more and more people want to buy famous brands of clothes, cars and other items. What are the reasons? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?
more and more people want to buy famous brands of clothes, cars and other items. What are the reasons? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?
It is frequently argued that purchasing well known brands of clothes, cars and other items is becoming popular among individuals nowadays. The reasons for this phenonmenon will be investigate in this essay, positive is outweight the main disadvantage
To begin with this problem, The usage for famous brands such as Nike, Adidas or Uniqlo which may stem from the psychology of people as it can show the social status of dwellers. Moreover, It is widely believed that branded goods often carry higher price tags than other generic ones. However, people are already to pay for the perceived quality, quality and trustness. The main factor is that brands often reflect our personality. It is easy to see from the type of smart watch, shoes and phones. In addition, brands can mirror yourself. For example, Nike nowadays is well known for its sporty in many such as jordan, air max or sb dunk. This is a good stayergies because they can enhance their sales in sport. Furthermore Unqlo is a mid-term brand which has affordable price. Their mainly product is clothes such as air-rism or t-shirt of UT.
On the other hand, I believe that purchasing branded goods can bring tremendous benefits. First, countries where famous brand are created are more likely to have a strong economy. As many big companies such as Dell or Apple can enhance the economy of the US in the late 20th.
In conclusion, The phenomenon of buying branded brands can have some positive changes to the world
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Errors and Improvements:
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"phenonmenon" -> "phenomenon"
Explanation: Corrects a spelling mistake to maintain the credibility and professionalism of the essay. -
"positive is outweight the main disadvantage" -> "the positives outweigh the main disadvantages"
Explanation: Corrects grammatical errors and enhances clarity by using the correct verb form and pluralizing "disadvantage" for consistency. -
"To begin with this problem" -> "To commence with this issue"
Explanation: "To commence" is more formal than "to begin," and "issue" is more academically appropriate than "problem" in this context. -
"The usage for famous brands" -> "The preference for well-known brands"
Explanation: "Preference" is more precise than "usage," and "well-known" is more formal than "famous." -
"may stem from the psychology of people" -> "may originate from societal psychology"
Explanation: "Originate from" is more formal than "stem from," and "societal psychology" is more specific and academic than "the psychology of people." -
"dwellers" -> "individuals"
Explanation: "Dwellers" is too specific and implies residents of a particular place, whereas "individuals" is more general and appropriate in this context. -
"already to pay" -> "willing to pay"
Explanation: Corrects a grammatical error and uses "willing," which is more accurate in expressing consent to pay. -
"quality and trustness" -> "quality and reliability"
Explanation: "Reliability" is the correct term for expressing dependability, making the sentence more precise and academically appropriate. -
"mirror yourself" -> "reflect one’s identity"
Explanation: "Reflect one’s identity" is more formal and clear than "mirror yourself," which is too informal and vague. -
"nowadays is well known for its sporty in many such as" -> "is currently renowned for its sporty lines, including"
Explanation: "Currently renowned" is more formal than "nowadays is well known," and "lines, including" is more precise and academic than "in many such as." -
"stayergies" -> "strategies"
Explanation: Corrects a spelling error to maintain the text’s professionalism. -
"mid-term brand" -> "mid-range brand"
Explanation: "Mid-range" is the correct term to describe a brand that offers products at moderate prices. -
"Their mainly product is" -> "Their primary products include"
Explanation: "Primary products include" is more formal and accurate than "Their mainly product is." -
"tremendous benefits" -> "significant advantages"
Explanation: "Significant advantages" is more formal and precise than "tremendous benefits." -
"countries where famous brand are created" -> "countries that host the headquarters of renowned brands"
Explanation: The suggested phrase is more specific and formal, providing clarity and improving the academic tone. -
"buying branded brands" -> "purchasing branded goods"
Explanation: "Purchasing branded goods" is more precise and avoids the redundancy of "branded brands." -
"can have some positive changes to the world" -> "may yield positive global impacts"
Explanation: "May yield positive global impacts" is more formal and provides a clearer, more specific conclusion about the potential effects of the phenomenon discussed.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Task Response: 5
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both parts of the question by discussing the reasons why people prefer famous brands and expressing a belief about whether this trend is positive or negative. However, the discussion lacks depth and clarity, with several points left undeveloped.
- How to improve: To enhance task response, ensure each point is fully explored and directly related to the prompt. Provide specific examples and evidence to support arguments. Additionally, clearly articulate the stance on whether the trend is positive or negative and provide a balanced evaluation.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay struggles to maintain a consistent position throughout. While it starts by suggesting that the benefits of purchasing famous brands outweigh the disadvantages, it later shifts to discussing only the benefits without adequately addressing potential drawbacks.
- How to improve: Maintain a clear and consistent stance throughout the essay. If the position changes or evolves, ensure that this is clearly communicated and supported with reasoning and evidence.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas regarding the reasons for purchasing famous brands, such as social status and perceived quality, but lacks depth and coherence. Ideas are often presented in a fragmented manner without sufficient elaboration or support.
- How to improve: Develop ideas more comprehensively by providing detailed explanations, examples, and evidence. Ensure that each idea is logically connected to the overall argument and that transitions between points are smooth and coherent.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay loosely adheres to the topic by discussing reasons for purchasing famous brands, but it occasionally deviates into discussing specific brands like Nike and Uniqlo without directly tying them back to the broader discussion. Additionally, the conclusion lacks a clear connection to the main topic.
- How to improve: Maintain focus on the main topic throughout the essay and avoid unnecessary digressions. Ensure that all examples and discussions directly relate to the prompt. In the conclusion, summarize the main points and reinforce the overall argument presented in the essay.
Overall, while the essay addresses the prompt to some extent, there is room for improvement in terms of depth of analysis, coherence, consistency of argumentation, and relevance to the topic. Focus on providing a more thorough and well-structured response to enhance task response and overall effectiveness.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic level of organization, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there are noticeable issues with coherence and logical flow. The introduction lacks clarity and coherence, making it difficult to understand the main argument of the essay. Additionally, the body paragraphs lack smooth transitions between ideas, resulting in disjointed progression of arguments. For instance, the essay abruptly shifts from discussing the psychology behind purchasing famous brands to the economic impact of these brands without establishing a clear connection between the two.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the essay should focus on improving coherence within and between paragraphs. Begin with a clear thesis statement in the introduction to outline the main argument. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and provides sufficient supporting details to develop the argument coherently. Use transition words and phrases to guide the reader through the flow of ideas, creating a smoother progression of arguments from one paragraph to the next.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs to structure the content but struggles to maintain coherence within them. While there is an attempt to introduce new ideas in separate paragraphs, the lack of clear topic sentences and unity within paragraphs undermines their effectiveness. For example, the second paragraph introduces the concept of the psychology behind purchasing famous brands but fails to develop this idea fully, leading to a disjointed paragraph structure.
- How to improve: Focus on developing coherent and unified paragraphs by ensuring each paragraph has a clear main idea expressed through a topic sentence. Provide supporting details and examples to strengthen the argument within each paragraph. Additionally, use transitions to connect ideas between paragraphs, creating a smoother transition from one point to the next.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks variety and effective use of cohesive devices, resulting in a disjointed and choppy flow of ideas. While some cohesive devices are used sporadically (e.g., "To begin with," "Moreover," "Furthermore"), they are not employed consistently or appropriately to link ideas and create cohesion. Additionally, the essay lacks cohesive devices within paragraphs, making it challenging for the reader to follow the logical progression of arguments.
- How to improve: To enhance cohesion, diversify the range of cohesive devices used throughout the essay. Incorporate a variety of transitional words and phrases (e.g., "however," "in addition," "on the other hand") to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. Ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately to establish logical relationships between sentences and paragraphs, improving the overall coherence of the essay. Additionally, use pronouns, conjunctions, and parallel structures effectively to maintain coherence and cohesion.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, incorporating terms such as "phenomenon," "perceived quality," "trustworthiness," and "mirror," among others. However, there is room for improvement in the diversity and sophistication of vocabulary usage. For instance, there are repetitions like "famous brands," "branded goods," and "brands," which could be varied for better lexical resource.
- How to improve: To enhance your lexical resource, consider utilizing synonyms and varied expressions to avoid repetition. For instance, instead of frequently using "brands," you could employ terms like "labels," "makers," or "manufacturers." Additionally, aim to incorporate more nuanced vocabulary that accurately captures the intended meaning and adds depth to your arguments.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates both precise and imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, phrases like "stem from the psychology of people" and "reflect our personality" are adequately precise. However, there are instances of imprecise language, such as "positive is outweight the main disadvantage" and "Nike nowadays is well known for its sporty in many such as jordan." These instances hinder clarity and precision.
- How to improve: Focus on using precise language consistently throughout your essay. Instead of vague phrases like "positive is outweight the main disadvantage," strive for clarity by specifying which positive aspects outweigh the negatives. Also, ensure accuracy in your descriptions; for example, instead of saying "Nike is well known for its sporty in many such as Jordan," clarify by specifying that Nike is renowned for its athletic footwear lines like Jordan, Air Max, and SB Dunk.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits some spelling errors, such as "phenonmenon," "outweight," "trustness," "stayergies," and "Unqlo." While these errors do not significantly detract from overall comprehension, they impact the essay’s professionalism and clarity.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider employing tools like spell-checking software or dictionaries to verify the correct spelling of words before finalizing your essay. Additionally, review common spelling patterns and practice regularly to reinforce correct spelling habits. Proofreading your work carefully before submission can also help identify and correct any spelling errors.
Overall, while your essay demonstrates an adequate grasp of vocabulary usage, precision, and spelling, there is room for refinement in each area to enhance clarity, coherence, and professionalism. By incorporating varied vocabulary, ensuring precision in language usage, and improving spelling accuracy, you can elevate the quality of your writing and effectively convey your ideas to the reader.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures, including simple and compound sentences. However, there is limited variation in sentence structure complexity. Simple sentences dominate, with occasional attempts at compound sentences. For instance, "The reasons for this phenonmenon will be investigate in this essay, positive is outweight the main disadvantage" could be improved by varying the structure and ensuring grammatical accuracy.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical range and sentence variety, strive to incorporate more complex structures such as compound-complex sentences and varied sentence beginnings. Additionally, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and word choice to ensure clarity and coherence.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a range of grammatical errors and punctuation inaccuracies throughout its content. For example, "It is frequently argued that purchasing well known brands of clothes, cars and other items is becoming popular among individuals nowadays" contains subject-verb agreement issues ("is becoming" should be "has become") and a missing comma after "items" to separate items in a list. Furthermore, there are instances of incorrect word usage, such as "positive is outweight the main disadvantage," where "outweigh" should replace "outweight."
- How to improve: Improving grammatical accuracy involves thorough proofreading to identify and correct errors. Focus on subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and correct word usage. Additionally, pay attention to punctuation rules, including comma usage for clarity and coherence. Consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar resources to strengthen your understanding of grammar and punctuation rules.
Bài sửa mẫu
It is frequently argued that the preference for well-known brands of clothes, cars, and other items is on the rise among individuals nowadays. The reasons for this phenomenon will be explored in this essay, where the positives outweigh the main disadvantages.
To commence with this issue, the preference for well-known brands such as Nike, Adidas, or Uniqlo may originate from societal psychology, as it can reflect one’s social status. Moreover, it is widely believed that branded goods often come with higher price tags than generic ones. However, individuals are willing to pay for the perceived quality, reliability, and trustworthiness. The main factor is that brands often reflect one’s identity, as evident from the choice of smartwatches, shoes, and phones. In addition, brands can mirror one’s lifestyle. For example, Nike is currently renowned for its sporty lines, including Jordan, Air Max, or SB Dunk, which strategically enhance their sales in the sports sector. Furthermore, Uniqlo is a mid-range brand known for its affordable prices. Their primary products include Airism clothing and UT t-shirts.
On the other hand, I believe that purchasing branded goods can yield significant advantages. Firstly, countries that host the headquarters of renowned brands are more likely to have a strong economy. For instance, many large companies such as Dell or Apple have contributed to the economic growth of the US in the late 20th century.
In conclusion, the phenomenon of purchasing branded goods may yield positive global impacts, as it reflects societal psychology and contributes to economic growth.
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