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More and more people want to buy clothes, cars and other products from well-known brands. What are the reasons? Do you think it is a positive or negative trend

More and more people want to buy clothes, cars and other products from well-known brands. What are the reasons? Do you think it is a positive or negative trend

Reason decades have witnessed the fact that a massive influx of people are interested in buying clothes, care, and other products from renowned shops. This essay will discuss the main issues associated with this detrimental phenomenon.

Notably, there are several intrinsic rationales why buying daily products from famous brands is popular. The most prominent reason is the quality commitment. Indubitably, big brands typically allocate a massive wealth of money massive financial resources for competent and highly qualified manpower, hence, which can likely acquire a sustainable reputation, proportionally getting more belief and priority from customers on the market. Another reason may be brand recognition. Indubitably, well-known companies also frequently pour enormous financial resources into marketing strategies, thereby, which can potentially access and attract more people by captivating content, resultantly, stimulating the consumption and promoting the viewers to buy marketed products without hesitation.

Conversely, I admit that this phenomenon is incontrovertibly unfavorable. The most notable drawback is exerting severely adverse impacts on start-up and unwell-known bands. Irrefutably, in the highly saturated and fiercely competitive market with long-standing bands, it is challenging for litlle-known brands to take the believeness of consumers, thus, which may probably make these brands unable to sustain their companies, proportionately afflicting adversely on the comprehensive and sustainable development of the economy. For example, when big companies lose their status and credibility, the market will lose the diversity and bustle without start-up brands, consequently severely wreaking havoc on economic development.

In conclusion, while the products of renowned brands are preferred because of quality assurance and brand awareness, I believe that this trend is detrimental to industrial and economic development.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Reason decades have witnessed the fact that a massive influx of people are interested in buying clothes, care, and other products from renowned shops." -> "In recent decades, there has been a notable surge in people’s inclination to purchase clothing, cosmetics, and other products from well-established stores."
    Explanation: The original sentence lacks clarity and formal structure. The suggested alternative introduces a more precise timeframe and rephrases the sentence for better readability.

  2. "This essay will discuss the main issues associated with this detrimental phenomenon." -> "This essay will explore the primary concerns linked to this adverse phenomenon."
    Explanation: The term "detrimental" is replaced with "adverse" for a more formal tone, and "discuss" is substituted with "explore" to enhance the academic style.

  3. "Notably, there are several intrinsic rationales why buying daily products from famous brands is popular." -> "Notably, there are several inherent reasons why the purchase of everyday products from renowned brands is prevalent."
    Explanation: "Intrinsic rationales" is replaced with "inherent reasons" for clarity and formality. Additionally, "popular" is substituted with "prevalent" for a more academically appropriate term.

  4. "Indubitably, big brands typically allocate a massive wealth of money massive financial resources for competent and highly qualified manpower, hence, which can likely acquire a sustainable reputation, proportionally getting more belief and priority from customers on the market." -> "Undoubtedly, prominent brands consistently invest significant financial resources in skilled and highly qualified personnel. This investment contributes to building a sustainable reputation, thereby gaining trust and priority among customers in the market."
    Explanation: The original sentence is convoluted and uses informal language. The suggested alternative restructures the sentence for clarity and replaces informal expressions with more formal equivalents.

  5. "Another reason may be brand recognition." -> "Another contributing factor is brand recognition."
    Explanation: "May be" is replaced with "is" for a more assertive and formal statement, improving the academic tone of the sentence.

  6. "Indubitably, well-known companies also frequently pour enormous financial resources into marketing strategies, thereby, which can potentially access and attract more people by captivating content, resultantly, stimulating the consumption and promoting the viewers to buy marketed products without hesitation." -> "Certainly, renowned companies consistently allocate substantial financial resources to marketing strategies. This investment allows them to reach and attract a wider audience through compelling content, ultimately driving consumption and encouraging viewers to purchase marketed products confidently."
    Explanation: The original sentence contains redundancies and informal expressions. The suggested alternative streamlines the language for better readability and formal tone.

  7. "Conversely, I admit that this phenomenon is incontrovertibly unfavorable." -> "However, I acknowledge that this phenomenon is undeniably unfavorable."
    Explanation: "Conversely" is replaced with "However" for smoother transition, and "admit" is changed to "acknowledge" for a more formal expression.

  8. "Irrefutably, in the highly saturated and fiercely competitive market with long-standing bands, it is challenging for litlle-known brands to take the believeness of consumers, thus, which may probably make these brands unable to sustain their companies, proportionately afflicting adversely on the comprehensive and sustainable development of the economy." -> "Undoubtedly, in a saturated and fiercely competitive market dominated by established brands, it is challenging for lesser-known brands to gain the trust of consumers. Consequently, this challenge may hinder these brands from sustaining their companies, thereby negatively impacting the overall and sustainable development of the economy."
    Explanation: The original sentence is complex and contains informal language. The suggested alternative simplifies the expression and introduces more formal terms for clarity and precision.

  9. "For example, when big companies lose their status and credibility, the market will lose the diversity and bustle without start-up brands, consequently severely wreaking havoc on economic development." -> "For instance, if major companies lose their status and credibility, the market will lose diversity and vibrancy without the presence of start-up brands. Consequently, this absence may significantly disrupt economic development."
    Explanation: The original sentence is wordy and contains informal expressions. The suggested alternative refines the language for conciseness and formality, improving the overall academic tone.

  10. "In conclusion, while the products of renowned brands are preferred because of quality assurance and brand awareness, I believe that this trend is detrimental to industrial and economic development." -> "In conclusion, although consumers prefer products from renowned brands due to quality assurance and brand awareness, I assert that this trend has adverse implications for industrial and economic development."
    Explanation: The original sentence is slightly informal. The suggested alternative introduces a more assertive language and enhances formality in expressing the author’s viewpoint.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay does address all parts of the question, discussing the reasons why people prefer well-known brands and providing an opinion on whether it is a positive or negative trend. However, the analysis could be more detailed and specific, with a closer examination of the prompt’s nuances. For instance, the essay briefly touches on the quality commitment and brand recognition but lacks depth in exploring various aspects of why people prefer well-known brands.
    • How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the writer should delve deeper into the reasons, considering factors like social status, perceived reliability, and societal influence. Provide specific examples and elaborate on the implications of this trend.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent stance throughout, asserting that the trend of preferring well-known brands is detrimental. The position is clear, and the essay effectively communicates this viewpoint.
    • How to improve: To strengthen this further, the writer can reinforce the thesis statement in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion for emphasis. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph aligns with and supports the chosen stance will enhance overall clarity.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas adequately, discussing the quality commitment and brand recognition associated with well-known brands. However, it lacks depth in extending and supporting these ideas with specific examples or evidence. The points made are somewhat general and could benefit from more concrete examples or elaboration.
    • How to improve: To improve, incorporate real-life examples, statistics, or case studies that exemplify the impact of well-known brands on consumer behavior and market dynamics. This will add credibility and depth to the arguments presented.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the reasons why people prefer well-known brands and evaluating whether it is a positive or negative trend. However, there are moments of redundancy and wordiness that slightly deviate from the main focus.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that each sentence contributes directly to the main points of the essay. Avoid unnecessary repetition and strive for conciseness to keep the discussion tightly aligned with the essay prompt.

In conclusion, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and maintains a clear position, improvements in depth of analysis, supporting examples, and overall conciseness can elevate the response to a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a generally logical organization, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction sets the stage by introducing the topic and stating the author’s position. The body paragraphs discuss intrinsic rationales for preferring well-known brands and the drawbacks associated with this trend. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates the author’s opinion. However, there are instances where sentence structures are complex, leading to a slight lack of clarity. For instance, the phrase "Reason decades have witnessed the fact that a massive influx of people" is grammatically confusing and affects the overall logical flow.
    • How to improve: Simplify complex sentence structures for clearer communication. Consider breaking down long sentences into more concise ones to enhance readability and coherence. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea for a smoother transition between points.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs to organize ideas, with a clear separation between the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, the first body paragraph is lengthy and covers multiple ideas, impacting the overall effectiveness of paragraphing. The use of paragraphs is generally effective in creating a clear structure, but attention to the length and focus of each paragraph is essential for better coherence.
    • How to improve: Break down the first body paragraph into smaller paragraphs, each addressing a specific aspect of the argument. This will enhance the overall clarity and make it easier for the reader to follow the progression of ideas. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and focuses on supporting and developing a single main point.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate use of cohesive devices to link ideas within and between sentences. Examples include the use of transition words such as "notably," "conversely," and "in conclusion," which contribute to the overall coherence of the essay. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the range of cohesive devices and using them more consistently throughout the essay.
    • How to improve: Expand the variety of cohesive devices used, such as pronouns (it, this, these), conjunctions (however, furthermore, therefore), and synonyms. This will contribute to a smoother flow between ideas and paragraphs. Additionally, pay attention to consistent and appropriate use of cohesive devices to strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, incorporating terms like "intrinsic rationales," "detrimental phenomenon," "quality commitment," and "comprehensive and sustainable development." However, there is some repetition, such as the frequent use of "indubitably," which, while sophisticated, could be diversified for a more nuanced expression.
    • How to improve: To enhance the richness of vocabulary, consider exploring synonyms and alternative expressions for frequently used terms. For instance, instead of consistently relying on "indubitably," experiment with phrases like "undoubtedly" or "unquestionably" to maintain a high level of formality and sophistication.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with precision, especially in discussing the positive aspects of buying from well-known brands. However, there are instances where word choices could be more precise. For example, the phrase "massive wealth of money" might be refined to "significant financial resources" for greater clarity.
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to the specificity of your word choices. Instead of using broad terms, opt for more precise language. In this case, replacing "massive wealth of money" with "significant financial resources" would convey the idea more precisely.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "care" instead of "cars," "believe" instead of "believability," "litlle-known" instead of "little-known," and "bustle" instead of "bustling." While these errors do not significantly hinder comprehension, they impact the overall polish of the essay.
    • How to improve: Proofread your work thoroughly to catch and correct spelling errors. Additionally, consider using spelling and grammar-check tools to enhance accuracy. Developing a habit of revising your writing with a focus on spelling will contribute to a more polished final product.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to incorporate varied sentence structures, albeit with inconsistencies. There is an endeavor to use complex sentences, but the execution often results in convoluted and unclear expressions. For instance, there is an instance of a complex sentence: "The most prominent reason is the quality commitment." However, the sentence construction lacks precision and coherence, impacting clarity.
    • How to improve: Focus on simplifying complex sentence structures for better clarity. Employ a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences to add fluency and coherence. Practice by breaking down complex ideas into clearer, concise sentences to enhance readability.
  • Use Grammar Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay suffers from numerous grammatical inaccuracies, affecting comprehension. Errors include subject-verb agreement issues ("wealth of money," "which can likely acquire"), incorrect word forms ("litlle-known," "believeness"), and awkward phrasing ("consequently severely wreaking havoc").
    • How to improve: Review grammar fundamentals, especially subject-verb agreement, word usage, and sentence structure. Practice proofreading and editing to identify and rectify errors. Focus on improving sentence construction to ensure coherence and accuracy.
  • Use Correct Punctuation:

    • Detailed explanation: Punctuation usage is inconsistent and contains several errors. Commas are often misplaced or missing, impacting the flow and clarity of sentences. For instance, in "The most prominent reason is the quality commitment," a comma after "reason" would aid readability.
    • How to improve: Study punctuation rules, particularly comma usage in complex sentences. Practice applying commas where necessary for better sentence structure and readability. Proofread written work focusing on punctuation to ensure accuracy.

Overall, while there is an attempt to vary sentence structures, the essay is hindered by grammatical inaccuracies and inconsistent punctuation usage. To improve, focus on simplifying complex constructions, refining grammar skills, and mastering punctuation rules to enhance clarity and coherence in writing. Regular practice and attention to detail in proofreading will contribute significantly to overall improvement.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent decades, there has been a notable surge in people’s inclination to purchase clothing, cosmetics, and other products from well-established stores. This essay will explore the primary concerns linked to this adverse phenomenon.

Notably, there are several inherent reasons why the purchase of everyday products from renowned brands is prevalent. Undoubtedly, prominent brands consistently invest significant financial resources in skilled and highly qualified personnel. This investment contributes to building a sustainable reputation, thereby gaining trust and priority among customers in the market. Another contributing factor is brand recognition. Certainly, renowned companies consistently allocate substantial financial resources to marketing strategies. This investment allows them to reach and attract a wider audience through compelling content, ultimately driving consumption and encouraging viewers to purchase marketed products confidently.

However, I acknowledge that this phenomenon is undeniably unfavorable. Undoubtedly, in a saturated and fiercely competitive market dominated by established brands, it is challenging for lesser-known brands to gain the trust of consumers. Consequently, this challenge may hinder these brands from sustaining their companies, thereby negatively impacting the overall and sustainable development of the economy. For instance, if major companies lose their status and credibility, the market will lose diversity and vibrancy without the presence of start-up brands. Consequently, this absence may significantly disrupt economic development.

In conclusion, although consumers prefer products from renowned brands due to quality assurance and brand awareness, I assert that this trend has adverse implications for industrial and economic development.

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