that online study resources should be encouraged within educational systems due to their significant benefits. The vast and accurate information available online allows students to explore a wide range of subjects in-depth from various perspectives. Consequently, this facilitates the learning process and enhances teaching effectiveness, as educators can improve their instruction by utilizing interactive web content such as quizzes, videos, and games, making learning more engaging and enjoyable for students.

In conclusion, although it is partly true that using online material in teaching may lack advantages for both teachers and students in some cases, I still support the view that utilizing Internet resources in guiding children offers numerous considerable benefits.

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