More students are choosing to study in foreign countries to gain advanced education and specialized skills. What are the reasons behind this decision? What consequences does it have for the students and their families

In recent years, the phenomenon of more students traveling to distant places in order to pursue higher education and specialized training has been a topic of concern in many parts of the world. While this is driven by a desire for higher education quality and global networking, it can cause noticeable effects on both their family cohesion and intercultural challenges.
It is important to know that many young people move miles away from their homelands to access high-quality education and establish global networks. To begin with, developed countries usually offer specialized programs with the latest knowledge and modern facilities which are often absent in local institutions. Thus, this motivates students to leave their families in order to broaden their horizons despite personal sacrifices. In addition, international schools offer an opportunity for young people to build up global networks with a diverse range of nationalities among students. This means they have an ideal environment to widen their global connections which is essential for a successful career.
There is no denying that leaving families behind can impact family cohesion and cultural clashes. Firstly, the lack of interactions and emotional support within family members often weaken their bonds, especially among young people who reside in distant places from their early stage of life. Hence, the more time apart individuals spend, the more emotionally detached they may feel, which causes a decrease in family cohesion. Secondly, many intercultural challenges happen when residing in a new country, which is potentially more serious for young people who have limited life experience. Students tend to force themselves to adapt not only a new education system but also living conditions in a short time, thus leading to mental health challenges including feelings of isolation and depression.
In conclusion, although many individuals move away from their families for a high educational quality and global networking, this relocation can result in significant effects on their family cohesion and exposure to cultural clashes.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In recent years" -> "In recent times"
Explanation: "In recent times" is a more formal and precise temporal reference, enhancing the academic tone of the essay.
"the phenomenon of more students traveling" -> "the trend of increased student travel"
Explanation: "The trend of increased student travel" is more specific and formal, avoiding the vague and informal "more students traveling."
"distant places" -> "remote locations"
Explanation: "Remote locations" is a more precise and formal term than "distant places," which is somewhat colloquial.
"noticeable effects" -> "significant effects"
Explanation: "Significant effects" is a more academically appropriate term that conveys importance and impact more effectively than "noticeable."
"It is important to know that" -> "It is essential to acknowledge that"
Explanation: "It is essential to acknowledge that" is more formal and emphasizes the importance of understanding the context.
"leave their families in order to" -> "depart from their families to"
Explanation: "Depart from their families to" is more formal and precise, avoiding the colloquial "leave."
"broaden their horizons" -> "expand their horizons"
Explanation: "Expand their horizons" is a more formal expression commonly used in academic writing.
"an opportunity for young people to build up" -> "an opportunity for young people to establish"
Explanation: "Establish" is more formal and precise than "build up," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"an ideal environment to widen their global connections" -> "an optimal environment for expanding their global connections"
Explanation: "Optimal environment for expanding" is more formal and precise, improving the academic tone.
"There is no denying that" -> "It is undeniable that"
Explanation: "It is undeniable that" is a more formal and assertive way to introduce a statement of fact.
"the lack of interactions and emotional support" -> "the absence of interactions and emotional support"
Explanation: "The absence of" is a more formal and precise term than "the lack of," which is somewhat colloquial.
"weaken their bonds" -> "deteriorate their relationships"
Explanation: "Deteriorate their relationships" is a more formal and precise term than "weaken their bonds."
"more emotionally detached they may feel" -> "increasingly detached they may become"
Explanation: "Increasingly detached they may become" is more formal and avoids the colloquial "more emotionally detached."
"many intercultural challenges happen" -> "numerous intercultural challenges arise"
Explanation: "Numerous intercultural challenges arise" is more formal and precise, improving the academic tone.
"force themselves to adapt" -> "struggle to adapt"
Explanation: "Struggle to adapt" is a more precise and formal way to describe the difficulties faced by students in adapting to new environments.
"mental health challenges including feelings of isolation and depression" -> "mental health challenges such as feelings of isolation and depression"
Explanation: "Such as" is more formal and appropriate in academic writing than "including," which can be seen as too casual.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt: the reasons behind students choosing to study abroad and the consequences of this decision. The reasons are clearly articulated, focusing on the quality of education and the opportunity for global networking. The consequences are also discussed, particularly regarding family cohesion and intercultural challenges. However, the explanation of consequences could be more nuanced, as it primarily focuses on emotional aspects without delving into other potential impacts, such as financial implications or career opportunities.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could include a broader range of consequences, such as the financial burden on families or the potential for improved job prospects after graduation. Incorporating these aspects would provide a more comprehensive answer to the prompt.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that studying abroad has both benefits and drawbacks. The introduction sets the stage for this dual perspective, and the conclusion effectively summarizes it. However, the transition between discussing the benefits and the drawbacks could be smoother, as the shift feels somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, the essay could use transitional phrases that guide the reader through the argument. For example, phrases like "On the other hand" or "Conversely" could help signal the shift from discussing advantages to disadvantages, reinforcing the essay’s balanced perspective.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are relevant and logically structured. The reasons for studying abroad are well-supported with examples, such as the mention of modern facilities and networking opportunities. However, the support for the consequences is less robust; while the emotional impacts are discussed, there is a lack of specific examples or data to substantiate these claims.
- How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the essay could incorporate specific examples or statistics related to the emotional and cultural challenges faced by students abroad. Additionally, discussing real-life scenarios or studies could enhance the credibility of the arguments presented.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt directly. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharpened. For instance, while discussing family cohesion, the essay could more explicitly link back to how this affects students’ academic performance or social integration in their new environment.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the essay should consistently tie back each point to the central theme of the prompt. This could involve explicitly stating how each consequence impacts the students’ educational experience or future opportunities, ensuring that all aspects of the discussion remain relevant to the prompt.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. By expanding on certain points, improving transitions, and providing more specific examples, the essay could achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical progression of ideas. The introduction effectively sets the stage by outlining the topic and the dual aspects to be discussed: reasons for studying abroad and the consequences. Each paragraph follows a logical structure, with the first focusing on the motivations for studying abroad and the second addressing the consequences. For instance, the transition from discussing educational quality to networking opportunities is smooth and coherent, maintaining a clear focus throughout.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using more explicit linking phrases between paragraphs. For example, at the end of the first body paragraph, a sentence summarizing the motivations before transitioning to the consequences could strengthen the connection between the two sections. This would help guide the reader more explicitly through the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph dedicated to a specific aspect of the topic. The first paragraph discusses the reasons for studying abroad, while the second addresses the consequences. Each paragraph is well-structured, with a clear topic sentence and supporting details. However, the second paragraph could benefit from clearer internal organization, as it discusses two distinct consequences (family cohesion and intercultural challenges) without a clear transition between them.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, consider dividing the second body paragraph into two separate paragraphs: one focusing on family cohesion and the other on intercultural challenges. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each consequence and enhance clarity for the reader.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "To begin with," "In addition," and "There is no denying that," which help to guide the reader through the argument. These devices contribute to the overall coherence of the essay. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded to include more varied transitions and connectors, particularly in the second body paragraph.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "Moreover," or "On the other hand," to introduce contrasting ideas. Additionally, using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts can enhance cohesion. For example, instead of repeating "students," you might use "they" or "these individuals" to create smoother transitions.

Overall, the essay demonstrates strong coherence and cohesion, achieving a band score of 8. By refining the logical flow between paragraphs, enhancing internal organization, and diversifying cohesive devices, the essay could further improve its clarity and effectiveness.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, with terms like "phenomenon," "specialized training," "global networking," and "intercultural challenges." These words effectively convey complex ideas and contribute to the overall clarity of the argument. However, some phrases, such as "move miles away" and "ideal environment," are somewhat generic and could benefit from more varied expressions to enhance the richness of the vocabulary.
- How to improve: To elevate the lexical range, consider incorporating synonyms or more specific terms. For example, instead of "move miles away," you might use "relocate internationally" or "emigrate for educational purposes." Additionally, phrases like "optimal conditions" could replace "ideal environment" to avoid repetition and enhance specificity.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary accurately, but there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "the lack of interactions and emotional support within family members" could be clearer if rephrased to "the lack of interaction and emotional support among family members." This change would clarify that the issue pertains to the relationships among family members rather than interactions being absent entirely.
- How to improve: Focus on refining word choice to enhance clarity. Review sentences for potential ambiguities and consider rephrasing for precision. For instance, instead of "students tend to force themselves to adapt," you could say "students often struggle to adapt," which conveys the intended meaning more accurately.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a strong command of spelling, with no noticeable errors. Words such as "cohesion," "intercultural," and "depression" are spelled correctly, reflecting a solid grasp of English orthography.
- How to improve: While spelling is accurate, it is always beneficial to maintain this standard through regular practice. Engaging in activities such as reading widely and utilizing spelling apps can help reinforce correct spelling habits. Additionally, proofreading your work can catch any inadvertent errors before submission.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a solid command of lexical resource, achieving a band score of 7. To improve further, focus on expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy through consistent practice.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "While this is driven by a desire for higher education quality and global networking, it can cause noticeable effects on both their family cohesion and intercultural challenges" effectively convey multiple ideas within a single sentence. Additionally, the use of conditional structures, such as "which is potentially more serious for young people who have limited life experience," showcases the writer’s ability to articulate nuanced thoughts. However, there is a tendency to rely on similar sentence patterns, particularly in the introductory and concluding paragraphs, which could benefit from more varied sentence openings and structures.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, consider incorporating more compound-complex sentences and varying the placement of clauses. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "To begin with" or "In addition," try using phrases like "Moreover," or "Furthermore," to initiate new ideas. Additionally, integrating rhetorical questions or using inversion for emphasis can enhance the dynamism of the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few minor errors present. For example, the phrase "which are often absent in local institutions" is grammatically correct, but the use of "which" could be clarified by specifying "programs" to avoid ambiguity. Punctuation is mostly accurate, with commas used effectively to separate clauses; however, there is a slight inconsistency in the use of commas before conjunctions in compound sentences. For instance, "the more time apart individuals spend, the more emotionally detached they may feel" correctly uses commas, but other sentences could benefit from similar clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay attention to the specificity of pronouns and relative clauses to avoid ambiguity. Additionally, reviewing the rules for comma usage in compound sentences can help ensure consistency throughout the essay. Regular practice with grammar exercises focusing on complex sentence structures and punctuation rules will also contribute to further improvement.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and effectively communicates its ideas, but there is room for enhancement in both the variety of sentence structures and the precision of grammatical usage.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent times, the trend of increased student travel to remote locations for the purpose of pursuing higher education and specialized training has become a topic of concern in many parts of the world. While this trend is driven by a desire for improved educational quality and global networking opportunities, it can lead to significant effects on both family cohesion and intercultural challenges.

It is essential to acknowledge that many young people depart from their families to access high-quality education and expand their horizons. To begin with, developed countries typically offer specialized programs equipped with the latest knowledge and modern facilities, which are often lacking in local institutions. Consequently, this motivates students to leave their families in order to broaden their educational experiences, despite the personal sacrifices involved. Additionally, international schools provide an opportunity for young people to establish global networks with a diverse range of nationalities among their peers. This creates an optimal environment for expanding their global connections, which is crucial for a successful career.

It is undeniable that leaving families behind can impact family cohesion and lead to cultural clashes. Firstly, the absence of interactions and emotional support among family members often weakens their bonds, particularly for young people who reside far from home during formative years. As a result, the more time individuals spend apart, the increasingly detached they may become, which can cause a deterioration in family relationships. Secondly, numerous intercultural challenges arise when living in a new country, which can be particularly daunting for young people with limited life experience. Students often struggle to adapt not only to a new education system but also to unfamiliar living conditions in a short period, leading to mental health challenges such as feelings of isolation and depression.

In conclusion, although many individuals choose to study abroad for higher educational quality and global networking opportunities, this relocation can have significant effects on their family cohesion and expose them to various cultural challenges.