More and more people today are drinking sugar-based drinks. What are the reasons for this? What are the solutions?

More and more people today are drinking sugar-based drinks.

What are the reasons for this?

What are the solutions?

It is true that there are an increased number of those who drink sugar-sweetened beverages these days. There are several reasons behind this trend, and various solutions should be taken into account to address it.

A range of factors are responsible for the aforementioned problem. One reason for the increasing interest of people in sugary drinks is its really good taste, thereby attracting people from many ages. Moreover, sugar-based beverages have a variety of flavour and colour. Therefore, children and adults may have many choices to try different drinks and choose the best for them. Another factor that contributes to this situation is the spread of soft drinks. For instance, almost all schools from elementary to university have canteens. This place sells many types of soft drinks, candy, and cakes. As a result, accessing sugary drinks much more convenient than finding drinking water in these places.

To solve this issue, a multi-faceted approach is required. One effective way involves comprehensive education campaigns. It is attainable through informing the public about the harmful effects of excessive sugar consumption, particularly via sugar-sweetened beverages. Such an approach will help to raise people's awareness about choosing healthy drinks. Secondly, governments should introduce and enforce laws to alleviate the consumption of soft drinks. This is can be achieved by banning advertisements of sugary drinks and increasing the supply of safe, healthy water. Consequently, individuals have more opportunities to get access to sugar-free beverages. Another promising solution could be incorporating nutrition education into school curriculums to teach students about healthy drink choices.

In conclusion, it is clear that there are various reasons for this concern, and several approaches should be adopted to tackle it.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"an increased number of those who drink" -> "an increasing number of individuals who consume"
Explanation: "Increasing" is more precise and active than "increased," which is passive. "Individuals" is more formal than "those," and "consume" is a more academic term than "drink."
"sugar-sweetened beverages" -> "sugar-sweetened drinks"
Explanation: "Drinks" is a more common and direct term in academic writing, making it more suitable for formal contexts.
"really good taste" -> "excellent taste"
Explanation: "Excellent" is a more formal and precise adjective than "really good," which is colloquial.
"from many ages" -> "across various age groups"
Explanation: "Across various age groups" is more specific and formal, improving the academic tone.
"have a variety of flavour and colour" -> "offer a diverse range of flavors and colors"
Explanation: "Offer a diverse range of flavors and colors" is more precise and formal, aligning better with academic language.
"may have many choices to try different drinks and choose the best for them" -> "may have numerous options to select from various drinks"
Explanation: "Numerous options to select from various drinks" is more formal and concise, avoiding the redundancy of "try different drinks and choose the best for them."
"accessing sugary drinks much more convenient" -> "access to sugary drinks is significantly more convenient"
Explanation: "Access to sugary drinks is significantly more convenient" corrects the grammatical structure and uses "significantly" for a more formal tone.
"comprehensive education campaigns" -> "comprehensive educational campaigns"
Explanation: "Educational" is the correct adjective form to describe campaigns related to learning.
"informing the public about the harmful effects" -> "educating the public about the detrimental effects"
Explanation: "Educating" is more specific to the context of imparting knowledge, and "detrimental" is a more precise term than "harmful."
"This is can be achieved" -> "This can be achieved"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error by removing the unnecessary "is."
"increasing the supply of safe, healthy water" -> "increasing the availability of safe and healthy water"
Explanation: "Availability" is a more precise term than "supply" in this context, and "safe and healthy" is grammatically correct.
"incorporating nutrition education into school curriculums" -> "integrating nutrition education into school curricula"
Explanation: "Integrating" is a more formal verb than "incorporating," and "curricula" is the correct plural form of "curriculum."

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt by identifying reasons for the increased consumption of sugar-based drinks and proposing solutions. The reasons mentioned include the appealing taste and variety of sugary beverages, as well as their availability in schools. The solutions proposed include educational campaigns, government regulations, and incorporating nutrition education in schools. Each part of the question is adequately covered, demonstrating a clear understanding of the task.
- How to improve: To enhance the response further, the essay could benefit from providing more specific examples or statistics to support the claims made about the reasons and solutions. For instance, citing studies or surveys that show the rise in sugary drink consumption or the effectiveness of certain educational campaigns could strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, acknowledging the problem of sugar-based drink consumption and advocating for solutions. The introduction sets the stage for a balanced discussion, and the conclusion reiterates the need for action. However, the phrase "this is can be achieved" contains a grammatical error that slightly detracts from the clarity of the position.
- How to improve: To ensure a consistently clear position, the writer should proofread for grammatical accuracy and coherence. Additionally, reinforcing the main argument in each paragraph’s concluding sentence could help to maintain focus on the overall stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the reasons for increased sugar drink consumption and potential solutions. Each idea is introduced and somewhat supported, such as the mention of schools selling sugary drinks. However, the development of these ideas could be more robust; for example, the discussion on the appeal of sugary drinks could include psychological or cultural factors that influence preferences.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with more depth. This could involve discussing the implications of the reasons identified and providing more detailed examples or case studies to illustrate the effectiveness of the proposed solutions.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay stays on topic throughout, consistently addressing the reasons for the rise in sugar-based drink consumption and the corresponding solutions. There are no significant deviations from the prompt, and the focus remains clear. The structure is logical, with each paragraph contributing to the overall argument.
- How to improve: While the essay does well in maintaining focus, the writer should ensure that all points made directly relate back to the prompt. Occasionally, reiterating how each solution directly addresses the reasons discussed can further enhance the relevance and coherence of the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured response. With some enhancements in elaboration and supporting details, it could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs addressing reasons and solutions, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively sets the context by stating the trend and the need to explore reasons and solutions. The body paragraphs logically follow this structure, with the first paragraph discussing reasons and the second addressing solutions. However, the transition between the reasons and solutions could be smoother. For example, the phrase "To solve this issue" serves as a transition but could be more explicitly linked to the previous discussion about the reasons for increased consumption.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the ideas between paragraphs. For instance, after discussing the reasons, a sentence like "Given these factors, it is essential to explore potential solutions" could provide a clearer link between the two sections.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect: the first on reasons and the second on solutions. However, the first body paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences that encapsulate the main idea of the paragraph. For example, the topic sentence could explicitly state that the paragraph will discuss the appeal of sugary drinks and their accessibility.
- How to improve: Strengthen the topic sentences in each paragraph to clearly outline the main idea. For instance, revise the first paragraph’s opening to something like, "The increasing popularity of sugary drinks can be attributed to their appealing taste and accessibility." This will help guide the reader more effectively through the argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Moreover," "Another factor," and "Consequently," which help to connect ideas within and between sentences. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where repetition occurs, such as the frequent use of "sugar-based beverages" and "soft drinks." This can make the writing feel somewhat monotonous.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate synonyms and varied phrases to refer to the same concepts. For example, instead of repeatedly saying "sugar-based beverages," you could use "sweetened drinks" or "sugary beverages." Additionally, consider using a wider variety of cohesive devices, such as "In addition," "Furthermore," or "On the other hand," to enhance the connections between ideas and improve the overall flow of the essay.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "sugar-sweetened beverages," "comprehensive education campaigns," and "nutrition education." However, the vocabulary used is often repetitive and lacks sophistication. For instance, the phrase "sugary drinks" is used multiple times without variation, which detracts from the overall lexical diversity. Additionally, phrases like "really good taste" are informal and do not convey a precise or academic tone.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer should consider using synonyms or more descriptive phrases. For example, instead of repeating "sugary drinks," alternatives like "sweetened beverages," "sugar-laden drinks," or "carbonated soft drinks" could be employed. Incorporating more advanced vocabulary related to health and nutrition, such as "caloric intake," "dietary choices," or "health implications," would also elevate the essay’s lexical range.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay contains some precise vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "the increasing interest of people in sugary drinks" could be more accurately expressed as "the growing consumption of sugary drinks." Additionally, the term "this place" when referring to canteens is vague and could be replaced with "these establishments" or "school canteens" to enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys the intended meaning. Reviewing phrases for clarity and specificity is essential. For example, instead of "accessing sugary drinks much more convenient," a more precise formulation would be "accessing sugary drinks is much more convenient." This not only improves clarity but also enhances the overall quality of the writing.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, with only minor errors. However, there is a notable mistake in the phrase "This is can be achieved," which should be corrected to "This can be achieved." Such errors can detract from the overall impression of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully to catch any grammatical or typographical errors. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can also help identify mistakes that may be overlooked during the writing process. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with commonly misspelled words and practicing them can further improve spelling proficiency.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of lexical resource, there are areas for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By diversifying vocabulary, enhancing precision, and carefully proofreading for spelling errors, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of complex sentences such as "One reason for the increasing interest of people in sugary drinks is its really good taste, thereby attracting people from many ages" showcases an attempt to convey detailed information effectively. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the way ideas are introduced and developed, which can make the writing feel somewhat formulaic.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For instance, instead of repeatedly starting sentences with "One reason" or "Another factor," the writer could use phrases like "In addition to this," or "Furthermore," to create a smoother flow. Additionally, integrating more complex structures, such as conditional sentences or participial phrases, could further enrich the essay.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are some notable errors. For example, the phrase "its really good taste" should be corrected to "its really good taste" (adding an apostrophe for possession) or rephrased for clarity. The sentence "This is can be achieved by banning advertisements of sugary drinks" contains a grammatical error; it should read "This can be achieved by banning advertisements of sugary drinks." Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are minor issues, such as the lack of commas in some compound sentences, which could improve readability.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, particularly with verb forms and possessive nouns. Practicing sentence restructuring can also help in identifying and correcting awkward phrasing. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, especially for compound and complex sentences, would enhance clarity and coherence in writing. Using grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers could also be beneficial in catching overlooked mistakes.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is true that there is an increasing number of individuals who drink sugar-sweetened beverages these days. There are several reasons behind this trend, and various solutions should be taken into account to address it.

A range of factors is responsible for the aforementioned problem. One reason for the increasing interest of people in sugary drinks is their excellent taste, thereby attracting people across various age groups. Moreover, sugar-based beverages offer a diverse range of flavors and colors. Therefore, children and adults may have numerous options to select from various drinks and choose the best for them. Another factor that contributes to this situation is the spread of soft drinks. For instance, almost all schools from elementary to university have canteens. These places sell many types of soft drinks, candy, and cakes. As a result, access to sugary drinks is significantly more convenient than finding drinking water in these places.

To solve this issue, a multi-faceted approach is required. One effective way involves comprehensive educational campaigns. This can be achieved by educating the public about the detrimental effects of excessive sugar consumption, particularly via sugar-sweetened beverages. Such an approach will help to raise people’s awareness about choosing healthy drinks. Secondly, governments should introduce and enforce laws to alleviate the consumption of soft drinks. This can be achieved by banning advertisements of sugary drinks and increasing the availability of safe and healthy water. Consequently, individuals will have more opportunities to access sugar-free beverages. Another promising solution could be integrating nutrition education into school curricula to teach students about healthy drink choices.

In conclusion, it is clear that there are various reasons for this concern, and several approaches should be adopted to tackle it.