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More and more people today are spending large amount of money on their complexions in order to look younger. Why do people want to look younger? Do you think this is a positive or negative progression?

More and more people today are spending large amount of money on their complexions in order to look younger. Why do people want to look younger? Do you think this is a positive or negative progression?

In today’s era, the prevalence of numerous improving appearance methods has reached an unprecedented extent, leading more and more people to spend money to look younger. There are a multitude of reasons why people want to become younger in appearance and from my point of view, this progression yields several positive implications.
The main reasons why many people want to look younger are manifold. Undoubtedly, appearance exhibits people’s life conditions. In fact, the more life develops, the more demands for taking care of complexions will be achieved because people will not struggle with basic needs such as food or clothes. Consequently, enhancing their appearance can prove human well-being, which creates admiration from other people. Another compelling reason worth considering is that looking younger makes people, especially women, more confident. In particular, receiving praise for their face or body can make women pleased and confident in any situation. For instance, Micheal Jackson had received numerous terrible comments about his skin color, causing him to be less confident and find state-of-the-art methods at that time to change his skin color, which after that he had to suffer from plenty of severe diseases.
In my opinion, this development can bring several advantages. Admittedly, it can facilitate job opportunities for cosmetic manufacturers. It appears that when everyone wants to look younger, they will find cutting-edge methods and the easiest way is to invest in cosmetics such as masks or serums. As a result, cosmetic domains can be attained more interests and can be upgraded. Moreover, when people look after their appearance, human mental health can be enhanced. Accordingly, if people look younger and acquire a lot of encouragement, they will feel happier and thereby improve their mental health, which helps eliminate a plethora of mental diseases such as depression. In Vietnam, there are a lot of cases where students have to suffer depression and gradually isolate themselves from criticism of other students.
In conclusion, there are many reasons why people want to become younger. While some argue that this progression yields negative impacts, I assert that this trend not only creates prospects for industrial cosmetic areas, but also enhances human mental health.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "In today’s era, the prevalence of numerous improving appearance methods has reached an unprecedented extent, leading more and more people to spend money to look younger."
    -> "In the contemporary era, the widespread adoption of various methods to enhance one’s appearance has reached an unprecedented level, prompting an increasing number of individuals to invest in looking younger."
    Explanation: Replacing "today’s era" with "contemporary era" and rephrasing "improving appearance methods" to "methods to enhance one’s appearance" contributes to a more formal and precise expression.

  2. "There are a multitude of reasons why people want to become younger in appearance and from my point of view, this progression yields several positive implications."
    -> "There are myriad reasons why individuals aspire to achieve a more youthful appearance. From my perspective, this trend engenders numerous positive implications."
    Explanation: Substituting "multitude" with "myriad" enhances the sophistication of the language. Additionally, replacing "want to become younger" with "aspire to achieve a more youthful appearance" and "yields several" with "engenders numerous" contributes to a more formal and precise tone.

  3. "Undoubtedly, appearance exhibits people’s life conditions."
    -> "Undoubtedly, one’s appearance reflects their life conditions."
    Explanation: Simplifying and clarifying the statement by changing "exhibits" to "reflects" maintains formality while improving readability.

  4. "Consequently, enhancing their appearance can prove human well-being, which creates admiration from other people."
    -> "Consequently, improving one’s appearance can contribute to human well-being, eliciting admiration from others."
    Explanation: Substituting "prove" with "contribute to" and rephrasing "which creates admiration from other people" to "eliciting admiration from others" refines the sentence by using more precise language.

  5. "Another compelling reason worth considering is that looking younger makes people, especially women, more confident."
    -> "Another noteworthy factor to consider is that maintaining a youthful appearance boosts the confidence of individuals, particularly women."
    Explanation: Replacing "compelling reason worth considering" with "noteworthy factor to consider" and rephrasing "looking younger makes people" to "maintaining a youthful appearance boosts the confidence of individuals" enhances the formality and precision of the sentence.

  6. "In particular, receiving praise for their face or body can make women pleased and confident in any situation."
    -> "Particularly, receiving acclaim for their facial features or physique can instill a sense of satisfaction and confidence in women in any situation."
    Explanation: Substituting "praise for their face or body" with "acclaim for their facial features or physique" and rephrasing the sentence improves precision and formality.

  7. "For instance, Micheal Jackson had received numerous terrible comments about his skin color, causing him to be less confident and find state-of-the-art methods at that time to change his skin color, which after that he had to suffer from plenty of severe diseases."
    -> "For example, Michael Jackson received numerous derogatory comments about his skin color, leading to a decline in his confidence. Subsequently, he sought state-of-the-art methods at that time to alter his skin color, resulting in various severe health issues."
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling of "Michael Jackson," rephrasing "had received numerous terrible comments" to "received numerous derogatory comments," and providing a clearer sequence of events in the latter part of the sentence contribute to improved clarity and formality.

  8. "Admittedly, it can facilitate job opportunities for cosmetic manufacturers."
    -> "Certainly, it can create job opportunities for manufacturers in the cosmetic industry."
    Explanation: Replacing "facilitate job opportunities" with "create job opportunities" maintains the intended meaning in a more concise and formal manner.

  9. "It appears that when everyone wants to look younger, they will find cutting-edge methods and the easiest way is to invest in cosmetics such as masks or serums."
    -> "It is evident that as the desire for a more youthful appearance grows widespread, individuals seek innovative methods, and one of the most accessible avenues is investing in cosmetics like masks or serums."
    Explanation: Replacing "It appears that" with "It is evident that" and restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality improves the expression of the idea.

  10. "Accordingly, if people look younger and acquire a lot of encouragement, they will feel happier and thereby improve their mental health, which helps eliminate a plethora of mental diseases such as depression."
    -> "Thus, if individuals achieve a more youthful appearance and receive ample encouragement, they are likely to experience increased happiness, subsequently enhancing their mental well-being and potentially mitigating various mental health issues, including depression."
    Explanation: Enhancing precision and formality by replacing "look younger" with "achieve a more youthful appearance" and providing a more detailed and accurate description of the relationship between appearance, encouragement, and mental health.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: "Undoubtedly, appearance exhibits people’s life conditions. In fact, the more life develops, the more demands for taking care of complexions will be achieved because people will not struggle with basic needs such as food or clothes. Consequently, enhancing their appearance can prove human well-being, which creates admiration from other people."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The argument here lacks clarity in connecting appearance to life conditions. While there’s an attempt to link them, the explanation is vague. A clearer link between appearance and well-being or societal perceptions would strengthen this point. For instance, explaining how a youthful appearance is perceived as a sign of vitality or success in some cultures could enhance the argument.
    • Improved example: "A youthful appearance is often perceived as a symbol of vitality and success in various societies. Consequently, people invest in maintaining a younger look as it garners admiration and social approval, often equating youthful looks to well-being and success."
  2. Quoted text: "Another compelling reason worth considering is that looking younger makes people, especially women, more confident."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While addressing confidence linked to appearance is relevant, the explanation here is somewhat limited. Elaborating on how societal standards or media portrayal affect perceptions of beauty and confidence could provide depth to this argument.
    • Improved example: "Societal norms and media often perpetuate a particular standard of beauty, influencing people, especially women, to associate looking younger with heightened confidence. This association stems from the societal emphasis on youthful looks as a marker of beauty and desirability."
  3. Quoted text: "Admittedly, it can facilitate job opportunities for cosmetic manufacturers."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The point about job opportunities lacks development. It’s important to delve deeper into how the demand for looking younger specifically benefits the cosmetic industry, perhaps by discussing the growth of this industry due to increased demand for anti-aging products.
    • Improved example: "The burgeoning desire to maintain youthful appearances has significantly propelled the cosmetic industry, fostering job opportunities and economic growth. The surge in demand for anti-aging products and procedures has notably contributed to the expansion of this sector, creating employment opportunities and driving economic advancements."

Overall, the essay attempts to address various reasons why people desire to look younger and outlines some potential positive implications. However, the ideas lack thorough development and clarity in connecting reasons to the larger context. More specific examples and detailed explanations related to societal perceptions, media influences, and economic impacts could elevate the argument’s persuasiveness and coherence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.5

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an attempt to logically organize information and ideas with an overall progression. There is a central topic within each paragraph, supporting the coherence of the essay. However, the use of cohesive devices, while evident, is not consistently effective throughout the essay. Some parts lack clarity in maintaining cohesion within and between sentences, resulting in occasional issues with flow and connectivity. Paragraphing is present but not consistently logical, impacting the overall structure.

How to improve:

  1. Cohesive Devices: Ensure consistent and effective use of cohesive devices to create smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs.
  2. Clarity in Paragraphing: Focus on organizing paragraphs more logically to strengthen the overall structure and coherence of the essay.
  3. Sentence-Level Cohesion: Work on enhancing the cohesion within and between sentences to improve the flow of ideas and maintain a clear progression throughout the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of vocabulary, incorporating a range of words and expressions that contribute to clarity and precision. The writer effectively conveys ideas with appropriate word choices and demonstrates awareness of style and collocation. There are occasional errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation, but they do not significantly impede communication. The essay maintains a clear focus on the prompt and effectively supports its points with relevant examples.

How to improve:

  1. Precision in Word Choice: While the essay generally uses a wide range of vocabulary, some instances could benefit from more precise word choices to enhance the overall sophistication of the language.

  2. Grammar and Syntax: Paying closer attention to sentence structure and grammar could help minimize occasional errors, contributing to an even more polished and coherent essay.

  3. Cohesion and Flow: Ensure a smoother transition between ideas for a more seamless and connected flow in the essay. This can further enhance the overall coherence and readability.

By addressing these areas, the essay could potentially reach a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, with a variety of structures present. While there are some errors in grammar and punctuation, they rarely reduce communication. The essay makes an attempt at complex sentences, but accuracy tends to be compromised in those instances. Overall, there is a good range of structures, but the essay falls short of the precision and infallibility required for a higher band score.

How to Improve:

  1. Grammar and Punctuation: Pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement and punctuation. For example, there is an error in the sentence: "In today’s era, the prevalence of numerous improving appearance methods has reached an unprecedented extent…" The phrase "improving appearance methods" is unclear and could be revised for better clarity.

  2. Sentence Structure: Strive for more accuracy in complex sentences. While attempting complex structures, make sure they do not compromise clarity or precision. For instance, the sentence about Michael Jackson could benefit from greater clarity and more precise language.

  3. Word Choice: Be mindful of word choices to convey ideas with more precision. For example, the phrase "causing him to be less confident" could be refined for greater specificity.

  4. Organization: Ensure a clear and logical flow of ideas throughout the essay. This will enhance the overall coherence and cohesion of your writing.

Remember to proofread carefully to catch and rectify errors before submission.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the contemporary era, the prevalence of various methods aimed at improving one’s appearance has surged dramatically, prompting an increasing number of individuals to invest in looking younger. The motivations behind this desire to appear younger are diverse, and I firmly believe that this trend brings forth several positive implications.

The primary reasons driving people to aspire for a younger appearance are multifaceted. Undoubtedly, one’s appearance often reflects their life circumstances. As life progresses and basic needs like food and clothing become more easily met, the emphasis on caring for one’s appearance grows. Consequently, enhancing one’s appearance can signify improved well-being, garnering admiration from others. Additionally, looking younger often instills confidence, particularly among women. Receiving compliments about their appearance can significantly boost confidence levels in various situations. For example, Michael Jackson faced harsh criticism regarding his skin color, leading to a loss of confidence and subsequent attempts to alter his appearance, which unfortunately resulted in severe health issues.

In my view, this trend can yield several advantages. It notably fosters job opportunities within the cosmetic industry. With a widespread desire to appear younger, individuals seek cutting-edge methods, often investing in cosmetics such as masks or serums. Consequently, the cosmetic sector gains increased attention and advancements. Furthermore, attending to one’s appearance can positively impact mental health. When individuals receive encouragement due to a youthful appearance, they tend to experience heightened happiness, thereby improving their mental well-being. This, in turn, helps combat numerous mental health issues like depression. In Vietnam, there have been instances where students faced depression and gradually isolated themselves due to criticism from peers.

In conclusion, the desire to look younger stems from various reasons. While some may argue that this trend has negative impacts, I assert that it not only fosters growth in the cosmetic industry but also contributes positively to human mental health.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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