Mobile phones and the Internet have made it easier to stay in contact with other people. However, as a lot of time is spent using telephones and computers, there is less face-to-face contact and direct communication. Is the growing use of communications technology a positive or negative development for society?
Mobile phones and the Internet have made it easier to stay in contact with other people. However, as a lot of time is spent using telephones and computers, there is less face-to-face contact and direct communication. Is the growing use of communications technology a positive or negative development for society?
The introduction of cutting-edge technology such as cell phones and the Internet has greatly changed how individuals interact with each other. While a school of thought holds the opinion that telephones and the Internet have facilitated keeping in touch with other people, some argue that human beings spend a huge amount of time utilizing mobile phones and computing devices, leading to a decrease in face-to-face communications and direct interactions. Although the rise in communication technology brings undeniable benefits, I reckon that its drawbacks are more significant.
On the one hand, the convenience provided by cell phones and the Internet can be denied. The main rationale for this is that technological devices such as mobile phones and the Internet enable humans to connect with their families immediately regardless of location limitations. To be more specific, this can be beneficial for individuals who live far from relatives or friends, allowing them to maintain strong bond relationships and reduce a sense of loneliness. Moreover, these technologies have revolutionized the way mankind conducts business, making enterprises connect with customers easily and expand their network globally. As a result, the growing use of communications technology has significantly enhanced connective ability and productivity in society.
On the other hand, excessive reliance on cell phones and the Internet has led to a decrease in face-to-face interactions and direct communication. The prime reason for this is that individuals are becoming more comfortable expressing their perspectives and characteristics on social media platforms, leading to the ignorance of non-verbal cues and personal connections that come with in-person conversations. This can cause poor communication skills and hinder the development of strong relationships. An additional rationale is that utilizing mobile phones and the Internet for a long time has severe impacts on individuals’ physical health as well as mental well-being. As an illustration, sitting in front of a phone or computer screen for too long can increase the risk of physical health problems such as back pain, eye strain, or even obesity, the reliance on social media can leave a feeling of anxiety and reduce the ability to concentrate.
In conclusion, the advancement of media technologies not only offers realistic advantages but also causes far-reaching consequences. While it has eased to stay in touch with others, it has also resulted in a decline in face-to-face interactions and direct communication. Striking a balance between virtual and real-world connections is necessary to ensure the healthy development of interpersonal relationships and overall well-being.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"cutting-edge technology" -> "advanced technology"
Explanation: "Cutting-edge" is an idiom that may sound informal in an academic context. "Advanced" is a more straightforward and formal term that conveys the same meaning without the colloquial tone. -
"a school of thought holds the opinion" -> "a prevailing viewpoint suggests"
Explanation: "A school of thought holds the opinion" is somewhat verbose and less direct. "A prevailing viewpoint suggests" is more concise and maintains an academic tone. -
"spend a huge amount of time" -> "devote considerable time"
Explanation: "Spend a huge amount of time" is somewhat informal and vague. "Devote considerable time" is more precise and formal, suitable for academic writing. -
"I reckon" -> "I believe"
Explanation: "I reckon" is colloquial and informal. "I believe" is a more formal expression suitable for academic writing. -
"can be denied" -> "cannot be denied"
Explanation: The original phrase implies that the convenience of technology is disputable, which is incorrect. "Cannot be denied" correctly states that the convenience is undeniable. -
"To be more specific" -> "Specifically"
Explanation: "To be more specific" is redundant in this context. "Specifically" is a more direct and formal way to introduce a detailed explanation. -
"strong bond relationships" -> "stronger relationships"
Explanation: "Strong bond relationships" is awkward and unclear. "Stronger relationships" is more natural and precise. -
"reduce a sense of loneliness" -> "reduce feelings of loneliness"
Explanation: "Reduce a sense of loneliness" is grammatically incorrect. "Reduce feelings of loneliness" is grammatically correct and more formal. -
"connective ability" -> "connectivity"
Explanation: "Connective ability" is not a standard term. "Connectivity" is the correct term and is widely used in academic discourse. -
"ignorance of non-verbal cues" -> "neglect of non-verbal cues"
Explanation: "Ignorance" implies a lack of knowledge, which is not the intended meaning here. "Neglect" correctly conveys the idea of intentionally disregarding non-verbal cues. -
"has severe impacts" -> "has significant impacts"
Explanation: "Severe" can imply extreme or adverse effects, which might not be the intended meaning. "Significant" is a more neutral and academically appropriate term. -
"sitting in front of a phone or computer screen for too long" -> "prolonged screen time"
Explanation: "Sitting in front of a phone or computer screen for too long" is verbose and informal. "Prolonged screen time" is concise and formal. -
"leave a feeling of anxiety" -> "induce anxiety"
Explanation: "Leave a feeling of anxiety" is awkward and verbose. "Induce anxiety" is more direct and appropriate for academic writing. -
"realistic advantages" -> "practical advantages"
Explanation: "Realistic" is not typically used to describe benefits, whereas "practical" is more commonly used in this context to describe the usefulness of something. -
"eased to stay in touch" -> "facilitated staying in touch"
Explanation: "Eased to stay in touch" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Facilitated staying in touch" is grammatically correct and maintains a formal tone.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument regarding the impact of communication technology on society. The introduction presents the topic clearly, outlining the benefits and drawbacks of mobile phones and the Internet. The body paragraphs provide a balanced view, with the first paragraph discussing the positive aspects of technology, such as convenience and enhanced connectivity, while the second paragraph highlights the negative consequences, including reduced face-to-face interactions and potential health issues. This comprehensive approach demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt.
- How to improve: To achieve an even higher score, the essay could benefit from a more explicit connection between the points made and the overall argument. For instance, the conclusion could more directly summarize how the benefits and drawbacks weigh against each other, reinforcing the writer’s position.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the drawbacks of communication technology outweigh its benefits. This stance is consistently reflected throughout the essay, particularly in the conclusion, which reiterates the need for balance between virtual and real-world interactions. However, the phrase "I reckon that its drawbacks are more significant" could be more assertively stated to enhance the clarity of the position.
- How to improve: Strengthening the thesis statement in the introduction to clearly indicate that the drawbacks are more significant could enhance clarity. Additionally, reinforcing this position with more decisive language throughout the body paragraphs would help maintain a strong and consistent viewpoint.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several well-developed ideas, such as the convenience of technology and the decline in face-to-face interactions. Each point is supported with relevant examples, such as the impact on business and personal relationships. However, while the examples provided are relevant, they could be further extended with more detailed explanations or statistics to enhance their impact.
- How to improve: To improve the depth of the arguments, the writer could include specific examples or data to support claims, such as studies showing the correlation between increased screen time and mental health issues. Additionally, elaborating on how these issues manifest in daily life could provide a more compelling argument.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt’s focus on the positive and negative aspects of communication technology. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly focused. For instance, the mention of physical health issues, while relevant, could be more directly tied back to the central theme of communication and relationships.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all points made directly relate back to the main argument regarding the impact of communication technology on society. This could involve briefly linking each example back to the central thesis, ensuring that every point contributes to the overall discussion of positive versus negative impacts.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of the task response criteria, with clear strengths in addressing the prompt and presenting a balanced argument. With some refinements in clarity, depth of support, and focus, the essay could achieve an even higher band score.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph addresses a distinct aspect of the argument, which helps in maintaining a logical flow. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the positive impacts of communication technology, while the second focuses on its negative effects. However, there are moments where the transition between ideas could be smoother, particularly when moving from the benefits to the drawbacks. The use of phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" is effective, but additional linking phrases could enhance the overall coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using more varied transition phrases to guide the reader through the argument. For example, after discussing the benefits, you might use a phrase like "Conversely" to introduce the drawbacks more effectively. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea can further strengthen the logical flow.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is crucial for clarity. Each paragraph is focused and contains relevant supporting details. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from clearer internal organization. For instance, the points about poor communication skills and health impacts are somewhat jumbled together, which may confuse the reader about the main focus of the paragraph.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea followed by supporting details. You could start the second body paragraph with a topic sentence that clearly states the main point about the negative impacts of technology on communication. Then, separate the discussion of communication skills and health impacts into distinct sentences or even consider creating a third paragraph if the content warrants it.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a range of cohesive devices, such as "moreover," "as a result," and "an additional rationale," which contribute to the overall coherence of the text. However, the use of cohesive devices tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly with phrases like "the main rationale for this is that" and "an additional rationale is that." This repetition can detract from the overall fluidity of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating synonyms or alternative phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "the main rationale," you could use "a key argument" or "a significant point." Additionally, integrating more complex cohesive devices, such as "in contrast" or "furthermore," can enhance the sophistication of the writing. Practicing the use of different cohesive devices in various contexts will also help in achieving greater variety.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion with a clear structure and effective use of paragraphs, there are areas for improvement in the logical flow between ideas, internal organization of paragraphs, and diversification of cohesive devices. By addressing these aspects, the essay can achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, employing terms such as "cutting-edge technology," "facilitated," "bond relationships," and "revolutionized." These choices reflect a good understanding of the topic and contribute to the clarity of the argument. However, some phrases, such as "the convenience provided by cell phones and the Internet can be denied," could be more effectively expressed. The phrase "can be denied" is awkward and could be interpreted as a contradiction to the argument being made.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider incorporating more synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of saying "the convenience provided by cell phones and the Internet can be denied," you might say, "the convenience offered by cell phones and the Internet is undeniable." Additionally, using more idiomatic expressions or collocations related to technology and communication could further enrich the essay.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "the ignorance of non-verbal cues" could be better articulated as "the neglect of non-verbal cues," which more accurately conveys the intended meaning. Furthermore, the term "bond relationships" is somewhat awkward; "build strong relationships" or "foster relationships" would be more precise.
- How to improve: Focus on refining word choice to ensure clarity and precision. Consider reviewing synonyms for commonly used terms and practicing their application in different contexts. Additionally, reading high-quality essays or articles can provide insight into how vocabulary is used effectively in context.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay shows a high level of spelling accuracy, with no significant errors noted. Words such as "technology," "communication," and "relationships" are spelled correctly throughout the text, which contributes positively to the overall impression of the writing.
- How to improve: To maintain and further improve spelling accuracy, it is advisable to engage in regular spelling practice, particularly with more complex or less familiar words. Utilizing tools such as spell checkers or engaging in peer reviews can also help identify any overlooked errors. Additionally, reading extensively can reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary with a few areas for improvement, focusing on precision and range will enhance the overall effectiveness of the writing.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "While a school of thought holds the opinion that telephones and the Internet have facilitated keeping in touch with other people, some argue that human beings spend a huge amount of time utilizing mobile phones and computing devices…" effectively convey nuanced ideas. Additionally, the use of conditional clauses, as seen in "Although the rise in communication technology brings undeniable benefits, I reckon that its drawbacks are more significant," showcases the writer’s ability to express contrasting viewpoints. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the second paragraph where phrases like "the main rationale for this is that" and "an additional rationale is that" could be varied to enhance engagement.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases, use participial phrases, or employ inversion for emphasis. For example, instead of repeatedly starting with "The main rationale for this is that," the writer could use "One compelling reason is that…" or "A significant factor contributing to this is…". This would not only enhance the variety but also maintain the reader’s interest.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors present. For instance, the phrase "the convenience provided by cell phones and the Internet can be denied" is awkwardly constructed; it would be clearer as "the convenience provided by cell phones and the Internet cannot be denied." Additionally, punctuation is mostly correct, but there are a few run-on sentences that could benefit from clearer separation. For example, "As an illustration, sitting in front of a phone or computer screen for too long can increase the risk of physical health problems such as back pain, eye strain, or even obesity, the reliance on social media can leave a feeling of anxiety and reduce the ability to concentrate" could be split into two sentences for clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy and punctuation skills, the writer should focus on proofreading for clarity and sentence structure. Breaking down complex sentences into simpler, more digestible parts can help avoid run-ons. Additionally, practicing the use of conjunctions and transitional phrases can improve the flow of ideas and enhance overall coherence. Regularly reviewing grammar rules and engaging in exercises focused on common pitfalls can also be beneficial.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, with room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision.
Bài sửa mẫu
The introduction of advanced technology such as mobile phones and the Internet has significantly transformed how individuals interact with one another. While a prevailing viewpoint suggests that these devices have facilitated staying in touch with others, some argue that people devote considerable time to using mobile phones and computers, leading to a decrease in face-to-face contact and direct communication. Although the rise in communication technology brings undeniable benefits, I believe that its drawbacks are more significant.
On the one hand, the convenience provided by mobile phones and the Internet cannot be denied. The main rationale for this is that technological devices enable individuals to connect with their families instantly, regardless of geographical limitations. Specifically, this can be beneficial for those who live far from relatives or friends, allowing them to maintain stronger relationships and reduce feelings of loneliness. Moreover, these technologies have revolutionized the way businesses operate, making it easier for enterprises to connect with customers and expand their networks globally. As a result, the growing use of communications technology has had significant impacts on connectivity and productivity in society.
On the other hand, excessive reliance on mobile phones and the Internet has led to a decline in face-to-face interactions and direct communication. The prime reason for this is that individuals are becoming more comfortable expressing their thoughts and feelings on social media platforms, which leads to the neglect of non-verbal cues and personal connections that come with in-person conversations. This can impair communication skills and hinder the development of stronger relationships. An additional rationale is that prolonged screen time has severe impacts on individuals’ physical health as well as mental well-being. For instance, sitting in front of a phone or computer screen for extended periods can increase the risk of physical health problems such as back pain, eye strain, or even obesity, while reliance on social media can induce anxiety and reduce the ability to concentrate.
In conclusion, the advancement of communication technologies not only offers practical advantages but also causes far-reaching consequences. While it has facilitated staying in touch with others, it has also resulted in a decline in face-to-face interactions and direct communication. Striking a balance between virtual and real-world connections is necessary to ensure the healthy development of interpersonal relationships and overall well-being.