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Millions of dollars are spent on space research every year. Some people argue that the money should be spent on improving living standards on Earth. Do you agree or disagree?

Millions of dollars are spent on space research every year. Some people argue that the money should be spent on improving living standards on Earth. Do you agree or disagree?

The contemporary world is marked by breakthrough developments in technology, which are accompanied by enormous investments in the space industry. Therefore, the value of the trend has been disputed all over the globe. One suggestion is that funding should be spent toward enhancing the living standard. This essay will elaborate on the reasons why this viewpoint is flawed and provide additional examples.

The key reason why space research is imperative is that our world is running out of natural resources. Sources of rare metals such as gold, silver and platinum have been shrinking due to excessive exploitation and improper use. Consequently, searching for extraterrestrial resources will significantly alleviate the pressure on the Earth. For example, NASA has been conducting studies to develop detectors for tracing heavy metals on planets beyond the solar system. This approach is so far the only feasible one to solve the issue.

The second motivation for space exploration is the advance of technology accompanied by. If a country invests in such research endeavours, it will achieve goals in other fields and garner additional expertise. For example, While developing a robot capable of collecting and analyzing soil samples, they must establish an optimal and accurate analytical process beforehand. Subsequently, the successful country is proven to have mastered combining the outcomes of different fields of science, including mathematics, modern physics and chemistry.

In conclusion, although improving living quality is crucial, it is worth it to advocate money towards space studies. Not only does it eradicate resource shortages but also fosters scientific development in the host country.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "breakthrough developments in technology" -> "significant advancements in technology"
    Explanation: Replacing "breakthrough developments" with "significant advancements" provides a more formal and precise expression, aligning with academic style.

  2. "enormous investments" -> "substantial investments"
    Explanation: Changing "enormous" to "substantial" maintains formality while avoiding an overly emphatic tone, making the language more suitable for an academic context.

  3. "The key reason why" -> "A primary reason why"
    Explanation: "The key reason why" can be refined to "A primary reason why" for a more polished and academic tone.

  4. "extraterrestrial resources" -> "resources beyond Earth"
    Explanation: While maintaining clarity, the substitution of "extraterrestrial resources" with "resources beyond Earth" is more straightforward and academically precise.

  5. "so far the only feasible one to solve the issue" -> "currently the most viable solution to address the issue"
    Explanation: The revision enhances formality and precision by replacing "so far the only feasible one to solve the issue" with "currently the most viable solution to address the issue."

  6. "advance of technology accompanied by" -> "advancement of technology, accompanied by"
    Explanation: Adding a comma after "technology" helps structure the sentence correctly, making it more grammatically sound in academic writing.

  7. "research endeavours" -> "research endeavors"
    Explanation: Using the American English spelling "endeavors" instead of "endeavours" aligns with academic writing conventions.

  8. "While developing a robot capable of collecting and analyzing soil samples, they must establish an optimal and accurate analytical process beforehand." -> "During the development of a robot capable of collecting and analyzing soil samples, researchers must establish an optimal and accurate analytical process beforehand."
    Explanation: Clarifying the subject and restructuring the sentence provides a more formal and precise expression in academic writing.

  9. "successful country is proven to have mastered combining the outcomes" -> "a successful country has demonstrated the ability to integrate the outcomes"
    Explanation: The revised phrase improves clarity and formality by replacing "is proven to have mastered combining" with "has demonstrated the ability to integrate."

  10. "although improving living quality is crucial" -> "while enhancing the quality of life is crucial"
    Explanation: The modification introduces a more formal transition, replacing "although" with "while," to enhance the academic tone of the sentence.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "The contemporary world is marked by breakthrough developments in technology, which are accompanied by enormous investments in the space industry. Therefore, the value of the trend has been disputed all over the globe. One suggestion is that funding should be spent toward enhancing the living standard. This essay will elaborate on the reasons why this viewpoint is flawed and provide additional examples."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The introduction establishes the topic well, but it lacks a clear thesis statement outlining the writer’s position on whether they agree or disagree with the idea of spending money on space research. A more explicit stance would enhance the clarity of the essay for the reader. Consider revising the introduction to clearly state your perspective.
    • Improved example: "In the contemporary world, marked by breakthrough developments in technology and enormous investments in the space industry, the value of these trends is widely debated. While some argue for directing funds toward enhancing living standards, I firmly contend that investing in space research is crucial. This essay will delve into the reasons supporting this perspective."
  2. Quoted text: "The key reason why space research is imperative is that our world is running out of natural resources. Sources of rare metals such as gold, silver, and platinum have been shrinking due to excessive exploitation and improper use. Consequently, searching for extraterrestrial resources will significantly alleviate the pressure on the Earth. For example, NASA has been conducting studies to develop detectors for tracing heavy metals on planets beyond the solar system. This approach is so far the only feasible one to solve the issue."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The argument presents a strong point about the importance of space research in addressing Earth’s resource challenges. However, it lacks depth in connecting this to improving living standards directly. To enhance this, consider illustrating how the discovery of extraterrestrial resources can lead to tangible benefits for Earth’s inhabitants, such as economic growth or resource accessibility.
    • Improved example: "Space research is crucial due to the depleting natural resources on Earth, particularly rare metals like gold and platinum. Exploring extraterrestrial resources becomes paramount to alleviate the pressure on our planet. For instance, NASA’s studies on detecting heavy metals on planets beyond our solar system not only address resource scarcity but also hold the potential for economic growth, ultimately contributing to an improved living standard."
  3. Quoted text: "The second motivation for space exploration is the advance of technology accompanied by. If a country invests in such research endeavors, it will achieve goals in other fields and garner additional expertise. For example, While developing a robot capable of collecting and analyzing soil samples, they must establish an optimal and accurate analytical process beforehand. Subsequently, the successful country is proven to have mastered combining the outcomes of different fields of science, including mathematics, modern physics and chemistry."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The argument highlights the connection between space exploration and technological advancement, but it lacks clarity and coherence. Specify how advancements in technology directly contribute to improving living standards on Earth. Provide a more focused and concrete example that illustrates the practical benefits of technology developed through space research.
    • Improved example: "Investing in space research not only advances technology but also has tangible benefits for improving living standards on Earth. For instance, the development of a robot capable of collecting and analyzing soil samples for extraterrestrial exploration requires mastering interdisciplinary fields such as mathematics, modern physics, and chemistry. This expertise can then be applied to solving Earth’s challenges, leading to technological innovations that enhance our daily lives."

Overall, the essay presents a clear position on the topic but could benefit from refining the introduction and strengthening the connections between space research and the direct improvement of living standards on Earth.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information and ideas with clear progression throughout. The introduction introduces the topic and the essay’s stance, providing a roadmap for the reader. Each paragraph is focused on a specific point, contributing to the overall coherence. The use of cohesive devices is generally effective, contributing to the flow of ideas. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and unclear reference, affecting the overall cohesion slightly.

The first body paragraph discusses the importance of space research in addressing resource shortages, presenting a clear central idea. The second paragraph explores the advancement of technology through space research, maintaining a logical flow. The conclusion succinctly restates the main argument, providing closure to the essay.

Paragraphing is generally appropriate, with each paragraph dedicated to a specific aspect of the argument. However, some improvements could be made in terms of sentence structure and reference clarity.

How to improve:

  1. Sentence Structure: Pay attention to sentence structure to avoid awkward phrasing. Ensure that each sentence clearly conveys its intended meaning.
  2. Reference Clarity: Enhance reference clarity by ensuring that pronouns clearly refer to their intended antecedents. This will improve overall coherence and reduce ambiguity.
  3. Transitions: Use transitions more consistently to guide the reader through the essay. This will enhance the overall cohesion and flow of ideas.
  4. Proofreading: Conduct a thorough proofreading to identify and correct grammatical errors and awkward expressions. This will contribute to a smoother and more polished essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with a mix of common and less common lexical items. There is a reasonable attempt to convey ideas precisely, and the essay shows an awareness of style and collocation. The writer successfully uses examples to support the arguments and maintains coherence throughout. However, there are occasional errors in word choice and some inaccuracies in word formation and spelling, such as in the sentence "The contemporary world is marked by breakthrough developments in technology, which are accompanied by enormous investments in the space industry" where the word "which" might be better replaced with "leading to."

How to improve:
To improve the lexical resource score, the writer should pay closer attention to word choice, ensuring accuracy in collocation and eliminating minor errors in word formation and spelling. Additionally, more precise and varied vocabulary could be employed to enhance the fluency and flexibility of expression. Proofreading for minor slips in grammar and usage would further strengthen the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable use of a variety of complex sentence structures, contributing to a Band 7 score. There is evidence of error-free sentences throughout the essay, and the control of grammar and punctuation is generally good. However, there are a few errors present, including issues with subject-verb agreement ("which are accompanied"), use of conjunctions ("accompanied by"), and awkward phrasing ("advance of technology accompanied by"). Despite these minor errors, the overall communication is clear, and the essay effectively conveys the intended message.

How to Improve: To enhance grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on refining sentence structures for more precision. Attention to subject-verb agreement and the use of conjunctions would further elevate the essay. Additionally, careful proofreading to eliminate minor errors and improve the flow of complex sentences can contribute to achieving a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The modern era is witnessing remarkable technological advancements, coupled with substantial investments in space exploration. This trend sparks debates globally, with some suggesting that funds should prioritize elevating living standards. However, this viewpoint is flawed, as space research holds crucial significance for various reasons.

Firstly, our planet grapples with dwindling natural resources, such as rare metals like gold, silver, and platinum, due to excessive exploitation. Exploring outer space for these resources offers a potential solution to ease this pressure on Earth. NASA, for instance, conducts studies on detecting heavy metals on planets beyond our solar system, presenting a viable approach to addressing this issue.

Moreover, space exploration drives technological progress. Countries investing in such endeavors not only advance in space-related technologies but also gain expertise in diverse fields. For instance, in developing a robot capable of gathering and analyzing soil samples from extraterrestrial surfaces, countries need to establish meticulous analytical processes. This amalgamation of various scientific fields, including mathematics, modern physics, and chemistry, signifies the comprehensive expertise gained through space exploration.

In conclusion, while improving living standards remains pivotal, directing funds towards space research is equally essential. Not only does it offer a solution to resource shortages, but it also fosters scientific development within the investing country.

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