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Many people think that it is important for the government to pay for large pieces of art such as sculptures to be displayed in public. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many people think that it is important for the government to pay for large pieces of art such as sculptures to be displayed in public. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In today’s world, society has been witnessing an ongoing argument involved in the art industry. There is a common saying that the authorities should allocate their budget to display works of art (sculptures, painting or drawing) in public areas, thereby providing many benefits for residents’ entertainment. From my perspective, even though I agree with the above viewpoint, the government should carefully consider certain aspects.

Some proponents argue that the government has a responsibility to spend money on artistic masterpieces in public, which poses entertainment advantages to dwellers. Paying for great pieces of art is also a typical form of conveying knowledge about cultural and historical meanings for individuals, broadening their understanding in specific fields. Moreover, investing in works of art may promote one nation’s economic development. The Mona Lisa of Leonardo Da Vinci, a notable example, displayed in the Louvre museum, has attracted lots of attention from tourists all around the world and has contributed significant finance for France. Therefore, there is no denying the importance of spending money on artistic works in boosting economic industry and expanding people’s knowledge.

However, the complete concentration on large pieces of art may result in the imbalance in the well-being of residents. The governments also should implement reasonable policies in order to ensure the occupants’ demands, not only mental aspects but also physical sides. The combination of paying for effective medical equipment, eco-friendly means of transportation and entertaining needs such as artworks is extremely necessary for improving dwellers’ lives.

In conclusion, the significance of spending budget on artistic masterpieces in public areas is indeed undeniable, offering individuals useful knowledge in culture or history and bringing economic benefits to the country. Nevertheless, the authorities also ought to consider carefully to create the balance and ensure fairness for all different fields to improve people’s overall well-being.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "society has been witnessing" -> "society has been witnessing"
    Explanation: The phrase "has been witnessing" is appropriate in this context, as it conveys an ongoing process in a formal manner without being overly complex.

  2. "display works of art (sculptures, painting or drawing)" -> "display works of art (sculptures, paintings, or drawings)"
    Explanation: Correcting the plural form of "painting" to "paintings" ensures grammatical accuracy and maintains consistency in the list.

  3. "From my perspective" -> "In my opinion"
    Explanation: "In my opinion" is a more formal and concise expression commonly used in academic writing.

  4. "even though I agree with the above viewpoint" -> "while I concur with the aforementioned perspective"
    Explanation: Replacing "even though" with "while" and using "concur" instead of "agree" adds formality and precision to the statement.

  5. "certain aspects" -> "various considerations"
    Explanation: "Various considerations" is a more specific and formal phrase, providing a nuanced introduction to the forthcoming points.

  6. "proponents argue" -> "advocates contend"
    Explanation: "Advocates contend" is a more sophisticated alternative that enhances the academic tone of the sentence.

  7. "entertainment advantages" -> "cultural and recreational benefits"
    Explanation: Replacing "entertainment advantages" with "cultural and recreational benefits" broadens the scope of the benefits discussed and elevates the language.

  8. "great pieces of art" -> "significant artworks"
    Explanation: "Significant artworks" is a more refined term, emphasizing the importance of the art in question.

  9. "conveying knowledge about cultural and historical meanings" -> "conveying insights into cultural and historical significance"
    Explanation: "Insights into cultural and historical significance" provides a more precise and formal expression.

  10. "broadening their understanding in specific fields" -> "enriching their knowledge in particular domains"
    Explanation: "Enriching their knowledge in particular domains" conveys a more formal tone and specifies the nature of knowledge enhancement.

  11. "Moreover, investing in works of art" -> "Furthermore, investing in artistic creations"
    Explanation: "Furthermore" is a more formal transition, and "artistic creations" is a slightly more elevated term than "works of art."

  12. "The Mona Lisa of Leonardo Da Vinci" -> "Leonardo Da Vinci’s Mona Lisa"
    Explanation: Placing the possessive form before "Mona Lisa" follows standard naming conventions and maintains formality.

  13. "significant finance for France" -> "significant financial contributions to France"
    Explanation: "Financial contributions" is a more precise and formal term than "finance" in this context.

  14. "there is no denying" -> "there is no denying"
    Explanation: The phrase "there is no denying" is suitable in this context and does not require modification.

  15. "complete concentration on large pieces of art" -> "sole focus on monumental artworks"
    Explanation: "Sole focus on monumental artworks" conveys a more specific and formal expression.

  16. "imbalance in the well-being of residents" -> "disparity in the residents’ well-being"
    Explanation: "Disparity in the residents’ well-being" provides a more precise and formal description.

  17. "reasonable policies" -> "thoughtful policies"
    Explanation: "Thoughtful policies" conveys a more considerate and formal approach.

  18. "not only mental aspects but also physical sides" -> "addressing both mental and physical well-being"
    Explanation: "Addressing both mental and physical well-being" is a more concise and formal expression.

  19. "effective medical equipment" -> "efficient medical equipment"
    Explanation: "Efficient medical equipment" emphasizes the effectiveness and functionality of the equipment in a formal manner.

  20. "extremely necessary" -> "imperative"
    Explanation: "Imperative" is a more formal and stronger term, emphasizing the urgency and importance of the combination of policies.

  21. "overall well-being" -> "comprehensive well-being"
    Explanation: "Comprehensive well-being" is a more formal and encompassing term, capturing the holistic nature of well-being.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "However, the complete concentration on large pieces of art may result in the imbalance in the well-being of residents."

    • Explanation and Improvement suggestion: This statement hints at a potential consequence of focusing solely on large art pieces. However, it lacks clarity and depth in explaining how this imbalance affects residents’ well-being. To improve, consider providing specific examples or scenarios where this imbalance negatively impacts individuals or communities. For instance, discussing how an excessive allocation to art neglects essential public services like healthcare or infrastructure, affecting people’s quality of life. By elaborating on these consequences, the argument gains depth and persuasiveness.
    • Improved example: "However, an exclusive focus on funding large artworks might inadvertently lead to imbalances in societal well-being. For instance, a disproportionate allocation of funds towards grand sculptures or paintings could compromise essential public services such as healthcare or infrastructure. This imbalance can directly impact individuals, especially in underserved communities, where the lack of adequate medical facilities or basic infrastructure impedes their quality of life."
  2. Quoted text: "The governments also should implement reasonable policies in order to ensure the occupants’ demands, not only mental aspects but also physical sides."

    • Explanation and Improvement suggestion: The idea presented here is promising but lacks clarity in its articulation. It’s essential to elaborate on what these "reasonable policies" might entail to address both mental and physical demands. Expanding on this point by suggesting practical policies or initiatives that the government could undertake would strengthen this argument. For instance, discussing initiatives that support both mental health, such as art therapy programs, and physical well-being, like community sports facilities, would enhance the argument’s credibility and depth.
    • Improved example: "Moreover, governments should implement a balanced array of policies that cater to diverse societal needs, encompassing both mental and physical aspects. This could involve initiatives like subsidizing community art programs for mental well-being alongside promoting accessible fitness centers and public spaces for physical health. By striking this balance, governments can holistically address the varied demands of their populace, nurturing both their mental and physical well-being."

Overall, the essay effectively presents arguments both in favor of and against the government’s allocation of funds to large artworks. However, enhancing the depth of examples and providing clearer, more detailed illustrations of the potential impacts on residents’ well-being would further strengthen the essay’s Task Response criteria.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of ideas with clear progression throughout. The introduction sets the stage by presenting the ongoing argument in the art industry. The body paragraphs effectively present arguments both in favor of and against government spending on large pieces of art. Each paragraph has a clear central topic, discussing the benefits of art for entertainment and cultural knowledge, as well as the need for a balanced approach to well-being. The conclusion provides a concise summary of the main points.

The use of cohesive devices is generally appropriate, with a range of connectors and transition words contributing to the overall coherence. However, there are some instances where the essay could benefit from more explicit cohesive ties, especially between sentences. For example, smoother transitions could be employed to enhance the flow between ideas within paragraphs.

Paragraphing is generally sufficient and appropriate. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, contributing to the overall coherence. However, there is room for improvement in the logical flow between paragraphs, ensuring a seamless connection between ideas.

How to improve:

  1. Work on more explicit cohesive ties between sentences to enhance the overall flow of ideas. This can be achieved by using a variety of transition words and connectors.
  2. Pay attention to the logical flow between paragraphs, ensuring a smooth transition from one idea to the next.
  3. While the introduction and conclusion are well-structured, consider refining the thesis statement to provide a more precise roadmap for the reader.
  4. Maintain a balance in paragraph length to avoid potential disruptions in the overall coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficiently wide range of vocabulary, allowing for flexibility and precision in expression. The use of less common lexical items and awareness of style and collocation is evident, contributing to the overall quality of the writing. The essay effectively conveys ideas with a good level of coherence and cohesion. Some errors in word choice and word formation are present, but they do not significantly impede communication. The candidate skillfully discusses the advantages of government spending on art, including cultural and historical significance, entertainment, and economic benefits. Additionally, the essay addresses the potential imbalance in well-being resulting from a singular focus on large art pieces, emphasizing the need for a balanced approach to government spending.

How to improve:
To enhance the lexical resource and move towards a higher band score, the candidate should focus on minimizing errors in word choice and word formation. Careful proofreading can help eliminate occasional inaccuracies. Additionally, incorporating a more diverse range of vocabulary, particularly in presenting contrasting ideas, would contribute to a more sophisticated lexical control. The candidate may also consider exploring nuanced expressions to further refine their argumentation and elevate the overall lexical quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of a variety of complex structures, showcasing a range of sentence forms. There are frequent error-free sentences, and overall, the control of grammar and punctuation is solid. However, there are a few errors present throughout the essay, though they do not significantly hinder communication.
How to improve: To move to a higher band score, strive for even greater flexibility and accuracy in sentence structures. Pay close attention to minor errors to achieve a more polished presentation. Additionally, ensure consistency in maintaining error-free sentences to strengthen overall grammatical accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s world, there is an ongoing debate in the art industry, with many suggesting that governments should allocate funds to display works of art, including sculptures, paintings, or drawings, in public areas, providing entertainment benefits for residents. In my opinion, while I concur with the above perspective, the government should carefully consider certain aspects.

Advocates contend that the government has a responsibility to invest in artistic masterpieces in public spaces, offering entertainment advantages to residents. Supporting significant artworks is also a typical way of conveying insights into cultural and historical significance, enriching their knowledge in specific fields. Furthermore, investing in artistic creations can contribute to a nation’s economic development. For instance, Leonardo Da Vinci’s Mona Lisa, displayed in the Louvre museum, has attracted global attention, making significant financial contributions to France. Therefore, there is no denying the importance of allocating funds to artistic works in boosting the economic industry and expanding people’s knowledge.

However, a sole focus on large artworks may lead to a disparity in residents’ well-being. Governments should implement thoughtful policies to address both mental and physical well-being. A comprehensive approach that includes investments in efficient medical equipment, eco-friendly transportation, and entertainment needs, such as artworks, is imperative for enhancing dwellers’ lives.

In conclusion, the importance of allocating a budget to display artistic masterpieces in public areas is undeniable, offering individuals useful knowledge in culture or history and bringing economic benefits to the country. Nevertheless, authorities should carefully consider and implement balanced policies to ensure fairness across different fields and improve people’s overall well-being.

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