More and more people in the city live in small spaces & without outdoor space. What are advantages and disadvantages?
More and more people in the city live in small spaces & without outdoor space. What are advantages and disadvantages?
There has been increasing in the number of individuals in the city who live in small spaces and without outdoor space. While this can offer various advantages, it can also bring some detrimental effects.
On the one hand, there are several benefits of living in small space, without outdoor space. The most obvious advantage is that living in non-spacious space helps people to save their money for other purposes such as paying water or electricity bill. Thereby reducing the pressure of financial burden. This will allow employees to concentrate more effectively on their works. Another merit worth mentioning is that living in small houses do not take up much space. Therefore it can help local authorities tackle housing shortage and alleviate the problem of homelessness because the city can accommodate more people. In contrast,
On the other hand, the drawbacks of living in small spaces are undeniable. The first disadvantage is that there will not have enough fresh air when people decide to live in small houses due to the lack of spaces to grow plants. As a result, it may have a negative effect on both physical and mental health, and thus it will lead to stress and depression. The second downside is that the children do not have space to run around, therefore they have to take part in more indoor activities. This will make them become passive and can be addicted to technology. In addition, children can not fully develop physically and mentally.
To sum up, although living in small spaces can be beneficial in some situations, this development can also be dis advantageous to a certain extent.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"There has been increasing in the number of individuals" -> "There has been an increase in the number of individuals"
Explanation: The phrase "There has been increasing in the number of individuals" is grammatically incorrect. "There has been an increase in the number of individuals" corrects the grammatical structure and aligns with formal academic language. -
"small spaces and without outdoor space" -> "small spaces and no outdoor space"
Explanation: "Without outdoor space" is redundant as "small spaces" already implies the absence of outdoor space. Using "no outdoor space" simplifies and clarifies the phrase. -
"can offer various advantages" -> "offers various advantages"
Explanation: Changing "can offer" to "offers" makes the verb consistent in tense, enhancing the formal tone and clarity of the sentence. -
"it can also bring some detrimental effects" -> "it also brings some detrimental effects"
Explanation: Similar to the previous point, changing "can bring" to "brings" aligns the verb tense with the rest of the sentence, improving the formal tone. -
"helps people to save their money" -> "helps individuals save money"
Explanation: "Helps people to save their money" is slightly informal and verbose. "Helps individuals save money" is more direct and formal. -
"paying water or electricity bill" -> "paying water and electricity bills"
Explanation: "Paying water or electricity bill" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "Paying water and electricity bills" corrects the grammar and uses the plural form to match the context. -
"reducing the pressure of financial burden" -> "reducing the financial burden"
Explanation: "Reducing the pressure of financial burden" is redundant. "Reducing the financial burden" is more concise and maintains the formal tone. -
"living in non-spacious space" -> "living in non-spacious dwellings"
Explanation: "Non-spacious space" is awkward and unclear. "Non-spacious dwellings" is more precise and appropriate for formal writing. -
"living in small houses do not take up much space" -> "small houses do not occupy much space"
Explanation: "Living in small houses do not take up much space" is awkwardly phrased. "Small houses do not occupy much space" is clearer and more direct. -
"there will not have enough fresh air" -> "there will be insufficient fresh air"
Explanation: "There will not have enough fresh air" is grammatically incorrect. "There will be insufficient fresh air" corrects the grammar and uses a more formal term. -
"it may have a negative effect on both physical and mental health" -> "it may negatively affect both physical and mental health"
Explanation: "Have a negative effect on" is less formal and slightly awkward. "Negatively affect" is more direct and appropriate for academic writing. -
"and thus it will lead to stress and depression" -> "thus leading to stress and depression"
Explanation: "And thus it will lead to" is verbose and informal. "Thus leading to" simplifies and strengthens the causal connection. -
"children can not fully develop physically and mentally" -> "children cannot fully develop physically and mentally"
Explanation: "Can not" is informal and incorrect in this context. "Cannot" is the correct form for negation in formal writing.
These changes enhance the precision, formality, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of living in small spaces without outdoor areas. The introduction sets the stage by acknowledging both sides of the argument. The advantages are discussed in the first body paragraph, highlighting financial savings and addressing housing shortages. The disadvantages are presented in the second body paragraph, focusing on health impacts and the implications for children’s development. However, the discussion of advantages is somewhat less developed compared to the disadvantages, which could lead to an imbalance in the overall argument.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that both advantages and disadvantages are explored with equal depth. This could involve providing more examples or elaborating on the points made, such as discussing how financial savings could be used for other enriching activities or how small living spaces can foster community living.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that acknowledges both the positive and negative aspects of living in small spaces. However, the conclusion could be stronger in reinforcing the writer’s stance. The phrase "this development can also be dis advantageous to a certain extent" is vague and does not provide a definitive position on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages or vice versa.
- How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, the writer should explicitly state their viewpoint in the conclusion. For example, they could summarize the key points and indicate whether they believe the advantages or disadvantages are more significant, providing a more decisive ending to the essay.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the advantages and disadvantages of small living spaces. However, some points lack sufficient development. For instance, the mention of financial savings is a good start, but it could be expanded by discussing how this financial relief might impact lifestyle choices or opportunities. Additionally, while the health implications are mentioned, they could be supported with examples or statistics to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with specific examples or evidence. This could involve discussing real-life scenarios or studies that illustrate the effects of living in small spaces on health or financial well-being.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the advantages and disadvantages of living in small spaces. However, there are moments where the connections between ideas could be clearer. For example, the transition between discussing financial benefits and housing shortages could be more explicitly linked to the overall theme of living in small spaces.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the central question. Using clear topic sentences for each paragraph that reiterate the main idea can help guide the reader and reinforce the topic throughout the essay. Additionally, smoother transitions between points would enhance coherence and clarity.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents relevant ideas, it would benefit from deeper exploration of points, a clearer position in the conclusion, and improved coherence and transitions between ideas.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with distinct sections for advantages and disadvantages. The introduction effectively outlines the topic, and the body paragraphs are organized to discuss each side separately. However, there are moments where the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing advantages to disadvantages could be smoother. The phrase "In contrast," is somewhat abrupt and does not provide a clear connection to the previous paragraph.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that better indicate the shift in focus, such as "On the other hand" or "Conversely." Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea, which will help guide the reader through the argument.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate ideas, with one paragraph dedicated to advantages and another to disadvantages. Each paragraph contains relevant supporting details. However, the first body paragraph could be more cohesive, as the ideas presented feel somewhat disjointed. For example, the transition between the financial benefits and the housing shortage solution is not clearly articulated.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph flows logically from one idea to the next. Use linking phrases within paragraphs to connect sentences, such as "Furthermore" or "In addition." This will help create a more cohesive argument and enhance readability.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which help to delineate the two sides of the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices used is limited. For instance, the essay relies heavily on basic conjunctions and lacks more varied devices that could enhance the flow and connection between ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Moreover," "In contrast," "Consequently," and "As a result." This will not only improve the flow of the essay but also demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency. Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, which can help reduce repetition and improve cohesion.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents clear arguments, there are areas for improvement in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices. By addressing these aspects, the essay could achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "detrimental effects," "financial burden," and "housing shortage." However, there are instances where vocabulary choices are somewhat repetitive or simplistic, such as the repeated use of "small space" and "living in small houses." This limits the overall lexical variety and sophistication of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider using synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly saying "small spaces," you could use "compact living areas," "limited quarters," or "constrained environments." Additionally, incorporating more varied expressions for advantages and disadvantages, such as "benefits" and "drawbacks," would enrich the vocabulary.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: Some vocabulary choices in the essay lack precision. For instance, the phrase "there are several benefits of living in small space" could be more accurately stated as "there are several benefits associated with living in compact accommodations." Additionally, the phrase "there will not have enough fresh air" is awkward and imprecise; it would be clearer to say "there may not be sufficient fresh air."
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys your intended meaning. Consider revising phrases for clarity and precision. For example, instead of "living in non-spacious space," you might say "residing in limited living conditions." This not only improves precision but also enhances the overall quality of the writing.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "dis advantageous" (should be "disadvantageous") and "works" (should be "work" in this context). These errors detract from the professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After writing the essay, take a break before reviewing it to approach it with fresh eyes. Additionally, using spell-check tools or apps can help catch errors. Regular practice with spelling exercises or quizzes can also reinforce correct spelling habits.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "While this can offer various advantages, it can also bring some detrimental effects" showcases an ability to combine clauses effectively. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the way advantages and disadvantages are introduced. Phrases like "the first disadvantage is that" and "another merit worth mentioning is that" are formulaic and could be diversified further.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more compound-complex sentences. For example, instead of repeatedly using "the first disadvantage is that," you could rephrase it as "One significant drawback is the lack of fresh air, which can lead to health issues." Additionally, varying the introductory phrases for each point can make the writing more engaging.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a fair level of grammatical accuracy, but there are noticeable errors that detract from the overall quality. For example, "There has been increasing in the number of individuals" should be corrected to "There has been an increase in the number of individuals." The phrase "living in non-spacious space" is awkward and redundant; it would be clearer as "living in small spaces." Furthermore, punctuation errors, such as the missing comma in "therefore they have to take part in more indoor activities," affect the clarity of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and awkward phrasing. Practicing sentence restructuring can also help eliminate redundancy. Regarding punctuation, ensure that commas are used correctly to separate clauses and enhance readability. For instance, adding a comma before "therefore" in compound sentences can clarify the relationship between ideas.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.
Bài sửa mẫu
There has been an increase in the number of individuals in the city who live in small spaces and without outdoor space. While this can offer various advantages, it can also bring some detrimental effects.
On the one hand, there are several benefits of living in small spaces without outdoor space. The most obvious advantage is that living in non-spacious dwellings helps people save their money for other purposes, such as paying water and electricity bills, thereby reducing the financial burden. This will allow employees to concentrate more effectively on their work. Another merit worth mentioning is that small houses do not occupy much space. Therefore, it can help local authorities tackle housing shortages and alleviate the problem of homelessness because the city can accommodate more people.
On the other hand, the drawbacks of living in small spaces are undeniable. The first disadvantage is that there will be insufficient fresh air when people decide to live in small houses due to the lack of space to grow plants. As a result, it may negatively affect both physical and mental health, thus leading to stress and depression. The second downside is that children do not have space to run around; therefore, they have to take part in more indoor activities. This will make them become passive and can lead to addiction to technology. In addition, children cannot fully develop physically and mentally.
To sum up, although living in small spaces can be beneficial in some situations, this development can also be disadvantageous to a certain extent.