many young people today are losing interest in traditional cultural activities, such as dancing, music and festivals. What are cases of this? What solutionscan you suggest to encourange more young people to take part in activities?

When our world developing strongly and co-operate with international country bring out a change for a country. However, a number of persons demonstrate that teenagers in today’s world are disinterested in heritage cultural activities such dancing, music and festival.

One of the main significant reason is technological advancements, where they able to contact with different people across the world, as a result, the various traditional activities have been erosin overtime. Moreover, a lots of adolescents do not raise awareness of cherish long-lasting traditions, which lead to a significant number of traditions have been erosin.

Some adults hold the belief that teenagers nowadays prefer playing modern sports rather than doing traditional activities, however, I strongly disagree with this opinion because a lots of traditional dancing were introduced by teenagers. To encourage this, government should organize programe especially for traditional activities, which help adolescents able to connect and enhance their knowledge of their traditions.

To wrap it all up, excessive use of technology unable young people get in touch with their traditional and lack of knowledge. In my point of view, government should support for long-lasting traditions and an individual should raising their own awareness of preserve their traditional.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"When our world developing strongly and co-operate with international country bring out a change for a country." -> "As the world develops rapidly and collaborates with international countries, it brings about significant changes for a country."
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and lacks clarity. The revised version corrects these issues and enhances the formal tone by using more precise and academically appropriate vocabulary.
"a number of persons demonstrate" -> "many individuals argue"
Explanation: "A number of persons" is awkward and less specific. "Many individuals argue" is more direct and appropriate for academic writing.
"disinterested in heritage cultural activities such dancing, music and festival" -> "uninterested in heritage cultural activities such as dancing, music, and festivals"
Explanation: "Disinterested" is incorrect here; "uninterested" is the correct term. Also, "festival" should be pluralized to "festivals" for consistency and accuracy.
"technological advancements, where they able to contact" -> "technological advancements, which enable them to communicate"
Explanation: "Where they able to contact" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "Which enable them to communicate" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"the various traditional activities have been erosin overtime" -> "various traditional activities have eroded over time"
Explanation: "Erosin" is a non-existent word; "eroded" is the correct term. Also, "overtime" should be "over time" for correct usage.
"a lots of adolescents do not raise awareness of cherish long-lasting traditions" -> "many adolescents are unaware of the importance of preserving long-lasting traditions"
Explanation: "A lots of" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "Many adolescents are unaware of the importance of preserving" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"which lead to a significant number of traditions have been erosin" -> "which has led to the erosion of many traditions"
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revision corrects these issues and clarifies the meaning.
"Some adults hold the belief that teenagers nowadays prefer playing modern sports rather than doing traditional activities, however, I strongly disagree with this opinion because a lots of traditional dancing were introduced by teenagers." -> "Some adults believe that teenagers nowadays prefer playing modern sports over engaging in traditional activities, but I strongly disagree with this view because many traditional dances were introduced by teenagers."
Explanation: The original sentence is awkwardly structured and contains errors. The revision corrects these issues and improves the flow and clarity.
"government should organize programe" -> "the government should organize programs"
Explanation: "Programe" is a typographical error; "programs" is the correct spelling. Also, "the government" is more formal than "government."
"which help adolescents able to connect and enhance their knowledge of their traditions" -> "which helps adolescents connect and enhance their understanding of their traditions"
Explanation: "Which help adolescents able to connect" is grammatically incorrect. "Which helps adolescents connect" corrects this and improves the formal tone.
"excessive use of technology unable young people get in touch with their traditional" -> "excessive use of technology prevents young people from connecting with their traditions"
Explanation: "Unable young people get in touch with their traditional" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revised version corrects these issues and uses more precise language.
"government should support for long-lasting traditions and an individual should raising their own awareness of preserve their traditional" -> "the government should support long-lasting traditions, and individuals should raise their own awareness of preserving their traditions"
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revision corrects these issues and improves the formal tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing the reasons for young people’s disinterest in traditional cultural activities and suggesting solutions. However, it does not clearly identify specific cases of this disinterest, which is a crucial part of the question. For instance, while the essay mentions technological advancements as a reason for this trend, it fails to provide concrete examples of how these advancements have led to a decline in participation in specific activities like dancing or festivals.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should explicitly mention specific cases where traditional activities have declined. For example, the writer could reference statistics or studies showing decreased attendance at cultural festivals or the decline in traditional dance classes. Additionally, providing examples of how technology has replaced these activities (e.g., online gaming or social media engagement) would strengthen the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position against the notion that young people prefer modern sports over traditional activities. However, the argument is not consistently articulated. The statement "I strongly disagree with this opinion because a lots of traditional dancing were introduced by teenagers" lacks clarity and does not effectively support the position. The reasoning is vague and does not convincingly argue why traditional activities are still relevant or appealing to young people.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should explicitly state their viewpoint in the introduction and reiterate it throughout the essay. Using clear topic sentences and providing logical reasoning or examples to support the stance would enhance clarity. For instance, the writer could discuss how traditional activities can coexist with modern interests, thereby reinforcing their position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, such as the impact of technology and the role of government in promoting traditional activities. However, these ideas are not well-developed or supported with sufficient detail. The mention of government programs is vague, lacking specifics about what these programs could entail or how they would effectively engage young people.
- How to improve: To improve the development and support of ideas, the writer should elaborate on each point made. For example, when suggesting government programs, the writer could describe specific initiatives, such as workshops, festivals, or educational campaigns that promote traditional activities. Providing examples of successful programs from other countries could also enhance the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic but occasionally strays into vague statements that do not directly address the prompt. Phrases like "excessive use of technology unable young people get in touch with their traditional" are unclear and do not contribute meaningfully to the discussion of solutions or cases of disinterest.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every sentence contributes directly to answering the prompt. It may be helpful to outline the essay before writing, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear purpose related to the prompt. Additionally, avoiding overly general statements and instead focusing on specific examples and solutions will keep the essay relevant.

Overall, the essay needs to provide more specific examples, clearer reasoning, and better-developed ideas to improve its Task Response score. Addressing these areas will lead to a more comprehensive and coherent response to the prompt.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a general structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow is somewhat hindered by unclear connections between ideas. For instance, the transition from discussing technological advancements to the lack of awareness about traditions is abrupt and lacks a clear linking sentence. Additionally, the argument about government involvement is introduced without a smooth transition from the previous points, making it difficult for the reader to follow the progression of ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that transitions between paragraphs are smooth. Using linking phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "On the other hand" can help guide the reader through the argument. Additionally, outlining the main points before writing can help maintain a logical flow throughout the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but their structure and effectiveness could be improved. The first paragraph introduces the topic but does not clearly state the main argument or outline the points to be discussed. The second paragraph contains multiple ideas that could be better organized into separate paragraphs, such as the impact of technology and the lack of awareness. The conclusion attempts to summarize the essay but introduces new ideas that were not fully developed in the body.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea, supported by relevant examples or explanations. The introduction should clearly state the thesis and outline the main points that will be discussed. The conclusion should summarize the key points without introducing new concepts. This structure will provide clarity and enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "however" and "moreover," but their usage is limited and sometimes incorrect. For example, the phrase "however, I strongly disagree with this opinion" could be better connected to the previous statement for clarity. Additionally, the essay lacks a variety of cohesive devices, which can make the writing feel repetitive and less engaging.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "for instance," "as a result," "in contrast," and "therefore." Practicing the use of these devices in different contexts will help the writer become more comfortable with their application. Furthermore, ensuring that cohesive devices are used correctly and appropriately will enhance the overall flow of the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some attempt to use a variety of vocabulary, such as "technological advancements," "heritage cultural activities," and "long-lasting traditions." However, the range is limited and often repetitive. For instance, the phrases "traditional activities" and "traditional dancing" are used multiple times without variation. Additionally, terms like "erosin" (which appears to be a misspelling of "erosion") detract from the overall lexical range.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should explore synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeating "traditional activities," alternatives like "cultural practices," "heritage events," or "time-honored customs" could be employed. Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary-building exercises could help diversify word choice.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "demonstrate that teenagers in today’s world are disinterested" could be more effectively expressed as "indicate that many teenagers today are losing interest." Furthermore, the use of "a lots of" is grammatically incorrect and should be replaced with "many" or "a lot of." The term "erosin" is also a significant error, as it is not a recognized word in English.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. This can be achieved by practicing sentence rephrasing and ensuring that word choices fit the context. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical correctness will help eliminate vague or incorrect expressions.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "erosin" (should be "erosion"), "programe" (should be "program"), and "unable" (should be "enables"). These errors not only affect the clarity of the writing but also detract from the overall professionalism of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy. This could include reading the essay aloud, using spell-check tools, or writing practice exercises focused on commonly misspelled words. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of frequently misspelled words and reviewing them regularly can help improve spelling skills over time.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates some understanding of the topic and attempts to use a range of vocabulary, it falls short in terms of variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on expanding vocabulary, ensuring precise word choice, and improving spelling, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. For example, simple sentences like "Some adults hold the belief that teenagers nowadays prefer playing modern sports rather than doing traditional activities" are used alongside compound sentences, but there is a lack of complex sentences that could enhance the depth of the argument. The use of phrases such as "which help adolescents able to connect" indicates an attempt at complexity, but it is not executed correctly.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of saying "a lots of adolescents do not raise awareness of cherish long-lasting traditions," the writer could say, "Although many adolescents do not raise awareness of cherished long-lasting traditions, there are still opportunities to engage them through targeted programs." This not only adds variety but also improves clarity.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For example, "When our world developing strongly and co-operate with international country bring out a change for a country" is grammatically incorrect and lacks clarity. The phrase "a lots of" should be "a lot of," and "erosin" is a misspelling of "erosion." Additionally, the sentence "To wrap it all up, excessive use of technology unable young people get in touch with their traditional and lack of knowledge" is awkward and lacks proper punctuation, making it difficult to understand.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should review subject-verb agreement and verb forms. For instance, "When our world develops strongly and cooperates with international countries, it brings about change" corrects the grammatical structure. Furthermore, practicing punctuation rules, such as the correct use of commas and conjunctions, will improve clarity. Regularly reading well-structured essays can also help the writer internalize correct grammar and punctuation usage.

Overall, to achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their range of sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy and punctuation through practice and revision.

Bài sửa mẫu

When our world develops rapidly and collaborates with international countries, it brings about significant changes for a country. However, many individuals argue that teenagers in today’s world are uninterested in heritage cultural activities such as dancing, music, and festivals.

One of the main significant reasons is technological advancements, which enable them to communicate with different people across the world. As a result, various traditional activities have eroded over time. Moreover, many adolescents are unaware of the importance of preserving long-lasting traditions, which has led to the erosion of many traditions.

Some adults believe that teenagers nowadays prefer playing modern sports over engaging in traditional activities. However, I strongly disagree with this view because many traditional dances were introduced by teenagers. To encourage this, the government should organize programs especially for traditional activities, which help adolescents connect and enhance their understanding of their traditions.

To wrap it all up, excessive use of technology prevents young people from connecting with their traditions and leads to a lack of knowledge. In my point of view, the government should support long-lasting traditions, and individuals should raise their own awareness of preserving their traditions.