More and more people in the city live in rooms with small spaces or no outdoor areas. What is your opinion of this?

In recent years, some individuals in metropolises have lived in rooms with small spaces or no outdoor areas. In my opinion, this phenomenon can have a negative impact on humans' daily life.

On the one hand, people who live in limited spaces cannot have exposure to nature and fresh air, leading to a sedentary lifestyle and severe health problems such as lung cancer, respiratory issues, or mental health. For example, a person living in a small apartment in a high-rise building in the center of a city may not have access to a garden or a park to exercise because of hectic schedules and have the time to care for themselves, go outside, and breathe the fresh air. With a small area to move around in their home, they may be less likely to engage in physical activities, resulting in many health consequences for people.

On the other hand, the absence of outdoor areas can have a harmful impact on society and community. Without outdoor spaces, it can be challenging for communities to come together and organize events that bring people from diverse neighborhoods together. Simultaneously, this issue can contribute to the lack of interaction among people, restricting the expansion of communication and relationships with those around you. For instance, in a small space where there is limited access to outdoor space, it can be difficult for residents to participate in social events. This can lead to a sense of communal isolation and disconnection from the wider community.

In conclusion, I believe that settling in small houses can be an unfavorable trend. The explanation for this assertion is that this trend can facilitate several problems, jeopardizing people's living standards.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In recent years, some individuals in metropolises" -> "In recent years, some individuals residing in metropolitan areas"
Explanation: The term "metropolises" is somewhat archaic and less precise than "metropolitan areas," which is more commonly used in contemporary academic writing. Additionally, "residing in" is more formal than "in."
"lived in rooms with small spaces or no outdoor areas" -> "reside in rooms with limited space or no outdoor areas"
Explanation: "Reside" is more formal than "lived," and "limited space" is a more precise term than "small spaces," which is somewhat vague.
"In my opinion, this phenomenon can have a negative impact on humans’ daily life" -> "I contend that this phenomenon can negatively impact daily life"
Explanation: "I contend" is a more assertive and formal expression than "In my opinion," and "negatively impact" is more concise and formal than "have a negative impact on."
"people who live in limited spaces" -> "individuals residing in confined spaces"
Explanation: "Individuals residing in confined spaces" is more specific and formal than "people who live in limited spaces."
"cannot have exposure to nature and fresh air" -> "lack exposure to nature and fresh air"
Explanation: "Lack" is a more precise verb in this context, indicating a deficiency or absence, which is more appropriate than "cannot have."
"leading to a sedentary lifestyle and severe health problems" -> "resulting in a sedentary lifestyle and severe health issues"
Explanation: "Resulting in" is more formal than "leading to," and "issues" is a more neutral term than "problems," which can carry a slightly negative connotation.
"a person living in a small apartment" -> "an individual residing in a compact apartment"
Explanation: "An individual residing in a compact apartment" is more formal and precise than "a person living in a small apartment."
"have the time to care for themselves, go outside, and breathe the fresh air" -> "have sufficient time to attend to their well-being, venture outdoors, and breathe fresh air"
Explanation: "Attend to their well-being" and "venture outdoors" are more formal and precise than "care for themselves" and "go outside."
"With a small area to move around in their home" -> "With limited space to move within their home"
Explanation: "Limited space to move within their home" is more formal and precise than "a small area to move around in their home."
"resulting in many health consequences for people" -> "resulting in numerous health consequences for individuals"
Explanation: "Numerous" is more formal than "many," and "individuals" is preferred over "people" in academic writing for its specificity.
"the absence of outdoor areas can have a harmful impact on society and community" -> "the absence of outdoor spaces can have a detrimental impact on society and the community"
Explanation: "Detrimental" is a more precise and formal term than "harmful," and "the community" is more appropriate than "community" to refer to the collective in a formal context.
"it can be challenging for communities to come together" -> "it may be difficult for communities to gather"
Explanation: "May be difficult" is a more formal expression than "can be challenging," and "gather" is a more precise term than "come together."
"Simultaneously, this issue can contribute to the lack of interaction among people" -> "Concurrently, this issue may contribute to reduced interaction among individuals"
Explanation: "Concurrently" is more formal than "Simultaneously," and "reduced interaction" is more precise than "lack of interaction."
"restricting the expansion of communication and relationships with those around you" -> "limiting the development of communication and relationships with those nearby"
Explanation: "Limiting the development" is more formal and precise than "restricting the expansion," and "those nearby" is more formal than "those around you."
"settling in small houses" -> "residing in compact dwellings"
Explanation: "Residing in compact dwellings" is more formal and precise than "settling in small houses."
"can facilitate several problems" -> "can lead to several issues"
Explanation: "Can lead to" is a more formal and causally appropriate phrase than "can facilitate," which is less commonly used in this context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the negative impacts of living in small spaces or without outdoor areas. The introduction clearly states the author’s opinion that this phenomenon has detrimental effects on daily life. The body paragraphs provide specific examples related to health issues and community isolation, which are relevant to the prompt. However, while the essay identifies these issues, it could benefit from a more balanced exploration of potential counterarguments or benefits associated with living in small spaces, which would provide a more comprehensive answer to the question.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, consider acknowledging any potential advantages of small living spaces, such as affordability or convenience. This would demonstrate a more nuanced understanding of the topic and allow for a more rounded discussion.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently arguing that living in small spaces has negative consequences. The opinion is articulated in the introduction and reiterated in the conclusion, ensuring that the reader understands the author’s stance. However, the essay could improve by explicitly linking each point back to the main argument more frequently, reinforcing the overall position.
- How to improve: Use transitional phrases to remind the reader of the main argument as you introduce each new point. For example, at the beginning of each body paragraph, briefly restate how the point relates to the negative impacts of small living spaces.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents relevant ideas and supports them with examples, such as the health risks associated with limited outdoor access and the social isolation that can occur in small living environments. However, some points could be further developed. For instance, while health issues are mentioned, the essay could include more specific statistics or studies to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To improve the depth of analysis, consider adding more detailed examples or research findings that illustrate the health impacts or social consequences of living in small spaces. This would provide stronger support for the claims made and enhance the overall persuasiveness of the essay.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay stays focused on the topic, discussing the implications of living in small spaces without outdoor areas. Each paragraph contributes to the central theme, and there are no significant deviations from the topic. However, the conclusion could be more robust in summarizing the key points made in the essay.
- How to improve: In the conclusion, reiterate the main points discussed in the body paragraphs to reinforce the argument. This could involve briefly summarizing the health and social implications mentioned earlier, which would provide a stronger closure to the essay and ensure that the reader is left with a clear understanding of the argument.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong grasp of the Task Response criteria, with clear strengths in addressing the prompt and maintaining a consistent position. With some enhancements in depth of analysis and a more rounded exploration of the topic, it could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s opinion. Each body paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the issue, with the first focusing on individual health impacts and the second on societal consequences. This organization helps the reader follow the argument easily. For example, the transition from discussing personal health issues to societal impacts is smooth and maintains coherence throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, the writer could consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph. This would help to explicitly state the main idea of each paragraph, reinforcing the connection between the ideas presented and the overall argument. Additionally, including a brief summary of the points made in each paragraph at the end could strengthen the overall coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the topic. The introduction, two body paragraphs, and conclusion are clearly delineated, which aids readability. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from a more distinct separation of ideas, as it currently combines two related but separate points about community interaction and isolation.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, the writer could split the second body paragraph into two separate paragraphs: one focusing on the lack of community events and the other on the resulting isolation. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each point and improve clarity. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph contains a clear concluding sentence that ties back to the main argument could enhance overall cohesion.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand," "On the other hand," and "For example," which help to guide the reader through the argument. These devices effectively signal transitions between contrasting ideas and provide illustrative examples. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, which can make the writing feel repetitive.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer could incorporate a wider variety of linking phrases and words. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," alternatives like "Conversely," "In contrast," or "Additionally" could be employed to introduce new ideas or counterarguments. Furthermore, using pronouns and synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas can help maintain cohesion without redundancy.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and coherent, demonstrating a strong command of coherence and cohesion principles. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further enhance the clarity and effectiveness of their argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary related to the topic, such as "metropolises," "sedentary lifestyle," and "communal isolation." However, the vocabulary used is somewhat repetitive and lacks variation. For instance, the term "small spaces" is used multiple times without synonyms or alternative expressions, which could enhance the essay’s lexical variety.
- How to improve: To improve the range of vocabulary, the writer could incorporate synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "small spaces," alternatives like "cramped quarters," "limited living areas," or "confined environments" could be employed. Additionally, using more advanced vocabulary and idiomatic expressions would elevate the lexical resource.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay includes relevant vocabulary, some phrases are imprecise or awkward. For example, the phrase "have the time to care for themselves" is somewhat unclear in the context of discussing limited living space. It could imply that people do not have time due to their living conditions, but this connection is not explicitly made.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should ensure that vocabulary choices clearly convey the intended meaning. For instance, rephrasing to "due to their busy lifestyles, they may neglect personal care" would clarify the relationship between lifestyle and living conditions. Additionally, using specific terms related to health issues, such as "chronic illnesses" instead of "severe health problems," would improve clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, with no glaring errors present. Words like "phenomenon," "respiratory," and "disconnection" are spelled correctly, which contributes positively to the overall impression of the essay.
- How to improve: To maintain and improve spelling accuracy, the writer should continue practicing spelling through reading and writing exercises. Utilizing spell-check tools and proofreading drafts can also help catch any minor errors that may occur. Engaging in vocabulary-building exercises that include spelling practice can further reinforce correct spelling habits.

Overall, while the essay achieves a Band 6 for Lexical Resource, there are clear opportunities for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling practices. By incorporating a wider variety of vocabulary, ensuring precise language use, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like "Without outdoor spaces, it can be challenging for communities to come together and organize events that bring people from diverse neighborhoods together." This shows an ability to connect ideas effectively. However, the essay could benefit from more varied sentence openings and the use of more advanced structures, such as conditional clauses or inversion, to enhance the overall sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex forms, such as conditional sentences (e.g., "If people had access to outdoor spaces, they would likely engage more in physical activities.") or using participial phrases to start sentences (e.g., "Having limited access to outdoor areas, residents often feel isolated."). Practicing sentence variation in writing exercises can also help in achieving greater complexity and range.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with few errors that do not impede understanding. For instance, the phrase "leading to a sedentary lifestyle and severe health problems such as lung cancer, respiratory issues, or mental health" is grammatically correct, but the list could be clearer if it included "issues" after "mental health" to maintain parallel structure. Additionally, there are some punctuation issues, such as the lack of a comma before "and" in lists, which can lead to confusion. For example, "to care for themselves, go outside, and breathe the fresh air" is correctly punctuated, but the sentence structure could be clearer if rephrased.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, focus on ensuring parallel structure in lists and using commas appropriately. For example, revise sentences to maintain consistency in lists (e.g., "such as lung cancer, respiratory issues, and mental health problems"). Additionally, reviewing common punctuation rules and practicing with exercises focused on complex sentences can help improve overall accuracy. Reading more complex texts can also provide insights into effective punctuation usage.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical and punctuation skills will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent years, some individuals residing in metropolitan areas have lived in rooms with limited space or no outdoor areas. In my opinion, this phenomenon can negatively impact daily life.

On the one hand, individuals residing in confined spaces often lack exposure to nature and fresh air, which can lead to a sedentary lifestyle and severe health issues such as lung cancer, respiratory problems, and mental health disorders. For example, an individual residing in a compact apartment in a high-rise building in the city center may not have access to a garden or park for exercise due to their hectic schedules. As a result, they may struggle to find sufficient time to attend to their well-being, venture outdoors, and breathe fresh air. With limited space to move within their home, they may be less likely to engage in physical activities, resulting in numerous health consequences for individuals.

On the other hand, the absence of outdoor spaces can have a detrimental impact on society and the community. Without outdoor areas, it may be difficult for communities to gather and organize events that bring together people from diverse neighborhoods. Concurrently, this issue may contribute to reduced interaction among individuals, limiting the development of communication and relationships with those nearby. For instance, in a small space with limited access to outdoor areas, it can be challenging for residents to participate in social events. This can lead to a sense of communal isolation and disconnection from the wider community.

In conclusion, I contend that residing in small houses can be an unfavorable trend. The rationale for this assertion is that this trend can lead to several issues, jeopardizing people’s living standards.