Most leaders or directors generally belong to an older age group, but some people believe that young leaders are better. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give your own opinion.

It is a valid argument that whether seniors or younger individuals should hold director positions in companies or organizations remains a controversy in modern society. Personally, people of each age group have different characteristics and experiences, which may be suitable for them to become leaders.
On the one hand, there are myriad of factors explaining why leaders should be executives. Firstly, given their extensive experience and comprehensive vision, old individuals are often more suitable to lead. To be more specific, through a long time of studying and working, senior workers generally accumulate a respectable knowledge base and experience, as well as specific work skillset that has been sharpened throughout the years, , namely interpersonal or negotiating skills. As a result, if they serve as chiefs and navigate a company, the business will be able to accelerate the working progress, therefore generate more revenue. Secondly, older directors are likely to receive more respect than their younger counterparts. This is because there are still some prejudices claiming young leaders to be not as reliable as the senior ones. This leads to the fact that electing seniors for key positions can reassure the employees.
On the other hand, there are two main advantages when the youth become leaders.. First and foremost, younger generations can create more innovations. For more illustrations, they often have certain traits that fit well for a leader, such as creativity, daring and an open and modern approach to solving problems. Thus, they can contribute significantly to achievements of a company. Furthermore, young leaders can be a motivation for inhabitants, especially to teenagers, who play an indispensable role in human resources in the future. Therefore, these young can be a role model for others to pursue their objectives.
To sum up with, both old and young people can be leaders, as long as they have the necessary capability and qualities due to the arguments that I have presented in this essay.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It is a valid argument that" -> "It is an argument that"
Explanation: Removing "valid" simplifies the phrase and aligns with academic style, which typically avoids qualifying statements unless necessary for emphasis or contrast.
"remains a controversy" -> "remains a contentious issue"
Explanation: "Controversial" is more precise and academically appropriate than "controversy," which can be vague and informal.
"myriad of factors" -> "myriad factors"
Explanation: The phrase "myriad of" is grammatically incorrect; "myriad factors" is the correct form.
"old individuals" -> "older individuals"
Explanation: "Old" can be seen as informal and somewhat derogatory; "older" is more respectful and appropriate in formal writing.
"respectable knowledge base" -> "substantial knowledge base"
Explanation: "Respectable" is an emotional term that is not typically used in formal academic writing; "substantial" is neutral and more precise.
"specific work skillset" -> "specific skill set"
Explanation: "Skillset" is a compound noun and should not be hyphenated.
"has been sharpened throughout the years" -> "has been honed over time"
Explanation: "Honed" is a more precise and formal term than "sharpened," and "over time" is a more academic phrase than "throughout the years."
"accelerate the working progress" -> "accelerate progress"
Explanation: "Working progress" is redundant; "progress" alone is sufficient and more formal.
"generate more revenue" -> "increase revenue"
Explanation: "Generate" can imply creation from nothing, which is not the intended meaning here; "increase" is more accurate for describing growth in revenue.
"receive more respect" -> "command more respect"
Explanation: "Command" is a more formal and precise verb than "receive" in this context, indicating authority and respect.
"claiming young leaders to be not as reliable" -> "asserting that young leaders are less reliable"
Explanation: "Asserting that" is more formal and precise than "claiming," and "less reliable" is grammatically correct compared to "not as reliable."
"This leads to the fact that" -> "This results in the fact that"
Explanation: "Results in" is a more formal and precise phrase than "leads to," which is somewhat informal and vague.
"First and foremost" -> "primarily"
Explanation: "Primarily" is a more concise and formal alternative to "First and foremost," which can sound overly colloquial.
"For more illustrations" -> "For example"
Explanation: "For example" is the correct idiomatic expression, whereas "for more illustrations" is awkward and incorrect.
"can be a motivation for inhabitants" -> "can serve as a motivation for residents"
Explanation: "Inhabitants" is less common and slightly awkward in this context; "residents" is more appropriate and clear.
"these young can be a role model" -> "these young individuals can serve as role models"
Explanation: "These young" is grammatically incomplete; "these young individuals" is grammatically correct, and "serve as role models" is more formal than "be a role model."
"due to the arguments that I have presented" -> "based on the arguments presented"
Explanation: "Based on" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing than "due to," which can imply causality that is not intended here.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both older and younger leaders, presenting arguments for each side. However, it lacks a clear indication of the extent to which the writer agrees or disagrees with the statement. The phrase "I have presented in this essay" in the conclusion is vague and does not explicitly state the writer’s position on the matter.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should clearly state their opinion in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. For example, they could explicitly state whether they believe one age group is better than the other or if they see merit in both, providing a definitive stance.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay presents arguments for both sides, it does not maintain a clear position throughout. The introduction suggests a balanced view, but the conclusion does not reinforce a specific stance. The use of "personally" in the introduction implies a personal opinion, but it is not clearly articulated.
- How to improve: The writer should consistently refer back to their position throughout the essay. They could use phrases like "I believe" or "In my opinion" to clarify their stance and ensure that it is evident in both the body paragraphs and the conclusion.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the experience of older leaders and the creativity of younger leaders. However, some points are not fully developed. For instance, the argument about older leaders generating more revenue could benefit from specific examples or data to support the claim. Additionally, the point about young leaders being role models is somewhat vague and lacks concrete examples.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the writer should provide specific examples or case studies that illustrate their points. This could include mentioning successful young leaders or companies that have thrived under younger management. Additionally, expanding on the implications of each argument would help in providing a more robust discussion.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the merits of both older and younger leaders. However, some sentences are slightly off-topic or could be more focused. For example, the mention of "prejudices claiming young leaders to be not as reliable" could be elaborated further to connect it back to the main argument about leadership effectiveness.
- How to improve: The writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the prompt. They can achieve this by explicitly linking each argument to the question of whether young leaders are better or not. Additionally, avoiding vague statements and ensuring clarity in each argument will help maintain focus.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, clearer articulation of the writer’s position, more developed ideas with specific examples, and tighter focus on the prompt would elevate the score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, while each body paragraph addresses a distinct viewpoint regarding the age of leaders. For example, the first paragraph focuses on the advantages of older leaders, citing their experience and respect, while the second paragraph highlights the benefits of younger leaders, such as innovation and motivation. However, the transition between the two paragraphs could be smoother, as the connection between the two perspectives isn’t explicitly stated.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider adding transitional phrases or sentences that explicitly link the ideas between paragraphs. For instance, after discussing the advantages of older leaders, you could include a sentence like, "However, it is equally important to recognize the strengths that younger leaders bring to the table."
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids in clarity. Each paragraph has a clear focus, and the points are generally well-developed. However, the conclusion could be more impactful if it succinctly summarized the key arguments presented in the body paragraphs rather than introducing new ideas.
- How to improve: Strengthen the conclusion by restating the main points discussed in the body paragraphs. For example, you could summarize the strengths of both age groups in leadership roles before concluding with your personal opinion. This will reinforce the essay’s main arguments and provide a more cohesive ending.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "On the one hand," and "To sum up," which help guide the reader through the argument. However, there are instances where the use of cohesive devices is either repetitive or could be more varied. For example, the phrase "on the one hand" is used, but the corresponding transition for the opposing view could be more diverse.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, instead of using "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," you could use "Conversely" or "In contrast" for the opposing viewpoint. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used to connect ideas within paragraphs, not just between them. For example, using phrases like "In addition to this" or "Moreover" can enhance the flow of ideas within a single paragraph.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, but with some adjustments in transitions, paragraph structure, and the variety of cohesive devices, it could achieve an even higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary, with terms such as "controversy," "characteristics," "interpersonal," and "innovations." However, the use of phrases like "myriad of factors" and "specific work skillset" feels somewhat repetitive and lacks variety. Additionally, the phrase "navigate a company" is somewhat vague and could be more specific.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeating "older individuals," alternatives like "senior leaders" or "experienced professionals" could be used. Additionally, replacing "navigate a company" with "lead a company" or "manage organizational dynamics" would provide clarity and precision.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While some vocabulary is used correctly, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, "the business will be able to accelerate the working progress" is awkward; "accelerate productivity" or "enhance operational efficiency" would be more precise. The phrase "the youth become leaders" could be better articulated as "younger individuals take on leadership roles."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on the context in which words are used. A review of collocations (words that often go together) can help. For instance, using "gain respect" instead of "receive more respect" would sound more natural. Furthermore, practicing writing with a thesaurus can aid in selecting more appropriate words.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay shows a generally good level of spelling accuracy, with only a few minor errors such as "daring" (which could be better expressed as "daring nature") and "indispensable" (which is correctly spelled but could be replaced with "essential" for simplicity). However, the phrase "two main advantages when the youth become leaders.." contains an unnecessary period.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, focusing on punctuation and common spelling errors. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch mistakes. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises can reinforce correct forms.

In summary, to improve the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary range, using words more precisely, and ensuring spelling and punctuation accuracy. Engaging in regular reading and writing practice will also contribute to overall language development.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of phrases like "there are myriad of factors explaining why leaders should be executives" and "younger generations can create more innovations" shows an attempt to vary sentence construction. However, some sentences are overly complex or awkwardly phrased, such as "the business will be able to accelerate the working progress, therefore generate more revenue," which could be clearer.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, consider using more varied conjunctions and transitions to connect ideas smoothly. For example, instead of "therefore generate more revenue," you could say "thereby generating more revenue." Additionally, practice using different sentence beginnings to avoid repetitive structures, such as starting multiple sentences with "older" or "younger."
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "there are myriad of factors" should be "there are myriad factors," as "myriad" does not require "of." Additionally, the sentence "as well as specific work skillset that has been sharpened throughout the years, , namely interpersonal or negotiating skills" has an unnecessary comma and lacks parallel structure. The use of "to be more specific" is somewhat redundant and could be omitted for conciseness.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, review subject-verb agreement and ensure that plural nouns are correctly matched with plural verbs. Additionally, focus on punctuation rules, particularly regarding commas and conjunctions. Reading your essay aloud can help identify awkward phrasing and punctuation errors. Finally, consider revising sentences for clarity and conciseness, such as replacing "the business will be able to accelerate the working progress" with "the business can enhance productivity."

By addressing these areas, you can work towards achieving a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is a valid argument that whether older individuals or younger individuals should hold director positions in companies or organizations remains a contentious issue in modern society. Personally, I believe that people from each age group possess different characteristics and experiences, which may make them suitable leaders.

On the one hand, there are myriad factors explaining why older individuals should be executives. Firstly, given their extensive experience and comprehensive vision, older individuals are often more suitable to lead. To be more specific, through a long period of studying and working, senior workers generally accumulate a substantial knowledge base and a specific skill set that has been honed over time, such as interpersonal or negotiating skills. As a result, if they serve as leaders and navigate a company, the business will be able to accelerate progress and, therefore, increase revenue. Secondly, older directors are likely to command more respect than their younger counterparts. This is because there are still some prejudices asserting that young leaders are less reliable than their senior counterparts. This results in the fact that electing older individuals for key positions can reassure employees.

On the other hand, there are two main advantages when younger individuals become leaders. First and foremost, younger generations can foster more innovations. For example, they often possess traits that are well-suited for leadership, such as creativity, daring, and a modern approach to problem-solving. Thus, they can contribute significantly to the achievements of a company. Furthermore, young leaders can serve as motivation for residents, especially teenagers, who play an indispensable role in the workforce of the future. Therefore, these young individuals can serve as role models for others to pursue their objectives.

To sum up, both older and younger individuals can be effective leaders, as long as they possess the necessary capabilities and qualities based on the arguments presented in this essay.