Many people say that self – study is the key to success in theirs lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.

Opinions are divided on whether self-stydy purpose can equip people with important qualities to succeed. I believe that self-learning do help students boost personal development such as the ability to work alone, independent,perseverance and critical thinking.

One might argue that high-school students prepare for their homework and contents of subjects, or try to complete their individual tasks, they learn to work by themselves and to take account ability for their results. This is predicted on the assumption that individuals can enhance fraction of cognitive development through self-recognizing potential talents. For example, a person who can self-study some new language frequently and a little computer science subjects that these qualities are highly valued in today’s job market regardless of whether they choose to apply for a company or to become self-employed. The strength of this purpose depends on the ability of concentration, leading to raise the valuable productivity of academic performance or works.

Furthermore, studying by themselves allows learners to foster other important personal traits such as resilience and problem-solving skills. As for the former, significant knowledge at educational institutions or realistic knowledge in office stations is by no means easy, and not all people having enough financial statement to engage in extra classes and being taught by professional teachers. Therefore, Internet which plays an essential role for any person from any class supports us to do research, gather information and do writing reports. It is important to note that they may stumble upon problems or encounter set back along the way and these incidents force them to persevere and make adjustments. As a result, it would also facilitate their diligence, tenacity and improve their flexibility, all of which are undoubtedly crucial for successful career path.

However, it is undeniable that the guidance of high-educated supporters such as doctors, masters or teachers creates an amount of irreplaceable opportunities that help us achieve dream and passion better. This would be those who inspire and motivate students to move forward unflappably when we experience the negative emotions due to overwhelming burdens.

In conclusion, it is rather foolish to say that self-studying does not teach people qualities needed for their success in the future.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Opinions are divided on whether self-stydy purpose can equip people with important qualities to succeed." -> "Opinions are divided on whether self-study purposes can equip individuals with essential qualities for success."
Explanation: "Self-stydy" is a typographical error; "self-study" is the correct term. Additionally, "important qualities to succeed" is vague; "essential qualities for success" is more precise and formal.
"I believe that self-learning do help students boost personal development such as the ability to work alone, independent,perseverance and critical thinking." -> "I contend that self-learning helps students enhance their personal development, including the ability to work independently, perseverance, and critical thinking."
Explanation: "Do help" is grammatically incorrect; "helps" is the correct verb form. "Independent" should be "independently" to correctly modify the noun "ability." "Perseverance" should be "perseverance" (correct spelling).
"high-school students prepare for their homework and contents of subjects, or try to complete their individual tasks, they learn to work by themselves and to take account ability for their results." -> "High school students prepare for their homework and subject content, or attempt to complete individual tasks, thereby learning to work independently and taking responsibility for their results."
Explanation: "Contents of subjects" is awkward and unclear; "subject content" is more direct. "Try to complete their individual tasks" is informal; "attempt to complete individual tasks" is more formal. "To take account ability" is incorrect; "taking responsibility" is the correct phrase.
"This is predicted on the assumption that individuals can enhance fraction of cognitive development through self-recognizing potential talents." -> "This is based on the assumption that individuals can enhance their cognitive development by recognizing their potential talents."
Explanation: "Predicted on" is incorrect; "based on" is the correct preposition. "Fraction of cognitive development" is unclear and incorrect; "their cognitive development" is the correct phrase.
"a person who can self-study some new language frequently and a little computer science subjects" -> "an individual who regularly studies new languages and computer science subjects"
Explanation: "A person who can self-study" is awkward and redundant; "an individual who regularly studies" is more concise and formal. "A little" is informal and vague; "some" is more appropriate.
"Internet which plays an essential role for any person from any class supports us to do research, gather information and do writing reports." -> "The Internet, which plays a crucial role for individuals regardless of their background, enables us to conduct research, gather information, and prepare reports."
Explanation: "Internet which" is grammatically incorrect; "The Internet, which" is correct. "Supports us to do" is informal; "enables us to" is more formal. "Do writing reports" is awkward; "prepare reports" is more natural.
"It is important to note that they may stumble upon problems or encounter set back along the way" -> "It is noteworthy that they may encounter problems or setbacks along the way"
Explanation: "Stumble upon" is informal; "encounter" is more precise. "Set back" is incorrect; "setbacks" is the correct plural form.
"it would also facilitate their diligence, tenacity and improve their flexibility, all of which are undoubtedly crucial for successful career path." -> "it would also enhance their diligence, tenacity, and flexibility, all of which are undoubtedly essential for a successful career path."
Explanation: "Facilitate" is correct, but "improve" is redundant; "enhance" is more precise. "Successful career path" should be "successful career path" for grammatical correctness.
"it is rather foolish to say that self-studying does not teach people qualities needed for their success in the future." -> "it is unreasonable to assert that self-study does not impart the qualities necessary for future success."
Explanation: "Rather foolish" is informal and subjective; "unreasonable" is more objective and formal. "Teach people qualities needed" is awkward; "impart the qualities necessary" is more formal and precise.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the role of self-study in achieving success, presenting arguments that support the idea that self-learning can foster important personal qualities. However, the essay does not explicitly state the extent to which the author agrees or disagrees with the statement, which is a critical component of the task. The introduction hints at a belief in the value of self-study but lacks a clear thesis statement that outlines the author’s position.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should clearly articulate their stance in the introduction, specifying whether they fully agree, partially agree, or disagree with the statement. This could be achieved by rephrasing the thesis to explicitly indicate the extent of agreement or disagreement, such as "I partially agree that self-study is key to success, as it fosters personal development, but I also believe that guidance from educators is equally important."
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay presents a general belief in the benefits of self-study, the position is not consistently clear throughout the essay. The author introduces counterarguments regarding the importance of guidance from teachers but does not effectively integrate these points into a cohesive argument that reflects their overall stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the author should ensure that each paragraph supports their main argument. They could include transitional phrases that link the discussion of self-study to the acknowledgment of the importance of guidance, thereby reinforcing their position. For example, they could state, "While self-study is crucial, it is equally important to recognize the invaluable role of educators in achieving success."
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to the benefits of self-study, such as personal development, resilience, and problem-solving skills. However, some points lack sufficient elaboration and specific examples. For instance, the mention of "self-recognizing potential talents" is vague and could be better explained with concrete examples or scenarios.
- How to improve: The author should aim to extend their ideas by providing more detailed explanations and relevant examples. For instance, when discussing resilience, they could include a specific anecdote about a student who overcame challenges through self-study. This would not only strengthen their argument but also engage the reader more effectively.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the benefits of self-study. However, there are moments where the discussion becomes somewhat convoluted, particularly in the second paragraph, where the sentence structure is complex and may confuse the reader. For example, the phrase "This is predicted on the assumption that individuals can enhance fraction of cognitive development through self-recognizing potential talents" is unclear and detracts from the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should strive for clarity in their writing. Simplifying sentence structures and avoiding overly complex phrases will help keep the reader engaged and ensure that the main ideas are communicated effectively. Additionally, each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence that directly relates to the thesis, guiding the reader through the argument.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the author can enhance the overall effectiveness of their essay and potentially achieve a higher band score in the Task Response criteria.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the importance of self-study for personal development. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs attempt to build on this premise. However, the logical flow is sometimes disrupted by unclear transitions between ideas. For instance, the shift from discussing personal traits developed through self-study to the role of educational institutions is abrupt and could confuse the reader. Additionally, some sentences are convoluted, making it difficult to follow the argument’s progression.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate back to the thesis. Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next by using transitional phrases that guide the reader through the argument. For example, after discussing personal traits, you could use a phrase like "On the other hand" to introduce the counterargument about the importance of guidance from educators.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. However, the paragraphs could be more effectively structured. For example, the second paragraph contains multiple ideas that could be better served if split into two distinct paragraphs: one focusing on the benefits of self-study and another discussing the limitations of self-study without guidance. This would allow for a clearer focus within each paragraph and improve readability.
- How to improve: Aim for a clear structure within each paragraph, starting with a topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea, followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on that idea. Consider breaking longer paragraphs into smaller ones to avoid overwhelming the reader and to maintain focus on a single point.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "furthermore" and "however," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some sentences lack the necessary connectors to clarify relationships between ideas. For instance, the phrase "This is predicted on the assumption that…" could be more effectively linked to the previous sentence to enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "in addition," "consequently," and "for instance." Additionally, ensure that each sentence logically follows from the previous one by using phrases that indicate causation, contrast, or addition. This will strengthen the overall coherence of the essay and make it easier for the reader to follow your argument.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance clarity and coherence, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "self-learning," "perseverance," "resilience," and "problem-solving skills." However, there are instances where vocabulary choices are repetitive or overly simplistic, such as the frequent use of "important" and "qualities." Additionally, phrases like "high-school students prepare for their homework" could be expressed more variably.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and more sophisticated expressions. For example, instead of repeating "important," alternatives like "crucial," "essential," or "vital" could be used. Furthermore, varying sentence structures and using more complex vocabulary related to education and personal development would enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, "self-stydy purpose" is unclear and likely a typographical error for "self-study purpose." Additionally, phrases like "take account ability for their results" are awkward and do not convey the intended meaning effectively. The phrase "self-recognizing potential talents" is also vague and could be more clearly articulated.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on clarity and precision in vocabulary. For instance, instead of "take account ability," a more precise expression would be "take responsibility for their results." Regularly reviewing and practicing vocabulary in context can help improve precision and clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "stydy" instead of "study," "high-school" (which should be "high school" without the hyphen), and "set back" (which should be "setback"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and may confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can help improve overall spelling skills. Engaging in regular writing practice, focusing on correct spelling, will also be beneficial.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of the topic and employs some relevant vocabulary, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of phrases like "One might argue that" and "It is important to note that" indicates an attempt to incorporate more sophisticated structures. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and sentence fragments that detract from the overall fluency. For example, "This is predicted on the assumption that individuals can enhance fraction of cognitive development through self-recognizing potential talents" is convoluted and could be simplified for clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should practice using more varied sentence openings and transitions to connect ideas more smoothly. Incorporating more complex sentences with subordinate clauses could also add depth. For instance, instead of saying "the guidance of high-educated supporters such as doctors, masters or teachers creates an amount of irreplaceable opportunities," the writer could rephrase it to "the guidance provided by highly educated individuals, such as doctors and teachers, offers irreplaceable opportunities."
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For instance, "self-stydy purpose" should be "self-study" and "independent,perseverance" lacks a space after the comma. Additionally, the phrase "this is predicted on the assumption" is awkwardly constructed and could be clearer. The use of articles is inconsistent, as seen in "the ability of concentration" which should be "the ability to concentrate." There are also run-on sentences, such as "This is predicted on the assumption that individuals can enhance fraction of cognitive development through self-recognizing potential talents," which should be broken down for better readability.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, particularly with spelling, punctuation, and article usage. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers could help identify persistent issues. Furthermore, practicing sentence structure through exercises that focus on combining and separating clauses can enhance clarity and coherence. For example, breaking down complex sentences into simpler ones can help avoid run-ons and improve overall readability.

By addressing these areas, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

Opinions are divided on whether self-study can equip people with important qualities for success. I believe that self-learning does help students boost personal development, such as the ability to work independently, perseverance, and critical thinking.

One might argue that high school students prepare for their homework and the content of their subjects, or try to complete their individual tasks; they learn to work by themselves and take responsibility for their results. This is based on the assumption that individuals can enhance their cognitive development by recognizing their potential talents. For example, a person who regularly self-studies a new language and some computer science subjects demonstrates qualities that are highly valued in today’s job market, regardless of whether they choose to apply for a company or become self-employed. The strength of this purpose depends on the ability to concentrate, which leads to increased productivity in academic performance or work.

Furthermore, studying by themselves allows learners to foster other important personal traits, such as resilience and problem-solving skills. As for the former, significant knowledge at educational institutions or practical knowledge in office settings is by no means easy, and not all people have enough financial resources to engage in extra classes taught by professional teachers. Therefore, the Internet, which plays an essential role for any person from any background, supports us in conducting research, gathering information, and writing reports. It is important to note that they may encounter problems or setbacks along the way, and these incidents force them to persevere and make adjustments. As a result, it would also enhance their diligence, tenacity, and flexibility, all of which are undoubtedly crucial for a successful career path.

However, it is undeniable that the guidance of highly educated supporters, such as doctors, masters, or teachers, creates irreplaceable opportunities that help us achieve our dreams and passions more effectively. These individuals inspire and motivate students to move forward unflinchingly when they experience negative emotions due to overwhelming burdens.

In conclusion, it is rather unreasonable to assert that self-study does not impart the qualities necessary for future success.