Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional and religious festivals; During the festive period, people today just want to enjoy themselves. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Some people argue that we no longer remember the original meaning of festivals, and that most of us treat them as opportunities to have fun. While I agree that enjoyment seems to be the priority during festival times, I do not agree that people have forgotten what these festivals mean.

On the one hand, people today enjoy themselves during the festive periodjút to escape from stress.In today's fast-paced world, people often view festivals as a chance to temporarily escape from the stresses and pressures of daily life. Engaging in enjoyable activities during festivals can serve as a form of relaxation, amplifying the emphasis on enjoyment. Commercialization is another cause of prioritizing enjoyment. The commercialization of festivals, particularly in consumer-driven societies, has led to an emphasis on buying gifts, decorations, and indulging in special treats. This commercial aspect can overshadow the deeper meanings of festivals and prioritize enjoyment.

However, I disagree with the idea that the underlying meaning of such festivals has been forgotten due to their cultural significance and role in family and community traditions.Firstly, traditional and religious festivals often carry significant historical, religious, or cultural meanings that have been passed down through generations. These meanings are reinforced through rituals, stories, and community practices, helping to ensure their continued relevance and remembrance. Secondly, many families and communities place great importance on preserving and passing down traditions associated with festivals. These traditions often involve rituals, ceremonies, and gatherings that serve as reminders of the festival's significance. Through active participation in these traditions, individuals are reminded of the deeper meanings behind the festivals.

In conclusion, I think it is undeniable that the commercialization and modernization of festivals have led to a shift in focus for some people. However, this doesn't mean that the deeper meanings have been entirely lost due to their cultural significance and role in family and community traditions.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"some people" -> "certain individuals"
Explanation: Replacing "some people" with "certain individuals" adds formality and specificity to the statement, aligning it better with academic tone.
"most of us" -> "the majority of individuals"
Explanation: "most of us" is somewhat informal for academic writing. "The majority of individuals" is more precise and formal.
"enjoyment seems to be the priority" -> "prioritizing enjoyment"
Explanation: Restructuring the phrase "enjoyment seems to be the priority" to "prioritizing enjoyment" maintains clarity and conciseness, which is preferred in academic writing.
"festival times" -> "festive occasions"
Explanation: "festival times" is colloquial; "festive occasions" is a more formal and fitting alternative in academic writing.
"On the one hand" -> "Firstly"
Explanation: "On the one hand" is informal in academic writing. "Firstly" provides a clearer transition and is more suitable for an academic essay.
"enjoy themselves" -> "partake in enjoyment"
Explanation: "enjoy themselves" is slightly informal; "partake in enjoyment" maintains formality while expressing the same idea.
"chance to temporarily escape" -> "opportunity to briefly evade"
Explanation: Replacing "chance to temporarily escape" with "opportunity to briefly evade" adds sophistication to the language without sacrificing clarity.
"commercialization" -> "commercialism"
Explanation: "commercialization" is somewhat informal; "commercialism" is a more formal and precise term commonly used in academic contexts.
"overshadow the deeper meanings" -> "obscure the underlying significance"
Explanation: "overshadow the deeper meanings" is slightly informal. "Obscure the underlying significance" maintains formality and clarity.
"I disagree with" -> "I contend that"
Explanation: "I disagree with" is a bit blunt for academic writing. "I contend that" is a more formal and nuanced expression of disagreement.
"Firstly" -> "First and foremost"
Explanation: "Firstly" is concise but adding "and foremost" emphasizes the importance of the point, which is suitable for an academic argument.
"carry significant historical, religious, or cultural meanings" -> "hold considerable historical, religious, or cultural significance"
Explanation: "carry significant historical, religious, or cultural meanings" is slightly informal. "Hold considerable historical, religious, or cultural significance" is more formal and precise.
"passed down through generations" -> "transmitted through successive generations"
Explanation: "passed down through generations" is colloquial. "Transmitted through successive generations" is a more formal and precise alternative.
"relevance and remembrance" -> "relevance and preservation"
Explanation: "remembrance" is slightly informal; "preservation" is a more precise and formal term that fits the academic context.
"great importance on preserving" -> "great importance on the preservation of"
Explanation: "preserving" is somewhat informal as a standalone verb. "The preservation of" is more formal and grammatically fitting in this context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all aspects of the prompt. It acknowledges the assertion that people primarily seek enjoyment during festivals, but it also presents a counterargument against the idea that the deeper meanings of festivals are completely forgotten.
- How to improve: To further enhance the response, it could delve deeper into how enjoyment and the deeper meanings of festivals coexist or how the prioritization of enjoyment affects the preservation of traditional values.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance throughout, stating disagreement with the notion that people have forgotten the meanings behind festivals. This position is consistently supported throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To strengthen clarity, ensure that each paragraph reinforces the central argument and avoids ambiguity or mixed messages.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents and elaborates on its ideas, providing examples and reasoning to support its argument. It discusses how enjoyment during festivals is driven by stress relief and commercialization, while also highlighting the significance of traditions in preserving deeper meanings.
- How to improve: To further extend ideas, consider providing more diverse examples or exploring alternative perspectives to enrich the argumentation.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic by addressing the central theme of whether people prioritize enjoyment over understanding the meanings of festivals. However, there are minor instances where tangential points are introduced, such as mentioning the stress of modern life.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that all points discussed directly contribute to answering the essay prompt. Avoid tangents that do not directly relate to the main argument.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a well-supported argument, there is room for improvement in providing more nuanced analysis and maintaining strict relevance to the topic. Strengthening these aspects could elevate the essay’s coherence and depth of discussion, potentially leading to a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a clear and logical organization overall. It begins with an introduction that presents the topic and the writer’s stance. Each paragraph thereafter addresses a specific aspect of the argument: the prioritization of enjoyment during festivals, the reasons behind it, and the argument against the idea that festival meanings have been forgotten. The progression of ideas is logical and easy to follow, contributing to the coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, consider refining the transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Additionally, each paragraph could begin with a clear topic sentence that succinctly introduces the main point, facilitating the reader’s understanding of the essay’s structure.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively utilizes paragraphs to organize its content. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the argument, contributing to the overall coherence. For example, the first paragraph discusses the prioritization of enjoyment during festivals, while subsequent paragraphs explore the reasons behind this phenomenon and counterarguments against it. However, some paragraphs could be more effectively structured. For instance, the paragraph discussing the reasons for prioritizing enjoyment could benefit from breaking down the points into separate sentences or sub-arguments for clarity.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea, followed by supporting details or examples. Additionally, consider varying the length and structure of sentences within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement and clarity.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of cohesive devices, including transitional phrases (e.g., "On the one hand," "However," "In conclusion") and pronouns (e.g., "these," "this"). These cohesive devices contribute to the overall coherence of the essay by linking ideas and indicating logical relationships between them. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the types of cohesive devices used and integrating them more seamlessly into the text.
- How to improve: Consider incorporating a wider variety of cohesive devices, such as conjunctions (e.g., "furthermore," "nevertheless") and adverbial phrases (e.g., "as a result," "in contrast"). Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently throughout the essay to maintain coherence and clarity. Practice integrating them more naturally into the flow of the text to enhance readability and coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, with varied lexical choices throughout. For instance, phrases like "temporarily escape from the stresses and pressures," "amplifying the emphasis on enjoyment," and "indulging in special treats" showcase a diverse vocabulary. Additionally, the essay employs terms such as "commercialization," "relevance," and "preserving," contributing to lexical richness.
- How to improve: While the essay displays a strong lexical range, incorporating more specialized vocabulary related to cultural significance, such as terms specific to various festivals or traditions, could enhance the depth of expression. For instance, instead of using generic terms like "significant historical, religious, or cultural meanings," introducing specific examples of such meanings would enrich the discussion.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay employs vocabulary with precision, effectively conveying ideas and arguments. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For example, the phrase "enjoy themselves during the festive period just to escape from stress" could be refined by using a more nuanced term instead of "stress," such as "daily pressures" or "work-related anxieties." Similarly, replacing "enjoyable activities" with more specific terms like "festive rituals" or "cultural practices" would enhance precision.
- How to improve: To improve precision, strive for specificity in vocabulary choice, selecting terms that precisely capture the intended meaning. Consider the context and nuances of each word to convey ideas with clarity and accuracy. For instance, replacing general terms with more contextually appropriate ones can refine the expression and strengthen the essay’s impact.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally correct spelling throughout, with minimal errors observed. However, there are a few instances where typos or minor spelling errors occur, such as "festive periodjút" instead of "festive period just." These errors do not significantly detract from comprehension but could be addressed for improved clarity and professionalism.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider proofreading the essay carefully to catch and correct any typos or spelling mistakes. Utilizing spelling and grammar checking tools can also be beneficial in identifying and rectifying errors. Additionally, developing a habit of reviewing written work attentively before submission can help ensure greater accuracy and professionalism in spelling.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable employment of various sentence structures, contributing to coherence and complexity. It employs simple, compound, and complex sentence structures effectively. For instance, simple sentences are used for clarity and emphasis ("Some people argue that we no longer remember the original meaning of festivals."), while compound sentences ("While I agree that enjoyment seems to be the priority during festival times, I do not agree that people have forgotten what these festivals mean.") and complex sentences ("Engaging in enjoyable activities during festivals can serve as a form of relaxation, amplifying the emphasis on enjoyment.") are utilized to convey nuanced ideas and relationships between concepts. Additionally, the essay incorporates transitional phrases and clauses ("On the one hand," "However," "Firstly,") to enhance coherence and logical progression of ideas.
- How to improve: To further enhance grammatical range and complexity, consider integrating more intricate sentence structures, such as parallelism, conditional sentences, and relative clauses. Additionally, vary sentence lengths to maintain reader engagement and add rhetorical flair.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a high level of grammatical accuracy, with few noticeable errors. The majority of sentences are structured correctly, and verb tense consistency is maintained throughout. Punctuation, including commas, periods, and semicolons, is used effectively to separate clauses and indicate pauses. However, there are a few instances of minor grammatical errors and punctuation inconsistencies. For example, in the sentence "On the one hand, people today enjoy themselves during the festive periodjút to escape from stress," the word "periodjút" appears to be a typographical error, and there’s a missing space between "period" and "just." Additionally, there’s a lack of parallelism in the phrase "buying gifts, decorations, and indulging in special treats," where the verb forms are not consistent.
- How to improve: Proofreading carefully to catch typographical errors and inconsistencies in punctuation and verb forms would enhance grammatical accuracy. Moreover, paying attention to parallelism in lists or series of items can improve the overall coherence and clarity of the essay. Consider revising sentences for clarity and conciseness to ensure that each conveys its intended meaning accurately.

Bài sửa mẫu

While it is true that many people nowadays prioritize enjoyment during festivals, I disagree with the notion that the true meaning of these events has been forgotten. On one hand, it is evident that people seek enjoyment during festive times as a means to alleviate stress. In today’s fast-paced world, festivals offer a temporary escape from the pressures of daily life. Additionally, the commercialization of festivals in consumer-driven societies has contributed to the emphasis on purchasing gifts and indulging in special treats, further highlighting the focus on enjoyment.

However, I maintain that the cultural significance and role of festivals in family and community traditions ensure that their deeper meanings remain intact. Traditional and religious festivals often carry historical, religious, or cultural significance passed down through generations. These meanings are reinforced through rituals, stories, and community practices, ensuring their continued relevance and remembrance. Moreover, many families and communities prioritize preserving and passing down traditions associated with festivals, which involve rituals, ceremonies, and gatherings that serve as reminders of their significance. Active participation in these traditions serves to remind individuals of the deeper meanings behind the festivals.

In conclusion, while the commercialization and modernization of festivals may have shifted the focus for some individuals, it does not negate the enduring significance of these events. The cultural traditions and community practices surrounding festivals serve as powerful reminders of their deeper meanings, ensuring that they are not forgotten.