Most people are not interested in how their food has been produced. They only care about how much it cost. How true is this statement? What influences people when they buy food?

Nowadays, health is one of the issues that people pay a lot of attention to. Therefore, considering and learning about food is one of the top factors that are focused on. And this essay will discuss about this statement.

To begin with, nowadays with the extremely developed social networks, programs and articles related to health and development have helped people understand and be aware of the use of foods from natural sources. The origin is clear, so they always pay a lot of money to buy healthy food. On the other hand, in underdeveloped countries like Angola, spending too much money on a meal that includes many healthy foods is quite difficult. Therefore, they often only eat raw potatoes to relieve hunger. This results in children becoming malnourished.

Besides the prices consumers are also interested in where they can buy good food and the place they often prioritize is the supermarket. When shopping at the supermarket, the origin of the goods will be printed on them, making them feel more secure when shopping here. However, there are still some people who choose to purchase at the market instead of at the supermarket because they feel the market is more convenient for shopping and may be closer to their home.

In conclusion, price is one of the big concerns of many people, on the other hand, some people pay more attention to the food production process, both of these factors are very important. However, the most important thing is environmental protection, because if the price is reasonable and the production process is clear, but it affects the environment, it is not good for us.

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Errors and Improvements:

"one of the issues that people pay a lot of attention to" -> "a significant concern that garners considerable attention"
Explanation: The original phrase is somewhat redundant and lacks precision. Replacing it with "a significant concern that garners considerable attention" maintains clarity while enhancing the formality of the language.
"considering and learning about food" -> "contemplating and acquiring knowledge about nutrition"
Explanation: "Considering and learning about food" is vague and lacks specificity. Replacing it with "contemplating and acquiring knowledge about nutrition" provides a more precise description and aligns better with academic language.
"one of the top factors that are focused on" -> "one of the primary focal points"
Explanation: The original phrase is somewhat redundant and lacks conciseness. "One of the primary focal points" is more direct and formal.
"And this essay will discuss about this statement" -> "This essay will examine this assertion"
Explanation: "Discuss about" is redundant; "discuss" suffices. Additionally, "statement" is a more formal term than "this."
"with the extremely developed social networks" -> "due to the extensive development of social networks"
Explanation: "Extremely developed" is colloquial; "extensive development" is more formal and precise.
"have helped people understand and be aware of" -> "have facilitated public comprehension and awareness of"
Explanation: "Understand and be aware of" is redundant and lacks sophistication. "Facilitated public comprehension and awareness of" is more concise and formal.
"The origin is clear" -> "The source is evident"
Explanation: "Origin" is somewhat informal; "source" is a more formal term.
"they always pay a lot of money to buy healthy food" -> "they are willing to invest significantly in purchasing nutritious food"
Explanation: "Pay a lot of money" is colloquial; "willing to invest significantly" is more formal and precise.
"spending too much money on a meal that includes many healthy foods" -> "excessive expenditure on meals comprising numerous nutritious items"
Explanation: "Spending too much money" is overly simplistic; "excessive expenditure" is more formal and precise.
"Therefore, they often only eat raw potatoes" -> "Consequently, they frequently resort to consuming raw potatoes"
Explanation: "Only eat" is somewhat informal; "resort to consuming" is more formal and appropriate.
"making them feel more secure when shopping here" -> "instilling a sense of confidence in their shopping experience"
Explanation: "Feel more secure" is colloquial; "instilling a sense of confidence" is more formal and precise.
"there are still some people who choose to purchase at the market instead of at the supermarket" -> "some individuals still opt to buy from traditional markets rather than supermarkets"
Explanation: "Choose to purchase" can be simplified to "opt to buy." Additionally, "traditional markets" is a more formal term.
"the market is more convenient for shopping and may be closer to their home" -> "the market offers convenience and may be closer to their residence"
Explanation: "Closer to their home" is slightly informal; "closer to their residence" is more formal.
"In conclusion, price is one of the big concerns of many people" -> "In conclusion, price constitutes a major concern for numerous individuals"
Explanation: "One of the big concerns" is colloquial; "constitutes a major concern" is more formal and precise.
"the most important thing is environmental protection" -> "the paramount consideration is environmental conservation"
Explanation: "Most important thing" is informal; "paramount consideration" is more formal and precise.
"if the price is reasonable and the production process is clear" -> "provided that the pricing is reasonable and the production process is transparent"
Explanation: "Reasonable" is somewhat vague; "transparent" is more precise.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both aspects of the prompt, discussing the significance of price as well as considerations regarding food production and health. It acknowledges the role of price concern but also emphasizes the importance of understanding food sources for health reasons.
- How to improve: To enhance task response, the essay could provide more depth in discussing the influence of price and elaborate further on how consumer behavior is influenced by factors other than cost, such as health considerations and environmental impact.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a relatively clear stance throughout, suggesting that while price is a significant concern for many, attention to food production processes is also important, with environmental considerations taking precedence.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the essay could strengthen its thesis statement to explicitly state the author’s stance on the issue. Additionally, maintaining consistency in supporting arguments throughout the essay would enhance clarity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas regarding the influence of price and food production on consumer behavior, with some elaboration and support provided through examples, such as the impact of social networks on health awareness and the preference for supermarkets due to clear labeling.
- How to improve: To improve idea development, the essay could expand on the examples provided and incorporate more specific evidence or data to bolster its arguments. Additionally, providing a deeper analysis of the implications of these influences on consumer behavior would enhance the essay’s coherence and persuasiveness.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing factors influencing food purchasing decisions, including price and food production considerations. However, there are minor instances where the focus slightly deviates, such as the brief mention of underdeveloped countries like Angola.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the essay should ensure that all points made directly contribute to the discussion of the prompt. Avoiding tangential references, like the example of Angola, would help maintain coherence and relevance to the topic at hand.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both price and food production influences on consumer behavior, there is room for improvement in providing more comprehensive analysis, strengthening the thesis statement, and maintaining coherence throughout. By incorporating deeper analysis, more specific examples, and avoiding tangential discussions, the essay could enhance its overall effectiveness in addressing the task requirements.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a logical organization overall. It begins by introducing the topic of health and food, followed by an exploration of factors influencing food choices, and concludes with a statement about the importance of environmental protection. Each paragraph focuses on a different aspect of the prompt, progressing logically from one point to the next.
- How to improve: While the essay maintains a logical flow, improving the transitions between paragraphs could enhance coherence. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to better connect ideas and improve the overall cohesion of the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is divided into three paragraphs, each addressing a specific aspect of the prompt. Each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence and provides supporting details. However, the second paragraph could be further subdivided to improve clarity, as it discusses both consumer behavior and shopping preferences.
- How to improve: Consider breaking the second paragraph into two separate paragraphs—one focusing on consumer behavior and the other on shopping preferences. This will improve the organization and readability of the essay by ensuring each paragraph addresses a single aspect of the topic.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes cohesive devices such as pronouns ("they," "this"), transitional phrases ("to begin with," "on the other hand"), and repetition ("health," "food") to connect ideas and create coherence. However, there is limited variety in cohesive devices, and some transitions between ideas could be smoother.
- How to improve: Expand the range of cohesive devices used throughout the essay to include a variety of conjunctions, transitions, and synonyms. This will help maintain reader engagement and improve the flow between ideas, making the essay more cohesive overall. Additionally, pay attention to the placement of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transitions between sentences and paragraphs.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary related to the topic. It includes terms like "underdeveloped countries," "malnourished," "social networks," and "environmental protection." However, the vocabulary lacks depth and variety, relying on common phrases and lacking more sophisticated expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "healthy food," the essay could incorporate synonyms like "nutritious diet," "organic produce," or "wholesome meals" to enrich the vocabulary.
- How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, aim to incorporate a wider variety of vocabulary, including synonyms, idiomatic expressions, and domain-specific terminology related to food production and consumer behavior. Engage in extensive reading across different genres to familiarize yourself with diverse vocabulary and practice incorporating it into your writing.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary appropriately but occasionally lacks precision. For instance, the phrase "programs and articles related to health and development" is somewhat vague and could be more precise. Additionally, the repetition of phrases like "good food" and "healthy food" could be substituted with more specific terms to enhance clarity and precision.
- How to improve: To improve precision, aim to use vocabulary that accurately conveys your intended meaning. Avoid vague or ambiguous phrases by selecting words that precisely reflect your ideas. Additionally, strive to avoid repetitive language by employing synonyms and varied expressions to convey your message effectively.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally correct spelling throughout. However, there are a few minor errors, such as "extremely developed" instead of "highly developed" and "meat" instead of "meal." These errors do not significantly impede comprehension but indicate a need for closer attention to spelling accuracy.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spelling and grammar checkers during the writing process. Additionally, allocate time for proofreading to identify and correct any spelling errors before finalizing your essay. Engaging in regular reading can also help reinforce correct spelling patterns and improve overall writing proficiency.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. There is an attempt to vary sentence length, although some sentences tend to be overly simplistic or repetitive in structure. For example, there is a mix of simple sentences like "Nowadays, health is one of the issues that people pay a lot of attention to" and more complex constructions such as "With the extremely developed social networks, programs and articles related to health and development have helped people understand and be aware of the use of foods from natural sources."
- How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and overall effectiveness of the essay, consider incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures, including compound-complex sentences and rhetorical devices like parallelism or inversion. This can help convey ideas more eloquently and engage the reader effectively.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair level of grammatical accuracy, but there are noticeable errors throughout the text. For instance, there are issues with subject-verb agreement ("The origin is clear, so they always pay a lot of money to buy healthy food"), article usage ("the use of foods"), and tense consistency ("spending too much money on a meal that includes many healthy foods is quite difficult"). Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas in compound sentences and inconsistent capitalization.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy and punctuation skills, it’s essential to review basic grammar rules, particularly those related to subject-verb agreement, article usage, and punctuation marks. Practice exercises focusing on these areas can help reinforce understanding. Additionally, proofreading each sentence carefully before finalizing the essay can help identify and correct errors effectively. Finally, seeking feedback from peers or instructors on written work can provide valuable insights for improvement.

Bài sửa mẫu

Nowadays, health garners considerable attention, emerging as one of the primary focal points for many individuals. Therefore, exploring and comprehending the realm of food has become essential. This essay will examine this assertion.

To commence, due to the extensive development of social networks, various programs, and informative articles on health and nutrition have facilitated public comprehension and awareness of the origins of food. The source is evident, prompting individuals to invest significantly in purchasing nutritious food. Conversely, in underdeveloped regions like Angola, excessive expenditure on meals comprising numerous nutritious items proves challenging. Consequently, they frequently resort to consuming raw potatoes to alleviate hunger, resulting in malnutrition among children.

Apart from prices, consumers also consider where they can procure quality food, with supermarkets being the preferred choice. Shopping at supermarkets provides a sense of confidence in their shopping experience, as the origin of goods is clearly labeled. Nonetheless, some individuals still opt to buy from traditional markets rather than supermarkets due to the convenience they offer and their proximity to residential areas.

In conclusion, price constitutes a major concern for numerous individuals when purchasing food. However, the paramount consideration is environmental conservation. Provided that the pricing is reasonable and the production process is transparent, it aligns with the overarching goal of safeguarding the environment, which is crucial for our well-being.