Many people say that the only way to guarantee a good job is to complete a course of university education. Others claim that it is better to start work after school and gain experience in the world of work. How far do you agree or disagree with the above views? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Many people say that the only way to guarantee a good job is to complete a course of university education. Others claim that it is better to start work after school and gain experience in the world of work.

How far do you agree or disagree with the above views?

Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

“The only way to guarantee a good job is to complete a course of university education” is a statement that many people have said while others said that starting work after school and gaining experience in the world of work is more beneficial. Both sides have some good points but I only agree with these views to a certain extent.
Is the only way to guarantee a good job is to complete a course of university education?. To that I say no, well yes going to university does give you an advantage in finding a job but it isn't the only way and it is certainly not the only way to guarantee a good job. The first and foremost thing about getting a job is to evaluate how valuable is your skill and how good you are at doing that skill. Since a “good” job is clearly subjective, let's determine it as a well-paid job. People get paid depending on how useful a person's skill is or how skillful a person is at doing their job. So if you can provide a skill that is valuable and useful to an employer you will get a good job without having to complete a course. We have seen this on shows like shark tank numerous times where numerous people with great innovations have got help from businessmen and become successful. If you can present yourself and how useful your skill is you can easily get a good job.
On the other side, Starting work after and gain experience from the world of work is a great idea, but this have a problem. unless you get a job that relates to your interests or passion, they are not helping much. Most of the jobs that students can do as a part-time are mostly employees for fast food outlets like mcdonalds,kfc, or even as a cashier at a supermarket. Well there is still some useful knowledge like how to deal with customers or how to treat your colleagues but most of the time it doesn't help that much.
In conclusion, starting a part-time job or completing a course in college do have their own benefits. But to say that if either option has an upper hand the answer is no .Because the effectiveness of these options relies on the goals and the path to that goal of the person making the choices

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "many people have said" -> "many individuals have argued"
   Explanation: Replacing "have said" with "have argued" elevates the formality and specificity of the statement, aligning better with academic discourse.

2. "said that" -> "asserted that"
   Explanation: "Asserted" is more formal and precise than "said," which is too conversational for academic writing.

3. "starting work after school and gaining experience in the world of work" -> "commencing employment after graduation and acquiring work experience"
   Explanation: "Commencing employment" and "acquiring work experience" are more formal and precise terms, enhancing the academic tone.

4. "I only agree with these views to a certain extent" -> "I concur with these perspectives to a limited extent"
   Explanation: "Concur" and "perspectives" are more formal and academically appropriate than "agree" and "views."

5. "Is the only way to guarantee a good job is to complete a course of university education?" -> "Is it the sole means of securing a good job to complete a university course?"
   Explanation: The revised question structure is more direct and formal, improving clarity and formality.

6. "well yes" -> "indeed"
   Explanation: "Indeed" is a more formal and concise way to acknowledge agreement in academic writing.

7. "going to university does give you an advantage" -> "attending university confers an advantage"
   Explanation: "Confers" is a more formal verb than "gives," and "attending university" is a more precise phrase than "going to university."

8. "it isn’t the only way and it is certainly not the only way" -> "it is not the sole means and certainly not the sole means"
   Explanation: "Sole means" is a more precise and formal expression than "only way."

9. "evaluate how valuable is your skill" -> "assess the value of your skills"
   Explanation: "Assess the value of your skills" is more formal and grammatically correct than "evaluate how valuable is your skill."

10. "how good you are at doing that skill" -> "your proficiency in that skill"
    Explanation: "Proficiency" is a more formal and precise term than "how good you are at."

11. "if you can provide a skill that is valuable and useful to an employer" -> "if you can offer a skill that is valuable and useful to employers"
    Explanation: "Offer" is more formal than "provide," and "employers" is plural to match the context.

12. "Starting work after and gain experience from the world of work" -> "commencing work and gaining experience in the workforce"
    Explanation: "Commencing work" and "in the workforce" are more formal and precise terms.

13. "this have a problem" -> "this has a problem"
    Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error from "have" to "has."

14. "unless you get a job that relates to your interests or passion" -> "unless you secure a position aligned with your interests or passions"
    Explanation: "Secure a position aligned with your interests or passions" is more formal and precise.

15. "most of the jobs that students can do as a part-time" -> "many part-time jobs available to students"
    Explanation: "Many part-time jobs available to students" is more concise and formal.

16. "But to say that if either option has an upper hand the answer is no" -> "However, neither option can be considered superior"
    Explanation: "Neither option can be considered superior" is a more formal and academically appropriate way to conclude the discussion.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both sides of the argument regarding university education versus gaining work experience, which is a strength. The writer acknowledges the validity of both perspectives, stating that they agree to a certain extent. However, the response could have been more explicit in outlining the specific aspects of each viewpoint. For instance, while the essay mentions that university education provides an advantage, it does not fully explore the reasons why some may argue that work experience is equally or more beneficial.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should clearly delineate the main arguments for each side of the debate. This could involve providing more detailed examples or statistics that illustrate the benefits of both university education and work experience. Additionally, a more structured approach that explicitly states the writer’s position on each aspect of the question would strengthen the overall argument.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a somewhat clear position, indicating a partial agreement with both sides. However, the phrasing, such as "I only agree with these views to a certain extent," introduces ambiguity. The position could be more confidently articulated, particularly in the conclusion, which currently lacks a decisive statement regarding the writer’s stance.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should explicitly state their viewpoint in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. Using phrases like "I strongly believe" or "In my opinion" can help convey a more assertive stance. Additionally, consistently linking back to the main argument throughout the essay will reinforce the position.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to both university education and work experience, but the development of these ideas is somewhat limited. For example, while the essay mentions skills and their value in the job market, it does not delve deeply into how specific skills can be acquired through education or experience. The reference to "Shark Tank" is a good example but could be expanded upon to illustrate the point more effectively.
  • How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations. Each point made should be supported with relevant evidence or anecdotes. For instance, discussing specific skills that are typically acquired through university education versus those gained through work experience would add depth to the argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the question of education versus work experience. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the discussion of part-time jobs, which could be more directly linked to the central argument. The mention of fast food jobs, while relevant, could be better integrated into the overall discussion of how work experience can be beneficial or limiting.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph directly relates back to the main question. This could involve using topic sentences that clearly outline the main idea of each paragraph and ensuring all supporting details are relevant to that idea. Additionally, avoiding tangential discussions will help keep the essay concise and on point.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents relevant arguments, but there is room for improvement in clarity, depth, and focus. By addressing these areas, the writer can enhance the effectiveness of their response and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument that acknowledges both sides of the debate regarding university education versus work experience. The introduction sets the stage by summarizing the opposing views, and the body paragraphs attempt to explore these perspectives. However, the logical flow is occasionally disrupted by unclear transitions and a lack of clear topic sentences. For example, the transition from discussing the benefits of university education to the drawbacks of starting work is abrupt, which can confuse the reader about the main focus of each paragraph.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. Additionally, using transitional phrases such as "In contrast," "Furthermore," or "On the other hand" can help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly. Structuring the essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that each focus on a single point, and a concise conclusion will also improve coherence.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but the structure within them could be improved. The first paragraph introduces the topic but lacks a strong thesis statement that clearly outlines the writer’s position. The second paragraph discusses the advantages of university education, while the third addresses work experience; however, the paragraphs are not well-developed, and some sentences are run-on or lack clarity. For instance, the second paragraph contains several ideas that could be better articulated with separate sentences.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraphing, the writer should focus on developing each paragraph around a single main idea. Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on that idea. The writer should also avoid overly long sentences and ensure that each sentence contributes to the overall point being made. Breaking down complex ideas into simpler, more digestible sentences can enhance clarity and readability.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the other side" and "In conclusion," which help to signal shifts in the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices used is limited, and some connections between ideas are weak. For example, the phrase "but this have a problem" lacks clarity and grammatical accuracy, which detracts from the overall cohesion of the argument.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Moreover," "Consequently," "For instance," and "In addition." This will help to create smoother transitions between ideas and reinforce the relationships between them. Additionally, ensuring grammatical accuracy in cohesive phrases will enhance the professionalism of the writing.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, improvements in organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will help to elevate the coherence and cohesion of the writing, potentially leading to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but it tends to rely on common phrases and lacks more sophisticated or varied expressions. For instance, terms like "good job," "valuable skill," and "great idea" are repeated without variation. While the writer attempts to introduce some complexity with phrases like "the first and foremost thing," the overall vocabulary does not extend beyond basic descriptors.
  • How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "good job," alternatives like "satisfying employment," "rewarding career," or "fulfilling position" could be employed. Additionally, using phrases like "a competitive edge" instead of "an advantage" would elevate the language.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "the only way to guarantee a good job" is somewhat misleading, as it implies exclusivity that does not reflect the nuanced nature of job acquisition. Additionally, the phrase "starting work after and gain experience from the world of work" is awkward and unclear.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and specificity in word choice. For instance, instead of saying "starting work after and gain experience," it could be rephrased to "beginning a career immediately after school to accumulate practical experience." Furthermore, clarifying what is meant by "good job" by defining it in terms of salary, job satisfaction, or career advancement would enhance the precision of the argument.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "mcdonalds" (should be "McDonald’s") and "kfc" (should be "KFC"). Additionally, the phrase "this have a problem" is grammatically incorrect and should be "this has a problem." Such errors can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, possibly using tools like spell checkers or grammar checking software. Additionally, practicing spelling common terms and proper nouns, especially those related to the topic, can help reduce errors. Keeping a list of frequently misspelled words and reviewing them regularly would also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the writer uses a complex sentence in the introduction: “Many people say that the only way to guarantee a good job is to complete a course of university education.” However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the second paragraph where similar phrases are used, such as “the only way” and “good job.” This repetition can detract from the overall effectiveness of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should aim to incorporate more complex sentences and varied sentence openings. For example, instead of repeatedly starting sentences with “the only way” or “on the other side,” the writer could use introductory phrases or clauses, such as “While some argue that…” or “In contrast to this view…”. Additionally, using a mix of declarative, interrogative, and conditional sentences can help create a more engaging and dynamic writing style.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect clarity. For instance, the phrase “Is the only way to guarantee a good job is to complete a course of university education?” contains an incorrect structure; it should be rephrased to “Is the only way to guarantee a good job to complete a course of university education?” Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas in compound sentences (e.g., “but this have a problem” should be “but this has a problem”). The use of question marks is also inconsistent, as seen in the introduction.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should review subject-verb agreement and sentence structure. Practicing sentence rephrasing can help clarify meaning and eliminate redundancy. Furthermore, focusing on punctuation rules, especially regarding comma usage in compound sentences and the correct placement of question marks, will enhance the overall readability of the essay. Regular proofreading and reading aloud can also help identify and correct these errors before final submission.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument and engages with the prompt, addressing the identified weaknesses in grammatical range and accuracy will significantly improve the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

“The only way to guarantee a good job is to complete a course of university education” is a statement that many individuals have asserted, while others claim that commencing work after school and gaining experience in the world of work is more beneficial. Both sides have some good points, but I only concur with these perspectives to a limited extent.

Is it the sole means of securing a good job to complete a university course? To that, I say no. While attending university does indeed confer an advantage in finding a job, it is not the only way and certainly not the sole means to guarantee a good job. The first and foremost aspect of getting a job is to assess the value of your skills and how proficient you are in those skills. Since a “good” job is clearly subjective, let’s define it as a well-paid job. People get paid depending on how useful a person’s skill is or how skillful a person is at doing their job. If you can offer a skill that is valuable and useful to employers, you will secure a good job without having to complete a course. We have seen this on shows like Shark Tank numerous times, where many people with great innovations have received help from businessmen and become successful. If you can present yourself and demonstrate how useful your skill is, you can easily obtain a good job.

On the other hand, commencing work after school and gaining experience in the workforce is a great idea, but this has a problem. Unless you secure a position aligned with your interests or passions, it may not help much. Most of the part-time jobs that students can do are primarily as employees for fast food outlets like McDonald’s, KFC, or even as cashiers at supermarkets. While there is still some useful knowledge gained, such as how to deal with customers or how to treat your colleagues, most of the time it doesn’t contribute significantly to career advancement.

In conclusion, starting a part-time job or completing a course in college does have its own benefits. However, to say that either option has an upper hand, the answer is no. The effectiveness of these options relies on the goals and the path to those goals of the person making the choices.