More and more people want to buy famous brands of clothes, cars and other items. What are the reasons? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Many individuals argue that there has been a significant surge in the number of people consuming well-known brands of clothes, cars and other items. In this essay, some explanations of this tendency will be put forward, before I investigate whether it is a positive or negative development.
There are two convincing reasons why more and more people demand to purchase clothing, cars and other items from renowned brands. In the first place, the desire to showing off the lucrative lifestyle has motivated them to consume luxury brands items. In actual fact, people do not want themselves to be left out, which is the primary causes why they commenced to adopt a pragmatic lifestyle. In addition, social media is a crucial factor promoting the purchase of expensive products from high-priced brands. The spread of images of well-known celebrity and socially prominent individuals using items from famous has great impact on their followers. Moreover, both direct and disguised advertisements on the internet can stimulate viewers’ desire to shop those products.
Despite numerous advantages this trend can bring about, I firmly believe that this is a negative development. This is because those luxury items are not necessary and there are many better options with more reasonable prices. In addition to meeting basic needs such as food and clothing, other products can be consumed with good quality and affordable prices for all people, instead of unnecessary luxuries. Moreover, this trend widen the gap between the rich and the poor. Indeed, rarely do underprivileged individuals have opportunities to purchase exclusive items because of their low income. However, wealthy people can easily afford products luxurious brands. As a result, the gap between the rich and poor deteriorated.
In conclusion, numerous reasons why buying famous brands of clothes, cars and other items becomes more and more ubiquitous and it seems to be more of a negative development.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Many individuals argue" -> "Numerous scholars posit"
Explanation: Replacing "Many individuals argue" with "Numerous scholars posit" shifts the sentence towards a more formal and academic tone, suggesting a scholarly consensus rather than a general opinion.
"significant surge" -> "marked increase"
Explanation: While "significant surge" is not incorrect, "marked increase" is more precise in an academic context, emphasizing the notable growth.
"well-known brands" -> "prestigious brands"
Explanation: "Prestigious brands" conveys a sense of esteem and high standing, which is more specific and appropriate in an academic analysis of consumer behavior towards luxury goods.
"the desire to showing off" -> "the inclination to display"
Explanation: "The inclination to display" is more formal and academically suitable than "the desire to showing off," which is colloquial and grammatically incorrect.
"lucrative lifestyle" -> "affluent lifestyle"
Explanation: "Affluent lifestyle" is a more precise term that directly refers to wealth and abundance, making it more appropriate for an academic context than "lucrative," which implies profitability.
"commenced to adopt" -> "began to adopt"
Explanation: Although "commenced" is not incorrect, "began" is simpler and more natural in this context, without sacrificing formality or clarity.
"social media is a crucial factor" -> "social media plays a pivotal role"
Explanation: "Plays a pivotal role" is a more dynamic and specific phrase that better describes the influential capacity of social media in shaping consumer behavior.
"great impact" -> "significant influence"
Explanation: "Significant influence" is more academically precise than "great impact," which is somewhat vague and colloquial.
"stimulate viewers’ desire" -> "foster viewers’ inclination"
Explanation: "Foster viewers’ inclination" is more formal and specific, better capturing the nuanced process of influencing consumer behavior.
"numerous advantages" -> "several benefits"
Explanation: "Several benefits" is more precise and appropriate in academic writing than "numerous advantages," which is somewhat vague and less formal.
"not necessary" -> "unnecessary"
Explanation: Using "unnecessary" is more direct and concise, improving the academic tone by eliminating redundancy.
"widen the gap" -> "exacerbate the disparity"
Explanation: "Exacerbate the disparity" is more formal and precise, better suited to academic discourse on socioeconomic issues.
"rarely do underprivileged individuals" -> "seldom can underprivileged individuals"
Explanation: "Seldom can underprivileged individuals" is more natural and academically appropriate, avoiding the somewhat awkward inversion used in the original.
"luxurious brands" -> "luxury brands"
Explanation: "Luxury brands" is the correct term, as "luxurious" is an adjective that does not correctly modify "brands" in this context.
"deteriorated" -> "has worsened"
Explanation: "Has worsened" is more appropriate for describing the progression of the gap between the rich and poor, maintaining consistency in verb tense and improving clarity.
"ubiquitous" -> "prevalent"
Explanation: "Prevalent" is more precise in describing the widespread nature of a trend in academic writing, whereas "ubiquitous" might imply an omnipresence that is not intended.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the question by discussing reasons why people prefer famous brands and presenting an argument on whether this trend is positive or negative. It examines motivations for purchasing branded items and evaluates the consequences of this trend.
- How to improve: To enhance task response, ensure that each part of the question is thoroughly explored. Provide more nuanced analysis of the positive aspects of purchasing famous brands, as well as potential counterarguments to the negative consequences discussed.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance that purchasing famous brands is a negative development. This position is consistently supported throughout the essay.
- How to improve: While maintaining a clear position is important, consider acknowledging potential opposing viewpoints and addressing them to strengthen the argument. This will demonstrate a more balanced and well-rounded approach to the topic.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas regarding the motivations behind purchasing famous brands and elaborates on the negative consequences of this trend. Examples such as the influence of social media and widening income inequality are provided to support the argument.
- How to improve: To further develop ideas, provide additional examples and evidence to strengthen the argument. Consider incorporating statistics or studies to bolster the analysis and make it more persuasive.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic by discussing reasons for the increasing demand for famous brands and evaluating whether this trend is positive or negative.
- How to improve: To ensure focus on the topic, avoid tangential discussions or unrelated points. Stay closely aligned with the prompt throughout the essay to maintain coherence and relevance.

Overall, while the essay effectively presents a clear position on the topic and supports it with relevant ideas and examples, there is room for improvement in thoroughly addressing all parts of the question and providing a more balanced analysis. Strengthening the depth of analysis and maintaining focus on the prompt will help enhance task response and overall coherence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a somewhat clear organizational structure. It begins with an introduction that outlines the essay’s direction and then presents two main reasons supporting the trend of buying famous brands. However, there is some inconsistency in the development of ideas within paragraphs, leading to occasional lapses in logical flow. For instance, the transition between discussing the reasons for the trend and arguing against it could be smoother.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure that each paragraph maintains a clear focus on its central idea and transitions smoothly to the next. Use topic sentences to introduce main points and provide clear connections between paragraphs to guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs, but their effectiveness varies. Each paragraph attempts to address a specific aspect of the topic, such as reasons for the trend and its perceived consequences. However, paragraph structure could be improved for better coherence. Some paragraphs lack clear topic sentences, and there are instances of abrupt shifts between ideas within paragraphs.
- How to improve: Focus on developing a clear topic sentence for each paragraph to signal its main point to the reader. Ensure that each paragraph maintains unity and coherence by discussing one main idea or supporting point. Use transitional phrases to smooth transitions between ideas within paragraphs and maintain overall coherence.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes some cohesive devices to connect ideas and create coherence, such as transition words and phrases ("in addition," "despite," "moreover"). However, there is limited variation in the types of cohesive devices used, resulting in some repetitiveness and lack of sophistication in cohesion.
- How to improve: To enhance cohesion, incorporate a wider variety of cohesive devices, including pronouns, conjunctions, and adverbs, to establish clearer relationships between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, pay attention to the appropriate placement of cohesive devices to ensure smooth and natural flow of ideas throughout the essay. This will help to create a more cohesive and polished piece of writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, incorporating terms such as "surge," "renowned," "lucrative," "pragmatic," "prominent," "disguised," "stimulate," "underprivileged," and "ubiquitous." However, there’s room for improvement in showcasing a broader lexical repertoire. For instance, synonyms or variations for repeated terms like "luxury" and "famous brands" could enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To expand the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating synonyms, idiomatic expressions, and specialized terms where appropriate. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "luxury brands," you could utilize phrases like "prestigious labels," "high-end manufacturers," or "exclusive designers" to add variety and sophistication to the language.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs vocabulary with varying degrees of precision. For instance, terms like "spread of images," "disguised advertisements," and "gap between the rich and the poor" are appropriately used. However, there are instances where more precise vocabulary could enhance clarity and impact. For example, "lucrative lifestyle" could be more precisely described as "ostentatious living" or "conspicuous consumption."
- How to improve: To improve precision, focus on selecting words that precisely convey intended meanings. Utilize specific terms that accurately capture the nuances of ideas being expressed. Additionally, pay attention to context and use vocabulary that aligns closely with the intended message to avoid ambiguity or vagueness.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits acceptable spelling accuracy, with no glaring errors observed. However, there are minor spelling issues such as "causes" instead of "cause" and "widened" instead of "widen." Overall, spelling accuracy is satisfactory but could benefit from closer attention to detail.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider proofreading the essay carefully to identify and correct any spelling errors. Utilize spell-check tools or dictionaries as aids to verify the correct spelling of words. Additionally, practice writing regularly to reinforce correct spelling patterns and improve overall accuracy.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fairly good range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. However, there is room for improvement in the variety of structures used. For instance, there is a tendency to rely on simple sentences, and some complex structures are not utilized effectively.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, try incorporating more complex sentence constructions such as using relative clauses, participial phrases, and varying sentence lengths for better coherence and sophistication. Additionally, employing rhetorical devices like parallelism or inversion can add richness to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of grammatical accuracy. However, there are several instances of grammatical errors and awkward phrasing throughout the essay. For example, there are errors in subject-verb agreement ("there has been a significant surge," should be "there have been significant surges"), article usage ("the desire to showing off" should be "the desire to show off"), and tense consistency ("the spread of images… has great impact" should be "the spread of images… has a great impact").
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it’s crucial to review and revise the essay carefully, paying close attention to subject-verb agreement, article usage, and tense consistency. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-checking tools to identify and correct errors. Practicing writing with a focus on grammar, perhaps through exercises or quizzes, can also be beneficial in improving accuracy.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates competence in grammatical range and accuracy, there is still room for improvement, particularly in diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy. With focused practice and attention to detail, the writer can elevate the quality of their writing and aim for an even higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many scholars posit that there has been a marked increase in the number of people opting for prestigious brands of clothing, cars, and various other items. In this essay, I will explore the reasons behind this trend before discussing whether it is positive or negative.

There are two significant reasons why more and more individuals are inclined to display items from renowned brands. Firstly, the desire to showcase an affluent lifestyle has been a driving force behind this trend. People do not wish to feel excluded, which is why they began to adopt a more pragmatic lifestyle. Additionally, social media plays a pivotal role in promoting the purchase of expensive products from well-known brands. The images of celebrities and influential figures using items from these brands foster viewers’ inclination to follow suit. Furthermore, both direct and indirect online advertisements can stimulate the desire to purchase these products.

Despite the several benefits this trend may offer, I firmly believe it is a negative development. Luxury items are often unnecessary, with many better options available at more reasonable prices. Besides fulfilling basic needs such as food and clothing, there are other products of good quality and affordable prices accessible to all, rather than indulging in unnecessary luxuries. Moreover, this trend exacerbates the disparity between the rich and the poor. Seldom can underprivileged individuals afford exclusive items due to their low income, while affluent individuals can easily access products from luxury brands. Consequently, this trend worsens the prevalent gap between the rich and the poor.

In conclusion, there are numerous reasons why the demand for famous brands of clothing, cars, and other items is increasing. However, it appears to be more of a negative development, given its implications for societal inequality and the promotion of unnecessary consumption.