Many young people today know more about international pop or movie stars than about famous people in the history of their own country. Why is this? What can be done to increase young people’s interest in famous people in the history of their country?
Many young people today know more about international pop or movie stars than about famous people in the history of their own country.
Why is this?
What can be done to increase young people’s interest in famous people in the history of their country?
Nowadays, youngsters tend to show more interest in international celebrities than
in historical figures in their nation. This essay, therefore, aims to present why this trend is rampant and what measures can be adopted to increase the youth’s interest in historical personalities.
There are several reasons why the young nowadays are more familiar with foreign superstars than local ones from their country’s history. Firstly, social media is to blame. With the advent of social networking applications such as Facebook, Instagram, and WeChat, it is common that famous people’s lives are everywhere, grabbing young people’s attention. Many teenagers mostly spend their time surfing the Internet, looking at posts or articles about international pop idols, their vacations, their wardrobes, etc. Secondly, most youngsters deem history as boring. History is tedious to learn because they are required to read long stories and memorize heroes’ names, so even their teachers fail to make history lessons interesting.
Thankfully, a multitude of solutions can be applied to maintain the young populace’s interest in historical people. Mainly, the filmmakers, especially local ones, should produce more movies based on key historical events or national heroes. By doing so, the young people will draw attention to history, especially when the actors portraying the heroes or reenacting the historical events in the movies are their idols. In addition, it is about time for schools to restructure their curriculum. History teaching should be tailored according to students’ interests. Rote learning, that is, memorizing long lists of heroes’ names or dates of events, must be discouraged. Alternatively, teachers should use modern media to create more appealing history lessons.
In conclusion, although youngsters rarely pay attention to historical personalities due to social media and dull history subjects, this can be dealt with through concerted efforts from the media and schools.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"Nowadays" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "Nowadays." -
"youngsters" -> "young people"
Explanation: "Young people" is a more formal and inclusive term compared to "youngsters," which can sound informal and slightly derogatory. -
"tend to show more interest" -> "are increasingly interested"
Explanation: "Are increasingly interested" is a more formal and precise way to express the ongoing trend, avoiding the less formal "tend to show." -
"This essay, therefore, aims to present" -> "This essay aims to explore"
Explanation: "Aims to explore" is more specific and academically appropriate than "aims to present," which is somewhat vague and less formal. -
"why this trend is rampant" -> "why this trend is prevalent"
Explanation: "Prevalent" is a more formal synonym for "rampant," which can carry a slightly negative connotation. -
"the young nowadays" -> "young people today"
Explanation: "Young people today" is more formal and avoids the awkward construction of "the young nowadays." -
"social media is to blame" -> "social media is largely responsible"
Explanation: "Is largely responsible" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "is to blame," which can imply blame or fault. -
"grabbing young people’s attention" -> "captivating the attention of young people"
Explanation: "Captivating the attention of" is a more formal expression than "grabbing," which is colloquial. -
"Many teenagers mostly spend their time" -> "Many teenagers spend most of their time"
Explanation: "Spend most of their time" is a more concise and formal way to express the frequency of an action. -
"looking at posts or articles" -> "viewing posts and articles"
Explanation: "Viewing" is a more formal verb than "looking at," and "posts and articles" is a more precise and formal way to refer to online content. -
"most youngsters deem history as boring" -> "many young people consider history boring"
Explanation: "Consider history boring" is a more formal and precise way to express the opinion, and "many young people" is more inclusive than "most youngsters." -
"History is tedious to learn" -> "Learning history can be tedious"
Explanation: "Learning history can be tedious" shifts the focus from the inherent nature of history to the subjective experience, which is more appropriate in an academic context. -
"even their teachers fail to make history lessons interesting" -> "even their teachers struggle to make history lessons engaging"
Explanation: "Struggle to make history lessons engaging" is a more precise and formal way to describe the challenges faced by teachers, replacing the more casual "fail." -
"a multitude of solutions" -> "several solutions"
Explanation: "Several solutions" is more precise and less hyperbolic than "a multitude," which can be seen as exaggerated. -
"mainly" -> "primarily"
Explanation: "Primarily" is a more formal adverb than "mainly," fitting better in academic writing. -
"the young people will draw attention to history" -> "young people will become more interested in history"
Explanation: "Become more interested in" is a clearer and more formal way to express the expected outcome than "draw attention to." -
"it is about time for schools to restructure their curriculum" -> "it is imperative that schools revise their curriculum"
Explanation: "It is imperative that schools revise their curriculum" uses more formal language and emphasizes the necessity of change. -
"Rote learning, that is, memorizing long lists of heroes’ names or dates of events" -> "rote learning, specifically memorizing lengthy lists of historical figures and dates"
Explanation: "Specifically memorizing lengthy lists of historical figures and dates" is more precise and formal, avoiding the colloquial "heroes’ names or dates of events." -
"must be discouraged" -> "should be discouraged"
Explanation: "Should be discouraged" is a more polite and less absolute term than "must be," which can imply obligation rather than recommendation. -
"Alternatively, teachers should use modern media" -> "Alternatively, teachers could utilize modern media"
Explanation: "Could utilize" is a more formal and tentative expression than "should use," which is more directive and less academically neutral.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt. It clearly identifies reasons why young people are more familiar with international celebrities than local historical figures, citing social media and the perception of history as boring. The second part of the question is also well-covered, with practical suggestions for increasing interest in historical figures, such as producing films based on historical events and restructuring the curriculum. Each part of the question is answered with relevant examples and rationale, demonstrating a strong understanding of the task.
- How to improve: To enhance the response further, the essay could include more specific examples of historical figures or events that could be highlighted in films or educational materials. Additionally, discussing the potential impact of these solutions on young people’s perceptions could provide a more comprehensive answer.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently arguing that the lack of interest in historical figures is a significant issue and that solutions are necessary. The use of phrases like "this essay, therefore, aims to present" establishes the writer’s intent clearly. The conclusion succinctly reiterates the main points, reinforcing the position taken in the body of the essay.
- How to improve: While the position is clear, the writer could strengthen their argument by explicitly stating their personal viewpoint on the importance of historical knowledge in the introduction. This would provide a stronger foundation for the discussion and enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the reasons for the trend and potential solutions. Each idea is supported with logical reasoning, such as the claim that social media distracts youth from local history and that modernizing history education could engage students more effectively. However, the support for these ideas could be more robust, as some points are somewhat generalized.
- How to improve: To improve this aspect, the writer could incorporate specific examples or statistics to back up claims, such as citing studies on social media usage among youth or successful educational programs that have engaged students with history. This would provide a stronger foundation for the arguments made.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, addressing the reasons for the lack of interest in historical figures and proposing relevant solutions. There are no significant deviations from the topic, and the discussion remains relevant to the prompt.
- How to improve: To ensure continued focus, the writer should be cautious of introducing overly broad statements that may detract from the main argument. For instance, while discussing social media, it could be beneficial to tie back to how specific platforms influence perceptions of history, rather than making general statements about social media as a whole. This would keep the discussion tightly aligned with the prompt.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured response. By incorporating more specific examples and strengthening the support for ideas, the writer could further enhance the quality of their response.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively outlines the main points that will be discussed, which helps the reader anticipate the content. Each body paragraph addresses a specific reason or solution, maintaining a logical flow. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the reasons for the trend, while the second focuses on potential solutions. However, the transition between the reasons and solutions could be smoother, as the shift feels somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing the reasons for the lack of interest in historical figures, a sentence like "To counteract these challenges, several effective strategies can be implemented" would create a clearer link to the solutions presented in the next paragraph.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each one focusing on a distinct aspect of the topic. The first paragraph introduces the issue, the second provides reasons, and the third suggests solutions. However, the first body paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences that summarize the main idea of the paragraph. The current structure is somewhat straightforward, but it lacks depth in the development of ideas within the paragraphs.
- How to improve: Strengthen the topic sentences in each body paragraph to clearly state the main idea. For example, instead of starting the second paragraph with "There are several reasons why the young nowadays are more familiar with foreign superstars," consider a more assertive topic sentence like "Several factors contribute to the youth’s preference for international celebrities over local historical figures." This approach will provide clearer guidance to the reader about what to expect in each paragraph.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "In addition," which help to structure the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, relying heavily on basic connectors. While these devices are functional, they do not add much variety or sophistication to the writing. Additionally, the use of pronouns and synonyms could be improved to avoid repetition and enhance cohesion.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Moreover," "Furthermore," "Consequently," and "As a result." This will not only improve the flow of the essay but also demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency. Additionally, vary the use of pronouns and synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, which will help maintain coherence throughout the essay.
By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the overall band score in this criterion.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, such as "celebrities," "historical figures," "advent," and "multitude." However, the vocabulary is somewhat limited in variety and sophistication. For instance, the phrase "famous people" is repeated multiple times, which could be replaced with synonyms like "notable figures" or "renowned personalities" to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader array of synonyms and phrases related to the topic. For example, instead of repeatedly using "youngsters," alternatives like "youth," "adolescents," or "the younger generation" could be used. Additionally, using more advanced vocabulary related to the themes of celebrity culture and historical significance would elevate the essay’s lexical range.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are instances where word choice could be more precise. For example, the term "rampant" in the introduction might imply something negative or uncontrollable, which could mislead the reader about the nature of the trend being discussed. Furthermore, the phrase "deem history as boring" could be more effectively expressed as "perceive history as unengaging."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should consider the connotations of the words they choose. They could replace "rampant" with "prevalent" to maintain a neutral tone. Additionally, using phrases like "find history uninteresting" instead of "deem history as boring" would convey the intended meaning more clearly. Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary-building resources can help in selecting more precise terms.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a good level of spelling accuracy, with no glaring errors. Words like "celebrities," "advent," and "multitude" are spelled correctly, which reflects a solid grasp of basic spelling conventions.
- How to improve: To further enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should practice proofreading their work for any overlooked typographical errors. Utilizing spell-check tools and engaging in regular writing exercises can also help reinforce correct spelling habits. Additionally, focusing on commonly misspelled words in English could be beneficial for overall improvement.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a competent use of vocabulary, there are opportunities for improvement in terms of range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By diversifying vocabulary, choosing words with care, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of introductory phrases such as "Nowadays" and "Firstly" effectively sets the context and structure for the arguments. Additionally, the sentence "By doing so, the young people will draw attention to history, especially when the actors portraying the heroes or reenacting the historical events in the movies are their idols" showcases a complex structure that effectively conveys a nuanced idea. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be more varied; for example, the essay relies heavily on the "subject + verb + object" format, which can make the writing feel somewhat monotonous.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory clauses, conditional sentences, and participial phrases. For instance, instead of starting multiple sentences with "The young" or "History," try beginning with adverbial clauses (e.g., "While many young people are captivated by international celebrities,") or using inversion for emphasis (e.g., "Never before have young people shown such a preference for foreign figures over local heroes."). This will not only diversify the writing but also engage the reader more effectively.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally displays a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For instance, the phrase "the young nowadays are more familiar with foreign superstars than local ones from their country’s history" is grammatically correct, but could be more concise. Punctuation is mostly accurate, though there are areas where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "especially" in the sentence "especially when the actors portraying the heroes or reenacting the historical events in the movies are their idols." Additionally, the use of "that is" in "Rote learning, that is, memorizing long lists of heroes’ names or dates of events, must be discouraged" could be streamlined for better flow.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on refining sentence clarity and conciseness. Review sentences to eliminate unnecessary words or phrases that may dilute the main point. For punctuation, ensure that commas are used to separate clauses effectively, particularly in complex sentences. Practicing sentence combining exercises can also help in creating more fluid and grammatically varied sentences. Additionally, consider revising sentences for clarity, such as changing "the young populace’s interest in historical people" to "young people’s interest in historical figures" for simplicity and directness.
Overall, while the essay achieves a solid Band 7 for Grammatical Range and Accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.
Bài sửa mẫu
Nowadays, young people tend to show more interest in international celebrities than in historical figures from their own nation. This essay, therefore, aims to explore why this trend is prevalent and what measures can be adopted to increase young people’s interest in historical personalities.
There are several reasons why young people today are more familiar with foreign superstars than local ones from their country’s history. Firstly, social media is largely responsible. With the advent of social networking applications such as Facebook, Instagram, and WeChat, it is common for famous people’s lives to be everywhere, captivating the attention of young people. Many teenagers spend most of their time surfing the Internet, viewing posts and articles about international pop idols, their vacations, their wardrobes, and so on. Secondly, many young people consider history boring. Learning history can be tedious because they are required to read long stories and memorize heroes’ names, so even their teachers struggle to make history lessons engaging.
Thankfully, several solutions can be applied to maintain young people’s interest in historical figures. Primarily, filmmakers, especially local ones, should produce more movies based on key historical events or national heroes. By doing so, young people will become more interested in history, especially when the actors portraying the heroes or reenacting the historical events in the movies are their idols. In addition, it is imperative that schools revise their curriculum. History teaching should be tailored according to students’ interests. Rote learning, specifically memorizing lengthy lists of historical figures and dates, should be discouraged. Alternatively, teachers could utilize modern media to create more appealing history lessons.
In conclusion, although young people rarely pay attention to historical personalities due to social media and dull history subjects, this can be addressed through concerted efforts from the media and schools.