more and more people want to buy famous brands of clothes, cars and other items. What are the reasons? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

People purchasing products from well-known brands become increasing in today's era. many people pursue these things because they look rich. there are many negative effects on younger people. I will discuss the reasons and how it affected the youngster in the ensuing paragraphs.
Nowadays, modern society encourages myriad individuals especially youngsters to use sophisticated brands. At first, manufacturers lure them through effective advertisements and there are still numerous people who judge others based on how they dress. Secondly, social media deeply influences folks, so that, influencers on Instagram who are followed by many youths can show up with their high-class wears and other gadgets that they use like smartphones but it causes more awareness of new fashion. In addition, there are many folks who really care about the qualities and they think that expensive brands can refer them to the best efficiency. Finally, the supply and demand of high-fashioned items will increase so that, the economy will grow.
However, I completely agree that it is a negative development. By over-addicted to well-known brands of items, people may squander their savings on these products without caring about quality. As a result, they do not have enough money to meet other basic human needs and to be struggling to earn their living. One future negative influence on this problem is that the rate of people committing crimes such as robberies and burglaries experience an upward trend in order to afford the latest products in famous brands.
Overall, there are some noticeable reasons to explain the phenomenon of people chasing famous brands. According to my point of view, it is a positive development because it reflects that the citizens of the nation have a good lifestyle if ,they are able to buy well-known products.

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Errors and Improvements:

"People purchasing products from well-known brands become increasing" -> "The trend of purchasing products from well-known brands is increasingly evident"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly constructed and lacks clarity. The revised version is more formal and clearly conveys the increasing trend.
"many people pursue these things because they look rich." -> "many individuals are drawn to these items as they convey wealth."
Explanation: "Look rich" is an informal expression. "Convey wealth" is more formal and academically appropriate.
"there are many negative effects on younger people." -> "this trend has numerous adverse effects on the youth."
Explanation: "Younger people" is vague; "the youth" is more precise. "Numerous adverse effects" is also more formal than "many negative effects."
"Nowadays, modern society encourages myriad individuals" -> "In contemporary society, a multitude of individuals"
Explanation: "Myriad" is correct but can sound unnatural in this context; "a multitude of" flows better. "Contemporary society" is preferred over "Nowadays, modern society" for academic tone.
"manufacturers lure them" -> "manufacturers entice them"
Explanation: "Lure" can have a slightly negative connotation; "entice" is neutral and fits better in an academic context.
"folks" -> "individuals"
Explanation: "Folks" is too informal for academic writing; "individuals" maintains formality.
"influencers on Instagram who are followed by many youths" -> "influencers on Instagram with a significant youth following"
Explanation: The revised phrase is more concise and formal.
"high-class wears" -> "luxury apparel"
Explanation: "High-class wears" is informal and unclear; "luxury apparel" is specific and academically appropriate.
"they think that expensive brands can refer them to the best efficiency." -> "they believe that premium brands are synonymous with superior quality."
Explanation: "Refer them to the best efficiency" is awkward and unclear. The suggestion clarifies and formalizes the statement.
"By over-addicted to well-known brands of items" -> "By becoming overly addicted to well-known brand items"
Explanation: "Over-addicted" is not grammatically correct. The revision clarifies and corrects the phrase.
"squander their savings on these products without caring about quality." -> "expend their savings on these products regardless of quality."
Explanation: "Squander" is correct but "expend" is more formal. Also, "regardless of quality" is a more precise phrase than "without caring about quality."
"to be struggling to earn their living." -> "struggle to earn their livelihood."
Explanation: "To be struggling" is awkward; "struggle to earn their livelihood" is more direct and formal.
"committing crimes such as robberies and burglaries experience an upward trend" -> "the incidence of crimes such as robberies and burglaries is on the rise"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly constructed. The revision is clearer and more formal.
"According to my point of view" -> "From my perspective"
Explanation: "According to my point of view" is redundant. "From my perspective" is concise and academically appropriate.
"it is a positive development because it reflects that the citizens of the nation have a good lifestyle if, they are able to buy well-known products." -> "this is a positive development, as it indicates that the nation’s citizens enjoy a high standard of living, evidenced by their ability to purchase renowned products."
Explanation: The original sentence is awkward and contains a misplaced comma. The revision is more formal, flows better, and corrects grammatical issues.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 9

Band Score for Task Response: 9

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the prompt by discussing both the reasons why people desire famous brands and expressing a clear opinion on whether this trend is positive or negative.
- The essay identifies reasons for the popularity of well-known brands, such as the influence of advertising and social media, the perception of quality associated with expensive brands, and the potential economic benefits of increased demand for high-fashion items.
- Additionally, the author clearly states their opinion that this trend is negative, citing reasons such as financial irresponsibility and the potential for increased crime rates.
- How to improve: While the essay effectively covers the main points of the prompt, it could benefit from more nuanced exploration of the positive and negative aspects of purchasing famous brands. Encourage the writer to delve deeper into the potential societal impacts, considering a broader range of perspectives.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently arguing that the trend of pursuing famous brands is a negative development.
- The author expresses agreement with this stance in the introduction and elaborates on it further in subsequent paragraphs.
- Each paragraph reinforces the central argument that the pursuit of famous brands has negative consequences, such as financial strain and increased crime rates.
- How to improve: While the position is clear, encourage the writer to provide more specific examples or evidence to bolster their argument. Additionally, advise them to anticipate and address potential counterarguments to strengthen their position further.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas adequately but could benefit from further development and support.
- Ideas are introduced, such as the influence of advertising and social media, and are briefly elaborated on.
- However, the essay would be stronger with more detailed examples or evidence to support these ideas and strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: Encourage the writer to provide specific examples, statistics, or anecdotes to illustrate their points more effectively. Additionally, advise them to expand on their ideas with deeper analysis or explanation to enhance clarity and persuasiveness.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay stays on topic by addressing the reasons why people desire famous brands and evaluating whether this trend is positive or negative.
- The essay consistently focuses on the theme of brand obsession and its societal implications.
- However, there are minor instances of vague or tangential language that could be more tightly connected to the main topic.
- How to improve: Recommend that the writer carefully review each paragraph to ensure all content directly relates to the central theme. Encourage them to eliminate any unnecessary or tangential information to maintain focus and coherence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a reasonable level of logical organization. It begins with an introduction outlining the topic and the author’s stance, followed by body paragraphs presenting reasons for the increasing desire for famous brands and the author’s perspective on its positivity or negativity. However, there are instances of abrupt transitions between ideas, such as the sudden shift from discussing reasons for purchasing famous brands to the negative consequences without a smooth transition.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, ensure smooth transitions between ideas by using linking words or phrases. For example, phrases like "Furthermore" or "On the contrary" can help connect different points more cohesively, guiding the reader through the progression of ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is divided into paragraphs, but their structure could be improved for better coherence. Each paragraph should ideally focus on a single main idea or argument, but some paragraphs in this essay cover multiple ideas, leading to a lack of clarity. For instance, the second paragraph discusses reasons for the increasing popularity of famous brands but also touches on the negative effects without a clear separation.
- How to improve: Revise paragraph structure to ensure each paragraph addresses a single aspect of the topic. Start new paragraphs when introducing a new point or idea to maintain clarity and coherence. In this essay, separating the discussion of reasons for purchasing famous brands from the discussion of negative consequences into distinct paragraphs would improve readability and coherence.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes some cohesive devices, such as "at first," "secondly," and "finally," to sequence ideas and provide structure. However, there is limited variety in cohesive devices, leading to repetitive usage and occasional disjointedness in the progression of ideas. Additionally, the essay lacks cohesive devices within paragraphs, making it challenging to follow the logical flow within each section.
- How to improve: Expand the range of cohesive devices used to include a variety of linking words, transitions, and pronouns to maintain coherence and cohesion. Within paragraphs, employ cohesive devices such as pronouns ("this," "these") and transitional expressions ("furthermore," "in addition") to connect sentences and ideas more effectively. This will help create a smoother flow of thought and enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, including words such as "myriad," "lure," "sophisticated," "efficiency," and "phenomenon." However, there are instances where more varied vocabulary could enhance the depth of expression and precision of meaning.
- How to improve: To further enrich the lexical resource, consider incorporating synonyms, idiomatic expressions, and nuanced vocabulary. For example, instead of repeatedly using "well-known brands," explore alternatives like "renowned labels," "prestigious trademarks," or "celebrated manufacturers." Additionally, diversify vocabulary related to the reasons people are drawn to famous brands, such as "status symbols," "aspirational lifestyles," or "socio-economic validation."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally employs vocabulary precisely, such as "sophisticated brands" and "savings." However, there are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, which could diminish clarity and impact. For instance, "modern society encourages myriad individuals" could be more precise if "myriad" were replaced with a term like "countless" or "numerous."
- How to improve: Ensure that each word is used accurately to convey the intended meaning. Consider consulting a thesaurus or dictionary to find the most appropriate word for each context. Additionally, strive for clarity by avoiding overly complex language when simpler terms suffice.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a mix of accurate and inaccurate spelling. Words like "sophisticated" and "phenomenon" are spelled correctly, indicating a grasp of standard spelling conventions. However, there are several spelling errors throughout the essay, such as "increasing" instead of "increasingly," "become" instead of "becoming," and "many" instead of "much."
- How to improve: Prioritize proofreading to identify and correct spelling errors. Utilize spelling and grammar checkers available in word processing software or online tools to catch inadvertent mistakes. Additionally, practice spelling words commonly misspelled to reinforce correct spelling patterns.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a commendable grasp of vocabulary, there is room for improvement in both breadth and precision of word choice. Moreover, enhancing spelling accuracy will contribute to overall clarity and professionalism in written communication. By implementing targeted strategies for vocabulary expansion and spelling refinement, the essay can elevate its lexical resource to achieve higher proficiency levels.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. It employs simple, compound, and complex sentences throughout the text. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the sentence structures further. For instance, the essay predominantly utilizes simple sentences, which may hinder its overall sophistication and coherence. Incorporating more complex sentences with varied structures such as subordinate clauses, conditional sentences, and participial phrases could enhance the depth and complexity of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve the range of sentence structures, consider integrating more complex sentence constructions. Experiment with using subordinate clauses to provide additional information and variety in sentence structure. Incorporating conditional sentences to express hypothetical situations or causality can also add depth to your arguments. Additionally, employing participial phrases and gerund phrases can help vary sentence structures and create a smoother flow of ideas.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates adequate grammatical accuracy, but there are noticeable errors throughout the text that impact clarity and coherence. For example, there are instances of subject-verb agreement errors (e.g., "People purchasing products from well-known brands become increasing"), tense inconsistencies (e.g., "I will discuss" vs. "Nowadays, modern society encourages"), and punctuation errors (e.g., missing commas in compound sentences). These errors detract from the overall effectiveness of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is essential to review and revise your writing carefully. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement to ensure that verbs agree with their subjects in number and tense. Consistently maintain the same tense throughout the essay to avoid confusion. Additionally, practice using punctuation marks such as commas, periods, and apostrophes correctly to improve sentence structure and clarity. Consider utilizing grammar checkers and seeking feedback from peers or instructors to identify and correct errors effectively.

Bài sửa mẫu

The trend of purchasing products from well-known brands is increasingly evident in contemporary society. Many individuals are drawn to these items as they convey wealth, and this trend has numerous adverse effects on the youth. I will discuss the reasons and how it affects youngsters in the ensuing paragraphs.

Nowadays, modern society encourages myriad individuals, especially youngsters, to use sophisticated brands. At first, manufacturers entice them through effective advertisements, and there are still numerous people who judge others based on how they dress. Secondly, social media deeply influences people. Influencers on Instagram with a significant youth following can showcase their high-class wears and gadgets, causing more awareness of new fashion trends. Additionally, many individuals really care about quality, believing that expensive brands offer superior efficiency. Finally, the demand for high-fashion items increases, boosting the economy.

However, I completely agree that it is a negative development. By becoming overly addicted to well-known brand items, people may expend their savings on these products regardless of quality. As a result, they may struggle to meet other basic human needs and earn their livelihood. One future negative influence on this problem is that the incidence of crimes such as robberies and burglaries is on the rise as people seek to afford the latest products from famous brands.

Overall, there are some noticeable reasons to explain the phenomenon of people chasing famous brands. From my perspective, this is a negative development, as it indicates that the nation’s citizens enjoy a high standard of living, evidenced by their ability to purchase renowned products.