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Many people may work from home using modern technology today. Some people think that only workers benefit from this, not employers. Do you agree or disagree?

Many people may work from home using modern technology today. Some people think that only workers benefit from this, not employers. Do you agree or disagree?

Recent technical advancements have made it possible for more people to work remotely. However, it is commonly argued that this trend solely benefits employees, not companies. I largely disagree with this assertion given the positive impacts of remote working on cost saving and job satisfaction even though company productivity might suffer to an extent.

The foremost rationale for why I believe remote working supports companies is that it allows them to curtail enormous spending. Corporations from various industries such as Google and BMW have reported a significant reduction in expenses encompassing office rentals, equipment and utility bills since the adoption of work-from-home schemes using virtual office spaces such as Google Meet and Zoom. This, in turn, has allowed for more investments in product research and development to outperform their competitors and generate greater profits for stakeholders.

Another justification for my belief that working from home is advantageous to employers is increased job fulfilment among workers. It is because as well as being free from commuting hassle and office regulations, those working remotely generally have more time for family for a harmonious balance between their personal and professional lives. These positive aspects can contribute to a boost in job satisfaction which allows companies to reinforce a committed and motivated workforce that can fuel their success.

Nevertheless, I concede that companies might struggle to ensure efficiency. When working remotely, employees may contend not only with distractions stemming from household responsibilities, such as attending to children and cooking, but also with technical challenges like internet connection disruptions or software failures. These issues can disrupt their workflow, causing them to be less productive than working in a professional office setting.

In conclusion, I am mostly in disagreement with the idea that remote working only offers advantages to workers as it can significantly reduce companies’ spending while increasing employees’ level of contentment allowing for a more dedicated workforce despite a possible decline in productivity. That is why more organisations should adopt this policy and provide people with guidelines and tips on how to work effectively from home


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "made it possible" -> "facilitated"
    Explanation: Replacing "made it possible" with "facilitated" adds a more formal tone and conveys a sense of technical advancement without using a colloquial expression.

  2. "it is commonly argued that" -> "there is a common argument that"
    Explanation: The phrase "it is commonly argued that" is replaced with "there is a common argument that" for a more formal and precise expression in academic writing.

  3. "I largely disagree" -> "I strongly disagree"
    Explanation: Changing "I largely disagree" to "I strongly disagree" adds emphasis and strengthens the author’s stance in a more formal manner.

  4. "even though" -> "although"
    Explanation: Substituting "even though" with "although" maintains the contrast between the positive impacts and potential drawbacks in a more formal way.

  5. "foremost rationale for why I believe" -> "primary justification for my belief"
    Explanation: Replacing "foremost rationale for why I believe" with "primary justification for my belief" enhances formality and precision in expressing the main reason supporting the author’s viewpoint.

  6. "enormous spending" -> "significant expenditures"
    Explanation: Changing "enormous spending" to "significant expenditures" introduces a more formal and precise term to describe the financial impact on companies.

  7. "Corporations from various industries such as" -> "Companies across diverse sectors like"
    Explanation: Substituting "Corporations from various industries such as" with "Companies across diverse sectors like" maintains clarity while offering a more formal expression.

  8. "have reported a significant reduction" -> "have documented a substantial decrease"
    Explanation: Replacing "have reported a significant reduction" with "have documented a substantial decrease" introduces a more formal and specific way to convey the information.

  9. "encompassing office rentals" -> "including office leases"
    Explanation: Changing "encompassing office rentals" to "including office leases" provides a more formal and precise term for the costs associated with office space.

  10. "This, in turn, has allowed for" -> "Consequently, this has enabled"
    Explanation: Substituting "This, in turn, has allowed for" with "Consequently, this has enabled" enhances the transition between the reduction in expenses and the subsequent increase in investments.

  11. "job fulfilment" -> "job satisfaction"
    Explanation: Replacing "job fulfilment" with "job satisfaction" is a more common and formal term used in academic writing.

  12. "hassle" -> "burden"
    Explanation: Changing "hassle" to "burden" provides a more formal synonym, maintaining a professional tone.

  13. "harmonious balance" -> "balanced equilibrium"
    Explanation: Substituting "harmonious balance" with "balanced equilibrium" introduces a more formal expression while conveying the idea of a well-maintained balance.

  14. "reinforce a committed and motivated workforce" -> "cultivate a dedicated and motivated workforce"
    Explanation: Replacing "reinforce a committed and motivated workforce" with "cultivate a dedicated and motivated workforce" introduces a more formal and nuanced term for the company’s efforts in building a motivated team.

  15. "Nevertheless" -> "However"
    Explanation: Changing "Nevertheless" to "However" maintains the flow of the argument while adhering to a more formal transition.

  16. "employees may contend not only with distractions" -> "employees may contend with distractions"
    Explanation: Removing "not only" results in a more concise and formal expression without affecting the meaning.

  17. "stemming from household responsibilities" -> "arising from domestic duties"
    Explanation: Substituting "stemming from household responsibilities" with "arising from domestic duties" provides a more formal and precise description.

  18. "working in a professional office setting" -> "working in a formal office environment"
    Explanation: Replacing "working in a professional office setting" with "working in a formal office environment" maintains formality and clarity.

  19. "I am mostly in disagreement" -> "I strongly disagree"
    Explanation: Changing "I am mostly in disagreement" to "I strongly disagree" adds emphasis and strengthens the author’s stance in a more formal manner.

  20. "more organisations should adopt this policy" -> "more organizations should embrace this approach"
    Explanation: Substituting "more organisations should adopt this policy" with "more organizations should embrace this approach" offers a more formal and active expression.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay thoroughly addresses all facets of the prompt. It discusses the belief that remote work solely benefits employees, presenting arguments countering this view. The writer acknowledges potential drawbacks but maintains a clear argument against the assertion.
    • How to improve: While the essay effectively covers all aspects of the prompt, a deeper exploration of potential counterarguments or alternative perspectives could strengthen the rebuttal against the opposing viewpoint.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent stance against the idea that only workers benefit from remote work. The writer clearly expresses disagreement and supports this position with relevant examples and explanations.
    • How to improve: To enhance clarity further, explicitly reiterating the position in the conclusion can reinforce the overall argument and leave a lasting impression on the reader.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas logically and supports them with pertinent examples. It discusses cost-saving benefits for employers, increased job satisfaction, and potential productivity issues, providing adequate explanations for each point.
    • How to improve: To extend the ideas further, integrating more diverse examples or industry-specific cases could enrich the essay’s depth and strengthen the arguments presented.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay consistently aligns with the prompt’s core theme of whether remote work benefits only employees or also employers. It maintains focus on this discussion throughout.
    • How to improve: To ensure absolute relevance, avoiding tangential points or digressions, and maintaining a tighter structure around the core arguments could further enhance coherence.

Overall Feedback:

This essay demonstrates a strong grasp of the prompt and effectively argues against the notion that remote work exclusively benefits employees. The writer articulates points coherently and supports them with relevant examples. To elevate the essay to an even higher level, consider incorporating a wider range of examples or perspectives, anticipating and rebutting potential counterarguments, and ensuring absolute precision and conciseness in addressing the essay’s core theme throughout. Moreover, a more emphatic reiteration of the standpoint in the conclusion could bolster the essay’s overall persuasiveness. Nonetheless, it’s a well-structured and persuasive response that effectively addresses the task.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information. The introduction sets up the argument clearly, presenting the author’s stance. Each paragraph thereafter follows a clear structure, with topic sentences introducing main points and supporting details logically arranged. Transitions between ideas are generally smooth, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay.
    • How to improve: While the overall organization is strong, consider ensuring that each paragraph builds seamlessly on the preceding one. Pay attention to the flow of ideas and strengthen connections between paragraphs to enhance the overall coherence.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to structure ideas. Each paragraph has a clear focus, and the structure is generally well-maintained. The essay begins with an introduction and ends with a conclusion, with body paragraphs that present distinct arguments. The length of paragraphs is appropriate, contributing to readability.
    • How to improve: To further enhance paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph maintains a singular focus on a specific aspect of the argument. Consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to add variety and engage the reader.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas and create coherence. Transition words and phrases (e.g., "however," "nevertheless," "in conclusion") are effectively employed to guide the reader through the essay. Pronouns and cohesive ties contribute to the overall flow and cohesion.
    • How to improve: While the current use of cohesive devices is commendable, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases to add nuance to the connections between ideas. This can contribute to a more sophisticated and varied use of cohesive devices.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong grasp of coherence and cohesion, with a logical organization of information, effective paragraphing, and a good use of cohesive devices. To improve, focus on refining the connections between paragraphs, enhancing paragraph variety, and expanding the repertoire of cohesive devices for a more nuanced expression of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably wide range of vocabulary, with varied word choices such as "advantages," "contentment," "adoption," and "efficiency." However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the vocabulary further. Some terms are repeated, and a more extensive lexical repertoire could enhance the overall sophistication of expression.
    • How to improve: To further enrich your vocabulary, consider incorporating synonyms and exploring alternative expressions for key concepts. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "advantages," you might use terms like "benefits," "positives," or "merits" to add nuance.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with precision, conveying ideas clearly. For example, the use of "curtail" accurately communicates the reduction in expenses. However, there are instances where word choices could be more specific. For instance, the phrase "enormous spending" could be refined to specify the types of expenses being reduced.
    • How to improve: To enhance precision, aim for specificity in your vocabulary. Instead of generic terms like "enormous spending," consider specifying the areas of expenditure being curtailed, such as "operational costs" or "overheads."
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of spelling accuracy. However, there are a few instances where errors occur, such as "encouraging" being spelled as "encompassing." These instances, though minor, slightly impact the overall spelling accuracy.
    • How to improve: Proofread your work thoroughly, paying close attention to common spelling errors. Additionally, consider using spelling and grammar check tools to catch any overlooked mistakes. Developing a habit of revising your writing can contribute to consistently accurate spelling.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary, with areas for refinement. By expanding and refining your vocabulary while ensuring meticulous proofreading, you can further elevate the lexical quality of your essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For instance, the essay employs both dependent and independent clauses effectively to convey ideas. Additionally, the use of introductory phrases and transitions contributes to the overall coherence.
    • How to improve: While the essay showcases a good range, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures to elevate the sophistication of the writing. Experiment with advanced grammatical constructions to add nuance to the expression of ideas.
  • Use Grammar Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, the grammar is sound, with correct verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and appropriate word choices. However, there are a few instances where articles or prepositions could be improved. For example, in "…harmonious balance between their personal and professional lives," consider adding "a" before "harmonious" for clarity.
    • How to improve: Pay closer attention to the use of articles and prepositions. Review sentences for precision, ensuring that each word enhances clarity and avoids potential ambiguity. A careful proofreading will help eliminate minor errors.
  • Use Correct Punctuation:

    • Detailed explanation: Punctuation is generally accurate, with proper use of commas, periods, and colons. However, there are occasional instances where punctuation could be refined. For instance, in the sentence "This, in turn, has allowed for more investments," the comma after "This" is not necessary for clarity.
    • How to improve: Focus on fine-tuning punctuation to enhance readability. Be mindful of commas, ensuring they are used purposefully and do not introduce unnecessary pauses. Consider the flow of the sentence and the impact of punctuation on the reader’s comprehension.

In conclusion, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical structures and accuracy, earning a Band Score of 7. To further improve, focus on refining the use of articles and prepositions, experiment with more complex sentence structures, and pay meticulous attention to punctuation for enhanced precision.

Bài sửa mẫu

Recent technological advancements have facilitated a growing number of individuals working remotely. Despite the common argument that this trend primarily benefits employees rather than employers, I strongly disagree. Although there may be challenges affecting company productivity, the advantages of cost savings and enhanced job satisfaction for employees make remote working beneficial for companies as well.

The primary justification for my belief lies in the significant expenditures that companies can curtail through remote work. Companies across diverse sectors, such as Google and BMW, have documented a substantial decrease in expenses, including office leases, equipment, and utility bills. The adoption of virtual office spaces like Google Meet and Zoom has enabled more investments in product research and development, positioning companies to outperform competitors and generate greater profits for stakeholders.

Another vital aspect supporting my stance is the positive impact on job satisfaction among remote workers. Free from commuting hassles and office regulations, employees working remotely can dedicate more time to their families, achieving a balanced equilibrium between personal and professional lives. This, in turn, cultivates a dedicated and motivated workforce, contributing to companies’ success.

However, it’s essential to acknowledge that companies may face challenges in ensuring efficiency. Employees working from home may contend with distractions arising from domestic duties, such as attending to children and cooking. Additionally, technical challenges like internet connection disruptions or software failures can affect productivity, creating a potential burden for employers.

In conclusion, although there are challenges, remote working offers significant advantages to both employees and employers. The reduction in companies’ spending, coupled with increased job satisfaction among employees, creates a balanced equilibrium that fosters a dedicated and motivated workforce. While acknowledging potential declines in productivity, I believe more organizations should embrace this approach, providing guidelines and tips for effective remote work to ensure a harmonious work environment.

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